[RexImperator]

TLOZ that's a very thoughtful post and I thank you for it. I agree and I disagree, to some extent. I basically think you can feel complete or that nothing is lacking in your deeper self (if we want to talk about the spiritual or psychological realm) but still feel a sense of physical dissatisfaction for lack of sex with a woman. Realizing no woman can make me "happy", I still feel a bit annoyed that I have to jerk off from time to time. I do also realize I can never get back those years of lack of sex when I was younger and much more horny than I am now, so it's pointless to try and "make up for lost time" and fill some psychological void.

Because of these realizations I doubt I am projecting neediness with women any more. If anything I've gone too far the other way and probably come off as too distant. But I've come to suspect I probably have a problem expressing sexual interest to women that I do find attractive in a calibrated way, because it tends to activate latent memories of rejections.

I see how some guys talk to girls and the girls are all bubbly and happy for their attention and I haven't had that in my life for a very long time and it would be nice to have that again, I think.

Out of all of last weekends approaches the best interaction was with a girl I actually did find reasonably attractive, but she was at the bar with her doughball of a boyfriend so it was for nought. Then I drank some more and I think my mean side started to come out.

That's probably what eventually prompted this thread. Some long dormant pain was activated, and then it becomes somewhat of a challenge not to energize it with more thoughts.

If I focus on the day to day moments, is it really a problem that I am not banging a girl right now? No, it isn't. But, it would be nice to get this issue sorted out, in some practical way.

Really, I think it would be nice just to do the normal ordinary boring boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, like go to a museum or the theater or whatever.

[The Lizard of Oz]

RI, no, I don't think you're projecting neediness either. In fact, that's exactly what I wrote:

Quote:

Women smell that off of you, they know that you neither especially desire them nor especially need them, whether you yourself know it or not.

It's a subtle point but the truth is that women WANT you to need them, they just don't want you to show it too openly. If you don't need them and they can smell off you that you really don't then they get weirded out, unless you can intrigue them in some powerful way. If you have neither -- you don't particularly need them and don't particularly intrigue them -- then you're pretty much out of luck.

I think what you say is sensible; it would be nice for you to have the issue sorted out in some practical way, it would be nice to have a woman to go to the museum or theater with. But it's not necessary -- you could still enjoy your life and your weekends without it. You don't have to experience it as an emptiness that sucks all the juice out of your life. I'm not saying that you do, mind you -- but you should let go even more of any pressure to feel that way. Really relax into your life and realize that you have it pretty good.

And as far as finding a woman to do these boyfriend/girlfriend things with, you should understand that she's pretty unlikely to be someone you pick up by approaching in a bar. Not that it's impossible but the odds are against it. You are quite a bit more likely to meet someone like that through a gradual and organic expansion of your social circle, and that is why I suggested that course of action (and also because it can be something that improves one's life whether or not it yields any such relationship).

[RexImperator]

(04-24-2016 01:48 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

I have made a few drunken posts. Usually after getting blown out, or an incredible lay. Its at times like these you compress all of your frustrations into 5-6am.

I would only say that Rex, you have made a few other posts like this in the past. One I remember was how to meet new people. I would respond by asking you if you are doing exactly it is, you want to do in life? Are you free to move, go anywhere, or do anything you want? Are you locked down by a depressing LTR, job, marriage, business, etc? At this point I would put it all out there. Ask yourself, am I really in the place I want to be in life.

For the time being I'm enrolled in a graduate degree program that I'm not totally thrilled about. I'd rather be working but I have another year and a half to go.

[RexImperator]

(04-22-2016 09:25 PM)Merenguero Wrote:  

(04-22-2016 06:00 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I can't figure this "game" stuff out to be honest. So far nothing has worked.

I opened some frumpy 4's and 5's last weekend and still got nowhere.

You'll get much more attitude and get rejected at a higher rate by average and below average girls then you will by the girls at the top. See my many Mexico posts. It's the complete opposite of what you would think, but it is the absolute truth.

This is an interesting idea and goes against the conventional wisdom that "you can't get laid because your standards are too high." I figured I needed to aim lower.

[Vaun]

(04-24-2016 09:07 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

(04-24-2016 01:48 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

I have made a few drunken posts. Usually after getting blown out, or an incredible lay. Its at times like these you compress all of your frustrations into 5-6am.

I would only say that Rex, you have made a few other posts like this in the past. One I remember was how to meet new people. I would respond by asking you if you are doing exactly it is, you want to do in life? Are you free to move, go anywhere, or do anything you want? Are you locked down by a depressing LTR, job, marriage, business, etc? At this point I would put it all out there. Ask yourself, am I really in the place I want to be in life.

For the time being I'm enrolled in a graduate degree program that I'm not totally thrilled about. I'd rather be working but I have another year and a half to go.

some of the best tail I ever chased were graduate students. damn if I could go back..

[Delta]

I went on a year-long dating string where I was meeting a new girl every week or two. I'd say it consisted of at least 25-30 first dates. The vast majority of those were one-and-done, and I only ended up banging 2 of them. As a rule, whenever I thought to myself after the date "I guess she's kinda bangable, so why not go for it and hit her up again?", the girl didn't respond. My self esteem was in the dumps. I was in the same place you are now. I thought something was horribly wrong with me.

Then came the last girl in that series. When I first laid eyes on her, I felt an instant shot of adrenaline. She was without a doubt the hottest girl I'd ever been on a date with. My first thought was "shit, this isn't gonna go anywhere, I have no chance with this girl." But I was still inspired to give it my best shot.

She responded to me more enthusiastically than any of the others. We ended up in a relationship.

The lesson is, it's extremely difficult to fake sexual desire. When you're gaming what you perceive as a "frumpy 4 or 5," you're just going through the motions, and the girl can sense that. The interaction feels contrived and awkward. Raw desire is a crucial ingredient in your interactions with girls.

Only going after women you're truly attracted to won't cure all of your ills. If your game isn't good enough to overcome lack of passion toward frumpy 5's, then it's not good enough to consistently bang cute 7's either. You'll still get rejected a ton. But I still recommend not bothering with girls that don't get you excited, because it's a waste of time. And if you're anything like me, despite having a low hit rate with mediocre girls, the potential could still be within you to get lucky with some hotties every now and then.

[Comte De St. Germain]

Rex way back when we PM'd back and forth. Sadly my old PMs are gone as they had were deleted when Roosh purged everyone's PMs, but from what I do remember you're definitely an optimistic guy with a lot of potential.

As many can tell you I'm not(by far) the most buff guy at the party nor the best looking nor with the best moves(conversationally or on the dancefloor), but I'm just there to have a good time. With that comes rejection. Wear it like a badge of honor.

You were a sexless "beta" at some point in your life? You were rejected before right? All that means is that it can only go up from there. Shit just the other day I was repetitively cursing in my car driving alone for hours stuck with my thoughts and remembering old mistakes.

Once I had a few drinks and had interactions going later that night with other people I was in a great fucking mood. I actually got blown out this entire weekend travelling/partying in different cities by every set , but it was fun just flirting and getting turned down(one duo just completely turned their heads and ignored me after 5 seconds of conversation).

Don't make your nights about the women make it about the fun even if it's just you. Just go up there and open that bachelorette party of 5 girls even if you know you won't be leaving with one of them(when I came back to pick up my bro after dinner yesterday he did just that with a group of 3 girls that actually invited him out right after). Life's a series of different interesting events man just keep at it and enjoy those small details.

[southern120]

(04-23-2016 06:11 AM)southern120 Wrote:  

(04-22-2016 09:29 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

It's entirely possible to get blown out by a 4, and then fuck an 8 with little effort.

x1000 - virtually on truer words have ever been written

*no* truer

[roberto]

(04-24-2016 05:32 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Really, I think it would be nice just to do the normal ordinary boring boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, like go to a museum or the theater or whatever.

Try tinder or similar. Look for the cute girls who don't project a bitchy personality (target selection is important online too). Then build attraction over text WITHOUT BEING NEEDY with multiple women at once. I've had average girls begging me to 'meet soon' and you can game them at your leisure.

Cold approaches aren't for everyone, and I'm sure plenty of members have to be buzzed to do it. I have to be in a very extroverted mood, and when I am it's dynamite. I need a lot of recovery time though, so chilled online stuff works nicely for me too.

[Razor Beast]

(04-24-2016 05:54 AM)LongDongSilver Wrote:  

I disagree, 3's and 4's might be able to fuck complete losers but thats it. The mean fat bitch phenomenon is them feeling rejected bu any dude with his shit half together before the interaction even starts. As a fat bitch they have suffered years of male rejection, and female ridicule. So they get a thick shell, kind of like bowser.

Yeah well I'm not talking about guys on this forum. I mean the average looking guy that makes up the majority of the male population who's not blue pill or red pill with no real exposure to game. I don't think its all that unrealistic.

[Razor Beast]

(04-24-2016 10:31 PM)Delta Wrote:  

I went on a year-long dating string where I was meeting a new girl every week or two. I'd say it consisted of at least 25-30 first dates. The vast majority of those were one-and-done, and I only ended up banging 2 of them. As a rule, whenever I thought to myself after the date "I guess she's kinda bangable, so why not go for it and hit her up again?", the girl didn't respond. My self esteem was in the dumps. I was in the same place you are now. I thought something was horribly wrong with me.

Then came the last girl in that series. When I first laid eyes on her, I felt an instant shot of adrenaline. She was without a doubt the hottest girl I'd ever been on a date with. My first thought was "shit, this isn't gonna go anywhere, I have no chance with this girl." But I was still inspired to give it my best shot.

She responded to me more enthusiastically than any of the others. We ended up in a relationship.

The lesson is, it's extremely difficult to fake sexual desire. When you're gaming what you perceive as a "frumpy 4 or 5," you're just going through the motions, and the girl can sense that. The interaction feels contrived and awkward. Raw desire is a crucial ingredient in your interactions with girls.

Only going after women you're truly attracted to won't cure all of your ills. If your game isn't good enough to overcome lack of passion toward frumpy 5's, then it's not good enough to consistently bang cute 7's either. You'll still get rejected a ton. But I still recommend not bothering with girls that don't get you excited, because it's a waste of time. And if you're anything like me, despite having a low hit rate with mediocre girls, the potential could still be within you to get lucky with some hotties every now and then.

You probably could've fucked a lot of those girls if you were more aggressive. These days if they "feel" they gave you an opportunity to fuck them and you didn't capitalize they will ghost you. A girl won't agree to a meet unless she already has some attraction for you.

[No Habit]

It's true what Delta says. There has to be desire and passion. Without those it's lacking all meaning and you become an actor.

[Valentine]

If it's been years and you've been putting in solid amounts of time approaching but still haven't seen many lays, then I'd go out with a forum member or hire a PUA dating coach.

Say what you will about the latter - they can be expensive as hell but Game is a priceless skill.

If on the other hand it's lack of effort rather than just not "getting it", then give a few thousand to a friend and have them give you $50 back for every approach you make (either self-report approaches or use a hidden cam).

[scorpion]

(04-24-2016 05:32 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

TLOZ that's a very thoughtful post and I thank you for it. I agree and I disagree, to some extent. I basically think you can feel complete or that nothing is lacking in your deeper self (if we want to talk about the spiritual or psychological realm) but still feel a sense of physical dissatisfaction for lack of sex with a woman. Realizing no woman can make me "happy", I still feel a bit annoyed that I have to jerk off from time to time. I do also realize I can never get back those years of lack of sex when I was younger and much more horny than I am now, so it's pointless to try and "make up for lost time" and fill some psychological void.

Because of these realizations I doubt I am projecting neediness with women any more. If anything I've gone too far the other way and probably come off as too distant. But I've come to suspect I probably have a problem expressing sexual interest to women that I do find attractive in a calibrated way, because it tends to activate latent memories of rejections.

I see how some guys talk to girls and the girls are all bubbly and happy for their attention and I haven't had that in my life for a very long time and it would be nice to have that again, I think.

Out of all of last weekends approaches the best interaction was with a girl I actually did find reasonably attractive, but she was at the bar with her doughball of a boyfriend so it was for nought. Then I drank some more and I think my mean side started to come out.

That's probably what eventually prompted this thread. Some long dormant pain was activated, and then it becomes somewhat of a challenge not to energize it with more thoughts.

If I focus on the day to day moments, is it really a problem that I am not banging a girl right now? No, it isn't. But, it would be nice to get this issue sorted out, in some practical way.

Really, I think it would be nice just to do the normal ordinary boring boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, like go to a museum or the theater or whatever.

It's clear that you're holding on to some kind of past trauma with women. If I had to guess it's the baggage of your youth, which was apparently a black hole of female attention. As a result you're carrying around a lot of bitterness, anger and frustration that's poisoning your mindset. You're never going to improve until you learn to let go of the past.

Here's a useful mental exercise: I want you to pretend, right now, that you just cheated death in the most miraculous manner possible. Say you were the only survivor of a plane crash that killed 250 other people. Or a robber attempted to shoot you point blank in the head and his gun jammed. Something like that. Meditate on that feeling. Consider what it would be like to get a reprieve on life like that. Everything you had up until now was wiped away in an instant. It's gone - totally over with and forgotten. None of your past failures with women matter anymore, they've all been wiped away. You are a new man with a new life ahead of him.

Your past is dead, Rex. It's time to bury it and move on.

[Rocha]

Rex, there is also the chance that the place you are right now and the acumulated rejections are making you feel a kind of reverse homesickness.
If it is so, there is only one way out, get on a plane to a place with friendlier girls. Starting travelling improved my results back home, and overall view on women and life.

Edit: Just checked out now your countries visited list... get your ass down to Ukraine, Brazil or Thailand!!

[ksbms]

(04-22-2016 09:25 PM)Merenguero Wrote:  

(04-22-2016 06:00 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I can't figure this "game" stuff out to be honest. So far nothing has worked.

I opened some frumpy 4's and 5's last weekend and still got nowhere.

You'll get much more attitude and get rejected at a higher rate by average and below average girls then you will by the girls at the top. See my many Mexico posts. It's the complete opposite of what you would think, but it is the absolute truth.

I agree - what's your hypothesis behind that?

[RexImperator]

Quote:

You need to deeply relax in your life. You have no success with women and no natural way with them. But you don't strike me as a particularly unhappy guy. You said pointedly in a different thread that you are not "depressed", and I believe you. You have a lively mind and many different interests that you can enjoy.

I think this is true, but something also bothers me about it...it's a bit MGTOWish and it's also just far too easy to not do anything about this. And, I know from experience that it won't fix itself.

[Nascimento]

Start small if you have to.

I think this will be really helpful for you; it made a *huge* difference in my mindset regarding how attractive I was to women: thread-30431.html

Seriously, if you apply what I outlined there I think it will make a significant difference.

Start with a journal now. Start with some highlight entries from the past to get you going.

[RexImperator]

That's a good post. There's another thing that might be confounding the situation: I may also be semi-retarded and largely oblivious when it comes to recognizing IOIs. For instance, the last time I had a woman interested in me at a bar, it was a wingman who opened her since he noticed her looking at me. I wasn't even aware of it. It all happened so fast, he chatted her up instantly as soon as he saw it and I obviously would have continued on ignoring her if I was alone.

[Khan]

(04-24-2016 05:32 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I do also realize I can never get back those years of lack of sex when I was younger and much more horny than I am now, so it's pointless to try and "make up for lost time" and fill some psychological void.

If you're having feelings of regret because of your sex-deprived youth years, that's normal. I know from personal experience that long-term celibacy can cause some serious damage and trauma to a man, and all those deep wounds require time to heal.

I think doing a simple 'flip of the switch' on your thought processes could be beneficial to you. I'll assume you had a crappy early adulthood and that you discovered game very late in life. You're probably thinking how everything in your life would have been much better, if only you had some decent access to pussy when you were young. Maybe if you had been one of the popular kids in school. Maybe if you banged that plain jane in high school when you had the chance. Etc, etc.

The problem with thinking like this (and I've been guilty of this in the past) is that when we think about potential outcomes, we often idealize the 'what could have been' variants of events. Consider a very practical example: imagine you were one of the popular kids in school, banging pussy left and right and getting female attention everywhere. Sounds great, right? It certainly does.

But, what if this popular Rex guy from high school knocked up one of his girlfriends, and ended up with a shotgun wedding a couple of months later? That doesn't sound so great anymore, and that's an example of fallacious thinking about unrealized events from our past. Yes, it could have been better. But it could also have been much worse. From what I know, some early bloomers from my school days are doing well even today, but a lot of them have failed lives. One of them recently got married to a whale. I just can't believe that he's the same guy who was always popular with chicks in school! But that's life I guess.

We can't change the past, but we can change the future. Always have this in mind and try to let go of the past. It isn't easy, but that's the only way.

(04-24-2016 05:32 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

There's another thing that might be confounding the situation: I may also be semi-retarded and largely oblivious when it comes to recognizing IOIs.

Can be, but then again, many of us here on RVF were semi-retarded and oblivious with chicks in our youth. Hell, that's the main reason we discovered Game and the manosphere.

Once you've accumulated enough experience, you'll find out that you've mastered the art of recognizing IOIs. Then you'll focus on something else you're bad at, and work on that, continuing the process. That's the way with every skill in life, and gaming women is no exception.


BTW, have you ever done a Myers Briggs personality test? If you haven't, I'd recommend you do it. I can help you to identify your strengths and weaknesses.

[RexImperator]

Quote:

BTW, have you ever done a Myers Briggs personality test?

Yes, a few times, and the usual verdict is INTP.

[Khan]

(04-29-2016 03:42 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Quote:

BTW, have you ever done a Myers Briggs personality test?

Yes, a few times, and the usual verdict is INTP.

Well, that could explain why you're having problems in practical applications of game. As an INTP you're more suited to being a 'thinker' than a 'doer'.

[Lagavulin]

Rex,

No offence but is it possible that despite being a 3 year member with a high post count you haven't been as dedicated to improving yourself as you could have been?

First off - fuck women! You should be doing this for yourself first and foremost. Become the guy you have the potential to be and live a life that's fulfilling to you and you will find it easier to meet better quality women.

If deep down you are not particularly satisfied or content with yourself or your life it's difficult to convince women you are the type of man they want to meet. I know some people advocate faking it until you make it but true self confidence, inner game, and a carefree fun outlook (I.e. qualities women value in a man) are hard to fake when you don't feel it inside.

I don't know your situation but you should be striving to improve certain areas of your life for the benefits they bring to you, not to get pussy. No doubt you can learn and improve from approaching but only if you are analysing and adjusting as you go.

By all means get laid and improve yourself and your life simultaneously but if it's not happening maybe it's time to take stock and refocus on building a solid foundation. Without the foundation you are putting the horse before the cart, in your current mental state even if you do meet a hot chick you're unlikely to be able to make her want to stick around.

There is obviously a wealth of knowledge on the forum that can help but it's only any good if you apply it and find the nuggets that work for you.

Tenets of game like grooming, style, working out and approaching are all very well but if you don't get your head right they are only papering over the cracks. Focus on areas that will improve your mental state and sense of self worth to reap the real rewards.

What do you do for a living?
Are you making money? Do you have good prospects?
What is your living situation like?
Do you have a strong social circle?
What hobbies do you do?

Younger guys can get away without focusing on these areas but the older you get the more important they become. Take active steps to improve these key areas, write it down, make a plan, set yourself targets, challenge yourself, assess your progress at regular intervals. Don't take this shit lightly and expect to get by on style and working out, especially as you get older. It all matters. Being an RVF member isn't enough, you have to apply the teachings.

Sort your life out - for you! You'll be a happier, more fulfilled, carefree guy. And it will show.

Gain more muscle, improve your style, get laid by all means. But get your priorities in order.

[RexImperator]

As I mentioned earlier I'm a grad student so basically broke.

I used to be into guitar playing and recording a lot. Haven't done much of that lately.

My 1RM lifts are 260 bench/ 375 squat/ 490 deadlift. Decent but not great around these parts by any means. (Blah blah blah...lifting.) I'd like to achieve 300/450/550 eventually. I probably need to spend more time on other stuff. I plan to do more bike riding, once the weather warms up.

Social circle definitely needs work and so do my clothes.

Could list penis size, too, but that doesn't matter since girls never see it.

("I can assure you there's no problem down there!" -Donald J. Trump)

I am a bit of a "low energy" guy, though. I admit it.

Really I think I am probably doing "game" wrong and should meet some experienced members and observe.

[PapayaTapper]

(05-01-2016 10:17 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I used to be into guitar playing and recording a lot. Haven't done much of that lately.

This...Do more of whatever you're passionate about whenever possible. That's just good "life" advice that will trickle into and naturally improve your "game"

(05-01-2016 10:17 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Really I think I am probably doing "game" wrong and should meet some experienced members and observe.

Are you sure your sample size isn't simply too small? Rejection by one random gaggle of frumpy sea donkeys is probably inconclusive.

Nevertheless if there's one thing I've seen over and over on this forum is community's willingness help the membership in real life.