Alright where were we....
After spending the next day and a half recovering I decided to try some "Chifa" (Peruvian Chinese food) in Barranco. Got a nice plate of some sort of chicken friend rice concoction for about 7 soles and it was delicious.
Big mistake. But the horrors would not begin till the following day.
Around this time I also noticed my Charles Schwab debit card was missing from my wallet. I checked all my pockets, bags everything and then concluded I must have slipped out of my pocket in a cab the night before. I called up CS to cancel the card. I was now stuck with using my other cards which did not reimburse foreign ATM fees....
Later that evening I met up with Bounce and Axeman an American who's lived there for a while, at Houlihan's. Had a great time hanging out with those guys, no craziness, blow, or throwing bags of crap out of windows, just sharing funny stories, insights and observations about Peruvian chicks and the culture. Axeman was particularly knowledgable and knows the culture inside and out. He doesn't log on much but definitely meet up with him if you get a chance.
The next morning the horrors began. Fever, chills and running to bathroom every 30 minutes to blast out whatever remained inside me. I couldn't take the stuffy air and sounds of other couples fucking anymore so my main girl came over and helped me check in to a different hotel in a posh suburban neighborhood called Santiago de Surco, or just Surco for short. I was basically delirious when we arrived and have only blurry memory of checking in.
She had a friend who was a doctor and he gave me a list of medicines to buy to alleviate my symptoms. I was washing down two different types of pills multiple times a day with Peruvian pepto bismol. All together I was sick for about 4 days and I think I lost about 10 pounds. Perhaps I should have gone to a hospital. But I talked to the doctor on the phone and just decided to trust him and take the medicine. I ended up having to reschedule my flight to Cusco for the following week.
I lay in bed during those four days feeling like I made a complete fool of myself. I was deathly ill in a hotel in a foreign country, unable to communicate with anyone without sounding like a retard and I had lost my Schwab card which I got specifically for this trip.
The nice thing though was how much this girl helped me out when all this was going on. She talked to the airline on the phone for me and was bringing me food and stuff to the hotel I'd only known this girl for a few days. I just sat there thinking, "I can't even imagine an American girl doing this for a guy she just met". As I said above, this was the girl I ended up spending the most time with while in Peru.
Punta Hermosa
After a few days I began to regain my health. My girl invited me to go with some friends to Punta Hermosa and I felt well enough to accept. We stayed at her friend's beach house and it ended up being a great time. During this time however we also got into a few quarrels when she began to reveal some other sides to her personality (spoiled, demanding princess mentality) which she had concealed till then.
PH is a nice beach town with excellent seafood. I got a fish "tortilla" which to my surprise was actually an omelet with fish in it. It was quite tasty and surprisingly cheap, about 15 soles I think. The beach is nice by Peruvian standards but that isn't really saying much. Water is still cold and murky. There is a reason Peru is not known for it's beaches.
We returned back after a few days and it was time to prepare for the flight to Cusco. She rode with me to airport and when we stopped at a red-light, some guys were going car to car begging for change. I didn't tell anyone in Peru about this, or any one since coming back. It seems silly even as I type this, but I kept thinking about it while I was in Cusco. One of the them came to our window and asked for money. I had given change to homeless people during this trip but at that movement I refused, even though I had plenty of cash in my pocket.
When I look back I can't really say why- the way carried himself, or his alcoholic vibe, or maybe that's just what I told myself...something about him just bothered me and I wanted him gone. Before walking off, he looked at me for a minute in a way that began to make me uncomfortable, like he knew I was lying. The light turned green and we began moving again. I felt like an asshole, and made a silent promise that I wouldn't do that again. It didn't matter- I would spend the next 10 days wondering if this old man had put some kind of curse on me. Karma was about to punish me viciously.
Cusco
I arrived in Cusco on a Tuesday opted for a private room at the Kokopelli location in Cusco, a few blocks away from the Plaza de Armas. This place is hopping 7 nights nights a week. There is always some event going on in the bar and you can order food from the restaurant. The meals were actually really good and included typical Peruvian fare like Lomo Saltado but also international dishes like Chicken Cordon Bleu.
That night and the night after I explored various discos around the Plaza. The famous Mama Africa was filled with backpackers and in a side street around the corner I found The Temple discoteca. It was a wednesday night and this place was absolutely crazy. Don't come expecting an "authentic" Peruvian experience as you'll instead be greeted to chain-smoking Israelis traveling in packs of 30 dancing to "
Party Up" by DMX. Made out with a 6 from Lima but was too aggressive about bouncing back to the room so I screwed it up. I settled for a number.
I'd done some pipelining and set and up a date for a thursday night which a girl from Badoo. As I walked to the lounge a few doors down from the Plaza I began noticing the vision in my right eye had become somewhat blurry in the center. It was small but noticeable, but there was nothing I could do and date was in 10 minutes so I just ignored it.
I arrive and contrary to what she told me online she doesn't speak any English at all. My Spanish had improved a bit by this point so I was able say very basic stuff and use google translate for the rest. She was a little odd but not downright crazy and weird like most of the badoo girls. After a round of piscos she loosened up and I got her laughing. After that we moved over to a disco next-door to Inka Team (I can't remember the name) and danced then brought to the booth for a make out session. After that we sat down on a bench in the Plaza around 2am and picked up where we left off, and started fingering her while the taxis and occasional pedestrian passed by.
She was really worked up by this point so I lead her back to Kokopelli and with the intent of going to bar, which is open till 3. When we get to the door however, the excuses and nonsense- after a fairly enjoyable evening she couldn't come inside as just now realized she "forgot her ID"

I was getting tired so after a few minutes of back and forth I just said we'd catch up again another time.
The next morning everything started went downhill. I awoke and the blurriness in my right eye had become significantly worse. My whole central vision was distorted, similar to how summer heat rising off an asphalt surface, while the peripheral vision was unaffected. I knew this was serious now so I had the hostel staff give me directions to a walk-in clinic around the corner.
I arrive there and tell them whats going on, and they set me up with an appointment with an ophthalmologist. After paying 220 soles (about 70 bucks) a cute translator who looked somewhat like a shorter Zoe Saldana walked me over to his office. Unfortunately I was starting to get rather stressed about my eye and was in no mood to flirt. Through her I explained my condition to the eye doctor, who proceeded to give me the most half-assed eye inspection I've ever received. He had me read one of those stupid alphabet charts and look into a machine with picture of barn or something.
He concludes that my eyes are "dried out from the different climate" and gives me some eye drops. I had a feeling he was wrong but I decided to play along since he's a doctor and Im not. I thanked them, went back to my room and took my eye drops.
Next day- it's just as bad, maybe worse. I really couldn't see well with that eye at all. The drops had no affect. I made a post about my story in the
"Getting sick while traveling thread". I knew I had to get another opinion and after seeing Roosh post the same advice I went back back to the clinic, this time asking to see a general practitioner. And thus begins my journey into to the comic insanity of getting medical care in Peru.
I'm placed in sort of improvised waiting area behind a curtain which bisected an examination room. Across from me was a computer, presumably intended for administrative purposes which instead has some kind of teen drama telenova playing on a youtube playlist.
After a brief wait I'm brought behind the curtain to the doctor, who's office consisted of a folding table set up next to the examination bed. He spoke good English and I explained my whole story and that I wanted a 2nd opinion from another ophthalmologist. He said "no problem, I'll set up an appointment for you". He places a call, jots down some info and hands it to me. It an address, but no name.
Me: "Great, thank you. What is the doctor's name?"
Him: *confused look*
Me: "The eye doctor- who do I ask for when I arrive?"
Him: "Oh, his name is...um...one minute"
As he is thumbing through his notes trying to save face, it dawns on me this man forgot the name of the person HE WAS JUST SPEAKING TO. He eventually just hit redial on his phone and had to ask for it. How did he even find his number if he didn't know the name? As these thoughts passed through my mind suddenly the youtube playlist behind the curtain changed from telenovas to the cacophonous screams of Scandinavian black metal blasting at a thunderous volume, so loud the doctor was shouting into the phone to make himself heard.
This went on for about a full minute until finally he calls a nurse over a points behind the curtain toward the noise. She disappears behind the curtain and does she turn the music off? No! Does she even lower the volume? No! She changes the song to George Michael's
Carless Whisper, remerges from behind the curtain smiling and walks off, content that she has earned her place on this earth for one more day.
The doctor continues talking for 2 more minutes while I reflect on how George should have known better than to cheat friend. Finally he writes down the other eye doctor's name. "You need to go now," he says "his office closes at 6".
By this point I was used to people trying to scam me, but in a rare display of Peruvian honesty, the doctor refunds my money because he didn't actually examine me and I jumped into a cab. It was now 5:15.
Of course, the other clinic was across town and the roads were choked with traffic due to a huge soccer match that night! We were losing precious time and suddenly he cuts into the other side of the road and drives toward oncoming traffic for about a block then darts into a side street. After several frightening minutes we arrived at the other clinic.
The other doctor's English was bad so I have to tell the whole story again using google translate. His facility was a lot nicer than the first one and after dilating my eyes with special eye drops gives me an examination. After a long time he diagnoses my eye with
a temporary condition caused by fluid leaking beneath the retina.
In order to confirm the diagnosis and begin treatment though, I would need a special test called a tomography. He gives me the address of a location where I can get it done the following day.
------
The following morning I arrive at the office, which shares a building with a language school across the street from what remains of the Incan temple of Koricancha. But the good times were just beginning...the office had relocated. To make an already long story shorter it took several hours to find the new place, which was described as "a shiny new building- a very modern and clean facility". I arrive to this:
![[Image: w708WqBl.jpg?1]](http://i.imgur.com/w708WqBl.jpg?1)
Seems legit, no?
I see a crowd of indigenous people sitting on the sidewalk who inform me the place will not open for another
2 hours, so I have to sit and wait. When we finally get in, the nurse tells me I will need to wait another 2 hours and the test will cost TWO THOUSAND SOLES (about $650). I knew they were ripping me off so I refused and walked out.
After stepping out of the cab, I walked back to the hostel feeling exhausted and hopeless. I happen to notice yet another ophtomologist's office, and figure "Why not? How much worse can it get?" I walk in and get a
third opinion from another doctor. After recounting the tomography incident he said that was outrageous and that the test only costs around 400 SOLES. Gringo tax indeed....
He didn't have the machine to perform the test but he said in order to get it and any other tests at a fair price I would have to go back to Lima, and recommended a colleague to me. I was willing to do anything at this point so I agreed. He gave me a quick exam included some eye drops which said were an anesthetic. I asked why and he says "it's important to check eye pressure".
Expecting one of those air puff tests I told him to go ahead- instead he produces some crude deceive resembling a drawing compass used in geometry class and tries to
physically touch my fucking eyeball with it! I told there is no way we are engaging in this medieval barbarism and after a couple minutes he chuckled and gave up, then called and scheduled an appointment for me in Lima.
I went back to my room and booked a return flight.
-------
This is becoming a lot longer than I anticipated. Part 3 coming soon...