[XPQ22]

Long story short, I went on a brief vacation with the last girl I'd been seeing regularly, whom I considered possible LTR relationship material. Unfortunately, near the end of the trip I incidentally caught a glimpse of her phone and noticed there were texts exchanged with another dude. We had had the "exclusivity" talk prior, where I had told her the usual that it was something I wasn't ready for just yet. Instinctively, I knew that by doing this she'd probably end up seeing another guy from time to time. I tried to deal with this the best I could from an intellectual standpoint, and work on meeting other women. But I've been in kind of a slump lately, no doubt in part due to the fact I've spent the better part of 7 months seeing at least one person regularly.

It's sometimes okay from an intellectual standpoint. It's a lot harder to deal with the emotions when it's right there, in your face. I find myself wishing I could be the guy to randomly text female acquaintances to come over. So far, that's not me. Why do I end up being this guy, and not that guy? Probably because empty sex just feels like empty sex at this point in my life. Ive banged a fair share of girls in the last year.

I sort of believe that she intended me to see it - it's trivial to hide such things. She didn't bother. Just a tactic to see what I would put up with. She played it real wrong, because finally I know I was one of the guys she liked the most, possibly ever. I definitely think it blindsided her that I would walk.

So I've broken it off with her. It went okay, not a lot of anger or drama, just some talking and some tears. I'm fairly confident there won't be a ton of further drama. In a weird way we sort of understood each other. I know she did what she did because she was terrified of me leaving and getting hurt. I did what I did because I didn't want to give up absolutely everything. But she seems to have engineered precisely the result she didn't want. I don't hate these women for the things they do, or what they are.

But I don't think breaking hearts is something I'll ever feel comfortable with. It sucks more than anything. She was never abusive, abrasive, or cuntish. She put in what felt like a heroes effort to please a guy she probably believed was out of her league.

So now I'm back to the start with just me. Intellectually I understand I shouldn't need anyone to make me happy, but having women as a regular fixture in my life has been a huge part of it for the past 7 months. But I realize part of the problem is I didnt know what I wanted...a fuck buddy or a LTR? I tried to have it both ways. Can't be done. I don't know a lot of people in this area...I think what I was really looking for was a friend. And at the end of the day, these girls can't be my best friends.

So it feels very hollow now. I understand that the next days and weeks will be the hardest. I have some ideas of what to do to ease the pain, and I take some comfort that this sort of thing is something probably every man here has been through. I feel you, brothers.

Any advice or support regarding what to do moving forward would be appreciated.

[debeguiled]

All normal emotions, it is the times that are fucked up, and men have to do the best we can with what we have been given.

Don't beat yourself up.

I appreciate honest heartfelt posts like this.

To repeat, it is normal to have emotions, even negative ones, and the idea that you are always supposed to be fine is a false bill of goods.

Sounds like you are learning.

[Adonis]

I don't have much advice for you but Ive been there for sure, and remember this too shall pass, and you'll be stronger on the other side of it. Her talking/seeing someone else was obviously a line for you, so good on you for sticking to that. It does seem like she tried to force your decision to becoming exclusive with the texts from the other guy and grossly underestimated your reaction to that. Remember, most blue pill guys would think of that as pre selection and lock her down in an LTR after seeing that and thats probably the type of behavior that she is used to.

The thing that gets me out of a slump the best is when I wipe the slate clean and break off with current girls Im seeing. That reignites the drive for the hunt. Ill usually combine that with focusing inward for a few weeks on a goals I have been slow on achieving like a PR in the gym, finishing up a project at work or home, taking a trip to a mountain Ive been putting off, etc.

[XPQ22]

I mentioned to her that I was thinking of taking a trip to NYC this year. Ironically, she seemed to agree that was a great idea, with or without her.

I think I might just do that.

[capote]

I was in a similar situation a year ago: Was with this girl (exclusive) for slightly more than 2 years. Great girl, funny and chill etc. but we both realized it wasn't working and decided to mutually break it off (she wanted to get serious, move in together. I didn't). She didn't really sneak around behind my back (to my best knowledge) and was always more into me than vice versa. Stung for a while since I was in a slump lasting a few months.

Anyway, the best advice I can give you is to focus your mind on personal goals - for me it was fitness (powerlifting and calisthenics), work and learning Salsa (great for meeting new girls btw). But make sure you're enjoying yourself otherwise the pursuit of the goal will make you sour and miserable. Your personal goals should make you better, faster and stronger than you currently are, and it is this very progress that gives you confidence and satisfaction.

I wish you the best in this period of transition.

[General Stalin]

You mentioned you had the "exclusivity talk" and you told her you weren't about it, so I guess it's predictable that she was going around with other men.

The only advice, and the advice that most men here would give you, is hook up with fresh tail to air yourself out from her. Seems like you are open to the idea of being exclusive with someone but this girl wasn't hitting the right notes with you, and/or wasn't quite good looking enough for you to want to keep her around indefinitely. You turned her down for being exclusive and you were the one to break things off so I'd say you should be able to get over her just fine... unless of course you only broke up with her because you "had" to once learning she was talking to other men.

In any event, if you really liked her then you will likely still think about her until you meet another girl that strikes you as much or more than she did.

I don't want a "serious" relationship right now in my life, but I still think about the last girl I dated fairly regularly. I haven't seen or talked to her in a year and I've probably banged 15+ different women since then.

Aside from hooking up with broads, I woudl say go somewhere different. It's easy to wallow when you are just hanging out in the same-old same-old doing the same shit talking to the same people etc. Take a trip, or move. Also focus on some hobbies/projects. Do something fulfilling.

[Sumanguru]

OP,

I"m a little confused by your post. It's all over the place. So forgive me if I misread something. But I think I see one or two things I could comment on, so I'll take a stab at it.

It seems like a big problem for you is how to organize and focus your life. Women have been a big part of it for almost a year, and now that part of it is gone. Am I correct so far?

MGTOW takes a lot of hits from the PUA community, and the PUAs take a lot of hits from the MGTOW community. I think both camps have some excellent traits that are worth studying. All men *need* to know how to carry a conversation, be charming, interesting, and fun, which PUA game is great for. But all men need to have hobbies, interests, and a life that is separate from women, especially in this gynocentric culture, which MGTOW is great for. We cannot live for something as immature and mercurial as a woman.

For a more concrete example, you say you don't have a lot of people in the area you currently live in. IMO, before getting bitches, getting a social circle should have been your priority, even if that's just being a regular at a couple of Meetup groups.

BTW, are you in good shape? More time spent in the gym is never bad.

BTW, how are your finances and career prospects? Doing a little OT, or taking some classes for another certification, or going to networking events, or researching new investments, is never bad.

BTW, how's that second language coming along? Expanding your skill set, learnign about other cultures, and expanding your possible social base by being able to communicate with more people, is never bad.

I'm not saying you don't have these things, mind you. But elevating these aspects of your life will make life more rewarding overall. That way, when a girl comes and goes--and they will come and go--you won't miss a beat, because A) you'll have so much other stuff in your life to focus on that's more important, and B) cause when you're the complete package--as someone who's in shape with money, game, experience, languages, hobbies, social networks, etc. is--you'll know there will be another girl who'll like you just as much.

[Isaac Jordan]

(09-04-2016 03:57 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

But I realize part of the problem is I didnt know what I wanted...a fuck buddy or a LTR? I tried to have it both ways. Can't be done. I don't know a lot of people in this area...I think what I was really looking for was a friend. And at the end of the day, these girls can't be my best friends.

I'm a bit confused as well as to how/why things happened the way you've presented them.

If you've been seeing a girl for 7 months, and you're vetting her for an LTR (which I assume entails more emotionally intimate acts like proper dates, cuddling, spending the night, seeing her more than once a week, talking/texting frequently, etc.), but then you tell her you're not willing to be exclusive, I don't understand how her exploring her options would surprise you. If you had been working towards a promotion for months and your boss told you flat-out you weren't being considered for the position, would you not immediately start considering alternative employment?

But I suppose that's beside the point.

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting; I too went through a breakup recently, and I suppose I don't need to tell you how much it sucks. Pair bonding is literally like a drug, and separating yourself from an emotionally-charged relationship comes with some intense withdrawal pains.

After my girl and I split, I spent the following weeks just feeling like absolute shit. Easily the worst I've ever felt in my entire life. I'd wake up in the morning and have about ten seconds of contentment before the post-sleep brain fog cleared, I'd remember that we'd broken up, that she was likely gone from my life forever, and it would be like reliving the experience all over again.

Friends, distractions, even fucking an old plate...nothing seemed to help. I'd go through the motions like a zombie, gym, work, eat, sleep, feel like complete shit, repeat. I finally understood what those people in the commercials about depression were talking about, how no matter what you do life just seems bleak and grey. I'd hear one of her favorite songs, or drive by the bar where we had our first date, or find one of her hairs in my pillowcase, and feel like someone had just sucker-punched me in the gut.

And then, three weeks later, I woke up and didn't think about her at all. I know I didn't, because a buddy actually texted me a pic of his Tinder hookup that night who happened to have the same name as my ex, and I realized that was the first time I had thought of her that day. I had gotten into a really good book, had a busy day at work, and finished off a few items on the to-do list...it was the first good day I had had in nearly a month.

And every day since then I've felt a little bit better, a little bit more like myself, like how life was before we met. I do still think about her fairly often, and it still hurts every time. But it's a softer, more distant pain, more nostalgic than sad, and it goes away after a minute or two. I'm once again waking up happy, looking forward to work, to spending time with friends, to getting back into the game and talking to new girls.

Time heals all wounds is cliche, but for a reason. The typical advice of hitting the gym, focusing on work/projects, meeting new women, etc. is all well and good - certainly better than moping around your own personal pity party - but don't expect it to magically make the pain go away. 7 months of intense changes to your brain chemistry takes time to dissipate, but dissipate it most certainly will. You just have to be patient, and do all you can to focus on the future and make sure it's better than the past.

Good luck man. We're here for you.

[XPQ22]

^ The first paragraph you posted bears some explanation.

I know we were both seeing other people for the first few months of the relationship, when it was "casual." Then she pushed for commitment the first time, and I brushed it off. Another month passes. She tries again, and and I try the same tactic. I was seeing the other girl much less at this point, but still in contact with her. I'm not anymore.

She got miffed the second time, as you say she felt she was out of the running for the position. Went off and banged another guy.

I know that if Id have tried to get her to commit in the first couple months of the relationship, she would've turned me down. She asked me early on "you aren't the jealous type, are you?" Then a little while later once that option was out of the picture, she wanted the commitment. Well hold on a second, sweetheart. Maybe I don't like this all on your timeframe.

Basically it feels like a bad option to commit to a woman who was, at least it feels like, banging other guys during the whole relationship except for a month or two. What am I gaining? They're getting that shit for free. In fact, though she tells me that after the first couple months she was exclusive to me and hoping to like, "prove herself", I honestly don't belive her, and didn't trust her not to just keep on keeping on after she felt she had me on lock.

The main problem as I see it with all three girls I've seen regularly is I treated them way too much like my exclusive GF, and gave them that vibe too fast, when I really didnt feel they were exclusive GF material. They were fun to hang with and talk with, so that's why I did it, but they were all carousel riders as well. But they still all pushed me for it, eventually.

I know why I did it: I was lonely. Having someone just to talk with was nearly as good as the sex.

I know now if I want to properly do the sorting, I need to a) be more casual during the "casual" phase and less needy, and b) I really only have two months to figure out whether a girl I'm seeing even just once a week as a plate is LTR material beforeit seems she's going to get frustrated at not getting the job.

And thanks. Yes, it does hurt. She wasn't really what I was looking for for something exclusive, and may not have been entirely truthful, but damn she was good company and nearly always treated me well. I suppose I'd have been frustrated too. I know I want a solid exclusive LTR, but it's just so hard for me to get around the fact that by the time a girl is 30, she's given it away to so many for free.

I seem to have the same problem as many women: I want it all. The sex and emotional connection, without the commitment on my part. It seems not to be possible.

[Vaun]

Sorry to hear this. Any type of cheating sucks. I dumped an LTR a few years back that did this same thing. I literally kicked her out in the middle of the night when I found it. I ended up dumping her. She was trying to pull the marriage game on me, but she is a bad girl, even though we were very close for a few years.

I ended up dumping her and cutting her off ultimately, and still ended up feeling bad about the loss later on. It took a few months, but it finally hit me in the gut and I had to get through it. But because I knew she was texting another guy, I wasn't that broken up about it. I was tied to her for over a year, still addicted to the punany. I had to ghost her totally, despite her calls and texts for a month after.

I was recently broken up with, and have been progressing well. The board here got me through it, along with getting out and living my life.

I had the exact same problem you did; do I want to bang, or do I want to have an LTR. Its no surprise why she dumped me.

The method I am using below is the Heartiste plan. No contact, no skirt chasing for a month or so, and building myself back up. Its working so far. The links below are some of my favorite I've found.

Three of my favorite posts;

http://www.westindianarchie.com/stella-maris/
Postmortem
Curing Oneitis

Posts that got me through it;

Breakup therapy?

Broke up. Now all time low of depression
Dealing with breakups
Mastering Getting Dumped
Of all the girls who broke up with you or shot you down...
The Only Rule For Ex's
Thoughts on the No Contact Rule?
Handling The Two Types of Breakups

[Lagavulin]

OP bear in mind that the life of a player is not for everyone, some guys are just not wired that way. There's no shame in that. It sounds like you're one of these guys, bear that in mind moving forward. Be clear on what you want and act accordingly.

I know what you're going through right now, it's a shitty feeling, but it could be worse. I was in my last LTR for 5 years, engaged and planning to get married, I was working away from home in the Middle East trying to save enough money to set up a good life for myself and my wife to be. She wanted me to quit my job and asked me to several times over quite a long period of time, I didn't do it, I knew she was deeply in love with me and it didn't even cross my mind that she would leave, but she did, just as I was coming to the end of my time overseas. I thought we would work it out when I got home, I was sure, however about 3 months later I went onto her FB page to message her and I see that she's in a relationship with some new guy, and worse it looks like they're living together. What the fuck! Talk about a sucker punch.

This fucked me up for over a year, I didn't bother contacting her and I've never spoken to her since. I couldn't really blame her, she got sick of waiting and moved on, she was a solid 8 with a sweet nature, the type of girl that's always going to have guys sniffing around. Fuck it.

Don't make the same mistakes I made, you need to keep moving your life forward. You need to keep yourself busy, the first thing I would do if I was you is have some time out and take a trip. I probably wouldn't go to NYC yet as the way you are feeling might sour it for you and I think you could use a complete change of surroundings. Go somewhere like SEA or Central America, somewhere:

You can have an adventure
You can get some female attention
With a cheap cost of living so you can blow off some steam and not have to worry too much about money
That has a different culture and surroundings to what you are used to

This will distract you and help you move on, it doesn't have to be a long trip. 4-6 weeks will do you a world of good.

Use this time to figure out your next move. What do you want from life? What is unsatisfactory about your life currently? When you come back move or stay put as you see fit but build your social circle, take your career or business to the next level, throw yourself into building a better life and don't look back. Life is a series of ups and downs, use this low point as a catalyst to kick on and try to turn the negative into a positive.

[TornadoByProxy]

Things to do right after a breakup:
Lift, get a haircut and professional shave, buy some new clothes. Have one good conversation every day to keep you connected with the world.

Things to avoid:
Drugs, fapping, video games, crime, contacting an ex. These are all because you're bored. Don't let yourself get bored.

[Travesty]

(09-04-2016 03:57 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

Why do I end up being this guy, and not that guy?

You will think I am trolling I am not.

The mentality of buying a silver membership has had an inextricable link from to personality traits with certain results.

The silver membership I think may be the biggest metaphor that spells against abundance mentality in life.

[XPQ22]

^ I've heard that before. Seems reasonable. I suppose if Id known it was such a stigma, I wouldn't have done it!

Regardless, I've slept with more women in the past year than I had in my life previously. Whatever I'm looking for, I think being a member here has better prepared me to get a good approximation of it than I would've been able to. Then forum has prevented me from falling into other, far more serious pitfalls than a simple breakup of the type that happens a thousand times a day.

Overall, I think silver has been a pretty good value.

Regarding Suman's post...things I have going for me: I'm currently in theory location-independent doing contracting work in a tech field. At the moment I'm somewhat tied down in a bad location helping an elderly parent. But that won't be forever. Finances are okay; I could be doing a lot better if I signed on for a regular 9-5. But I prefer the freedom. I speak conversational Spanish enough to get by, and have been working on German.

I'm in decent shape, but could be a lot better. I haven't hit the gym in a long time; I've basically just been jogging a couple times a week and keeping a careful eye on what I eat.

[General Stalin]

If you are conversational en espanol you should hit up Lawrence and meet some dominican women or some peurto ricans.

[SamuelBRoberts]

Not to derail the thread, but what the hell is wrong with a silver membership?

[General Stalin]

I honestly don't even know how you go about getting a silver membership. I know the gold membership sticky thread has a link to purchase lifetime gold, but I have no clue where to access silver membership purchase.

That said I think what Trav is implying is that if you are going to donate money to the community, no going to a full gold membership is indicative of scarcity mentality because you believe your money is scarce and the difference between $10 and $20 (or whatever the difference between silver and gold is) is petty in the grand scheme of things. This can be applied to women where one may put a lot of weight in their investment with one women or a small number of women allowing themselves to stress over something that should be relatively insignificant. There will be more money. There will be more women. Etc.

[Gmac]

You made the right call.

I don't feel like I ever need to have the "exclusivity" conversation with a girl. It's implied as things progress. On the rare occasion I find out something's been going on... good riddance. I don't think twice. You get over it and you get used to it. You also get better at identifying women women who don't behave that way.

Good luck.

[ElFlaco]

(09-09-2016 07:47 PM)SamuelBRoberts Wrote:  

Not to derail the thread, but what the hell is wrong with a silver membership?

I also looked around for it when I joined up. Couldn't find it, decided it had been pulled, and figured, what the fuck, just get the gold. The forum gives great value over and over.

[RatInTheWoods]

I don't understand why any dude would want to be with a chick and share her with other dudes. Not anything more than a ONS anyway.

If you are LTR and going on a holiday with her, it should be exclusive. Especially now its ruined the relationship when you think of her swallowing another dudes load.

You specifically told her you wanted that set up, this puzzles me.

Next time you catch feels with decent chick and want to LTR her up, at a minimum insist she stop swallowing other dudes loads for the duration she is with you.

Unless you are into the whole cuck thing...

[XPQ22]

(09-10-2016 12:31 AM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

I don't understand why any dude would want to be with a chick and share her with other dudes. Not anything more than a ONS anyway.

If you are LTR and going on a holiday with her, it should be exclusive. Especially now its ruined the relationship when you think of her swallowing another dudes load.

You specifically told her you wanted that set up, this puzzles me.

Next time you catch feels with decent chick and want to LTR her up, at a minimum insist she stop swallowing other dudes loads for the duration she is with you.

Unless you are into the whole cuck thing...

Definitely not into it, which is why I nexted her.

By thinking about how these "mini-relationships" went and talking with the guys here, I've come to recognize the issues.

First issue: For whatever reason,perhaps due to this hyper-feminized area, I seem to be a "1" to many girls, but there's a sizable minority of girls who really, really like me. That's good, because I've got a handle on what my "demographic" is. It's also bad, because some of these white college girls catch feels for me extremely fast. And since I'm headed towards being 40, the demographic I do best with is late 20s early 30s. We all know the issues involved there, hitting the wall, looking to lock a dude down.

Second issue: I'm an outgoing guy and enjoy talking with people, men and women alike, and the girls I date as well. Combine that with a girl who digs me, overtexting on my part, and she's immediately thinking "Ah! Boyfriend! LTR time great boyfriend material." Which at my age I can also think of appealing reasons to get with, along with all the cons. Other members have pointed out that I seem to be stuck in a "purple pill" mindset, and I won't deny it.

So they seem to hit me with the "so where is this GOING?" talk pretty quickly, and to me it feels like I'm being pushed on the hard sell. When it happens, I'm shitty with handling it. Then they become insecure and afraid I'm always on the verge of leaving, and start "looking for another employer."

Without directly saying so, they've sort of indirectly told me "Motherfucker, I like you a lot and I'd be OK being your occasional fuckbuddy for a while or LTR, whatever. But you need to know how to fucking bin me appropriately."

Stop acting like I'm in a committed relationship with someone I likely don't really want to commit to.

If I decide a monogamous LTR is what I really want at this point, I think I need to start focusing on finding someone I'm more compatible with right from the start. And I think that will come more from social circle, and definitely not internet dating.

[Vaun]

(09-10-2016 11:24 AM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

Without directly saying so, they've sort of indirectly told me "Motherfucker, I like you a lot and I'd be OK being your occasional fuckbuddy for a while or LTR, whatever. But you need to know how to fucking bin me appropriately."

Stop acting like I'm in a committed relationship with someone I likely don't really want to commit to.

If I decide a monogamous LTR is what I really want at this point, I think I need to start focusing on finding someone I'm more compatible with right from the start. And I think that will come more from social circle, and definitely not internet dating.

You nailed it right here. You answered your own questions to the problems you are facing. Whether or not you want to commit to a girl is entirely in your hands. And if none of these girls are doing it for you, i.e. something in your gut, or subconsciously, is holding you back from these girls, then you have to understand why.

Its either about her, or you. She is either unappealing, and your intuition is picking up on an inner slut that keeps you from committing, or, something within you is not allowing yourself to keep these girls.

Its easy if its about her; she has a big nose, zits, cold unemotional personality, boring/typical life experiences, bad humor, sarcastic, no substance other than her boring consulting job. Thats easy. Either you will consciously next her, or your behavior will slowly begin to erode as you are faced with this person on a regular basis. Especially if you are giving way more than you have to give.

But if its you, you have to be more honest with yourself. Honestly, if you are here on a game/players board, and you are consciously trying to go out, then I think you want to be a player. And if you want to be a player, trying to lock down an LTR will always come off incongruently, and these relationships will surely fail. Whether you want them to or not.

So what is it? Do you want an LTR? A bride and kids? Its ok if you do, but be very clear and honest with yourself. And very clear and honest with the girls you get with, with words and actions. When they say where is this going, tell them. If your'e half way in, even without showing it at first, your incongruence will sink any LTR you begin. Right from the outset. Honesty is your next step at this point.

Maybe you want to bang a bunch of girls first. Thats ok too. But you have to cut them off quick. In your case I would end it after a few months, tops. Never give out love, never say I love you. Always let her tell you she loves you first. They will if your game is A1. Every girl I have ever been with has. If you want to learn deep attraction game I would read Doc Love or Corey Wayne, and Heartiste. If you want to learn game, learn it here. But be clear with yourself, and dont let these LTR's creep up on you by accident, and take you away from your lifes purpose.

But to be honest if you have serious life goals other than marriage, I would hold off on "looking for the one." Go have fun and first learn how to approach and engage the ones you want. Its a powerful thing once you realize you can literally choose any women walking down the street, and have a good shot at it. Boston is full of hotties. Just go sit at the bar of Island Creek Oyster or Eastern Standard on any given night. Bostons finest roll through there. Then take her to Bukowksys for the date

[therealpoder]

I don't feel much sympathy for OP here. I feel more sympathy for the woman here for having her time wasted.

She dated you for 7 months and asked you many times to be exclusive and you turned her down repeatedly. You don't say anything bad about her so I assume she was a decent woman.

She should've been dating other people. Why should she waste her prime reproductive years on some guy who won't commit to her so she can end up like one of the spinsters we complain about here?

Honestly, she should've left you months ago when you were dragging your feet about commitment. It doesn't take 7 months to decide if you want to be with someone. Or you should've dumped her if she was pushing for commitment and you didn't want to commit to her.

I think she wanted you to commit to her so she left the phone out for you to see as an indirect ultimatum. She seemed to have really liked you.

Since you didn't like her enough to commit to her after 7 months of dating, just move on.

[kaotic]

(09-10-2016 03:51 PM)therealpoder Wrote:  

I don't feel much sympathy for OP here. I feel more sympathy for the woman here for having her time wasted.

She dated you for 7 months and asked you many times to be exclusive and you turned her down repeatedly. You don't say anything bad about her so I assume she was a decent woman.

She should've been dating other people. Why should she waste her prime reproductive years on some guy who won't commit to her so she can end up like one of the spinsters we complain about here?

Honestly, she should've left you months ago when you were dragging your feet about commitment. It doesn't take 7 months to decide if you want to be with someone. Or you should've dumped her if she was pushing for commitment and you didn't want to commit to her.

I think she wanted you to commit to her so she left the phone out for you to see as an indirect ultimatum. She seemed to have really liked you.

Since you didn't like her enough to commit to her after 7 months of dating, just move on.

She wanted her cake and eat it also.

She was clearly fucking around when claiming commitment.

Before breakup and before commitment, OP knew she banged another dude, so he knew what he was going into and the reason for hesitancy.

AWALT.

SHE didn't want to commit, even if she agreed to.

Why ? Because what I said previously about her banging other guys.

Lo and behold she was texting dudes behind her back.

Never take a woman's word, judge her on her actions.


I'd never a trust a bitch that was fucking around and I knew about, even if we were just banging. It's hard to take a girl at her word when she wants to commit.

Only to find out she was indeed hitting up other dudes while you were committed.

If she wasn't committed from the get go, she was never committed at all.

Think about this for a second, if this chick REALLY wanted him, she would've dropped other dick, it's clear she never did.

Those actions speak louder than any words of commitment would.

If this was an ultimatum, it blew up in her face. She wasted her time by not showing she was ready to commit in the beginning.


NOW: There might of been of a window where she would've committed for sure, especially after asking once or twice with OP. BUT OP wasn't ready to commit. From there on out, she knew the score - she could've left and didn't. She knew what she was getting and what she was getting into.

As for the 7 months - some guys take it slow, I sure as hell do, I didn't commit to my last ex until 4 or 5 months in. We just "saw" eachother or were "dating", whatever that means to the female hamster.


OP should've delegated her to a plate, milked it for what it was worth, then moved on.

[therealpoder]

Hmmm... Let's see. I disagree with all of that.

Unless you officially established that you are dating/banging her exclusively, you are free to date and bang other people. And she is free to date and bang other people too.

Matter of fact, OP would be silly to assume that she wasn't dating/banging other men during those seven months.

Unless you've committed to her, always assume she banging someone else. Period.

The girl made repeated offers to OP to date exclusively. He turned her down. So why shouldn't she try to date other men?

Why should OP be allowed to take up all of her time without offering exclusivity?

She told him what she wanted. He didn't give it to her. She continued dating him hoping that he would come around while looking for other options in case he didn't work out. Makes sense to me. In fact , she should've left him earlier when he didn't commit the first time.

As far as taking it slow, she dated him for 7 months! That's the better part of a year. How long do you need to decide whether you want to be with someone? And if he later determined it wasn't right. He could've broke up with her.

And if she was in her mid 20s or older, she was most likely looking to start a family. She probably didn't want to waste her fertility on a dude when it wasn't leading anywhere and I don't blame her.

It makes no sense to me on this forum to criticize 30+ year childless spinsters but shrug our shoulders when some men waste women's time for months and sometimes years, which causes a lot of women to be in that situation.

I don't think this is a case of AWALT. OP doesn't say anything bad about her so I assume she was a decent catch.

My sympathies lie more with this girl more than OP. I against people wasting other people's time for both men and women.

She should've moved on after he turned down her offer of commitment. OP should've dropped girl earlier too if he wasn't interested.