[Aliblahba]

(05-26-2015 11:32 PM)jariel Wrote:  

(05-26-2015 10:31 PM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

The internet is full of cowards and snakes. Jariel is both.

When you've met me personally then your statement will mean something to someone other than yourself.

You and I have never addressed each other in any thread, have never had any type of discussion, so you only put yourself on blast with such a comment.

Good luck with that energy, it's apparent you need it.

What's your criteria for meeting up? Do we need model looks and a Benz?

I have 1 of the 2.

[drmariusz]

How do you think? Is the cheating safe in my own city (2 milion inhabitants)? I wouldn't like to loose LTR (wife)

[Mage]

Romantic love is such a blue pill concept.

There is no such thing as "love", it shouldn't even be in a mans lexicon. For women "love" is when emotions take upper hand above reason and a woman is ready to surrender herself to a man. No such thing exists for a conscious man. A man seeks to always remain in control.

Either you feel good about that woman playing a particular role in your life or you don't.

[Dalaran1991]

Not sure if the whole "everything is transactional with women and no love and rug rats and shit" sits right with me. But Jariel is right, this thread title is actually misleading. Or, the OP is a bit lost amidst his emotions.

The issue is not about love. Its about loving the wrong woman who didnt love you, who emotionally manipulate and control you.

I doubt you actually "love" her. For a man love means sacrifice, duty and dignity. The way you talk about her screams "obsession" not love. And its not your fault.

I was in your shoes before. Oneitis is a bitch. And all too often we confound it with love. Women are experts at utilizing this agaisnt us.

"Loving" the wrong woman is also the quickest way to hell.

I actually think, for recovering from a oneitis, its not a good idea to stay in a LTR. People jump from LTR to fill a gap with something else, a gap that should have been filled by yourself, with dignity and confidence. We call this "monkey branching" here because its typical behavior of women.

Ask yourself this, if you are in a LTR but still keeps thinking about your ex, what the fuck are you doing in this LTR? And if your current LTR is worth it, does she deserves all this shit?

Dont half ass something like a LTR. You cant have one foot in the door and one foot out. Go out and prowl the field until you ve built up enough experience and confidence in yourself, and most importantly, the wisdom to choose a girl worthy of your commitment. I guarantee that with enough experience you will find that by and large girls are replaceable and your ex was nothing that special.

[Roosh]

One week suspensions for both elmechanico and aliblablah. If you don't agree with Jariel's contributions, either refute them or ignore them, but personal attacks will not be tolerated.

[realologist]

Love is important in a LTR for it to be successful. If you don't have love for the woman in the relationship no matter what you do you will be unhappy. It doesn't have to be honey moon lovey dove type but there has to be love because what's the point of a LTR without a goal of children or marriage.

[Pride male]

Romatic love is the illusion that a person is superior to other members of his or her sex.

[Menace]

Love is a habit. Your brain became accustomed to thinking about a girl in a certain way. Once you break up, the withdrawal begins. It's like changing any habit, not easy. Nevertheless it is, I believe, an important part of having normal non-transactional relationships with women. It takes a lot of mental discipline to stop the negative thought loops that form in your head.

Actually, I recently had this experience. You need to be able to cut this person out of your life completely and be prepared to never see them again. Then find a new girl, but slowly. You did have other girls on the side, didn't you?

[kaotic]

Damn dude this thread got intense really fast.

Why is there so much hate on the word "love" ? What happened to the positivity of it ?

I get the vibe it has quite the negative connotation reading through this thread.

Do you not love your family ? Your sisters, brothers, children, best friends?

I know I'll hear, "But that's a different kind of love Kaotic" - it might be a different variation but it's love.

It's an EMOTIONAL CONNECTION - the exact thing the fems are trying to remove out of the equation along with the nuclear family.

We should be embracing this connection with other human beings (albeit not blindly) - it's what...well makes us human.

We talk about making a connection with women we're trying to game/bang - that IS an emotional connection.

I think the human race is becoming more and more detached from our emotional being - "Everyone's connected, but no one is connecting"

Look, I get some guys on here have been burned or have a different perspective.

I know I had a toxic relationship a few years back, we broke up once and got back together (early in the relationship). I ended up finding out she was "texting" and "talking on FB" with other guys, I had the balls to toss her phone in the bath tub and sent her ass packing, all while we were in Vegas.

Didn't talk to her at all after, she tried keeping tabs on me. I stayed single for about 1.5 years - she tried crawling back into my life by tracking me down and seeing me at work.

I was learning game, I found a great LTR 1.5 years ago and ALSO continued to bang girls on the side.

Recently I've found myself opening up to her more and realize, yeah I do love the chick.

BUT in those last 1.5 years I've learned a lot about myself, I've observed her actions, and have banged a decent amount of girls.

I'm pretty aware of the negatives that could happen, but I like focusing on the good. It does NOT mean one is blind because they do so.

I'm comfortable in knowing if I needed to end our LTR, I would do so with no hesitation and she sure as hell knows it.

This chick adores me and we had a vacation together this weekend - she had nightmares all night about me leaving her.

Dread dream game anyone lol ?

You get the picture, she obviously values me very much.

Back to the OP's original question:

Quote:

I suppose my question is - how important is it that you actually love a girl?

I think it's fairly important to have a strong emotional connection with a woman you're in an LTR with. I see nothing wrong with that at all.

Quote:

TLDR: How do I stop being a little bitch and missing my slut ex?

You're with a girl who is currently LTR material to you, enjoy it, and whatever you do, DO NOT go back to your ex.

You need to remind yourself why you aren't with her anymore, and why you're with your new girl.

That's rad you banged her in the gym bathroom - great short fix, but we need to work on your long term fix for overcoming your ex.

Sometimes a new HB wifey material girl will make you forget all about that ex you were head over heels for. Sometimes it just reminds you of her.

I personally think men who through a break up or got burned need time along for self improvement, to get what needs to get done, handle their shit, and sharpen their gaming skills to go hunt.

And biggest reminder is to stay positive my dudes !

[Rage_on]

I think we should love everyone, even our enemies, to the best of our abilities. I don't think game is about becoming an emotional rock. It's more about getting your needs met while protecting your own resources. Doing what's best for YOU.
Love like crazy, but be strong enough to discipline your girl and/or walk away. Trust your instincts, if you think you're getting the short straw, then fix it. Love may turn the other cheek but it does so with a certain strength. Love because you're an amazing fucking person and the world is lucky to have you. But don't expect the same in return. ESPECIALLY from women. You might get it, but don't expect it.

[Rage_on]

Post script to the above. Love isn't neediness. If you're in ernest for her affections to the point of even a degree of misery, that's not love, that's something else. I realize this is a rant. But it's good shit...

[Pride male]

The one who loves less has more power in the relationship.

[Fortis]

^ funny that you say that.

I recall my parents having this discussion with me when I was 13:

Mom: always love your girl more than she loves you.

Stepdad: bullshit, always make sure you love her less.

Mom: don't listen to him.

Stepdad: don't listen to her.

I decided to just be done with the whole thing at that point.

[CleanSlate]

(05-27-2015 02:47 PM)Pride male Wrote:  

The one who loves less has more power in the relationship.

I'd rephrase that to "the one who is more willing to walk way has more power in the relationship."

Does said person need to love less than is requited by the other person, in order to execute his willingness to walk away if necessary?

[Rage_on]

I respectfully disagree with pridemale. Love is powerful. The one who has less NEED has more power. The two aren't synonomous. As men we can authoritatively love others without getting much in return. Because we're rich as fuck and have plenty to share. We have few needs. We may choose to entrust a small amount of our needs to a woman, companionship and sex, but we don't need to be loved necessarily. We ought to be as needless as possible yet love freely.

[Onto]

In every relationship there is the adorer and the adoree. If you're the adorer you get to experience being in-love, but then you are vulnerable. If you are the adoree you have security but don't get to experience being in-love.

Each has it's benefits and drawbacks. Pick your poison.

[the Thing]

I think love is very important but not in the way you think. Let me explain.
I would go for a relationship if the girl satisfies me both physically and emotionally. The satisfaction shall be at such a level that it would not be opportunity-cost-effective for me to pursue other women.
The ROK chart for rating women states that there are no direct 10s and a woman is 10 if she is a 9 and has other qualities that you desire. For me a 10 is a 9 that I "click with" and I'd love and by default LTR a 10. This doesn't mean that I would give her unconditional love, of course everyone is replaceable but 10s by this definition are very few and it wouldn't make any sense to spend my time and money to dump her and try to find another 10. If she's just a 9 or below, I could still engage in a relationship or let her think so but I would get bored eventually. I wouldn't go LTR with an 8 with a spiritual connection because I know I'd be looking at other girls all the time when I am with her.
In a nutshell I love 10s.

[Fortis]

The real question is this:

why are "red Pill" men getting into relationships with lackluster sluts and then wondering why they're fucked up? Even before I took the redpill, I never saw the value in wasting my time on those sorts of women. If my body and mind aren't heavily stimulated by this chick, then she isn't getting anywhere near girlfriend material. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I do agree with kaotic; though, a great deal of this is actually having a connection with women. It's hard to have good game if you're not good at connecting emotionally with others.

[kaotic]

Everyone has their own rating system also, a few threads dedicated to how we should rate them.

I think love in an LTR should have conditions ex. criteria to be met & lines that once crossed is grounds for breakup.

I'm not afraid of feeling good (love) when I think about my main or get a raging boner.

It's not like I'm sighing deeply or cracking a huge smile.

I'm also not afraid of nexting her either.

I rarely say "I love you" if anything I'll show her. I don't do PDA or get super lovely dovey. It's a strong silent kind of show.

There is a power dynamic, it is true that one person typically has power in the relationship - just don't abuse that power - use it in a positive way that helps yourself, her, and your relationship.

I sound like damned hipped when saying this but - even though we're more aware of what's going with women, relationships, and the world in general.

It doesn't hurt to have love or a positive attitude about things - I spent enough time being jaded and angry when I got burned.

If I ever do want unconditional love, I'll buy myself a German Shepherd

I had a conversation with Gio about this - in the end he told me one should just enjoy it when it's around but be aware most of the time it won't last.

The word "love" shouldn't be "poison" or evil in a man's veins - the word feminism should be.

[kaotic]

(05-27-2015 06:38 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

The real question is this:

why are "red Pill" men getting into relationships with lackluster sluts and then wondering why they're fucked up? Even before I took the redpill, I never saw the value in wasting my time on those sorts of women. If my body and mind aren't heavily stimulated by this chick, then she isn't getting anywhere near girlfriend material. Ain't nobody got time for that.

A very important question to ask as we see it on the forum all the time, even with some experienced players.

A guy bangs a cute slut out on a zero date bang, continue to see them, then get in defunct semi regular LTR's.

They get relaxed, get into a routine, and get lazy.

You know her history, you know her notch count (a new thread on this affirms this), and still pursue.

We get locked on good pussy, good fuck sessions, and a good looking yet shitty girls.

One man's trash is another man's treasure - no matter what - that girl you think is 9 -a man got sick of her shit at some point.

[Fortis]

I try not to hate too hard, because I want people to help me when I'm there, but I always see the warning signs with other people. I understand scarcity, trust me. I've had cold streaks that lasted Years, so I'm not holier-than-thou or anything like that. I readily admit it.

[kaotic]

(05-27-2015 06:52 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

I try not to hate too hard, because I want people to help me when I'm there, but I always see the warning signs with other people. I understand scarcity, trust me. I've had cold streaks that lasted Years, so I'm not holier-than-thou or anything like that. I readily admit it.

Same here man, I have a friend that constantly breaks up with girls and jumps back into relationships with old ex's.

I've had a drink and a long talk, he saw the light, but something always brings him right back. I gave up but he's still a good friend to me.

You can only do so much for others on here or in person - the rest is up to that gent.

[Fortis]

Well, the difference is that I think men on this site post threads when they want help. Luckily, people are not so empathetic that we coddle men who need a good dressing down.

As far as Op goes, I think he needs to talk to TK and the other Texas players and really look within. It seems like he has some lingering issue that makes it so that his problem continues to rear its head.

Sure, he banged his GF in the bathroom at the gym, and that's cool, but he hasn't actually solved his problem.

[Onto]

(05-27-2015 06:38 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

The real question is this:

why are "red Pill" men getting into relationships with lackluster sluts and then wondering why they're fucked up?

There's three different aspects of ourselves that can know. The Mind, the Heart, and the Body.

Our mind may develop the knowledge first, and then after time our heart will follow suit, and then our body. It's not always in that exact order.

For example, after many failed relationships I might reflect and realize the women I was involved with were demonic sluts. I might even go so far as to gain a deep insight into why I was attracted to them so much.

However, my heart might not be ready to let that go. After awhile my heart is on board too and I start to admire good women, have fondness for them, etc.

However, even though I know I want them, my body may not yet be on board. I may not feel that great sexual attraction to them. Instead, I'm still attracted to the crazy, demonic slut.

This is just an example in relation to women. You can say the same thing for dieting, getting in shape, higher education, or whatever.

Why are there 3 aspects of ourselves that can know? Not sure, but it's been said it's a magic number.

[Mujeriego]

You need love with a healthy dose of practicality in a serious LTR. Love alone isn't going to pull you through when you get laid off and are months behind on your mortgage.

The main problem is dudes are marrying broads that don't deserve a husband. The minute things go south they split and the guys are left holding the bag. They don't understand that the women weren't worth a damn to begin with, so they rationalize that they didn't "love" them enough or some other sappy crap.