[torridon747]

Arrive on time on if sh's more than 5 minutes late text her "I'm here [some indication of how to find you]". If she's more than 15 minutes late without an apology, leave.

[lapalco]

If you are worried AT ALL if a woman is crazy, run away asap. They can ruin your life for awhile. Even sane women can ruin your life so dont fuck around with a crazy one.

[Alpharius]

If you have to ask, the answer is yes.

[h5757]

The date is tomorrow; I just have some last-minute questions.

When I arrive, I’d prefer not to just take up a seat at the coffee shop without ordering anything, so is it common or generally acceptable to order a coffee for yourself if she hasn’t arrived yet and have a seat while waiting for her? If you already have your coffee when she walks in, how do you handle greeting her and buying her drink when she walks in? What do you say, etc.?

[torridon747]

Get there on time - not too early. If she's late order without her.

If she's late and you do order without her. Greet her with a hug, make eye contact and say hello etc. Make sure and touch her (don't give her a handshake). Say something along the lines of "you probably want to get some coffee huh"? And walk her to the counter. While she's looking tell her you have already ordered but don't make a big thing out of it.

That's what I do at least. I've been on 20+ coffee dates in the last few months and I think maybe one or two of them were on time. The reason I do it that way is like to show them early on that being late will get them nowhere with me and I'm happy to start without them.

[h5757]

So I went on the coffee date today (my first date ever). It went well overall and it lasted about 1.5 hours. I walked her to her car at the end and we hugged (she initiated the hug). She turned out to be really nice and not crazy or aggressive at all. She was also really respectful and never checked her cell phone and actually held eye contact and showed interest in getting to know me as a person.

The only problem is that she was pretty boring. On okcupid and in texts, she frequently said witty or funny things, but she never made an effort to banter in person and she didn’t reciprocate when I tried to banter. I don’t know if it was because she was nervous. Maybe that’s why she was hinting at going out for drinks? She even mentioned going out for drinks in her last okcupid message. There were lots of lulls in the conversation, but both of us made efforts to quickly start up a new topic. She was actually the one who ended up saying she had to go when a longer-than-usual awkward silence came about at the end. As bad as this makes me sound, there were a couple of times when I thought it would be good to end the date because the conversation was becoming stale, but I felt guilty about doing it. I’m guessing it’s something that I really need to get over.

Another problem was that because of my inexperience (and this was my first date ever), I couldn’t get into a playful frame and we basically just built rapport (talking about school, family and hobbies). I also never touched her once (aside from an initial handshake and hug at the end) and the conversation never got sexual in any way (lack of experience). I don’t know if this is good or bad in terms of whether I’m friend-zoned, but in the first 30 minutes, the conversation progressed into her saying that her father was an alcoholic and her ex-husband was an addict (she didn’t mention anything else about her ex-husband). I reciprocated by talking about the problems I had with my father as kid and now (which was probably stupid of me).

We also have pretty much nothing in common. She’s very passionate about cooking and I know nothing about cooking, whereas I’m very passionate about movies and she’s not really into movies. This wasn’t a problem online or during texting because we found other things to talk about.

So my questions are:

How common is a situation like this? Two people meet online and they have great chemistry, but when they meet up in person, everything is boring and there’s no joking around? What went wrong? Was it because she was nervous? Was it because it was a coffee date? Would alcohol have gotten her to be more like who she was online and during texting? Or was I supposed to be the one leading the interaction and making things fun and I wasn’t able to because of my lack of experience?

Should I give her another chance? If so, what should I do? Like when do I text her and what do I say? What should the next date be and when? Should I try to create a fun conversation with her over text before attempting to go out with her again?

Or has she probably lost interest in me? Should I wait for her to send me a text?

[Sombro]

Quote:

how do you handle greeting her and buying her drink when she walks in? What do you say, etc.?

What is this "buying her drink" you speak of?

Coffee dates are supposed to be neutral.
Though it is a delicate balance between having banter and maintaining some aloofness (i.e. don't be a try-hard).

That said, she's giving TMI for a first date, let alone a coffee date.

NEXT.

[Beirut]

Very confusing thread. Was the first post edited? Cause i see people quoting conversation parts that i cant find in the OP's posts...

Plus you and her have very similar writing styles...

[joema]

Was it because it was a coffee date?

Yes. Coffee dates suck. you were there for an hour and a half with no touching? I know it's not 100% but with me it is. There is no banging after a coffee date. If forced into a coffee date, set your timer to an hour and leave no matter what.

Would alcohol have gotten her to be more like who she was online and during texting?

Duh, yeah.

Or was I supposed to be the one leading the interaction and making things fun and I wasn’t able to because of my lack of experience?

Yes, you need to be leading the interaction which is difficult because you're in a fucking coffee shop for an hour and a half. That's why you limit yourself to 1 hour. Anyone (even me who's pretty introvert) can lead an interaction for an hour. Hopefully when your hour timer goes off and you say you have to leave to go to your Big Brother meeting or whatever excuse you come up with, you are at a high point and will leave her wondering about you and wanting to go on a real first date not at a fucking coffee shop.



Should I give her another chance? If so, what should I do? Like when do I text her and what do I say? What should the next date be and when? Should I try to create a fun conversation with her over text before attempting to go out with her again?

It's what you want. If you want to see her again. I don't see why you would. No, no more fun conversations over text! Did you really think your texts were fun? Shorten your texts to logistics only. Be a man. Pick venue and time you want

[h5757]

(01-23-2017 10:13 AM)Sombro Wrote:  

Quote:

how do you handle greeting her and buying her drink when she walks in? What do you say, etc.?

What is this "buying her drink" you speak of?

Coffee dates are supposed to be neutral.
Though it is a delicate balance between having banter and maintaining some aloofness (i.e. don't be a try-hard).

That said, she's giving TMI for a first date, let alone a coffee date.

NEXT.

What does it usually say about a woman if she's giving TMI on a first date (like her talking about how her father was an alcoholic and her ex-husband was an addict)? Is it always a sign that there's something wrong with her, like she's crazy? Or can it be a sign that she sees you as more of a friend and she's not attracted to you?

[Frank Underwood]

(01-26-2017 12:25 AM)h5757 Wrote:  

(01-23-2017 10:13 AM)Sombro Wrote:  

Quote:

how do you handle greeting her and buying her drink when she walks in? What do you say, etc.?

What is this "buying her drink" you speak of?

Coffee dates are supposed to be neutral.
Though it is a delicate balance between having banter and maintaining some aloofness (i.e. don't be a try-hard).

That said, she's giving TMI for a first date, let alone a coffee date.

NEXT.

What does it usually say about a woman if she's giving TMI on a first date (like her talking about how her father was an alcoholic and her ex-husband was an addict)? Is it always a sign that there's something wrong with her, like she's crazy? Or can it be a sign that she sees you as more of a friend and she's not attracted to you?

Does it feel off to you? Since you're posting here to ask, it probably does.

It would feel off to me.

Stay clear.

[Off The Reservation]

(01-23-2017 02:30 AM)h5757 Wrote:  

So I went on the coffee date today (my first date ever). It went well overall and it lasted about 1.5 hours. I walked her to her car at the end and we hugged (she initiated the hug). She turned out to be really nice and not crazy or aggressive at all. She was also really respectful and never checked her cell phone and actually held eye contact and showed interest in getting to know me as a person.

The only problem is that she was pretty boring. On okcupid and in texts, she frequently said witty or funny things, but she never made an effort to banter in person and she didn’t reciprocate when I tried to banter. I don’t know if it was because she was nervous. Maybe that’s why she was hinting at going out for drinks? She even mentioned going out for drinks in her last okcupid message. There were lots of lulls in the conversation, but both of us made efforts to quickly start up a new topic. She was actually the one who ended up saying she had to go when a longer-than-usual awkward silence came about at the end. As bad as this makes me sound, there were a couple of times when I thought it would be good to end the date because the conversation was becoming stale, but I felt guilty about doing it. I’m guessing it’s something that I really need to get over.

Another problem was that because of my inexperience (and this was my first date ever), I couldn’t get into a playful frame and we basically just built rapport (talking about school, family and hobbies). I also never touched her once (aside from an initial handshake and hug at the end) and the conversation never got sexual in any way (lack of experience). I don’t know if this is good or bad in terms of whether I’m friend-zoned, but in the first 30 minutes, the conversation progressed into her saying that her father was an alcoholic and her ex-husband was an addict (she didn’t mention anything else about her ex-husband). I reciprocated by talking about the problems I had with my father as kid and now (which was probably stupid of me).

We also have pretty much nothing in common. She’s very passionate about cooking and I know nothing about cooking, whereas I’m very passionate about movies and she’s not really into movies. This wasn’t a problem online or during texting because we found other things to talk about.

So my questions are:

How common is a situation like this? Two people meet online and they have great chemistry, but when they meet up in person, everything is boring and there’s no joking around? What went wrong? Was it because she was nervous? Was it because it was a coffee date? Would alcohol have gotten her to be more like who she was online and during texting? Or was I supposed to be the one leading the interaction and making things fun and I wasn’t able to because of my lack of experience?

Should I give her another chance? If so, what should I do? Like when do I text her and what do I say? What should the next date be and when? Should I try to create a fun conversation with her over text before attempting to go out with her again?

Or has she probably lost interest in me? Should I wait for her to send me a text?

I simply cannot believe a MAN of over 30 years of age is writing this. I call troll, woman, or 13 year old who found the site.

[Sombro]

(01-26-2017 12:25 AM)h5757 Wrote:  

What does it usually say about a woman if she's giving TMI on a first date (like her talking about how her father was an alcoholic and her ex-husband was an addict)? Is it always a sign that there's something wrong with her, like she's crazy? Or can it be a sign that she sees you as more of a friend and she's not attracted to you?

She is either:
1) Crazy.
2) Sees you as someone she can unload her troubles on.
3) All the above.

If she is attracted to you, that is incidental -- the fact that she can just unload onto a complete stranger means she doesn't respect you, and you're just a means to some ends of hers, somewhere up in her head.

Just walk away.

[Tex]

(01-26-2017 01:07 AM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  

I simply cannot believe a MAN of over 30 years of age is writing this. I call troll, woman, or 13 year old who found the site.

100% a woman. Men do not think like this. Zero sexual urgency, zero masculinity, zero drive, zero frustration, zero mention of the woman's attractiveness (from what I saw).

This is not how any man ever walks from any date. This is how dumb women assume men walk away from lame dates.

Edit: Going back I'm convinced this chick is a journalist or tumblr investigator. This cannot be a real person. Even fags can't bring themselves to talk like this.

[Serious Sam]

(01-26-2017 11:51 AM)Tex Wrote:  

(01-26-2017 01:07 AM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  

I simply cannot believe a MAN of over 30 years of age is writing this. I call troll, woman, or 13 year old who found the site.

100% a woman. Men do not think like this. Zero sexual urgency, zero masculinity, zero drive, zero frustration, zero mention of the woman's attractiveness (from what I saw).

This is not how any man ever walks from any date. This is how dumb women assume men walk away from lame dates.

Edit: Going back I'm convinced this chick is a journalist or tumblr investigator. This cannot be a real person. Even fags can't bring themselves to talk like this.

And has been a member since 2011. I think you may be on to something with the journalist angle. She creates some threads, gets responses, goes low key for a while to keep from being spotted, then shows up again later to gather more data.

If this person isn't a troll or undercover, then he's a very sad and hopeless man.

[Off The Reservation]

(01-26-2017 01:09 PM)Serious Sam Wrote:  

(01-26-2017 11:51 AM)Tex Wrote:  

(01-26-2017 01:07 AM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  

I simply cannot believe a MAN of over 30 years of age is writing this. I call troll, woman, or 13 year old who found the site.

100% a woman. Men do not think like this. Zero sexual urgency, zero masculinity, zero drive, zero frustration, zero mention of the woman's attractiveness (from what I saw).

This is not how any man ever walks from any date. This is how dumb women assume men walk away from lame dates.

Edit: Going back I'm convinced this chick is a journalist or tumblr investigator. This cannot be a real person. Even fags can't bring themselves to talk like this.

And has been a member since 2011. I think you may be on to something with the journalist angle. She creates some threads, gets responses, goes low key for a while to keep from being spotted, then shows up again later to gather more data.

If this person isn't a troll or undercover, then he's a very sad and hopeless man.

Indeed. If any man's life is really like this they should stay off the web at all costs and get outside.

[Off The Reservation]

Since you didn't get banned can you tell us what happened?