[pheonix500000]

To all the divorced guys in here, knowing what you know now, at what point did your marriage start to fail and how did your wife break you down while you were married.

[HankMoody]

My ex-wife is actually cool. We got together when I was 19 and stayed together until I was 30.

We just sort of grew apart as people. Towards the end it was like living with a roommate.

Great gal, though. Notch count of two, including me.

[Ski pro]

I wouldn't say she broke me down. I moved us out here to the alps. Completely changed the frame that she had bought into previously. In the end, it wasn't for her and it was too soon for me to be married.

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have got married.

Be interesting to hear what everyone else says.

[not_dead_yet]

I had low self-esteem at the time and I basically married the first woman I slept with. Over time, I got better and she didn't and eventually the split was too great to bridge.

This is what you young guys don't understand. She didn't break me down. She just did her own thing, i.e., lying in bed, reading YA fiction, feeding the kids out of boxes like they're pets, etc., and there's nothing as a married man that you can do about it.

I'm sure someone will post some shit about how my game wasn't tight, which was sort of true and sort of not, but are you going to run game on all her friends? Society at large? What are you really going to do in the U.S. if your wife decides that she's just going to sit on the couch and let you do everything? Hit the divorce button and give her half your assets plus alimony and child support.

As I've said in other threads, don't get married. If you must get "married," then accept a religious ceremony, not a civil ceremony. Don't get a marriage license. Don't file a marriage license. Avoid community property states like the plague.

Marriage in its current state in the U.S. is a toxic institution. It incentivizes women to do nothing and rewards them for doing so with a big payoff.

If your girl is rich and you're not, I imagine the analysis changes.

[Atlanta Man]

Do not get married, it gives women no incentive to behave and complicates break ups. No matter what you do the sex will not be as good or frequent and when you eventually get sick of subpar or nonexistent sex you are stuck. If you like a girl and want to marry her buy her a Honda, it is cheaper. If you want real perspective from a married man, get him alone, put a couple drinks in him and ask him if he would do it again- most will say no.

[pheonix500000]

(05-05-2016 07:49 AM)Atlanta Man Wrote:  

Do not get married, it gives women no incentive to behave and complicates break ups. No matter what you do the sex will not be as good or frequent and when you eventually get sick of subpar or nonexistent sex you are stuck. If you like a girl and want to marry her buy her a Honda, it is cheaper. If you want real perspective from a married man, get him alone, put a couple drinks in him and ask him if he would do it again- most will say no.

This thread is to give guys perspective, we all know not to get married but a lot of the younger guys here can benefit from hearing about the truth about it from guys that actually went through divorce. A lot of normal married guys dont have the clarity of the red pill.

[samsamsam]

This thread is probably going to depress the fuck out of me. But I'll follow it religiously. Thanks to the guys who are sharing. I still have the hope of wife and family. And a prenup and assets hidden everywhere. I am against marrying a woman from the west and looking in places that seem to be more traditional.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

Glad to see us divorced guys finally have a thread to trade war stories

[BassPlayaYo]

Marriage is not a relationship. Marriage is a business contract between you and another individual and it's in your best interest to study it thoroughly before you sign on the dotted line. You can have love, a relationship, children, the works, all without being married. Think of it as any contract you enter into. Well maybe you shouldn't because most people do not even read the contracts that they enter in to. Have you read and fully understand your cell phone contract? How about your credit card contract? Get the picture?

Why would you willingly enter into a contract where the terms favor the other party?

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

First off I would advise young guys to do your due diligence with any woman that you choose to get deeply involved with. Doesn't matter if she is from the far reaches of SEA.

You are actually deciding the mother of your kids, helper, confidante and lover for the duration of your life (hopefully).

In such cases, you have to be more pragmatic and less whimsical

[deerhunter]

She started to show the signs right after our second child was born. I can still remember the stoplight we were at with me driving when she spouted of some shit that opened my eyes to the change. I waited it out for 10 more years for the kids, that was a mistake. Getting married is the most important decision in your life and her hormones and "family" law make it all a crap shoot.

[Barron]

(05-05-2016 11:47 AM)deerhunter Wrote:  

She started to show the signs right after our second child was born. I can still remember the stoplight we were at with me driving when she spouted of some shit that opened my eyes to the change. I waited it out for 10 more years for the kids, that was a mistake. Getting married is the most important decision in your life and her hormones and "family" law make it all a crap shoot.

Haha, we've all been blindsided by those "red flag moments".
What was the context? What did she say?

[deerhunter]

(05-05-2016 12:13 PM)NomadofEU Wrote:  

(05-05-2016 11:47 AM)deerhunter Wrote:  

She started to show the signs right after our second child was born. I can still remember the stoplight we were at with me driving when she spouted of some shit that opened my eyes to the change. I waited it out for 10 more years for the kids, that was a mistake. Getting married is the most important decision in your life and her hormones and "family" law make it all a crap shoot.

Haha, we've all been blindsided by those "red flag moments".
What was the context? What did she say?

She started talking about how we needed to sell our house and get a different one. She was very matter of fact. The baby was in his car seat, probably 3 months old. I still get stuck at that stoplight 15 years later and often have that moment come flooding back. I knew what was coming but didn't know how to deal with it. She was actually right about the house, but that's not the point. It was how she approached it, and the way she saw the power paradigm in our relationship, all of a sudden she didn't pretend she saw it any other way.

[Travesty]

delete

[Adonis]

I consider my marriage to be one of the best life lessons I have ever learned. I was married for about a year in my early 20's. A lot of younger enlisted guys end up in that trap for many reasons such as but not limited to: ability to move off post, co-locate duty stations, more $$$, they knock a girl up, etc. Basically horrible impulsive, short sighted reasons.

My own reasoning was to be stationed in the same city/state as my girlfriend at the time. - Strike 1

We had never lived together, or even lived on our own before getting married. - Strike 2

I ignored the red flag and nuclear attack warning klaxon of her admitting she was BPD. - Strike 3

Between her being extremely manipulative and me attempting to supplicate to her every whim it would be fair to say that it was doomed before it even started. We did the LDR thing for a while before moving in together. Things fell apart rapidly after that, like from July-October things went from copacetic to her trying to jump out the window of our 3rd floor apt during an argument about me just putting the dishes in the sink and not pre rinsing them. That was her M.O. when she was losing an argument, threaten suicide. She also threatened to withhold sex one time, to which I replied "eh no big deal" which set her off and led up to the dishes thing.

At that instant I still remember saying in my head maybe I shouldn't stop her this time. But I did and made the choice to move toward a divorce. Then it became a bit of a chess game to keep her off balance enough for me to move my savings and pre position my stuff into an apt she didn't know about before I gave her the papers. I played off that the papers were there to protect her, and I exhausted our meager martial assets paying half the rent so she wouldn't have to move out right away.

So the long and short of it is that she was a manipulative cunt and I was a pussy.

Now at work Im somewhat of a playboy celebrity since a single guy with no kids is a rarity among my peer group. I counsel all my junior guys to not even think of getting married until if and only if they want to start a family and are well into their 30's with a woman who has as much to lose as they do.

Edit: Oh, I almost forgot. The beacon of light that put my ship on the right path was also my first introduction to red pill theory. It was a website and book called nomarriage.com and subsequently fireyourwife.com. Those 2 resources opened my eyes before it was too late. This was in 2006.

[Roosh]

Gonna put this in "Game"... it's the best fit.

[TheMaleBrain]

Mine is not classic, but a good tale.

She was HOT. 8+ and ambitious.
Knew from the start that she had flaws - she was a liar, and not empathic.
I lived with her for almost 6 months, and she pushed me to get marry, and I caved.
CH had a great post about it:

Quote:

When a woman pressures you mercilessly to marry her, bullying to the point of threatening a break up – this is the shit test of ALL shit tests. Treat it as such – If you fail this shit test, you are RUINED. FOR…LIFE..

So true!
I went in cocky, and started to increase my Beta. I was "pressured" to be less cocky and more "silent". Yes, I know

Two years after our second child, I had a medical condition. I had to stay home for almost 3 months.
She actually refused to take care of me.

Once I healed, I did not get the point. We went to counseling. 3 types of therapy.
After the third it was obvious that she does not want to change her ways.
So I initiated divorce. within 9 months we were in court, and she got less than 50%.

I currently consider her a business partner - we have mutual assets (the kids) and money changes hands every month (child support).
I have a harem (and she knows) and she has a boyfriend (good for her).
We are on speaking terms, she calls me more than I call her.
Sometime to ask for a loan (never gave her).

She only interests me as mother of my children. My kids also consider her less competent parent than me. I have them 42% of the time (6 days out of every 14 - 2 times a week and every other weekend).

[WestIndianArchie]

Great post, a lot of game in here and valuable lessons

WIA

[zoom]

Great thread. As a young guy I'm learning quite a bit, keep the stories coming please.

[Turnus]

I just finalized a divorce last year so I believe I can officially contribute to this thread.

I got married when I was 28 years old and did it because I wanted to "settle" down. Looking back there were so many red flags that I just choose to ignore because I thought I finally found the one. She pressured me to move in quickly, she pressured me to propose to her quickly, she pressed for a quick wedding where we eloped, and then she pressured me into having our first child quickly. That was all within about 8 months time!!

The marriage had it's ups and downs, and the common theme throughout the marriage was me trying to appease her in various ways. Putting up with her spending ridiculous sums of money, agreeing to let her be a stay at home mom, having her drive a wedge between relationships I had with my family and friends.

Finally after 14 years I had enough and filed for divorce in late 2014. 2015 was a stressful year as the divorce negotiations dragged on. The only thing I wanted was 50/50 with the kids. She was hell bent on making me an Every Other Weekend father. We ended up going to trial (95% of divorces don't go to trial). I was awarded 60% custody of the kids, kept the house, don't pay her any alimony, and in fact she pays me minimal child support because of the # of overnights.

I feel like I have grown so much as a person having gone through what I did. I am now truly understanding the true nature of women. It's allowed me to re-shape my world view and what I want out of life. I used to find so much of my self validation in how I felt other women viewed me. That's no longer the case. I'm having great success with women 1/2 my age simply by re-shaping my attitude and how I approach them.

It sucked going through what I went through, but I'm emerging on the back end of it a much stronger man. I feel one way I can give back to others is helping younger guys, and guys going through what I did with my experiences and life lessons.

[DimeBait]

Unless your doing so for religious reasons, my advice is to stay away from marriage. Nearly 60% of marriages end in divorce and it can take up to 10 years to financially recover from divorce. I will never get married again, no matter what I say to the contrary. UNLESS, its for power or access to capital.

[Adonis]

I should have put this in my post but forgot before the time ran out to edit. These days marriage is seen as a natural extension of the dating/relationship game. Guy and girl start to date, move in after a year or two, get engaged then married. This usually follows a 2-3 year time period. Long term dating without the possibility of marriage is viewed as sacrilegious, "because like you have totally invested too much time to throw it all away". This is a fallacy. The sole purpose of marriage, in my opinion, is to create the environment ideal for procreation. She is, and should always be in your head, at an audition to see if she is worthy to bring your children into this world and to continue your line and legacy.

Worthiness has many facets to it:
-Is she devoted to having children and to being a mother to them? Or does she want them because the clock is ticking and people are pressuring her?

-Does she embody desirable physical characteristics? What does her mother and father look like? Did they age well? Your wife and offspring will inherit, good or bad, their characteristics as well as your own.

-Does she come from a good genetic background or or does her family have history of heart disease, cancer, mental issues, etc?

-Did she grow up in a complete household with both parents? This can weed out any bias or projection issues with parenting and the husband/wife dynamic.

I honestly never put much stock into any of this until my little sister and I were having a disagreement and she said she was going to raise her son to be the opposite type of man that I was. So I tongue in cheek told her that I was going to have kids to spite her and raise them to be God fearing, meat eating, gun loving Americans. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, all of this is kind of pointless if you don't have someone to continue your legacy. Thats more important than money, or fame, or notches. Someone to continue the struggle. Aware guys like us should be having kids, lest Idiocracy become a prequel documentary. For a guy like me, and probably many of us really, that was a big shock to realize and Im still struggling with it.

Anyway thats my $0.05 (adjusted for inflation)

[RunsWithScissors]

I've been a nice-guy beta serial monogamist all my life, getting in relationships with whatever fairly attractive and personable woman would show interest in me, and staying involved with them much longer than I should have until we were both miserable and the relationship imploded. Right when I turned 30 I got my girlfriend of 2 years pregnant, even though neither of had wanted kids it felt exactly right and I wanted to have the child with her. Marriage was an afterthought, I just wanted to have a family. We got married a few months later, had the kid, wife suffered from post partum depression which had a huge impact on us (we have an awesome kid, house, jobs, life, why the fuck is she crying in a ball on the floor?), I allowed myself to be pressured into a second kid who had some minor health issues which caused further conflict and stress.

My wife had previously been very supportive of me, accompanying me to all my motorcycle roadracing events, buying me presents, giving me my space and time apart, regular sex though nothing too kinky. That declined over the years of marriage as she seemed to only care about the kids, I grew bitter and resentful and withdrew into my hobbies which were all online. We stopped hanging out with friends, rarely had date nights and when we did she was anxious and paranoid about the kids well-being, sex was infrequent (4 months was longest dry spell), she was becoming the boss of the house because I didn't want to deal with her.

We finally agreed to divorce after 6 years of marriage. That process was fairly amicable, I kept my assets from before the marriage, she kept hers, most everything else was split fairly evenly. We even agreed to joint custody of the kids and 50% parenting time, unfortunately that wasn't spelled out explicitly and so she never agreed to move to the 50% parenting time. We argued over that for a couple years until I eventually started talking to lawyers about how to get my equal parenting time. At that time I was served with papers, she was taking me to court to gain full custody of the kids and move across the country, claiming I was dangerous for the children. 9 months and $10k later (her bill was 2-3x that) she lost and I now I have 50% parenting time and retained joint custody.

She finally got a new Capt. Save-A-Ho fiance who has daughters and that keeps her too busy to fuck with me and my kids. We aren't friendly but can cooperate enough for the well-being of the kids and things are the best they've ever been.

3 of the last 4 years I've been involved in an LTR with a red-flag laden woman, thought I could make a damaged high notch count woman a housewife. Since then over the past few months I've gotten 5 new notches, am spinning 3-4 plates with fun, low drama women who bring me food and are happy to have sex, and I have no inclination to settle into LTR with any of them, even the hottest most interesting of the bunch. I will want to pair bond again one day, but not for a while and definitely won't get married again.

Game works. Abundance mentality is crucial. I'm a newb, still sometimes reply to their texts too soon, still want to see them too often, but the busier I stay with my life/friends/hobbies/kids the more the women seek me out and want to have sex with me.

Edit: To more directly answer the OP, my betaness was one of the biggest factors in the failure of my marriage, combined with her anxiety and depression.

[Vaun]

(05-05-2016 10:52 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

First off I would advise young guys to do your due diligence with any woman that you choose to get deeply involved with.

Credit score over 700. No kids, abortions, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and as little baggage as possible. Comes from a nice stable intact home. Spotless criminal background check. These are base level standards. And extremely hard to find.

I was divorced in 2010, after a 7 year marriage. I re-found game, during the rebound relationship, a year out from my divorce. Dumping the rebound LTR, embracing the single player lifestyle, focusing on my career, health, money and social, was the most important choice I made. It wasn't until I went all in with game, and focused only on myself, was I able to make major strides in the recovery from my divorce.

Game is the most important thing a man can learn and do after their divorce.

[samsamsam]

(05-06-2016 03:09 PM)DimeBait Wrote:  

Unless your doing so for religious reasons, my advice is to stay away from marriage. Nearly 60% of marriages end in divorce and it can take up to 10 years to financially recover from divorce. I will never get married again, no matter what I say to the contrary. UNLESS, its for power or access to capital.

What if you want kids? I don't see it being best for a kid not to have an intact family unit. I think you only marry if you want kids.