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My Path to Southeast Asia

My Path to Southeast Asia

Quote: (10-09-2018 10:10 PM)RoadTo100 Wrote:  

First off --- congratulations ATW, on successfully changing your life for the better.

Regarding the idea of 'saving' destinations, I would disagree with that.

After 2.5 years traveling (spending a few months in a place at a time, and often ~9 months away before returning), I've realized that it isn't possible to "get a city on lock" with that type of lifestyle. Similarly, no matter how close to a pussy paradise a place is, guys who take time to invest in their social circles in a city will do miles better than those just passing through for a few months.

Recent forum examples of short-term travelers struggling:

Is banging 5s the usual outcome of short term traveling?

What it really takes to bang a 7 when traveling?

Examples of guys with their "city on lock":

Irish in Jakarta (& Singapore)

Lucky Luke in Barcelona

Tully Mars in Bogota

Suits in Beijing

Akwesi in Accra

(formerly) WanderingSoul AKA RioNomad in Bangkok

(ignoble member) Christian McQueen in Las Vegas

(Who else did I forget?)

All these guys had strong game to begin with (and thus would do well traveling anyway), but because they ended up staying in 1 place for a long time they built an "asset" in the form of their social capital in that city, such that their results blow any non-celebrity passerby-s results out of the water. Not mention becoming fluent in the language (if it differs from their native one).

Personally, I know a guy in Bangkok (fluent in Thai) and another guy in Medellin (fluent in Spanish), both of who have lived in their respective cities for 3+ years and now have an awesome life setup for themselves that is outside of the reach of a short-term traveler.

If you want SEA to be "your spot" (whether Saigon, Bangkok, KL, Jakarta) then I highly recommend living there year round as soon as possible and taking only max 1-to-3 month trips away at a time. Invest in building relationships, knowledge & language skills in the city of your choice and reap the dividends in a few years time.

With that said --- the exploratory phase definitely shouldn't be skipped either (for those who are truly location independent), and it definitely takes a couple of years for a man to determine what his ideal pussy paradise destination actually is. It's tough to find a place that really fits with you, and reading datasheets only gets you so far before you need your own boots-on-the-ground experience to really know if you'll click with a place.

As I mentioned, I personally am ~2.5 years in, ~20 countries in, and am planning to settle down in a particular city in 2019 (year lease, limiting myself to shorter trips away, round trip tickets instead of one way, etc).

To me, I'd rather spend the next 2.5 years building assets in my social life, instead of playing on repeat the last 2.5 years, just with slightly different scenery and slightly different people in another 20 countries.


What you are saying here makes a lot of sense. I have been primarily in South East Asia for the past 4+ years and only since recently am I starting to get anywhere close to having any particular place "on lock". Time spent is the most crucial factor.

There are several cities and destinations I have spent between 3 months and 2+ years in. I can see a direct correlation between time spent in a particular city and my level of success in it, both with girls and in terms of lifestyle in general. I do way, way better in places where I have a grasp of the language, the culture, have a solid social circle, and am in the loop with the nightlife. These are all things that are simply impossible to replicate on a short term visit.

This also does not exclude the exploratory phase, in fact I think exploring doesn't have to be a "phase" but rather part of an overall lifestyle, and that's what ATW is currently doing. The key is to choose one or a few cities to base yourself out of, and take short trips from there if you want to explore. If you take a liking to a particular new place, live there for a while.

As for myself, I now have several cities in South East Asia where I can hit the ground running if I decide to return, because I have already spent time living there in the past. I think ATW is on a similar trajectory and at some point you'll find out which cities jive the best with you. Then you can pick one, double down on it and lock it down.

My Path to Southeast Asia


I'm still in the exploratory phase, but I've started to narrow it down. I plan to make a commitment to a particular city/country in the next 4-6 months.

Time is an obvious factor in the quest to "lock down a city," but it is also the knowledge that I plan to be there for a long time that will motivate me to pursue advanced language and cultural knowledge. Those two things will aid in day to day life, friendships with locals, and the pursuit of local business opportunities.

A steady living arrangement brings additional benefits. It is less expensive than airbnb/hotels, and makes it easier to get into a routine of working productively, eating healthily, and going to the gym consistently.

As has been mentioned before, long term expats will certainly achieve greater success with girls than short term travelers. I'm fortunate to be able to succeed with SEA girls that are attractive and open to an explicitly short term arrangement.

But with a combination of a long term apartment, intermediate language skills and cultural understanding, and a quality social circle, I know I can reach another level.

My Path to Southeast Asia

Quote: (10-08-2018 11:19 PM)ATW in 80 Days Wrote:  

The night wasn't going well. It was St. Patrick's Day 2017 in New York City and after an ill-advised trip to Times Square, my friends and me were back at my apartment in Murray Hill. It was 2AM. Two hours until closing time. We decided to hit a dive bar around the corner. I knew it would be nothing special.

I wanted to make the night interesting, so I grabbed my MAGA hat and wore it out in NYC for the first time. That decision changed the course of my life. Insults were hurled my way by several drunk strangers, but I didn't flinch. A couple of guys quietly showed their respect for my courage. A girl approached me and started dancing with me, clearly liking the vibe I was giving off. But she was only a 6, so I extricated myself after ten minutes.

Five minutes later, I caught a 7.5 staring at me with the Bambi eyes. She had been watching me for a while and was mesmerized. I was in the midst of a three month dry spell. Thirty minutes after meeting her, my dry spell was over.

At this point in time, I was roughly three years out of college and two years into my career. My first job was as an accountant for a bank. My second job, and my job as of March 2017, was as a financial analyst at a marketing company. I felt like the life was being sucked out of me. My corporate life largely consisted of asking for permission, making excuses, and apologizing. The work at both jobs was very mundane, rarely stimulating. I was an easily replaceable cog and was treated as such. Liberal coworkers in neighboring cubicles gleefully traded stories of victimhood to pass the days. I mostly avoided socializing around the office to lower the chances of being outed as a Trump supporter. When asked about my political views, I talked about trying not to worry about things outside of my control.

It was Sunday night. Two days after that St. Patrick's day. A day in which I felt an energy and enthusiasm for life for the first time in a long time. No way I was going to work that week, but I stopped short of quitting on the spot. I told my boss I had the flu and took the week off to unplug and start to consider my options. Over the next month and a half, I hatched the plan to quit my job and go to Southeast Asia. I gave my notice in May and was a free man by June. After a nice jobless summer in New York, I was off to Bangkok in early September.

As I type this now from my airbnb in Saigon, it's been 13 months since I first set foot in Southeast Asia. Nine of those months have been spent in SEA, with December 2017 through March 2018 being spent living with my parents in New York. It's been a hell of a ride. Amazing experiences. Exposure to different ideas and cultures. Sex with more girls in the last year than in the first 25 years of my life. And the adoption of a no excuses, no apologies mentality.

I'm set financially for a while due to the decent salary I made in New York, combined with the saving and budgeting skills that I've employed over the years. I'm exploring various opportunities and learning new skills. It would be ideal if I could create a long term location independent lifestyle, but I haven't ruled out a return to a US city. If I work for another corporation, I need to be someone with a valuable skillset. Hard to replace. That's the only way to command respect, and have a reasonable amount of autonomy.

I've made major strides in my development as a man over the last year and a half. But, it's a never ending process, and there are always areas for improvement. I'm trying to be the best I can be. And trying to make that best better over time.


My Path to Southeast Asia

Quote: (04-11-2019 05:06 AM)ATW in 80 Days Wrote:  

I met her and two of her friends (both 5s) at The Club at Koi, a 39th floor bar with a beautiful view. It was ladies night, which meant free champagne for the girls. I’m not really a club guy and on this night, I would get tested with some club bull shit.

Like I said, she told me I was the first guy she dated in five months. Consequently, I was the first guy she had brought to meet her friends. The friends were skeptical of me from the start.

And they would later become jealous of me.

You see, my girl was the life of the party type, while they were more plain. So I deduced that they relied on her to make their nights fun. But on this night, I was absorbing their friend’s attention. And they were left to fend for themselves.

One of them lashed out. While Annie was away getting a drink, I made friendly conversation to the friend. Totally innocent. The music was loud so I talked into her ear a couple of times and might have brushed her shoulder with my hand as I leaned in to talk to her.

I went to the bathroom a few minutes later and when I returned, Annie told me that her friend told her I hit on her when she was away. I calmly told her that I did not and was just trying to be friendly. She was skeptical at first, but it diffused relatively quickly. I stopped interacting with the friends and just accepted that we were not going to get along.

That would have been enough club drama for one night, but there was more to come.

A bit later, Annie and I walked to the bar to get more drinks and walked by this douchey looking guy with his shirt unbuttoned down to the last two buttons on his stomach. Annie laughed at him a bit and he took that as an opening to talk to her, though it was clear she was with me.

I let it go on for 10 seconds because it seemed like it may have been friendly and she was amused. Though I wasn’t in a position to hear what he was saying.

Annie quickly tired of his act and pointed to me and said “I’m with him.” But, the guy leaned back in and was now clearly flirting with her.

I stepped in and said, “that’s enough.”

He retorted, “fuck off” and continued flirting with her.

I pushed him to the side. Not too hard - but enough to get him out of our way so we could continue to the bar.

He took a step towards me like he wanted to fight, but quickly came to his senses and walked away.

I remembered why I don’t go to clubs much. At the same time, I was happy that I successfully navigated the club drama.

To be fair Club at Koi is especially douchey, both guys and chicks (cannot fucking stand ppl wearing sunglasses inside). Beautiful young russian models but they're 18 trying to act like what they believe how models should act. What they don't realise is, they're models, they don't need to try to act like models.

And don't get me started with the guys. Its almost like if MTV produced a show on PUAs at clubs, and every stereotype exaggerated to the extreme, Club at Koi fits that bill.

The impression i got is the Thais that go there want to be associated with that kind of douchy crowd so not surprised with the attitude you got from the friends.

I would avoid pushing guys, not because i'm not willing to assert myself, but there are always ways to do things more 'smoothly'.

Usually if the guy doesn't get the hint, i would just make out with the chick in front of him, or talk to the chick and subtly manouver myself and her so he's on the outer and basically just plain ignore him.

He is a nobody to her and you, perfectly acceptable in a social situation to ignore someone if they're breaking social mores.

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