A little tough love in this post so brace yourself.
I'm extremely hesitant to give you even more reason to keep coming back and forth on your game plan here, but I wrote this earlier and I still honestly think it's the best approach
Quote: (04-22-2014 10:54 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:
you have known each other for a long time. I think you can cut this woman out of your life without making it an act of nuclear war.
In other words, make it temporary. Resist the urge to tell her off. Be civil and recognize that you're just as much at fault for this as she is.
Maybe even send her a brief message about how you just need to be away from her for a while and get "this thing" out of your system - just so she doesn't riddle you with messages "wondering" what's going on and tempting you to reopen the conversation.
Then proceed with your game, fucking other women, getting in shape, etc. Focusing on yourself.
When the feelings pass (and they will), you're back in control of your own emotions and thought processes, and you're getting laid on the regular or in a relationship with someone else, then maybe you can be actual friends and not just having a pretend friendship with someone you're in love with. Might be a few months, might be a year - whatever - but I don't think you have to completely napalm your friend out of your life just because she wasn't into you.
You decided to take another approach, so I didn't mention it again, but honestly man, this mental back and forth you keep verbalizing is fucking painful. And the messages you mention wanting to send her are sheer cringeworthy. You are WAY in over your head with this girl and I don't think you have the witheral to coldly cut her out of your life the way guys are telling you too.
All I can say is it is blaringly obvious why you failed with this woman and why she treats you the way you do. We can demonize her all day, but
you did this to yourself.
I can't say I haven't acted stupid over women myself, but there it is.
You can keep ignoring her completely if you want. I personally think it's just going to cause more drama than it's worth, and it's blowing her up even more in your mind, but you could just block her number and ride it out. She'll eventually go away (hopefully won't really call your parents).
Or you can do what I suggested, admit to her in a
brief message that the friendship is just not healthy for you right now, and tell her you're going your own way and that maybe someday in the distant future you can be friends. And ask her to please stop contacting you.
Make it clear your decision has been made and that it's not up for discussion.
Does it show vulnerability and reinforce how much you like her? Sure. But who fucking cares. You are done with this girl, so why dwell on power plays?
The important thing is separating yourself from this toxic relationship in the most effective, clean, drama-free way possible so you can do your thing.
You're not gaming her here - you're breaking away.
And then don't let her catch you up in a back and forth on it - you've said your piece and you are done, so you can go on ignoring her messages then if she refuses to honor your request. At that point, it's on her.
Here's the thing though. Pick a route - the one you're on or what I suggested - and stick with it. Stop with this back and forth and "should I send this lame, needy disguised as being tough" message shit or this one.
What you're doing here is training yourself to be weak-willed with women. You're also training yourself not to stick with your decisions. I repeat that it's no big surprise why you are in the situation that you are. I'd say you've got a bit of work ahead of you.
Good luck.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling