[Dagnasty]

Been having a lot of discussions about this lately.

Long story short, was in a 1-year LTR that I broke off because the girl was increasingly becoming more prone to throwing temper tantrums, complaining, and disrespecting me way too often. She had been dumped 4-5 times by me previously for the same thing essentially and for sure, even to this day, I'm the highest quality guy that has ever committed to her. I genuinely loved her and gave her every chance to change - her friends and family could see that she was becoming a cunt and I was holding frame. (I'm on good terms with all of them)

Every time I've dumped her, I've proceeded to plow at least 10 other girls and still didn't get over my oneitis. (And for about every 10 I've found, she's been pumped and dumped once)

This last time I dumped her, I found a girl who checks all of my LTR boxes and additionally would make a great wife or GF.

The only issue is, I still love the cunt from the other LTR before.

I've been at 5 months no contact and I still get dreams/nightmares of my ex-GF. I miss her intensely maybe once a week.

There's nothing special about my ex. Everything about the new girl is better.

But I still love my ex. It would be a mistake to go back to her AGAIN and I'm not considering it. I'm sure she'd be different for a few months and then regress to her true state.

If I knew that she could genuinely change, I'd marry the ex immediately regardless of what has happened to her in the meantime. But I've given her plenty of chances and I know that another one wouldn't be any different.

My new girl can sense that I still love my ex. I'll never admit to missing my ex or loving her since that would be a relationship ender - and for good reason too (I'd dump an alpha widow).

The new LTR tries much harder since on a certain level, she senses I don't fully love her. It makes for a very RP relationship where she's basically chasing my validation constantly on top of being a very good choice. I have no complaints with her and she'd make a very good wife. We've been together for 6 months.

There's absolutely nothing the ex can do for me - and I don't see how I could have any sort of a functional relationship with the ex. I hate her when she is there and I love her when she is gone.


I suppose my question is - how important is it that you actually love a girl?


TLDR: How do I stop being a little bitch and missing my slut ex?

[The Beast1]

Slut exes are emotional vampires. That "feeling" you're getting is the innocence of your soul being sucked out of you by a creature not worthy of being called subhuman.

I dated something like this for too long and after all was said and done it took me a long time to be able to feel a "connection" to a woman. I guess I never really understood the power of my ability to dull what was going on around me. I ended up becoming semi permanently dulled!

These types of women are addicting. Crazy pussy is the best pussy. I've found the opposite advice (not hooking up with new women) is the most effective way to get over this as opposed to the general consensus of sleeping with new women.

When you sleep with new women after a succubus, your mind will unconsciously compare both women looking for good and bad things. In my experience it will always come back to the worst choice (the succubus). The best way to escape this cycle is to not see any women so you don't place yourself into that mental pattern of comparing new girls back to the succubus. Time will heal this.

If you think you're stronger than that then keep on hooking up with women. Though you might end up spinning your gears.

[Dagnasty]

I'm 100% sure that if I didn't have my current LTR, I'd break down like a little bitch and go back to the slut-ex.

(I've done that before)

I've also had a girl that was a lot better (A LOT BETTER) than the ex and left the new girl to go back to the ex.


I could have the ex right now - but I'd have to give up a girl who has been almost perfect and done nothing wrong to me.

That would be really fucking stupid. But I do love the ex. I can't rationalize it and I know she's not good for me.

But it is soul draining like you said. I know the answer isn't to take her back.

The best thing I can rationalize is progressing with my life and seeing if my ex has changed every once in a while (surprise! she hasn't).

[CleanSlate]

Hey man, I'm pretty sure you're not going to want to hear this, but I tell you this as your friend.

On an intellectual level, you know that going back to your ex is a mistake and that your current LTR is a much higher quality woman for you. You're saying all the right things and that's coming from the left side of your brain.

The problem is, on an emotional level, you're still hung up on your ex. She somehow pressed your buttons, and knew how to do so, and you're still affected by it despite 5 months of no contact.

Are you absolutely sure that, on an emotional level, that everything about your new girl is better than your ex? This is where I think you aren't being entirely honest with yourself. If that were really true, you would be over her by now and you wouldn't have those dreams or that dark cloud hanging over your current LTR (which she apparently senses is there).

Let me relate from my own personal experience, or rather that of my ex-wife's. The guy she cheated on me with (this is not to imply that you are cheating on your current LTR, but bear with me)... is a lower quality guy than me. I don't mean to brag, but I have a higher paying job and generally have my shit together better than that other guy, who has a drinking problem.

My ex-wife KNEW this on an intellectual level, she knew that the other guy doesn't even come close to checking even 20% of her boxes for a LTR. But it was a different story on an emotional level, because the other guy had game, and I did not. He knew how to push her buttons. Even when they had no contact over the summer, she could not get him off her mind, and she kept going back to him despite all my efforts to save our marriage.

It's like a viral infection. I hate to break it to you, but I don't know what it would take to break this pattern and start over anew. The Beast's suggestion of not being with any new women for a good period of time does make a lot of sense. But I'm not going to tell you to unload your current LTR, because that's totally your choice. Unfortunately, you're going to have to find a way to remove that shadow permanently if you're going to stay with your current girl. That's something for you to really think about, and I think that, ultimately, only you can answer that question.

I'm not trying to be a dick or an armchair critic, but I respect you enough to tell you the truth without sugar coating it.

[Dagnasty]

Appreciate the advice CleanSlate, but not being with a girl or gaming girls while in Manila is some zen level stuff. I haven't quite made it there yet. =D

I suppose the question is, how important is an emotional connection in an LTR?

Being detached surely allows one to make better decisions - and in my current LTR, I've been able to make the right choices game wise since I'm not overly emotionally involved.

With the slut-ex, I have made bad decisions just to keep her. Eventually I always came to my senses and dumped her.

[jariel]

It's highly likely that I'm going to go deeper into this subject in a RTS post, mainly because threads like this one are popping up regularly, and I'm responding to nearly all of them.

I'm going to make this one statement and leave it at this for now.

Long-term relationships are not about love.

A long-term relationship is a strategic move for a woman, whereas for the man, it's an emotional move.

When men are ready to break themselves down, open up, share, and make themselves vulnerable, they are engaging women on an emotional level.

Women use your emotions to get you connected so that they can implement their strategy, which at the end of the day is to either find someone who is willing and able to makes their lives easier or someone who's willing to go through their miseries with them.

The situation described by the OP and others is a classic symptom of low-quality manhood.

Low-quality men can only acquire and maintain low-quality women, and no matter what, they feel comfortable with them, because they are on the same level, and that comfort matters to them, no matter what the woman does to the them, they have that "devil you know" mentality.

It is a weak man who plays the on-and-off relationship game with the same woman.

Even if that man can find a "better" woman, he'll go back to what's comfortable because he knows that eventually he'll be exposed as a lesser man, and then he'll be the one who gets left in the dust.

Everything that you do and that you don't do makes up who you are, and you feel everything on some sort of level.

What type of message are you sending yourself by continuing to run back to someone you continue finding a reason to run away from in the first place?

What type of man does that make you as a result?

How do you feel about being that man?

None of those questions can possibly have good answers.

[CleanSlate]

(05-26-2015 05:17 PM)Dagnasty Wrote:  

I suppose the question is, how important is an emotional connection in an LTR?

I'll be the first to admit that I'm biased and definitely not qualified to answer that question for the masses.

But it's definitely true that making emotional decisions without regards to rationality has already gotten me a failed marriage under my belt at a relatively young age of 35

[Dagnasty]

@jariel, definitely read all your posts about that and would be interested in reading more. (I re-read the one about not going back quite often, and remembering why I left her in the first place)

I can speak for myself on this one and definitely say that I'm not afraid of losing my higher quality LTR. She's in my pocket. And if she ever left me, she knows I would replace her. I'm not worried about being able to find another girl before the sun goes down. I'm more worried about not loving her as much as the cunt-ex.

I also agree that for women, LTR's aren't about love - they're about security. They'll "love" any guy that they think can help them with their strategy of being a comfortable grandmother in a death-bed surrounded by a loving family (That's the endgame for them - nothing wrong with that).

I couldn't agree more with these questions.

Quote:

"What type of message are you sending yourself by continuing to run back to someone you continue finding a reason to run away from in the first place?

What type of man does that make you as a result?

How do you feel about being that man?

None of those questions can possibly have good answers."

That's all on point - but I do want what I feel to go away so I can make the right decisions in the future.

Going back to my ex is not the answer. She'd be happy with that (I would be too for a short while), and I'd eventually be miserable.

For damn sure, being comfortable running back to your safe place is not a good strategy for a guy.

[Guitarman]

There is a 3rd option. Follow your heart and your head. Continue to see your left brain choice LTR and bang your hearts desire slut ex on the side as a FB.

Try that for a while and report back.

[Fortis]

(05-26-2015 05:25 PM)jariel Wrote:  

It's highly likely that I'm going to go deeper into this subject in a RTS post, mainly because threads like this one are popping up regularly, and I'm responding to nearly all of them.

I'm going to make this one statement and leave it at this for now.

Long-term relationships are not about love.

A long-term relationship is a strategic move for a woman, whereas for the man, it's an emotional move.

When men are ready to break themselves down, open up, share, and make themselves vulnerable, they are engaging women on an emotional level.

Women use your emotions to get you connected so that they can implement their strategy, which at the end of the day is to either find someone who is willing and able to makes their lives easier or someone who's willing to go through their miseries with them.

The situation described by the OP and others is a classic symptom of low-quality manhood.

Low-quality men can only acquire and maintain low-quality women, and no matter what, they feel comfortable with them, because they are on the same level, and that comfort matters to them, no matter what the woman does to the them, they have that "devil you know" mentality.

It is a weak man who plays the on-and-off relationship game with the same woman.

Even if that man can find a "better" woman, he'll go back to what's comfortable because he knows that eventually he'll be exposed as a lesser man, and then he'll be the one who gets left in the dust.

Everything that you do and that you don't do makes up who you are, and you feel everything on some sort of level.

What type of message are you sending yourself by continuing to run back to someone you continue finding a reason to run away from in the first place?

What type of man does that make you as a result?

How do you feel about being that man?

None of those questions can possibly have good answers.

So, what is the end game then, if your options are permanently playing the field or being willfully enslaved?

Further food for thought, can a red pill man ever actually do the whole marriage thing knowing what he knows?

The closest I've seen to it is my one friend who is in his fourties who lives with his girlfriend and their kids. They are both fully aware of the consequences that a failed marriage could bring down on their kids and don't put themselves through it.

He's also a millionaire, so he isn't exactly the best example given his exceptional place in the world.

[Dagnasty]

(05-26-2015 05:43 PM)Guitarman Wrote:  

There is a 3rd option. Follow your heart and your head. Continue to see your left brain choice LTR and bang your hearts desire slut ex on the side as a FB.

Try that for a while and report back.

Considered it briefly but there's no good result that can come from that.

I can't bang my ex with no emotions - and for sure if I fucked her, I'd be back with her. It would be like a recovering addict taking a hit of heroin and trying to put it back down.

I successfully stopped fucking her to begin my LTR - which wasn't easy.

It would be great to have her as a mistress for good, but she's too jealous to be shared. Her value ends short of being anything more than a fuckbuddy. That ride has to end somewhere and it's gonna be ugly when it does.

The current LTR doesn't mind sharing other girls (together and apart) but the one rule is that I can't love them. (And she would be able to tell if I was banging my ex - I'd completely check out mentally)

[el mechanico]

(05-26-2015 05:25 PM)jariel Wrote:  

It's highly likely that I'm going to go deeper into this subject in a RTS post, mainly because threads like this one are popping up regularly, and I'm responding to nearly all of them.

I'm going to make this one statement and leave it at this for now.

Long-term relationships are not about love.

A long-term relationship is a strategic move for a woman, whereas for the man, it's an emotional move.

When men are ready to break themselves down, open up, share, and make themselves vulnerable, they are engaging women on an emotional level.

Women use your emotions to get you connected so that they can implement their strategy, which at the end of the day is to either find someone who is willing and able to makes their lives easier or someone who's willing to go through their miseries with them.

The situation described by the OP and others is a classic symptom of low-quality manhood.

Low-quality men can only acquire and maintain low-quality women, and no matter what, they feel comfortable with them, because they are on the same level, and that comfort matters to them, no matter what the woman does to the them, they have that "devil you know" mentality.

It is a weak man who plays the on-and-off relationship game with the same woman.

Even if that man can find a "better" woman, he'll go back to what's comfortable because he knows that eventually he'll be exposed as a lesser man, and then he'll be the one who gets left in the dust.

Everything that you do and that you don't do makes up who you are, and you feel everything on some sort of level.

What type of message are you sending yourself by continuing to run back to someone you continue finding a reason to run away from in the first place?

What type of man does that make you as a result?

How do you feel about being that man?

None of those questions can possibly have good answers.

All this wisdom wrapped up in one post.

Tell us Jariel how did you become so wise?

" Long term relationships are not about love"

Why are all these people and building families? Why do I see parents at my kids school in large groups praising their children for accomplishments?

With parents ( married and proud) and Grands ( married and proud)

I think you're poisonous.

If not tell us about your lifestyle and how you know better than the rest of the population that makes our country move.

[Aliblahba]

(05-26-2015 05:25 PM)jariel Wrote:  

Long-term relationships are not about love.

One of the worst statements I've ever read on the forum. This is advice feminist or the socialist government wants you to believe so we disconnect from others. There's nothing right about it and I would disregard completely.

[Lizard King]

"love" is just a dopamine overload. Like a hit of good cocaine, it makes you want more.

(05-26-2015 05:25 PM)jariel Wrote:  

A long-term relationship is a strategic move for a woman, whereas for the man, it's an emotional move.

I think if you don't agree with this ^^, you are either lucky to have found a proper stand up woman, or you haven't been in enough relationships, or you have LTR game locked down.

Women can't love a man the way a man loves a woman. A woman's love is selfish and opportunistic.

[Dagnasty]

(05-26-2015 06:20 PM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

(05-26-2015 05:25 PM)jariel Wrote:  

Long-term relationships are not about love.

One of the worst statements I've ever read on the forum. This is advice feminist or the socialist government wants you to believe so we disconnect from others. There's nothing right about it and I would disregard completely.

I think there's some truth to it.

If you take the emotions out of a transaction, it's the best way to ensure that the transaction is successful.

I also think love doesn't last forever - and when it wears off, what are you left with?

Is your relationship strong enough otherwise to survive without love?

I can say for a fact that if I didn't love the cunt-ex, she has no value.

I can say with certainty that the current LTR is much more valuable.

If you take love out of the equation, the choice is very easy.

[Onto]

There are two sides to love. The John Lennon type, and the guy who killed his cheating wife type. Both claim it's all out of love.

Dagnasty, you have to realize what it is about your ex that you love so much. I'll give you a hint, it's all in your first post.

[Brian Shima]

From an out sider looking in, it seems like Jariel was burned/hurt by a LTR in the past. While on one hand, that anger can make for GREAT content like Real Talk Sessions, it can also make one jaded and clutching onto the past.

Also, keep in mind that guys like El Mechanico are much older than Jariel and have seen it all when it comes to women so the term "listen to your elders" should possibly be applied.

[Dagnasty]

(05-26-2015 06:56 PM)Onto Wrote:  

There are two sides to love. The John Lennon type, and the guy who killed his cheating wife type. Both claim it's all out of love.

Dagnasty, you have to realize what it is about your ex that you love so much. I'll give you a hint, it's all in your first post.

Very true.

My ex was extremely passionate. Loved me the most and hated me the most of anyone I've ever met (and she's ever met).

I ended it when she punched me in the face in a jealous rage. Was talking to a friends girl and she couldn't handle herself. I never lost frame - have never laid a hand on her, and ended it on the spot.

She maintains that she "accidentally" punched me and didn't mean to.

She's the type that would end up stabbing me one day.

The choice is easy - but the problem is not whether I should go back or not, it's simply how to stop missing her and move on.

100% inner game - has nothing to do with her and everything to do with what's in my own head.

And sexually, the current LTR has been "trained" to take the old one's place. She's 100% on my team in bed - so it's not just a sex issue.

[samsamsam]

(05-26-2015 07:05 PM)Dagnasty Wrote:  

She's the type that would end up stabbing me one day.

Dang...

[Onto]

There's a saying, the things we love about a person in the beginning are the very things we hate about them later on.

I don't know enough about you or her to say specifically why you love her, but I suspect if she did change like you want her to, you wouldn't be attracted to her anymore.

One thing is clear, she seems to be the one who's in charge of the "feelings" in the relationship. Weather it's adoring you, being jealous, brining you into anger or fear or happiness. It's seems to be this external force of really wild emotions that is always trying to bring you into feeling. Like a damn typhoon.

Emotional/Passionate chicks like that are hot. As men we don't subscribe to feelings as primary, but we "love" woman that do. They have what we lack.

[Engineer]

(05-26-2015 07:05 PM)Dagnasty Wrote:  

the problem is not whether I should go back or not, it's simply how to stop missing her and move on.

Just give it more time. Train yourself to forget about her. I assume you've already thrown out her pix/contact info/anything that reminds you of her? Every action moving forward from now is about anything except her.

Your new girl sounds great, focus on her.

[Fortis]

Lol, so let me get this straight:

You have a girl who is not a psycho who you're in an LTR with, but you haven't gotten over your psycho ex? You want to ruin everything and get back with your ex. Hmmm, tough choice.

Male hamstering is far more interesting than female hamstering. Dude, leave the fire alone and stick with your current LTR. Your ex is going to fuck your shit up.

[Dagnasty]

(05-26-2015 07:17 PM)Onto Wrote:  

There's a saying, the things we love about a person in the beginning are the very things we hate about them later on.

I don't know enough about you or her to say specifically why you love her, but I suspect if she did change like you want her to, you wouldn't be attracted to her anymore.

One thing is clear, she seems to be the one who's in charge of the "feelings" in the relationship. Weather it's adoring you, being jealous, brining you into anger or fear or happiness. It's seems to be this external force of really wild emotions that is always trying to bring you into feeling. Like a damn typhoon.

Emotional/Passionate chicks like that are hot. As men we don't subscribe to feelings as primary, but we "love" woman that do. They have what we lack.

Correct - in the end, I always ended up getting my frame back and that's when I end up dumping her.
-----

In a nutshell I held the frame of, fix yourself, stop complaining and nagging, or I will leave you and end everything that we have for someone who is better than you.

I can do that. But I still miss her.

(05-26-2015 07:22 PM)Engineer Wrote:  

(05-26-2015 07:05 PM)Dagnasty Wrote:  

the problem is not whether I should go back or not, it's simply how to stop missing her and move on.

Just give it more time. Train yourself to forget about her. I assume you've already thrown out her pix/contact info/anything that reminds you of her? Every action moving forward from now is about anything except her.

Your new girl sounds great, focus on her.

That's good advice - I took everything related to her, physical and digital, and put it in a place where I can't access it (across the ocean) I've seen her picture one time in 6 months. Been doing great on no contact.

But I still miss her and fantasize about a good life with both of us together. It's a delusion since it was never like that.

The girl I have now can give me everything I wanted the cunt-ex to be.

[Onto]

(05-26-2015 07:26 PM)Dagnasty Wrote:  

(05-26-2015 07:17 PM)Onto Wrote:  

There's a saying, the things we love about a person in the beginning are the very things we hate about them later on.

I don't know enough about you or her to say specifically why you love her, but I suspect if she did change like you want her to, you wouldn't be attracted to her anymore.

One thing is clear, she seems to be the one who's in charge of the "feelings" in the relationship. Weather it's adoring you, being jealous, brining you into anger or fear or happiness. It's seems to be this external force of really wild emotions that is always trying to bring you into feeling. Like a damn typhoon.

Emotional/Passionate chicks like that are hot. As men we don't subscribe to feelings as primary, but we "love" woman that do. They have what we lack.

Correct - in the end, I always ended up getting my frame back and that's when I end up dumping her.
-----

In a nutshell I held the frame of, fix yourself, stop complaining and nagging, or I will leave you and end everything that we have for someone who is better than you.

Some kinds of relationships are "destroy and fix it" types. The person does things to put the relationship into crisis with the hopes of being able to "fix" it.

I used to do this myself. I would destroy it and then try to fix it. I loved the fixing part.

Not saying this is what's going on here with her, but it's something to keep in mind.

As far as missing her goes, we always romanticize the past. We completely forget about how bad the negativity was until we actually do get back into it again. It's then we are like, "Oh yeah, now I remember why this didn't work out before."

[Comte De St. Germain]

(05-26-2015 06:09 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

(05-26-2015 05:25 PM)jariel Wrote:  

It's highly likely that I'm going to go deeper into this subject in a RTS post, mainly because threads like this one are popping up regularly, and I'm responding to nearly all of them.

I'm going to make this one statement and leave it at this for now.

Long-term relationships are not about love.

A long-term relationship is a strategic move for a woman, whereas for the man, it's an emotional move.

When men are ready to break themselves down, open up, share, and make themselves vulnerable, they are engaging women on an emotional level.

Women use your emotions to get you connected so that they can implement their strategy, which at the end of the day is to either find someone who is willing and able to makes their lives easier or someone who's willing to go through their miseries with them.

The situation described by the OP and others is a classic symptom of low-quality manhood.

Low-quality men can only acquire and maintain low-quality women, and no matter what, they feel comfortable with them, because they are on the same level, and that comfort matters to them, no matter what the woman does to the them, they have that "devil you know" mentality.

It is a weak man who plays the on-and-off relationship game with the same woman.

Even if that man can find a "better" woman, he'll go back to what's comfortable because he knows that eventually he'll be exposed as a lesser man, and then he'll be the one who gets left in the dust.

Everything that you do and that you don't do makes up who you are, and you feel everything on some sort of level.

What type of message are you sending yourself by continuing to run back to someone you continue finding a reason to run away from in the first place?

What type of man does that make you as a result?

How do you feel about being that man?

None of those questions can possibly have good answers.

All this wisdom wrapped up in one post.

Tell us Jariel how did you become so wise?

" Long term relationships are not about love"

Why are all these people and building families? Why do I see parents at my kids school in large groups praising their children for accomplishments?

With parents ( married and proud) and Grands ( married and proud)

I think you're poisonous.

If not tell us about your lifestyle and how you know better than the rest of the population that makes our country move.

I'm usually pretty supportive of what he has to say because he talks about stepping your game up and improving yourself but this is where Jariel is getting poisonous. Marriage is about love from start to finish at the start because you have appreciation for a female then later on to raising the children. Coming from an immigrant family it was the only thing keeping us together.

I hate a lot of my family as people, but because of the love that bonds family together I stick with them through thick and thin. I raised up my two younger brothers with my parents and if it wasn't love keeping me with them then it might as well have been a waste of time. Same deal with my parents they were and are still at each other's throats but the home cooked meals and well maintained house coupled with my dad putting food on the table make it worthwhile. I can sure as hell tell you in a family that no job is easy for either parent with both busting their asses. It's not about comfort or ease but making something greater and raising up the next generation.

What's your background Jariel? What kind of playboy dark triad lifestyle are you on about? Have you even met any members who can vouch for what you're saying? I just find it disgusting that people could mock the structure of families while hiding behind a computer screen like they are some super alpha.