^ Agreed with posters in this thread.
Rex you need confidence. If your current environment ain't working for ya, you need to change up.
It seems a lot of forum advice has gone unheard on your behalf but you have options.
I haven't read your other threads and assuming you are stubborn and won't follow up I would like to still post this for some discussion as IMO these are your current options.
Option 1 - The Status Arbitrage
Head over to another part of the world where you can leverage your status and get some notches.
Don't settle for the first few girls you get, gain that confidence and harness it.
Tick some boxes off your bucket list, catch up with your 42 year old self and then re-convene at 45.
Decide whether:
- you have the balls to sacrifice your current comfortable environment to try and fix that aspect of your life, enduring different cultures
- you can afford (financially) to go there. If not, you have bigger problems to fix (I will touch upon this at the end)
- if you meet the above, you are interested in fucking women from different cultures then go for it.
You will also learn about the nature of women, the 'constants' that transcend cultures, what you like and don't like (the juxtaposition vs. your experiences) and of course, the 'Western' bubble.
It could be good, it could be bad, either way you learn. Right now, you need a kick up the arse to get you in motion. Set up a contingency plan to escape within a week, just in case.
Option 2 - Tried and Tested 'Level-Up'
This is probably the most logical one to you, the one you know you should have started perhaps 17 years ago as you realise this whole games is kinda an arms race.
Let's get out the basics before they get brushed aside:
- gym
- money
- social circle
= social status
These will be enough for you to start seeing results, sure.
You still gotta break the rut and get that momentum to start all of this.
I am going to deviate from the norm because I think you just need connection with other like-minded people. Become charismatic. Move to a new place. Judging from the way you wrote the title of this thread, I bet you ain't a lot otherwise you wouldn't be posting here.
Take a break from these forums. The simple act of posting here and getting advice will lull you in to a false sense of accomplishment. I could imagine those reps underneath your name mean that you are at least likable, if not (as you claim) attractive.
Go outside, be inquisitive.
Speak to people when you see them, smile, start getting a feel for what people are like and how they respond to you.
It sounds stupid and basic, but if you're not constantly speaking to women within a paradigm that allows you to be semi-flirty, you are gonna have a tough time picking it up at 42. Work used to be ok but it seems now it's worse for an older man. I see this in my workplace.
Where-ever you are, speak to women. Push the boundaries.
Make it a game, how far can you take a conversation in a limited amount of time.
It will become muscle memory to the point that you will have a default first 5 minutes in which you control the conversation, the body language and can affect the rest of your interactions. First impressions are crucial.
I bet this sounds like a fantasy to you, so let's visit option 3.
Option 3 - The Unorthodox Leftfield Suggestion - favourite of mine and recommended in combination with option 2
Despite knowing game and doing well, it still felt manufactured and I didn't feel calibrated.
I listened to an NLP hypnosis CD for 2 weeks and it helped me immensely.
I say immensely because yes, I was getting laid before, now it gave purpose to the rest of my life. It gave me focus and clarity. I felt like I had a purpose after those 2 weeks and nothing happened by accident after that.
My eye contact with women was unwavering, my internal dialogue had me setting up the interactions within my frame, my confidence grew and results became consistent.
I felt a 10 out of 10 instead of shouting it in the mirror and squeezing lemon in to my eyes to feel alive.
Didn't need to pick a fight to prove myself.
My handshakes were strong, my body language was assertive, my standards became high and this remains with me to this day.
I specifically used
this - for 2 weeks and thereafter for 2 weeks stints every 6 months to until it was internalized.
I had the mp3 though, sent to me by a guy I admire and respect for his success with women and his life.
Your writing sounds like you are 'unsure'. I am a continent away from you and I can detect from your posts that you are unattractive. There is nothing wrong with being unattractive because your self worth is not defined by how attractive you are to others. Your self worth is defined by your accomplishments. By your self talking. By how you treat others that care for you and respect you.
It sounds esoteric and shit because it's all about momentum, habit, visualizations, affirmations, appreciation etc.
This mp3 will get your subconscious on point and ensure you have a solid foundation.
I know it's hard to get in to the right momentum so consider this a propeller, to thrust you toward that direction.
A lot of people say the ego is bad; this is one of the few times I think your ego would be good, to get you giving a shit.
Life is comprised of 3 active elements, in a cycle:
a) confidence
b) patience
c) feedback
Your confidence will keep you patient when you go through the slumps and that patience will be rewarded in feedback, boosting your confidence and the cycle goes on.
Identify what is wrong.
In your case, you are lacking feedback. No partners.
Confidence is lacking, based off the way you are writing; you lack direction and boldness.
Patience, you have, plenty it seems but also, don't confuse this with apathy.
I find it hard to justify, with the amount of advice referenced in this thread, that you are, yet again, posting a thread about yourself.
I don't have your problem(s) so it's easy for me to say but, take some risks, change some shit up.
Make some good, hard decisions -> ones which you will be rewarded for 3 months down the line.
You owe it to yourself to be honest and assess yourself brutally.
What are your pitfalls?
- behavior?
- looks?
- confidence?
- lack of game?
At 42, these are secondary; women are primarily attracted to confidence and resources. You are lacking confidence, thanks to any from the list above or most importantly, lack of resources.
This is usually the biggest make or break for guys, 30 and above (culture dependent) for two major reasons:
a) guys are reliant on their own success to be confident (resource accummulation/good shape/solid friendships -> social capital)
b) first world women < 35 (ideally 28) that would be attracted to 30+ guys would be attracted to differentiating factors, primarily resources; this is the only advantage you have vs a 31 year old. providing opulence to the younger ones and stability/family to the older ones
I suggest a combination of 2 and 3 above to get this sorted.
You can do option 1 and it seems popular but it could also be a trap for men who aren't socially savvy or have solid game to insure your life from the pitfalls of women.
Finally, another crucial point that I feel goes missed around here.
You have to be
competitive.
Only the most competitive people will enjoy success. There is a difference between being successful and enjoying success and the latter leads to the former. They begin to measure their success vs their peers and eventually become the best that they grow out of it and look for new competition.
They are also constantly competitive against themselves.
This is a combination of the cycle above with ego; you have to reassure yourself in times of doubt and challenge yourself in times of comfort.
I sincerely hope you print this out and read this, internalize it and follow up on it.
Make yourself accountable in a personal diary.
Otherwise, you will do all of this, get locked down and turn out like
Martin Lovehandle.
Quote:Quote:
No thanks, I don’t need a spotter. I’m Martin Lovehandle, part time exerciser and casual fitness guru. My personal trainer told me I need to do some exercise so I don’t die early and my wife told me I need to do some exercise so she doesn’t fuck my personal trainer. That’s made me question if I should exercise to delay my inevitable death by a few years, or not exercise and hopefully die sooner. My wife told me that when we have sex in the missionary position she tries not to vomit because my pectoral muscles remind her of Gwen Stefani’s A-Cups and she hates lesbians. I guess I’ll just give this exercise thing a half hearted go like everything else I attempt.
edit: Shoutout to Isaac Jordan for coining 'status arbitrage'. On point as usual homie.