Wait a day and then try setting up a date
"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates
Quote: (03-05-2019 05:56 AM)chvrches Wrote:
Been on a few dates with a girl, the last date was last Tuesday, we had sex for the first time. She went kind of silent for 2 days afterward and i thought she had lost interest, but she calls me up on Thursday night and wants to "hear my voice" and chat, we end up talking for 40 minutes and laughing at jokes.
She told me she's been busy with music practice which i know is legit. Her interest in me still seems high from what I've picked up.
She also told me on the phone she has an exam coming up this week, so i haven't texted or called her at all, wanted to give her space. it's been 5 days with silence.
Should i wait for her to text me when she's done with her exam? And also show some abundance and let her miss me even more this way.
Or is it bad to have this long of silence and i should instead send her a little cute text telling her good luck with the exam and im looking forward to see her again?
Quote: (03-07-2019 10:02 PM)Sex Machine Wrote:
So I went to Montreal for first time to sightsee and do some game, I posted my report on the Montreal, Toronto, Ottawa thread at the travel section. One of my approaches was this cute woman from southern France in the Art museum. I told her we should get together sometime for drinks and she said, why not, then She gave me her French number to chat via WhatsApp and I came back to upstate NY.
I have been texting her to build more rapport as my initial approach was short, I want to potentially meet her again but my logistics are terrible, 4 hour bus ride to Montreal. My text game is also not very good. Here is our conversation;
Me: hope you enjoyed the Museum Aurelia
Her: Hi, yes how about you?
Me: I enjoyed, you look like you do something creative, like art
Her: Haha yes I am an architect, and you?
Me: I am an urban planner, would you say Architecture is your passion?
Her: oh really, where did you study? I have other passions also Haha, and you?
Me: I studied at Drexel, that's a cute smile on your picture(her WhatsApp profile picture), I have other passions as well
Then silence, I have not had the opportunity to text her in two days, how do I restart conversation to lead to a potential date? And is it really worth going back to Montreal since logistics aren't in my favor, I was thinking coffee shop close to the museum, also considering she might flake.
Thanks for any insight
Quote: (03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:
She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"
Quote: (03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:
She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"
My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".
My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"
Quote: (03-12-2019 08:52 AM)griffinmill Wrote:
Quote: (03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:
She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"
Sorry to have to say it, but this sounds like a dead lead. I had a girl recently who I was trying to arrange a second date with. She even asked if we were going to see each other again; but locking her down was a nightmare (I gave her two chances), and I eventually just told her in so many words to fuck off.
If a girl has high interest in you she is moving heaven and earth to see you - tonight, tomorrow, as soon as possible, and nothing will get in the way. In her text you may notice she didn't actually suggest a day. Why not? Why didn't she say, "Hey, how about Wednesday?" or something like that? Her answer was vague and non-committal.
Ignore her from now on.
Quote: (03-12-2019 01:21 PM)Baphomet Wrote:
Quote: (03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:
She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"
My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".
My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"
There is no "dread" here. She has NOTHING to "dread".
Dread game is used when there is an emotional investment/attachment on the part of the woman. The "dread" comes into play only when she fears that the man does not value the relationship as much as she does, and believes that she might be easily replaceable.
This woman has nothing to dread because she has exactly zero emotional investment. You are tertiary entertainment to her. That is made plainly obvious in that dismissive text.
I see no value to you in reaching out to her again.
Quote: (03-12-2019 01:46 PM)chvrches Wrote:
[...]
I do have minor onetis for her otherwise i probably wouldn't have posted about her. But she's the closest girl i've dated to a "unicorn" or a "good girl" even though i hate those words. So it would be a shame to lose her over something so shallow. I can move on without a problem, but i think it will always bug me and bother me if i don't find out the reason for her loss of attraction. How will i learn the next time.
Quote: (03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:
@AneroidOcean Thanks man, i used your first text suggestion and it opened up the conversation well. We chit chat a bit and i decided to ask her for a 2nd time if she's free tonight (previously asked about last weekend).
She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"
My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".
My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"
Quote: (03-12-2019 01:46 PM)chvrches Wrote:
Quote: (03-12-2019 01:21 PM)Baphomet Wrote:
Quote: (03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:
She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"
My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".
My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"
There is no "dread" here. She has NOTHING to "dread".
Dread game is used when there is an emotional investment/attachment on the part of the woman. The "dread" comes into play only when she fears that the man does not value the relationship as much as she does, and believes that she might be easily replaceable.
This woman has nothing to dread because she has exactly zero emotional investment. You are tertiary entertainment to her. That is made plainly obvious in that dismissive text.
I see no value to you in reaching out to her again.
I don't disagree with you Baphomet, but let me explain my thoughts behind this. Throughout these 4 dates it's been leading up to a LTR since the beginning. It started so slowly and gradually built up until after 4th date and we had sex. It's not like a girl wants to waste 4 dates with you if she ONLY want to have sex with you, and not enjoy your company and personality.
Ok fair enough, worst case scenario she used me for "entertainment" only. But it's hard for me to grasp this fact because she literally been saying to me how happy she finally is to meeting someone that shares so many interests like her, meditates, loves reading books, is spontaneous, adventures, shares same humor. She's emotionally invested in a way that she keeps asking me if ive ever ghosted girls before, if ive ever cheated before, and many questions to test the waters, and also saying she would be angry and mad if i dropped contact with her. She was also invested in a way that she was the one ALWAYS initiating contact, sending me random texts throughout the day, cute pictures throghout the week and has already told her friends about me.
I'd like to believe that to be true, because she's a traditional girl with a notch count of 1. She literally doesn't use social media except for facebook to communicate with her classmates, no instagram, no snapchat, no whoring around. So this is why it's so weird for me that she would lose interest purely because of one bad sexual experience. So i'd like to believe it's not the case and she's just "busy".
But when all that is said and done, i can 100% understand where you're coming from, they say "dont listen to what a girl says, instead look at what she does" and im conflicted because she does show she wants to start a relationship with me, the way she's romantic and sweet when we're together. All this before even sex happened.
I do have minor onetis for her otherwise i probably wouldn't have posted about her. But she's the closest girl i've dated to a "unicorn" or a "good girl" even though i hate those words. So it would be a shame to lose her over something so shallow. I can move on without a problem, but i think it will always bug me and bother me if i don't find out the reason for her loss of attraction. How will i learn the next time.
Quote: (03-18-2019 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:
[...] she's been using tinder [...] my friend decided to message her to see if she's active and she messages back. Turns out to be still active.
Quote: (03-18-2019 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:
[...] we went from chatting nearly every single day to the 1.5 week break.
Quote: (03-18-2019 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:
I feel sad because i saw so much in this girl, but also feel stupid for getting too emotionally invested.
Quote: (03-18-2019 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:
1) I believe since she's 18 and so young she's just out for fun and fuck around, not settle down with a boyfriend. and i was sending provider and boyfriend vibes throughout this whole thing, which is my big mistake. She's very adventures and only been with one guy [...]
Quote: (03-18-2019 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:
3) Maybe it's not actually something i did wrong, but just her losing interest and potentially have met someone else who is more fun and exciting. [...]
Quote: (03-18-2019 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:
4) the sex wasn't what she expected from someone 4 years older than her. She expected more experience and took the chance to dip out using a different excuse. [...]
Quote: (03-18-2019 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:
Anyhow... Most of you guys were right, i was naive and thought this girl "was different". This is a huge red pill to swallow. I will take it as a huge learning experience rather than a defeat.
Quote: (03-18-2019 07:12 PM)ksbms Wrote:
Tinder and similar apps make it an uneven playing field for the modern man. It's girls' "weapon of choice", especially the ones who like boost their self-esteem. How did you meet her? What was your leverage in your making her go out on date with you?
Quote: (03-18-2019 07:12 PM)ksbms Wrote:
No good, you have violated the scarcity principle - read on that. People value what is rare and inacessible. You don't "chat" (honestly, how long those phone converesations were?) to a new girl with whom you've had sex just once. You're older, you're busy, you're a catch who just doesn't hand himself out on a silver platter to some teen girl.
Quote: (03-18-2019 07:12 PM)ksbms Wrote:
By the way, read the Commandments, then re-read some more. Memorise, if needed. There are all the key rules of the game. The more you play by them, the more sucess you'll have. Have a thought or two, which of the principles you have violated?
Quote: (03-18-2019 07:12 PM)ksbms Wrote:
If she truly were with one guy only, she wouldn't have much in terms of demands - young girls are emotional and fall for a man easily, not really knowing what they are looking for. From your descriptions, she didn't seem to be "lost", "confused" or facing a drama "you vs him". Seems like she acted methodically, and all was planned out. She dated concurrently at least one other male, went on dates and fucked over the silence period but didn't tell you, just to keep you as an insurance, in case it wouldn't pan out with the other guys. Does that make her evil? Not at all. She's had it hard-wired evolutionarily (btw., read Evolution of Desire by David Buss), to maximise her returns, aka hypergamy. It is common that girls shop around just as you'll try a few brands and models before you buy a car. You stopped being shiny - it's normal, even the best of men can't be interesting all the time (and I guess that's why the pool boy can score the billionaire's wifey). And vice-versa, we get bored of that one special girl. The trick is to figure out how to be shiny for long enough and when you're not shiny anymore - but a good insurance policy aka playing the field helps out (easier said that done though - hence the rise of alternative methods, such as daygame)
It's a basic mistake (don't worry, everyone makes them, I made it too) to put all your eggs in one basket, don't do that - always diversify (just like with stock market - buying shares of one company only is like asking for trouble). Always play the field, and have a girl want to be with you, never the other way round - you'll always lose. Why? Beause of scarcity principle. What's common and easily available, isn't appreciated. Countless scientific studies corroborate this fact.