Quote: (06-06-2015 12:38 AM)Jetlagged Wrote:
Using this thread as motivation.
As an actual dude with very low notches, I can tell you the biggest things holding me back:
1. Fear of rejection. Biggest issue. It causes self loathing and is a self esteem destroyer. As guys who don't fit the tall dark muscular and handsome mold (if they did they wouldn't be in this situation) we already largely aware of our defecienies and rejection cements these defecienies as accepted truth. Somehow success in other areas of life doesn't translate to women. I completely changed my appearance on 3 years by hitting the gym hard, gained 30 lbs, encountered a lot of setbacks and overcame them. Did not help with my confidence. My best friend pokes fun at me saying I'm the only person who had a big transformation in the gym and didn't gain a drop of confidence.
Forget about approaching with this mentality. Brain will male hamster itself a bunch if excuses as to why not to do it. AFC is not doing approaches, or does them once in a blue and is unprepared and fails and will make excuses to not do it again for an extended period. Lots of lost opportunity here via missing out on cues for random encounters by not capitalizing on eye contact and other IOIs.
2. Lack of knowledge of sexual attraction:
Don't know how to act around girls. Lack of confidence due to self esteem as posted above leads to unnatural interactions with women because you're uncomfortable. This makes it awkward and unenjoyable. Once past initial awkwardness, I just talked to girls. I am a pretty good conversationalist and had great conversations due to my work and travel, but looking back now, I was only building comfort but not attraction which pushed me right into the friendzone. For an socially awkward or possibly not so high test (or confidence) male, it wasn't built into me how to sexually escalate with women. I used to dread make out, despite being a great kisser. I wasn't taking the lead, in fact, I was afraid. Afraid to screw it up, because it took so long to get this one and we know the next one is far off. This also leads to oneitis. The lack of attraction building tarts us down the path to non sexual friendship and a bad frame.
3. All the above leads to lack of abundance. Lack of abundance causes oneitis on undeserving women (I still believe in love and a good relationship with a good women is possible while still maintaining frame but now realize very few women deserve it). Lack of abundance causes men to do stupid things for pussy. Invest too much time and effort. Accept shit from women. Treat her too nicely, you invest in the relationship more than she does. Then you don't get the buns, and everything comes full circle back to point 1 reinforcing the low self esteem which then deepens the cycle. This is compounded by social media and TV showing tall attractive in shape dudes to men who are weak minded due to points 1 2 3 and further still reinforces these beliefs.
These are your AFC issues in 2015.
I'm still trying to get over the being short hump. It's a tough hill because it's so important and unchangeable. Most guys are just too lazy to fix themselves and are little bitches. I don't have time for the gym, I don't like shopping, who cares about style.
It takes a lot of dedication and perseverance to overcome these changes and most men who are in these situations are too weak minded and excuse ridden to change.
I was and kid of still am one of them.
/.02.
I truly believe it just a lack of testosterone. Game is mimicking actions of high test men mixed with reading and recognizing small patterns in women. Das it.
Fear of rejection is the biggest issue with lack of abundance and I can testify to this first hand.
A little background, I am probably around the 25-30 notch count and racked up a ton as a teen while in a a relationship. I constantly had girls throwing themselves at me and usually rejected out of obligation/guilt to my girl. It has fucked my head for the past 7 years. I finally took out a pen and paper three months ago and wrote down every girl I could have fucked if I escalated. Sure, some would have fallen off for whatever reason but we are talking almost 40+ opportunities with girls in the 5-6+ range that I literally turtled on. Built the interactions up in my mind so much that I was scared of the real life result.
I was so in my head about everything and the past. Long story short, getting it out on paper led me to the biggest and most obvious realization of all. IT DOESNT MATTER. It matters what I've learned.
If i didn't take that giant step backward, I wouldn't be self interested and pursuing my own desires currently. I'd be married and building a life around some chick's dreams which would eventually result in resentment and most likely divorce.
What matters now is that I take the chance. I put it out there and let the chips fall where they may. Yes, it is a slow process because I subscribe to organic interaction but my confidence levels are higher than they have been in the past five years. It all started when I examined why I am so afraid.
I was afraid of being judged because I allowed myself to be conditioned that men are dirty creeps for expressing what comes naturally to us. I let the media, disney, and ideals guide my actions as opposed to my desires.
So after laying a ton of my personal shit and projecting onto your post let me say this;
1. Your height doesn't matter. When you are fucking it doesn't matter. When you are confident it doesn't matter.
2. Find out what you are so afraid of.
3. Reject societies advice when it comes to male sexuality. It doesnt have your interest in mind.
4. Be free dude. You are going to die one day and so is everyone else. Your height, ego, and fears will all be dust.
My haul back to get my confidence levels to where I want them to be has been grueling but I wouldn't change it for anything. I'm 27, free, and prepared for the next chapter.
If I can lose all confidence and rebuild so can you.