Quote: (09-22-2017 02:32 PM)Eddie Winslow Wrote:
Bump for a personal question related to OPs.
I have a girl who I've been seeing about once a week for 18 months. She really loves me and treats me like a king - showers me with gifts, brings over home cooked meals, bakes me brownies, etc. She definitely has some clingy/stalker tendency (lives 45+ minute drive away from me but regularly "just happens to be in my area" all the time, calls me every day) but is just such a kind, sweet soul. I've been seeing other girls here and there, but it's almost exclusively her. I've told her from the get go I don't want a relationship, which she claimed she is OK with.
Obviously she's very invested in you and wants to see you more than once a week.
To be honest, you ARE in relationship with her by default.
Every girl "says" they're okay with that setup, but all your actions and signs point towards you being in one by default with her.
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I've held a face-to-face meeting no less than three times to "break up" with her and she always talks me out of it. I've tried to break up with her not because I don't want to see her anymore, but because I feel very guilty about the lopsided relationship and truly do not want to waste her time.
A guy doesn't "try",
he either dumps her or keeps her. Your frame was weak and you caved because of her guilting you back into her frame for a relationship.
Her talking you out of it in reality shows that you have a weak frame and oneitis - I understand she sounds like a good girl and adores you - so I don't say the above as an insult.
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Like OP, initially I wanted to meet a friend more than anything. Now I'm in the ugly area between a fuck buddy and an LTR, but I really do care about her as a friend. We have become very close and we are certainly emotionally attached. As you might expect, this relationship started from a hook up app and we almost certainly would have never met in person otherwise. I am almost positive she is not seeing anyone else. I admitted that I had slept with another girl about a year ago and she was devastated, although she understood how our relationship was defined at the time.
Let me reiterate,
YOU ARE in an LTR - you're seeing this chick for 18 months, I highly doubt it's only once a week all the time, I'll bet you've seen her twice, maybe even 3 times in 7 days.
Your biggest mistake so far has been telling her you fucked another woman. Time and time again one of the worst mistakes a man can make is voluntarily giving information about his sex/love life to a woman.
You don't tell fuck buddies, you don't tell plates, you don't tell girls you're trying to game, you don't tell LTR's, you don't tell your wife.
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I know this relationship is holding me back from meeting other girls I'm more attracted to and that I probably staying in it because I'm afraid of finding a "real' LTR. Maybe this is beta, but this girl isn't some cumdumpster "plate" to me - she's a real friend and I want to treat her as such.
Is my guilt warranted? Do I need to really cut her off?
This relationship is NOT holding you back,
YOU are holding yourself back.
You're not afraid to find a real LTR,
YOU'RE AFRAID TO BE DOING THINGS SOLO.
You're being held back by the fact of possibly being alone, plate less, fuck buddy less, this is why you're holding onto a woman who adores you.
The last thing you should be doing is jumping from relationship to relationship like a chick jumps dick to dick.
You need some buffer/alone time to reflect on yourself, better yourself, and discover things.
THEN you can look for another woman who is better than the last.
To answer you questions:
NO your guilt isn't warranted, it's inside your head, you're the one holding yourself back.
YES you need to move on and cut her off FINALLY.
If you aren't interested in an LTR with her, and she is, then it's time to move on.
I don't care if she's a "real" friend YOU CANNOT BACK TO BEING FRIENDS.
I don't care what you say, once you bang her and start seeing her, YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS AGAIN.
Especially in your case, she adores you, she wants you bad, YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS AGAIN.
The most important thing to do is to tell her, you aren't the guy for her, you don't see the relationship going anywhere, and that you don't want to waste anymore of her time.
"Bu...butt...butt, we can't be friends ?"
NO, you can't be friends, you don't want to lead her on anymore, it's impossible to be friends and heal, you both need to move on.
The
DO NO CONTACT RULE/THREAD is the biggest obstacle ahead for you.
Do yourself and read these Jariel Real Talk Sessions:
Real Talk Sessions: The One Thing To Remember When You Leave Her
Real Talk Sessions: The Only Rule For Ex's
Real Talk Sessions: You Care Too Damn Much