[DimeBait]

(05-06-2016 04:28 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

(05-06-2016 03:09 PM)DimeBait Wrote:  

Unless your doing so for religious reasons, my advice is to stay away from marriage. Nearly 60% of marriages end in divorce and it can take up to 10 years to financially recover from divorce. I will never get married again, no matter what I say to the contrary. UNLESS, its for power or access to capital.

What if you want kids? I don't see it being best for a kid not to have an intact family unit. I think you only marry if you want kids.

The statistics on broken families are staggering. So much so, that it's rare for children to have two married parents. Those Leave it to Beaver days are over. As long as you raise your kids in a productive manner, I really don't think any of that matters.

[CleanSlate]

Surprised a thread like this hasn't come up before in RVF history.

I got divorced last year after a 3 year marriage, and I wrote about it here:

thread-44564.html

I knew about game before (more of the PUA variety)... in fact I did sign up on this site, posted a couple times, and dropped off the radar when I met my ex wife.

What actually caused the death of our marriage was not her affair, but that first month of living together. Her affair during the last months of our marriage acted as a catalyst towards divorce.

Things seemed great when we got married, but I had seeds of doubt deep in my mind. That something wasn't quite right. But I ignored it.

When we did move in together, I got a very severe case of bronchitis that almost led to pneumonia. I was nearly hospitalized. What happened was I breathed in all that dust that got thrown around during the move, and it got infected.

I would go on nonstop coughing fits that continued through day AND night. It was the kind where you'd gasp for air between coughs, and the little bits of air you actually manage to suck down your airway just gets coughed back out, along with bits of nasty green shit. Sometimes I thought I was going to die.

Now here's the worst part. I told my ex wife I need to go to the doctor, and fast.

And what did she say?

The bitch ROLLED HER EYES and said "you're going to the doctor just for a little cold? I'm a teacher and I deal with sick kids all the time, so don't be such a wimp. Just tough it out."

Ideally, I would have said "I get sick, and instead having a wife who takes care of me, you bitch me out like this? You know what, fuck this. This whole marriage thing was a mistake. I'm out of here."

But no. What did I do instead?

I'm ashamed to say that I listened to her.

I put off going to the doctor. I went to work.

Two days later, I was leaving work. I was walking to my car and it was cold, dry, and windy. Very bad for a respiratory infection. I had a particularly bad coughing fit that had me doubled over on the sidewalk. Bystanders were looking. One man came and tried to help me up.

I couldn't speak, and my eyes were pouring water.

"Let's get you to the doctor, " the man said. I waved him off, and said I'll drive myself.

I go to the nearest urgent care center, and got checked out. After admonishing me for not coming in the soonest as possible, the doctor got me on oxygen and a sedative. He hooked me up to an IV with antibiotics.

Turned out I was having the onset of pneumonia, and if I put off going to the doctor any longer, I could have landed my ass in the hospital. Or perhaps worse.

My ex wife didn't even believe what the doctor was telling me, and was upset that we were paying a medical bill for the urgent care center. Of course, she expressed no concern when we were spending tons of money on home improvements.

I had my head so far up her ass, I feel ashamed for even writing this at all. But this episode had me thinking "I made a mistake, I should not have married her." However, the stigma of divorce and fear of getting raped by the courts kept me in. Like a prisoner.

Cue three more years of getting hen-pecked by the ex wife.

Then I discover her affair the week before thanksgiving. I was supremely pissed, and I no longer feared divorce.

In my mind, becoming a divorcee started to outweigh the soul-dampening comfort of being in suburbia and having someone -- anyone -- to come home to -- no matter whether she's a bitch who reserves her empathy for anyone but her husband.

Today, her affair was a blessing in disguise.

Thank you to the loser alcoholic guy who swooped her. Had you not done so:

- I would not have had an amazing year and half with trips to the Philippines and Thailand.
- I would not have met so many awesome guys off this forum.
- I would not have banged so many slim and feminine women.
- I would not have started learning how to make money outside of my full time job.
- And I would not have learned how to choose women who treat me right, and to TAKE CARE OF ME WHEN I GET SICK (and if she didn't, I'll drop her immediately - HARD NEXT).

I would have remained in my marriage to die.

[DimeBait]

I too had red flags that I ignored and it ended up costing me in the long run.

Curious CleanSlate, what kind of side hustles you got going on??

[dopvlur]

I'm still in the last stage of my divorce process, best decision in my life, the relief is unreal.

Applying "Whatever else you're doing is what you wanna do".

[samsamsam]

Dimebait check CleanSlate's link in his sig.

As far as your broken home comment I bet that has a lot to do with broken people getting married. If you go into a marriage with a fuck up or you are the fuck up, I imagine you will have a shitty marriage and shitty environment for children.

However, if both adults are clear on marriage and why they are getting married and want children and can create a healthy environment, then I have to believe that would be best for a child.

I can't see it being possible to not have a commitment with someone and having kids. It is a rarity to find a reasonable woman. Especially one that may have more time with your kid than you.

For a lot of guys sure, you don't want kids not big deal.

Didn't mean to derail the thread too much.

[HankMoody]

I'll write about my divorce, although it's not all that interesting...

I met my wife when I was 20 years old. She was 18. I was a punk rock kid at a preppy school, she was a punk rock kid at a college down the street from me. My notch count was three plus one blowjob. My high school years were spent in an LTR with a really hot chick. Beyond that I'd had every little success with women. When I first met my ex-wife, I was not all that interested in her sexually but she was cool to hang out with.

I'd been hooking up with a model from Panama at the time, which was my most impressive hookup yet. I had actually "friend zoned" my ex-wife, although we'd talk on AOL Instant Messenger all the time.

The shit with the model didn't work out, and it was Valentines Day. So I asked ex-wife what she was up to, she said nothing, and I told her to come over and drink beers. We end up hooking up, and then banging the next day. Turns out she had just gotten out of a relationship, and I was her second notch.

She came from a good, solid family, and I became close with them. We had a very boring relationship - not many ups, but not many downs. We didn't fight all that much. We'd go on vacations, have dinner at her parents house, and all in all had a fairly traditional relationship. This went on through college, while I was in law school, and then when she was in grad school. She'd been throwing out the "you need to buy me a ring" for quite awhile, although I was hesitant. I wasn't sure if I wanted kids, and part of me wanted to date around. Being in a relationship wasn't bad because it allowed me to focus on other things like law school, networking, etc. I never woke up like "Oh my God I am so in love!", but I also didn't have an active need to womanize.

At one point while we were dating, I picked up a girlfriend on the side, and we had an explosive, passionate relationship. She would joke with me that I was living a double life because I was - "Degenerate Hank" who was looking to party and for a good time, and then "Husband Hank" who had a girlfriend, was going to get married, and owned two cats. She moved back to her hometown and I was bummed, but I knew with us it was just about sex and partying.

When I turned 30, I decided it was time to "do the right thing" and "settle down" - so I proposed. She was happy, and then she moved in with me. We got married, went on a honeymoon, and started "being adults." Then it all went downhill...

I was just starting my law practice, so I was working from 7am - 10pm at night. Her job was from 7am - 3:30am, mine was all the time. She had weekends off, and I was always working. This created problems, where she felt like I put my job before her. Frankly, I had to in order to keep a roof over our heads.

In addition, we hated living together. She's messy, I'm clean. She would get angry when I asked her to do dishes or keep the place better kept up. My friends would call our house "cat dungeon" because it smelled disgusting, the litterboxes were never cleaned, and I simply didn't have the time to work 10 hours a day, then come home and clean up after her cat while she's watching TV. I'm anal about living in a dirty space, and this would be a constant fight between us. She was working less, so I expected her to clean more. Of course, that violates feminism...

Then you had certain pragmatic problems. She wanted to eat dinner together, but she had randomly stopped eating meat. I'd want a steak, but she felt we should be eating the same thing. I'd tell her we could eat dinner together, but I'm not eating vegetarian frankenfood. This, of course, would piss her off. I also became more conservative, she became more liberal, and we couldn't converse about politics without her saying she felt like I was "attacking" her.

Perhaps most problematic is that she not only quit drinking, but joined AA. Which was weird, because she only drank a few glasses of wine each night before bed. When she joined AA, her vocabulary changed, and she'd talk to me in jargon about the dangers of alcohol. As an attorney, I am naturally a skeptic. She would get extremely upset if I would question the scientific merits of AA, and accuse me of being unsupportive. She refused to hang out with my friends because "all they do is drink." Towards the end, we had totally separate groups of friends, as most of hers were from AA. She hated leaving the house for social events because they all "have alcohol", which is a problem for me being a lawyer in private practice. She wanted to Netflix and chill 24/7.

My affections for her started to wane, and our conversations were almost always related to our cats. I expressed to her that I felt like she was more of my roommate than my wife on several occasions. Although she wanted children, I was extremely hesitant to have kids with her, especially given how we were fighting all the time, and I made that clear. I wasn't sure if things could be fixed, or even if I wanted to.

Eventually one night she threatened to leave because I was out at the bar, and she wanted to stay in. I told her to do it, and that's what she did. I don't think either of us realized it was going to be permanent. Ultimately it became so.

We tried marriage counseling and it didn't work. Part of me was secretly happy to be single and free - even just to finally have a bed to myself, or to be able to watch whatever I felt like watching on TV.

The divorce itself wasn't bad - I kept the house and she got all the stuff in it. After she left, I gutted the house and turned it into a bona fide poon palace, where people come in and say "ooohh la la".

Years later, I feel bad that she wasted her best years with me while I'm openly running around with 20 year olds. She's single and living with a cat, and spends most of her time watching TV.

We still talk quite a bit, though. Candidly, we still can't be in a room together without someone crying. You build quite a bond being with someone for over 10 years.

Am I better off now? Time will tell. She would have been a good mother and part of me wonders if I should have made more of an effort. While I didn't find a lot of satisfaction in marriage, I don't exactly find a lot of satisfaction in smashing smuts in their 20s by pretending to be a cocky jerkboy, either.

If I could do it all over again, I'd of probably learned game, dated more, and then decided whether a LTR / marriage was right for me. It's easy to get into a relationship and then feel obligated to get married because that's what society and your family says you should.

[BassPlayaYo]

(05-06-2016 06:18 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

Dimebait check CleanSlate's link in his sig.

As far as your broken home comment I bet that has a lot to do with broken people getting married. If you go into a marriage with a fuck up or you are the fuck up, I imagine you will have a shitty marriage and shitty environment for children.

However, if both adults are clear on marriage and why they are getting married and want children and can create a healthy environment, then I have to believe that would be best for a child.

I can't see it being possible to not have a commitment with someone and having kids. It is a rarity to find a reasonable woman. Especially one that may have more time with your kid than you.

For a lot of guys sure, you don't want kids not big deal.

Didn't mean to derail the thread too much.

You don't have to be married to have a committed relationship. This is the thing one has to open their eyes to, especially men, the psychological conditioning is strong on this. You can be in a committed relationship, have kids, and not be married. The marriage contract and the law built around it, isn't in your best interest, it doesn't protect you, it's designed to protect the woman because the belief is that she's at a disadvantage if the marriage breaks up. It's a model designed around the notion that women don't work and have no options once their divorced and we know that in today's world that model only exists in the rarest of cases.

[redbeard]

Mad respect for all the guys who are busting it open and sharing their experiences.

This hit hard:

(05-06-2016 05:14 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

I had my head so far up her ass, I feel ashamed for even writing this at all. But this episode had me thinking "I made a mistake, I should not have married her." However, the stigma of divorce and fear of getting raped by the courts kept me in. Like a prisoner.

Just think...for every man on here who escaped marriage imprisonment, there are hundreds if not thousands of men who are trapped in a marriage like CleanSlate described.

[PeanutoftheNight]

(05-07-2016 09:53 AM)BassPlayaYo Wrote:  

You don't have to be married to have a committed relationship. This is the thing one has to open their eyes to, especially men, the psychological conditioning is strong on this. You can be in a committed relationship, have kids, and not be married. The marriage contract and the law built around it, isn't in your best interest, it doesn't protect you, it's designed to protect the woman because the belief is that she's at a disadvantage if the marriage breaks up. It's a model designed around the notion that women don't work and have no options once their divorced and we know that in today's world that model only exists in the rarest of cases.

You must remember though, that such a thing exists as palimony, which can legally force you to pay expenses even if no marriage existed, and require you to pay child support even if no marriage ever existed. That can have the additional effect of shutting you completely off from your children whereas you can have avenues to keep them through marriage/divorce.

[samsamsam]

(05-07-2016 09:53 AM)BassPlayaYo Wrote:  

You don't have to be married to have a committed relationship. This is the thing one has to open their eyes to, especially men, the psychological conditioning is strong on this. You can be in a committed relationship, have kids, and not be married. The marriage contract and the law built around it, isn't in your best interest, it doesn't protect you, it's designed to protect the woman because the belief is that she's at a disadvantage if the marriage breaks up. It's a model designed around the notion that women don't work and have no options once their divorced and we know that in today's world that model only exists in the rarest of cases.

Though this ROK article discusses divorced women, it has plenty of relevant stats about kids being raised outside a traditional family structure. Look, if you don't want to have kids, I totally understand. No judgement. But if someone does like me, it seems a traditional family structure is important for the kids. Sure you could be committed and not married, some women may be ok with that and some may not. But that is a #1A type solution, not #1. Don't get me wrong, what few assets I have will be held in the safest ways possible.

ROK Article - thread-55649.html

I mean, just think about it in a logical order. Yes, we know people get divorced and it is a shit show. But you cannot tell me that with split parenting gives the child the best chance. If anything, children will probably learn to manipulate the gaps in parenting coverage (kid does something bad with mom, days later you hear about it and then try to discipline?) or realizing they are some piece of the chess game, they learn to extract resources from both.

With all due respect to the fine men on this forum and in particular those on this thread who have opened their personal lives to help us, but some seem to have chosen badly (some have admitted to it - and I am not judging - I am no position nor would I want to - respect to all who have posted). AND I AM NOT SAYING I WILL BE PERFECT IN CHOOSING - I could have the same fate, no matter what my ego tells me, I may pooch my choice. But if the goal is to have children, I think it is only fair to give them the best chance at a good (not spoiled) life and that is to have both parents working together to raise them. While they may be committed, I still think a marriage holds a bit more water.

Just my 2 cents.

Edit: The reason for having children is personal so we can set that aside in this discussion.

[BassPlayaYo]

To clarify...

You don't have to be married to live with a woman, love her, have kids with her, grow old with her. Any woman that insists that you do, that wants you to enter into a contract that's not in your best interest is not looking out for you.

[doc holliday]

(05-07-2016 08:36 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

(05-07-2016 09:53 AM)BassPlayaYo Wrote:  

You don't have to be married to have a committed relationship. This is the thing one has to open their eyes to, especially men, the psychological conditioning is strong on this. You can be in a committed relationship, have kids, and not be married. The marriage contract and the law built around it, isn't in your best interest, it doesn't protect you, it's designed to protect the woman because the belief is that she's at a disadvantage if the marriage breaks up. It's a model designed around the notion that women don't work and have no options once their divorced and we know that in today's world that model only exists in the rarest of cases.

Though this ROK article discusses divorced women, it has plenty of relevant stats about kids being raised outside a traditional family structure. Look, if you don't want to have kids, I totally understand. No judgement. But if someone does like me, it seems a traditional family structure is important for the kids. Sure you could be committed and not married, some women may be ok with that and some may not. But that is a #1A type solution, not #1. Don't get me wrong, what few assets I have will be held in the safest ways possible.

ROK Article - thread-55649.html

I mean, just think about it in a logical order. Yes, we know people get divorced and it is a shit show. But you cannot tell me that with split parenting gives the child the best chance. If anything, children will probably learn to manipulate the gaps in parenting coverage (kid does something bad with mom, days later you hear about it and then try to discipline?) or realizing they are some piece of the chess game, they learn to extract resources from both.

With all due respect to the fine men on this forum and in particular those on this thread who have opened their personal lives to help us, but some seem to have chosen badly (some have admitted to it - and I am not judging - I am no position nor would I want to - respect to all who have posted). AND I AM NOT SAYING I WILL BE PERFECT IN CHOOSING - I could have the same fate, no matter what my ego tells me, I may pooch my choice. But if the goal is to have children, I think it is only fair to give them the best chance at a good (not spoiled) life and that is to have both parents working together to raise them. While they may be committed, I still think a marriage holds a bit more water.

Just my 2 cents.

Edit: The reason for having children is personal so we can set that aside in this discussion.

Samsamsam, I totally sympathize with your point of view. If you want to have kids, a strong traditional marriage by far the best environment to raise them in. I was married for 19 years and inspite of how hard it was and how much the marriage took its toll on me, I have no regrets. My kids have turned out well and I'm still relatively young (late 40s) so I feel my best years are still to come. I agree that who you choose to marry is critical. Finding a traditionally minded women who does not believe in divorce is by far the most important thing to look for. In Amerca, this getting exceedingly difficult to find and almost all American women will not cut it in this regard. If you ask almost all of these chicks if they believe in divorce, they'll say yes they do, oh but only if it's necessary. To me that answer alone should be enough to disqualify them for marriage.

My ex grew up in Ireland when the Catholic Church had its dominance in every day life there and though I believe that it was this background which kept her committed to the marriage for as long as she stayed, it still wasn't enough. The outside influences took over and irreversibly corrupted her and she eventually decided to bail. Of course there were other problems with her too so I don't want to make it sound like she was a unicorn gone bad. She certainly was not. However if she had been a typical cock carouselling, self assured Amercan chick, the marriage would have ended 15 years ago. If you're a guy who wants kids in a traditional marriage, I say look hard, very hard. Find a girl with a traditional upbringing. Make sure she does not believe in divorce, at all, most important thing. Low notches, no abortions, not feminist or left wing, no washed up party bitches, someone who doesn't drink ( I can't stand chicks who get drunk). Protect whatever assets you have pre marriage, do a prenup. You have this power before you get married, not after. Most men do not do any of this, including all of us here telling our tales of war.

Once you've done all of this, your due diligence so to speak, then you'll have to take a leap of faith and jump. Whatever happens then happens. Understand that even being married to a traditionally minded woman, it will not be easy. Marriage is not easy, period. It never has been, never will be. If in 20 yrs you grow apart, modern day influences corrupt her and the marriage breaks, you'll have your adult kids. I cannot emphasize enough how amazing that is to have. You will never question your existence and purpose ever once you reach that stage. Plus, you'll get a renaissance to reinvent yourself, go back out and start smashing pussy again, all with the wisdom of having raised a family and not the impetuousness of a young man.

Understand though even if you do everything correctly, it will be very challenging. You will wonder often why you even did it. If you want children though, you have to make this sacrifice. Raising kids in these modern day arrangements instead of traditional marriage has fucked a lot of people up. Men and women today both don't understand just how much personal sacrifice raising well adjusted kids entails. You hear it all the time, "oh it doesn't matter if Johnny has two mommies, or two daddies, or one mommy and no daddy, or a mommy and daddy but no siblings because mommy decided to start too late to have kids and one more kid is just too much work, he'll grow up and be just fine." Umm no Johnny will not be ok, he will be a fucked up mess of an adult with all sorts of emotional and psychological problems, taking a cornucopia of antidepressants.

Bottom line, if you want a family, choose your wife very carefully, protect your assets and finances as much as possible, prepare to sacrifice and understand that nothing lasts forever.

[HankMoody]

Point of advice: never give your ex-girlfriends your RVF screen name:



LOL

[Comte De St. Germain]

^Mate you aren't worried about getting outed?

[RatInTheWoods]

The problem with a marriage is, you start off with an understanding of what you will do, and what she will do, and the teamwork and joint effort is appealing.

You manage the house, I will work. You look after the kids, I will pay for everything. You give me sex, I give you love, affection and attention, romance etc.

Once she has you on lockdown, the ring on the finger and the kids are there.... She can just quit her side of the bargain. She doesn't have to life a finger now.

You have to work or else you loose the house and no one eats. She doesn't have to clean, cook or look after the kids because nothing happens if she doesn't.

If you don't like having to do 100% of everything, you have the option to pull the trigger on a divorce.

That divorce cost me 100% of my assets (20 years work) my kids, my home and left me working to pay 66% of my gross pay as child support for twelve years, living in a bedsit and being allowed to see my kids for two days a fortnight, if she felt like letting me.

The system is rigged against men, very much. If I had my time again, I would not marry nor have kids.

[HankMoody]

(05-21-2016 08:03 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

^Mate you aren't worried about getting outed?

Nah.

I'll probably go McQueen soon and start writing under my real name.

[debeguiled]

(05-22-2016 03:13 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  

(05-21-2016 08:03 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

^Mate you aren't worried about getting outed?

Nah.

I'll probably go McQueen soon and start writing under my real name.

You mean your real fake name, but with a picture?

[Chetthebaker]

I started shitting small amounts of blood about 8 months into my marriage. Figured it was hemorrhoids. The previous couple years were tough since she converted for me, and I foolishly figured that wouldn't be an issue after the conversion was done. Instead I found she intended to hang this thing over my head as an "I did this for you now you owe me" forever.

It wasn't hemorrhoids. It was the beginning of Ulcerative Colitis. I got on medication. And then more. A year and a half later I'm shitting blood, lots of it, like every hour minutes as the work season picks up. Eventually it's coming every 20-30 minutes and super painful. While waiting for a room at the hospital at my folks place - which was closer to the hospital- my wife started bitching at me over the phone. Pissed that I'm there and not letting her take care of me. I almost died in the hospital. Spent two weeks there. Two weeks after that I left and learned I 'd been married to a narcissist with borderline tendencies

The last six months she fought with me constantly. I'd leave the house and remove myself from the situation. So she stepped up her game and started to fuck with me while I was driving the car, or right when I got up in the morning. In therapy she'd cry and accuse the therapist and me of ganging up on her. She'd badmouth my family and try and hold me accountable for anything that went wrong- real or imagined.

Both times we were at the therapists after I'd decided to leave she was screaming at me within 10 minutes. Sad, but it made it easier to leave.

[DimeBait]

(05-28-2016 08:35 PM)Chetthebaker Wrote:  

I started shitting small amounts of blood about 8 months into my marriage. Figured it was hemorrhoids. The previous couple years were tough since she converted for me, and I foolishly figured that wouldn't be an issue after the conversion was done. Instead I found she intended to hang this thing over my head as an "I did this for you now you owe me" forever.

It wasn't hemorrhoids. It was the beginning of Ulcerative Colitis. I got on medication. And then more. A year and a half later I'm shitting blood, lots of it, like every hour minutes as the work season picks up. Eventually it's coming every 20-30 minutes and super painful. While waiting for a room at the hospital at my folks place - which was closer to the hospital- my wife started bitching at me over the phone. Pissed that I'm there and not letting her take care of me. I almost died in the hospital. Spent two weeks there. Two weeks after that I left and learned I 'd been married to a narcissist with borderline tendencies

The last six months she fought with me constantly. I'd leave the house and remove myself from the situation. So she stepped up her game and started to fuck with me while I was driving the car, or right when I got up in the morning. In therapy she'd cry and accuse the therapist and me of ganging up on her. She'd badmouth my family and try and hold me accountable for anything that went wrong- real or imagined.

Both times we were at the therapists after I'd decided to leave she was screaming at me within 10 minutes. Sad, but it made it easier to leave.

Definitely sounds like BPD behavior. My current LTR is the same way and I'm on my way out the door after wasting 9 years of my life. Luckily, we don't share a single fucking asset or liability which makes walking away a bit more easier.

[Robert Plant]

An update for all you newly divorced guys; I just passed the 2 year point after my original separation from my mildly BPD ex wife. I have slept with 27 women since and for 6 months have been seeing a very cute and sweet 20 year old (I'm in my 40s). I am her first boyfriend and she is completely opposite of my feminist, bitchy, demanding ex-wife. She works really hard for my affection. So far it feels like I've always imagined a good relationship should feel.

By the way, without a strong frame, I would not have gotten out of my crappy marriage or gotten with my girlfriend. However, I would caution guys against getting too hard. If you want a sweet girlfriend you should be a leader not an asshole.

[therealpoder]

I read this thread a few times over and I thought I'd pose some questions just to get to get various viewpoints. I actually do want to get married at some point and am interested in other perspectives.

In your view, what is a good age for a man to get married?

Assuming you guys were to get married again, what would you do differently when looking for a wife? Would you live together first? Would you date for a certain period of time? etc.

Do you recommend having sex with a lot of women before you get married? I realize that no matter how wonderful your wife is that you are always going to want to bang other women. But what about a guy who hasn't banged a lot of women (meaning 10 or less)? Or does it not matter?

Do you recommend doing all the things you want to do (traveling, picking up a new hobby, etc.) before marriage?

Should you get married only when you feel you are ready? Reason I ask is that some men (myself included) feel that because they hit 30 or their early 30s, they've have a girlfriend for a year or so, things are going good so they decide to get married.

Should you look to have a passionate, explosive type of love with your wife or woman that you see as being a companion but not necessarily an explosive type of love? I read some comments here that after a while their wife feels like their roommate.

Were there any major benefits to getting married?

What were the biggest changes you experienced after getting married?

[forever_beta]

I talked about my marriage situation in detail in another thread so won't mention all of the problems again. I got out of mine and it was the best decision I ever made. It was costly but I had a good lawyer and did my own homework as well. I was able to handle her antics and take advantage of her complete lack of understanding of how wealth actually works and get out with a decent outcome. Overall staying in would have cost infinitely more for my sanity and my bank account.

What young guys with silly romantic ideas need to understand is that marriage is about kids and money. It has nothing to do with love. If you choose to marry a woman then you are entering a business agreement with her to start a family together, sharing assets and ostensibly spending the rest of your life together.

People of power (kings, nobles, politicians, rich families) throughout history almost always married into another powerful family to improve their own wealth and influence, with love being a secondary "nice to have". Other cultures as you know have arranged marriage. If life circumstances dictated you married to someone you don't love, well that's what your side piece is for...

I just read in a book about some doctors who instead of paying for costly medical liability insurance transferred most of their assets to their wives and then got legally divorced so that the money would be untouchable in the case of the lawsuit. Of course I wouldn't recommend this to anyone as you'd really have to trust the woman not to run off with your money here.

If you love someone and want to be with them more or live with them then do so. Marriage is a legal agreement to share financial assets. The person who has more wealth (usually the man) is the one who bears all of the financial risk as the other (usually the woman) has rights to half of all marital assets when a divorce occurs. Even if she turns out to be a good for nothing deadbeat to who cheats on you, spends all your money, accrues martial debt with the credit cards, and never contributes to the household in income or housework you might still end up forking over half your assets, owning half the debt, and paying alimony. There's also the question of custody (woman always has the upper hand here) and you paying child support. God help you if you live in a more liberal state with bad divorce laws for men like California.

If this financial arrangement makes sense to you then go for it. The only reason I can imagine I would potentially marry again (with a fucking prenup this time!) is because I only get serious with foreign girls, and there you have all kinds of problems with keeping them in the country unless you marry and start the green card process.

Getting down with an American chick, there's really little reason to get married. Be "married" to her in all ways except officially on paper for many years and after that only if it makes sense financially.

[Vaun]

So does anyone really want to do this again? Anybody giving a real look at a second shot?

[doc holliday]

(09-04-2016 10:00 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

So does anyone really want to do this again? Anybody giving a real look at a second shot?

Can't say I'd ever get married ever again. Most guys can survive one divorce but two? With the current state of American bitches and the laws, one would have to be an utter fool to contemplate a second go around with a high possibility of a second divorce. Second marriages supposedly have an even higher rate of failure than first marriages. One divorce is enough, I ain't ever going through that ever again.

[Vaun]

(09-04-2016 10:53 PM)doc holliday Wrote:  

(09-04-2016 10:00 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

So does anyone really want to do this again? Anybody giving a real look at a second shot?

Can't say I'd ever get married ever again. Most guys can survive one divorce but two? With the current state of American bitches and the laws, one would have to be an utter fool to contemplate a second go around with a high possibility of a second divorce. Second marriages supposedly have an even higher rate of failure than first marriages. One divorce is enough, I ain't ever going through that ever again.

Thats my take on it too. Ive been looking more are the second marriage stats, and its a nightmare out there. I look at these guys rushing back into marriages and I have to think they are incredible stupid, especially with several kids from their first marriage, blended families, etc. Being post divorce 6 years out, they say every year you wait to get remarried, you are much less more likely to never remarry again. I have avoided a few disasters, but even with this amount of time out, I'm still defining the route I want to take.