Quote: (04-22-2014 10:54 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:
I admit I didn't read a lot of what you wrote, Man. I did peek in and caught the gist of it though.
Yeah, it does seem like this chick has taken some liberties with your emotions and enjoys the validation. She has her own team of hamsters pulling for her here and may not be doing this purposely, but she is doing it.
For instance, you don't write long email letters to people whose feelings you don't reciprocate about the feelings you don't reciprocate. That just drags shit out and makes it worse - it's her own exercise in self-validation.
All that said, you have known each other for a long time. I think you can cut this woman out of your life without making it an act of nuclear war.
In other words, make it temporary. Resist the urge to tell her off. Be civil and recognize that you're just as much at fault for this as she is.
Maybe even send her a brief message about how you just need to be away from her for a while and get "this thing" out of your system - just so she doesn't riddle you with messages "wondering" what's going on and tempting you to reopen the conversation.
Then proceed with your game, fucking other women, getting in shape, etc. Focusing on yourself.
When the feelings pass (and they will), you're back in control of your own emotions and thought processes, and you're getting laid on the regular or in a relationship with someone else, then maybe you can be actual friends and not just having a pretend friendship with someone you're in love with. Might be a few months, might be a year - whatever - but I don't think you have to completely napalm your friend out of your life just because she wasn't into you.
Also, read this book if you haven't already: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Gu...8&sr=&qid=
I think it'll give you a lot of epiphanies.
Quote: (04-22-2014 05:55 AM)EpicBeta Wrote:
But that may be tricky because she's one of the best friend's closest girlfriends, even though they rarely get to hang out these days. It would probably work fine to see her for a while, but it wouldn't be long before the subject came up with one of us, and the girl catches on that I'm avoiding our close friend in common.
Dating her friends might not be a bad idea. If you actually develop real feelings for her friend, you'll likely get carried away into that and be able to leave all the BS between you two behind with relatively little friction and awkwardness. No avoidance needed.
There is a chance she'll suddenly get weird and have her own little jealous moments (even if it's just the loss of the validation), but if you think she's drama-free enough that might not happen.
Just banging her friends might not be enough though - because you'd still be looking at her. This would probably only work if you were actually into her friend on an emotional level.
I also suggest just being straight up about the whole thing with this other girl if you are seriously dating her (if she doesn't know already, which she probably does). You don't want to leave that little bait lingering out there that gives your "bff" a reason for little hush-hush pointless conversations and messages between you based on this secret thing your new gf doesn't know.
Drama queens eat that shit up, so I'd rob her of that temptation by laying the cards right down on the table.
Just my thoughts.
Thanks a lot! Very helpful way to think about it. I'll get that book. Cheers!