Quote: (10-01-2018 09:05 PM)a beer is enough Wrote:
Sigh...... going to be the bigger man here and take the high road because of the value this thread has already brought to many as well as the potential value it can bring. I've learned a lot and thanked the posters that made the quality posts, will be reading this thread many times.
There are a few points addressed on this thread that I wanted to talk about. I am practically a newb to social circle game because I was a late bloomer with game and didn't really come into my own until I graduated college and moved out into the real world, in a slump now obviously.
About the volunteering part guys mentioned and then bringing up the whole blue-haired SJW stereotype, my issue has been the where to find the quality as well.
I know everyone says the whole "you attract who you are" (more on that later) statement but I too have had this issue. Its almost like all of the people a lot of us would want to associate with are all flocking to one activity and I kind of always feel out of the loop on a lot of that. I can genuinely relate with the concern members here have of where to look and someone made the sales analogy, a part of business is also the where instead of the how.
Maybe I am looking at it from a different perspective but from my experience, it seems like a lot of social crews that formed had that one bonding experience that brought them all together or at least some similarities in the crews they run with. Now I have had opportunities for that but the only successful one was with my roommates in NYC. Most of the other ones did not pan out because the people were too uptight and traditional types that looked down on things you're supposed to enjoy with youth (going out, having some drinks, partying, etc.).
A part of me cannot help but think that stuff like location and lifestyle you choose has an impact on it all. Had I lived in flyover country or suburbia after college, no way I could have had the experiences I had socially in my early 20s. I know its a complicated topic but I think common sense can work here too, not going to be partying with supermodels if your hobbies involve LARPing. Then again given how novice I am here, I could be looking at it from the wrong angle.
About being a quality guy yourself....
I used to feel that way too but just looking around, so many of the dudes I see that are a part of these crews are not exactly a Hemsworth brother in terms of looks. In fact I've seen more than a number of guys, even the younger ones, who had nothing special going for them in terms of looks yet were a part of these types of crowds. Now granted I spent a lot of my life in flyover country so for the Californians on this thread, it might be somewhat of a shock.
My belief about being the best version of yourself is to do it regardless of whether pussy and social life are concerned or not. I have mixed feelings about your looks and the kind of social life it can bring because countless times throughout my life I have seen guys who were uglier and not even that charismatic on the surface have luck with social circle game because of their circumstances.
I always try to find out what a man can control in his life but with social circle game, so much of it has seemed like dumb luck to me so far. Guy grew up in the right areas and had rich parents so he was friends with other rich kids in his adolescence, hence he is set. Some guy got lucky in his school days and ran with the right social crews so he is well off now.
Going out having fun has not worked that well.
It just seems like most of these people who come out in their crews are tight with their crews throughout, they don't want outsiders breaking in. To some degree it makes sense because if you're a guy, you don't want extra competition from other men. It seems like a case of if you already have the quality crew yourself, its the only way other crews will give you a shot. Then that comes back to what Dalaran said, the guys who need it the least are the only ones who seem to be able to get it.
Outside of a rare exception, its been my personal struggle even when I have done well in the game. This thread will be read by me many times due to how rich in information it is.
Outside of my time in NYC in my early 20s where I just lucked out having awesome roommates, social circle game has been a giant hurdle for me. I feel like even when I have done well in the game through dating apps and bar game, I've struggled socially for the most part. Always on the outside looking in during my adolescence and college days, never a part of the crews where the fun was going on and the hot girls were gathering near.
Definitely a lifelong journey for me to try and fix this because I have had issues with it for most of my life. Either I was with the boring home bodies that had a grudge against going out and having fun, the uptight morally self-righteous people (religious folks if you're in flyover country) or just deciding to isolate myself because that was better than dealing with the less fun people out there.
I understand your frustrations. When I was in high school, I was good looking and yes, there were many ugly guys who had success with social circle game. When you say something like as long as you're a male 6, and aren't afraid of pussy, and surround yourself with women and you will get laid like crazy, the cold approachers come out of the woodwork and argue against it. Especially the self improvement cold approachers who think that getting laid is akin to climbing Mt. Everest. Having said all that, if a male 6 had it easy, I had it double easy. So getting laid starts off as easy if you are "cool" enough, and becomes exponentially EASIER the better looking and high status you are.
Just because male 6's can easily get laid in social circles does not disprove the "you attract what you are" paradigm. It just means that guys who are 7+ have multipliers in terms of females opening doors for them. They have it THAT MUCH better. It's literally infinite validation. So as you can see...nature did not make any mistakes. They made women perfectly attracted to men.
The cold approachers have forgotten what life was like in high school and college. Females are actually the real seducers, and you are the "sport" as many in this thread have already pointed out. They are always boy crazy. Romance is their life.
Do you know who cold approach is for? Guys like me. Well, the person I used to be. Even though I was handsome, I was a pussy. I couldn't pull the trigger to save my life. Even if a girl threw herself at me, I would rationalize why she wasn't attractive. I don't know what or how I became that way. Maybe social conditioning.
So I ventured outside of my circles and learned how to escalate. At some point I forgot that abundance existed in social circles. I forgot how to network. I was all about the instant pull. It became more of an ego thing. But even at my best, I had to deal with sociopathic women, douchebags, fatty cockblocks, getting cockblocked by my own wings (probably over 100 times), etc. Whereas in a social circle, all I gotta do is use plausible deniability and we are having sex.
The argument is not whether or not it is easier in social circles. Anyone with half a brain and actual life experience as a relatively cool guy in social circles knows that it is easy as hell. The crux of the matter is access outside of college. In college, everything was handed to you on a silver platter.
In the real world, you need to develop networking skills not just for women, but for business, social access, and overall high quality friends.
This is why I am not against cold approaching. You need cold approaching skills to attain access. But you also need to be a cool guy who knows how to network and provide value. You can't just be a mindless seducer knocking everything over. Some of the biggest access I've ever attained happened when I randomly talked to people who seemed to be by themselves. Next thing you know, all of their friends show up (with a lot of hot girls) and the dude that I befriended is suddenly telling all of his friends how cool I am.
One time I sat in front of a guy and just started talking about game to him. We had a good chat and he agreed with a lot of what I said. We ended up going to a bar across the street and started approaching women. He hooked every woman in the bar. I was completely blown away. It was not something I expected. He ended up hooking a 2 set and I ended up getting laid just because I was the tag along wing man. A month later he hooked me up with his friend visiting from LA. She was like a 9. He's one of the most popular guys I have ever met with women and our friendship started when I approached him randomly and treated him like a proper friend.
Other examples of networking would be befriending fatties who have access to a lot of hot women. I also met an art gallery owner who routinely threw "art openings" where only women were invited.
Outside of college, you really will sink or swim depending on your networking abilities and what I call "Grown man status game." A guy who treats every adult like they have value and is able to befriend a variety of social networks. A guy who is able to weave in and out of social networks.
He's kind of like a hybrid guy. He doesn't strictly rely on social circles and is powerless when his crew isn't around like most non cold approachers. And he has the ability to network and not just see the world as "target, cockblock, obstacle, ug, beta orbiter, fatty." That's the guy that you DON'T want to give access to.
The life of a cold approacher could be very exciting as long as you are able to think beyond the limited paradigm of a 21 year old fuckboy trying to desperately lay everything in sight and discards anything that he doesn't see any value in. Some of the biggest gatekeepers I've met were low-key people seemingly hanging out by themselves.
One last story. I used to work a summer job in the poconos when I was 21 and started cold approaching the first time. There was this mexican guy named Alex. Where I was at was 99% white with 1 black guy, a few Asians, and a few hispanic. The first time I ran into Alex, he saw me pulling some cougar. The next time I met him, he kept trying to hang out with me. He seemed cool so I spend the whole night just hanging out with him and ignoring the girls at the bar. After closing time he invited me to a party with his friends. I assumed that most of his friends were just like him. I walked into a house with like 7-8 hot white chicks. It turned out that Alex's family owned the most popular restaurant in town. Every single girl in the house was trying to sleep with him that night. Somehow I got grandfathered in to the biggest social circle in that small town because I was cool with Alex when I had no idea who he was. He once showed me pictures of women he slept with and it was literally a collection of 50+ hot women bent over naked. It was like looking at porn. Surely enough, after I met Alex, I never cold approached again for the remainder of my summer job.
At some point I met another guy named Tim. Tim was the most intimidating guy I had ever met. And he was only about 5'7. But he looked like he was 225 lbs +. He had that Mike Tyson build. He claimed that he ran the town and knew all the girls and they all belonged to him. He actually threatened me because he heard that I slept with one of his "hoes." We actually started hanging out and became friends. One night it was me and him, and a few guys. At some point he just got up and said "Fuck that, everyone is getting laid tonight." He left and came back with 6-7 hot girls.
If you really want access, you have to picture yourself as the "main character" of a movie. This guy usually has an "it" factor about him that makes him universally likable. Based on my experience, I think that "it" factor is empathy. It certainly helped me weave in and out of top tier social groups. I became best friends with these guys. I wasn't just trying to use them for access or tried to compete against them like a pua or whatever.