[GoldHawkStar]

Those of you who have read a few of my past posts have a general idea of where I'm at with game, but for most of you who probably haven't, let me give you a quick recap:

I was with the only girl I've ever had sex with when I found this forum. She was only slightly cute but frumpy and overall below my standards. A 2, 3, maybe a 4 (that's a stretch). Long story short, this forum, ROK, and various 6's and 7's who would flirt me finally made me open my eyes and say enough is enough, so I ended it in July.

Since then, it's been kind of a weird school year for me. I haven't done much of anything noteworthy with game. I've mainly been focusing on self-improvement. Lifting, better diet, cutting my hair shorter, growing a beard, better clothes, etc. Making changes to myself to better my overall lifestyle. I still have work to do, but a lot of it has really payed off.

So I only just recently jumped into game, and about a week ago I open this girl on Tinder and quickly get her number. She's easily an 8, maybe a 9. And I've been knocking it out of the fucking park with her. I just naturally come up with the perfect responses to everything she says without lying or anything, and I can tell that she's been getting really into me. It cannot be going better than what it is right now. (I have the forum and ROK to thank for that. Not only has the forum contributed to the improvement of my physical attractiveness, but had this been before I found masculinity and my unattractive-at-the-time self somehow managed to match with a girl like her, I wouldn't know what the fuck to say. Probably something like "I hope you know that you're so beautiful, you're like a princess to me." )

Anyway, we made plans yesterday to hang out over the weekend, and judging by how this conversation has been going, sex is going to be involved. We'll probably do sexual things, maybe have sexual intercourse. To quote Seth from Superbad: "At the very least we'll make out."

This is definitely not going to be a hit-it-and-quit-it either. We have mutual sexual interests. We both want a person to have an exclusive sexual relationship with but not actually be boyfriend/girlfriend. Basically friends with benefits, only having to break it off when you're done and want to fuck around with other people. If this goes smoothly and summer is a drag, she'll probably be my fuck buddy next school year.

I basically have it in the bag, I just need to not screw up.

But the thing is: I'm nervous as fuck for the weekend. Like I said before, this will be the first girl I've been with since July, and the only one that I've been with wasn't shit, whereas this girl is an 8 or 9, maybe 10.

I need advice on how to calm the fuck down. I'm probably going to have a couple drinks before we hang out, but that will only go so far. Don't tell me you've never experienced this, especially when you were starting out. Every player has been here before.

[samsamsam]

(04-27-2016 12:18 PM)GoldHawkStar Wrote:  

Don't tell me you've never experienced this, especially when you were starting out. Every player has been here before.

I wish you the best of luck OP.

But putting these defensive sentences in your post are not necessary. Can you see this as an ego protecting type move?

And if someone has never experienced nervousness, so what. If someone drops big baller shit (unless he is vouched and known not to be a liar) and he will get called it.

You might think I am trying to derail your thread, I am not. I am pointing out something that may point to some insecurities. If these show up in real life people will pick up on it.

I hope you can see I am trying to help, sometimes people don't take feedback well.

[GoldHawkStar]

^I get what you're saying, and yeah that's an insecurity of mine - Struggling with anxiety in general. It especially fucks with me in situations like these.

So yeah, my last two sentences were probably unnecessary.

But what is your takeaway point? What's your advice? Own up to my anxiety and deal with? (I'm not talking ill of your post, I'm just trying to fully understand it.)

[The Man w/ the Golden Gun]

The first thing that came to my mind upon reading this was affirmations. Connecting the actions you have taken to improve yourself with observable/quantifiable success. Affirming that what you've accomplished and what you will accomplish in the future is tied towards the action you've taken in self-improvement.

Relevant post: Keeping a journal in game by Nascimento: thread-30431...#pid587400

Good luck man.

[Going strong]

(04-27-2016 01:12 PM)GoldHawkStar Wrote:  

^I get what you're saying, and yeah that's an insecurity of mine - Struggling with anxiety in general. It especially fucks with me in situations like these.

So yeah, my last two sentences were probably unnecessary.

But what is your takeaway point? What's your advice? Own up to my anxiety and deal with? (I'm not talking ill of your post, I'm just trying to fully understand it.)

If you are this nervous (regarding this very beautiful woman with whom you have great expectations), and especially nervous about the "sexual encounter" part - having not had sex in a long time -, well, you can either calm yourself watching a movie or 2 (before the meeting), or having just a drink or 2, or pop a "dick-pill", or have one ready in your pocket, just in case...

[kaotic]

(04-27-2016 12:18 PM)GoldHawkStar Wrote:  

I need advice on how to calm the fuck down. I'm probably going to have a couple drinks before we hang out, but that will only go so far. Don't tell me you've never experienced this, especially when you were starting out. Every player has been here before.

Don't drink to much before going out, if at most have A drink.

Workout right before you meet her (possible test boost), hell do some cardio to tire yourself out.

I always workout, eat, take a shit, and review our texts (or her profile for first meets).

I STILL get slight butterflies in my stomach occasionally, but when I see her and have my first drink with her, I'm all game.

It helps to breath and relax before getting out of the car to meet her. Even positive statements about yourself and what you're going to do on your date.

Don't scare the cat, jump the gun, and yes of course don't fuck up.

It helps not to have a high expectations and put all your eggs in one basket. AKA Abundance mentality.

I literally tell girls I have 0 expectations of our meet. AKA Challenge Accepted Hamster.


What exactly are your plans with her this weekend ?

[spygoat]

First of all - relax man. Sex is no big deal remember! Thats the mindset you need.

Second of all - the first time you sleep with a chick is always exciting (for me anyway) - I've got what I believe to be a pretty high notch count and still the first time everytime is exciting, new, and usually kind of awkward sex. Everyone likes things a little different.

That being said - get out of your own head - you're the man here! Chances are if she isn't a virgin and likes sex (as all women do) she will know what she likes doesn't like but really thats not the thing at heart here. Just go in, bang her out, and have fun. Act like the man and be the man she wants to sleep with which you have been doing up to this point. Nothing changes.

Also ---- I used to have some sex anxiety (due to a shit-bitch of a relationship) and I read a few books regarding sex. I have some I could send you if you're interested. PM me - mostly ebook stuff.

Lastly - relax bro, you got this.

[Rhyme or Reason]

Do you ever practice mindfulness or meditation? I find it helps make me calm and collected. You will confront the fact you are nervous and accept it rather than shove it around to various corners of your mind hoping it will go away.

Quote:

Don't drink to much before going out, if at most have A drink

I agree with this. I've found I have the best time (and run the best, most relaxed game) if i DO NOT pre-game. Something about showing up to the venue sober and slowly building a buzz makes things run much more smoothly than showing up shit-housed.

Quote:

I literally tell girls I have 0 expectations of our meet. AKA Challenge Accepted Hamster.

It's always better to expect nothing, you can only be pleasantly surprised in that case. At worst you got what you expected.

[GoldHawkStar]

(04-27-2016 01:29 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

What exactly are your plans with her this weekend ?

Just to "hang out" - Nothing specific right now. Either Friday or Saturday probably.

The funny thing is, she was the one who asked me to hang out yesterday, and when I said I couldn't, she was disappointed. That's something that would only be in my dreams a couple years ago. The forum has changed me.

More than likely we'll either hang at her place or vice-versa, especially since it's supposed to rain all weekend.

She lives in a traditional dorm on campus with one roommate. Don't know if her roommate will be there when we hang out.

I live in an apartment-style room with three other guys very close to her building. I have my own bedroom, so if her roommate is there we'll probably go back to my place to "watch movies". And my bedroom is where I keep all my shit, so we'd have to go in there. Just a desk, one chair and a bed. Guess where that puts us right off the bat.

It's just awkward for me right now. We'll go from meeting after texting for two weeks to making out all in about five minutes probably. Something I've never done. Obviously something that I need to man up and get used to though.

Thanks for your post, it helped.

[TornadoByProxy]

Don't fight it. Redirect that nervousness into excitement and the thrill you are feeling. It's like riding a roller coaster or taking a ride in a stolen car. You can't help but be excited so just go with it, laugh, and enjoy being with a hot girl. And don't drink too much. It doesn't help after 2 or 3.

[GoldHawkStar]

I think the equivalent of two drinks will be my max before I go there. My goal is to calm down, not show up shitfaced. Not sure if alcohol will be involved when we're hanging - If it is, I'll just have one more with her.

[samsamsam]

(04-27-2016 01:12 PM)GoldHawkStar Wrote:  

^I get what you're saying, and yeah that's an insecurity of mine - Struggling with anxiety in general. It especially fucks with me in situations like these.

So yeah, my last two sentences were probably unnecessary.

But what is your takeaway point? What's your advice? Own up to my anxiety and deal with? (I'm not talking ill of your post, I'm just trying to fully understand it.)

We all have issues, we all moments that come up where we are not our best.

It is often through words where we reveal where we are mentally.

As you go through your interactions with people in life, be present and notice what you are saying. I think a lot of people are unconscious and not tuned into who they are or what they are doing.

By being aware and taking action, or in some cases no action - letting it be, we can grow into who we want to be.

So you mentioned you are struggling with anxiety, great that you noticed that. But while it may be present internally, when you present yourself to women and others, try to be aware when you drop words that might reveal your anxiety/insecurity. This will help to present a strong front.

That's all, just saying we should be present to our words and not say things that weaken our presence, except when in the company of other men who have been there, or are going through it. Since the goal of this forum it is fine to share.

Hope that makes sense.

[kaotic]

(04-27-2016 01:38 PM)GoldHawkStar Wrote:  

Just to "hang out" - Nothing specific right now. Either Friday or Saturday probably.

Being specific and in control of what you guys are doing can be a good thing. In your case there is some hesitation because you both have roomates, I'm not sure what there is to do around your campus that's fun, logistically speaking, upside is you're close, downside is you have roomates.

Quote:

The funny thing is, she was the one who asked me to hang out yesterday, and when I said I couldn't, she was disappointed. That's something that would only be in my dreams a couple years ago. The forum has changed me.

Good you declined, you had plans, you didn't fall to her whim.

Quote:

More than likely we'll either hang at her place or vice-versa, especially since it's supposed to rain all weekend.

She lives in a traditional dorm on campus with one roommate. Don't know if her roommate will be there when we hang out.

Rain is a good thing, people don't want to go out, they want to stay in and Netflix.

Quote:

I live in an apartment-style room with three other guys very close to her building. I have my own bedroom, so if her roommate is there we'll probably go back to my place to "watch movies". And my bedroom is where I keep all my shit, so we'd have to go in there. Just a desk, one chair and a bed. Guess where that puts us right off the bat.

It's just awkward for me right now. We'll go from meeting after texting for two weeks to making out all in about five minutes probably. Something I've never done. Obviously something that I need to man up and get used to though.

Thanks for your post, it helped.

Well you haven't met, so play it cool, girls LOVE flaking, especially on weekends.

Just play things cool, remember to LEAD her.

Push pull with her, if she gives you LMR, play it cool and step back, then make moves later.

LMR requires two steps forward, two steps back.

Don't be scared, be confident.

[Gustavus Adolphus]

I think you are going to get some really good responses to your question by the time the weekend rolls around.

The only thing I'd like to bring up is that you should trust your gut before her words. It may or may not be in the bag, but even though you're off to a good start, you can't take that for granted. You have not banged (yet!), she still has to be brought to task and that is a part of the game you can't bypass. You're excited and nervous for a reason, which is ok, just try to make her feel that same anticipation as well. You did a lot of work to improve yourself, don't forget that. The old you is gone.

If your roommates aren't cockblockers/ bad wingmen, I would think you can eliminate some unnecessary variables (and subsequent nervousness) by bouncing her back to your place.

Good luck!

[GoldHawkStar]

My three roommates are computer nerds who don't go out on the weekends, but whom I have a good roommate-relationship with. I barely talk to them as we don't have much in common.

It's the weekend before finals. My gut tells me that rather than going home this weekend, they're going to be crowded in the living room both Friday and Saturday night playing computer games.

So more than likely if we go back to my place we'll just go into my bedroom. As I said before, all of my shit is in there anyway (TV, movies, etc.).

[Ringo]

Do a weights + short, intense cardio (think sprints) workout before the meet. Weights get you a nice pump and make you feel confident; sprints tire you out and give you the IDGAF, chilled attitude.

Try deep breathing exercises (starts at 02:42):

Try mindfulness exercises. Mike Cernovich's Gorilla Mindset has good exercises - somewhat related to this blog post of his. In a nutshell: breathe slowly, take in the room you're standing in, feel how each party of your body is touching the floor, or your clothes, what the air you are breathing is like, etc.

Personally, I wouldn't suggest drinking. Learning how to calm down without the use of external substances (be that alcohol, weed or what have you) is a great skill. Work on it and don't underestimate it.

Do some light, innocent touching early on to break the ice - high five, take her hand and spin her around jokingly, fist bump, whatever. This takes away the tension of the first touch.

[ksbms]

You wrote that you "basically have it in the bag".

I'd advocate against this approach of putting the cart before the horse - you'll have it in the bag once you put it in, no sooner than that.

Thinking as if it's done is setting yourself up for a disappointment.

Hell, first you need to get a date, so far you've just got a promise of a date.

A real estate salesman, after having a call from a client express interest in the house, counting the money he'd put in a bank, would be a very bad salesman thought to be a fool (and quite quickly losing his job).

So, I'd suggest taking it one step at a time.

And now, my quick, yet, I hope to believe, a powerful tip:

Change your mindset from

"Am I good enough for her?"

to

"Is she good enough for me?"

Once you believe it, and I mean it - truly believe it (it can't be faked - you earn beliefs of yourself like that once you've accomplished things that are worthy of accomplishment - from getting your dream job to mastering some intellectually challenging skill to squatting more than you thought you could), you will exude confidence that will make girls think "who is that guy? I want to get to know him".

[Razor Beast]

You don't have it in the bag.

You're already putting her on the pedestal before you've even met her. It might not come across on apps or through text as well, but women can sniff this out like you wouldn't believe in person. Subconsciously you will communicate this even if your words say otherwise.

Edit - And if it's Tinder I would expect a flake as well. Hopefully you did a flake defense move

[GoldHawkStar]

Is it stupid to ask her to get herself checked? She's pretty sexually-experienced and just recently broke it off with a dude who was fucking around on her.

I'm paranoid that it will be dark when we do stuff and will be hard to identify an STD (for those that even can be visually identified).

[MiscBrah]

(04-28-2016 10:33 AM)GoldHawkStar Wrote:  

Is it stupid to ask her to get herself checked? She's pretty sexually-experienced and just recently broke it off with a dude who was fucking around on her.

If you're worried about an STD or your gut tells you something is off, just wrap it up.

Asking her to get checked is going to scare her away if you do it before you've even banged.

I will also cosign the Wim Hof breathing that was posted above in the Joe Rogan podcast. That stuff really works.

[Rhyme or Reason]

Quote:

You don't have it in the bag.

I agree.

You haven't met her. All the cute exchanges, negging, and sex talk pre-meet amounts to ZERO if your in person chemistry isn't there. This is why texting is meant to be for logistics only. That being said, good luck.

[Gorgiass]

I 3rd the deep breathing. You don't want it to be obvious, just slow, steady deep breaths as you're on your way to meet her.

The most important calming advice I ever got was that psychology follows physiology. Focus on your posture as you walk to meet her and are breathing deeply. Your arms relaxed and swinging naturally at your sides as you walk up, your shoulders back in a confident but not forced posture, a slight smile on your face. Your eyebrows should not be raised, your forehead should not be drawn - look into "squinching" to combat these crucial points. Physicality is easier to control than psychology, but if all your body is signaling to the brain that it's in relaxed mode your brain will follow. And remember - meeting women is fun, that's why we do it!

Edit to add, there are no STDs that are easily identified, even those that are at all visible are only briefly so. If you value your notch count, do not under any circumstances ask a woman to be tested before you have banged! Wrap it up and pound it home. Even afterwards if you want to rawdog it's best to take your chances; woman are attracted to men who are risktakers and most STDs really aren't so bad.

[redbeard]

First of all I applaud the realness OP has come out with. There seem to be a few guys who build up a reputation here for being smart posters, but their game doesn't match life experience, so when they post in the game section, the forum expects greatness. Well, that isn't always the case.

OP has been a member here for 15+ months, and is telling us he has only banged one girl in that time. Real.

As far as advice...all I'd like to say is relax and have fun. Sounds cliche, whatever. You're going on a new adventure. The nerves mean that you're pushing your boundary and doing something you've never done before. Think about the first time you walked into the gym...I was nervous as fuck. You mean I have to lift these weights up and down? What about sideways?

I can't remember where, but some of the posters were going back and forth about if it's safe to travel alone to xyz city...will you be able to get laid...and WestCoast said something along the lines of "fuck it...the more afraid of something you are, the more reason you should do it."

I was 16 when I started "game," I remember rolling up to meet up with chicks and my stomach would be churning, hard. I didn't have alcohol to calm my nerves, didn't smoke, hated drugs, no wingman, nothing. For all I know I could end up fucking the girl! What the fuck!

All those shitty dates and all those nervous nights built up and have added to my experience. If you don't overcome nervousness now, you'll put it off until you're older. Then you'll be a 30 year old posting on reddit about how your'e going on your first date and you're nervous. You will have to go through these trials regardless, so why not have fun with it?

Anyway - I also recommend you relax, start practicing meditation, and don't worry. I recall seeing a few of your posts where you were asking about minuscule issues...such as vitamins to help beard growth. Doesn't matter man...you're in college. Go get stupid with your friends, holler at girls across the quad, shotgun beers on the rooftop, and put Donald Trump hats on statues. Create a fun life that girls want to be a part of.

Don't have plans on a Saturday? In college? Bad idea.

[GoldHawkStar]

Just so that I have it right: The Joe Rogan breathing exercise involves breathing in all the way, exhaling almost but not quite all the way, repeat 30x.

Or just "deep breathes" in general?

[Comte De St. Germain]

Two words: Hype music.


Man just put on your favorite playlist as you go about doing things that morning whether you're working out or shopping for groceries. That always helps me get anything done. Also keep a pack of Altoids in your back pocket and carry cologne in your car you'll feel a lot better when you know you smell good.

Other than that the advice above is solid. Get em' boss!