Quote: (01-08-2016 06:12 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:
What do you do when you guys are on the other side of the coin? This isn't a "humblebrag" - it does happen to me from time to time. Girl at a bar or club I know is there with a guy, starts talking to me outside or in line for drinks and asking me questions about me and where I'm from and other IOIs. Meanwhile her guy is sitting alone texting away.
Blow her off? Practice? Dunno?
"How do you two know each other?"
Of course, if they're just fucking, you can't expect a 100% honest answer, but at least you'll force the issue into the open and can gauge response. The guy could be an orbiter so you don't want to cut yourself off completely. Note: don't ask the guy while she's not present because he may lie if he likes her - I've experienced that before.
Anyhow, this is why I recommend bantering with the approaching party and said they shouldn't be resented. If you're that other guy, you have no clue what the deal is between the guy and girl, especially given her behavior. Only by speaking up and taking control of the conversation can a guy assert his "claim" (or allow her to), and if he just withdraws into himself and doesn't make his presence known, how can you be blamed for assuming he's a non-issue?
When he does engage in conversation, it is usually made clear through various subtle means that the girl is with him, whether he verbally states it or not, and if you're halfway decent you back off.
Know what I generally think if the guy just sits there playing in his phone?
- He only wishes he could fuck her.
- He's a cousin, brother, friend.
- He's a gay tagalong that is made uncomfortable by normal gender dynamics.
- He's a cuck.
(Sorry Hank Moody - no disrespect, and just being honest. I've had my moments too, but whether fair or not, these are my usual first impressions in a situation like this).
Anyhow, I see some guys in this thread saying they don't want to deal with talking to guys they don't know, etc. I don't know - I think that's extremely reductionist thinking. You don't have to give the guy a sermon, but some basic socializing isn't going to kill you.
Again, there's no one way about it, but our civilization is tied together with social dynamics and knowing how to work a crowd, or banter with approaching guys, is something a modern man should know how to do. As myself and a few others have said, you can't vacate the premises every time some guy tries to elbow in.
If you don't want to bother talking with other people, don't take her out in public - take her to your house. We're not living in caves and glaring away sexual competition with the threat of violence anymore - violence can happen still, and I personally believe that sometimes it should, but mostly it's our social skills that prevail, so it's not a weakness to blab at your competitors. It's a skill.
Growing up around rednecks, I've seen lots of otherwise "alpha" guys lose their girls because they couldn't or refused to socialize. Either through dynamics like this or because the girl became bored and disillusioned with his weak spot. These were tough guys who were capable in many ways, and they could send a lot of guys scooting with a glare or a grumble - some of them were even fighting all the time because of their women. In the end, they were usually cucked or left with a broken heart and a drinking problem.
Not that any of us were talking about fighting, but the "I can't be bothered to talk with approaching guys" sentiment reeks of that kind of hostility to me. Alienating yourself and your date completely just doesn't seem like the answer. Sure, there does come a point where you may have to tell a guy to get fucking lost, and I've done it my share of times. A woman will respect you for it too as long as she sees you pursued basic human civility before you got to the end of your patience. But until it gets to that point you should at least know how to conversate and not take it too personally that guys will be hitting on your chick wherever you go and trying to get a feel for whether you're actually together or not.
I mean, I've honestly had guys arrogantly say, one way or another, to me in public (after a few too many beers) that they were going to swoop my chick - right in front of her. You know the loudmouths I'm talking about. You know what I do? I look them directly in the eye and say right in front of her, "If you actually can, she's all yours, Buddy." I mean, when I say this, the look in my eye shows I'm anything other than a push-over (and he can probably sense that I'm bluffing and not really going to sit there and take it), but if he can really take the broad right out of my hands, I really don't want her skank ass anyways.
In any case, this response is generally enough to get them backpedaling. It also sends a strong, ireffutable message to the girl.
Anyhow, I've found a lot of guys respect me for having good looking girls on my arm and also respect me for having the ability to banter with them. But if I didn't have both those things together, I doubt I'd command the same kind of respect - a guy with hot women who builds a shell between himself and the rest of the world, on the other hand, just invites guys to try harder as soon as they get a chance because they resent him and have no reason not to.
There will always be some guys that are different, but the fastest way to bridge a gap between yourself and most people in the modern world is to show them you're human.
Interestingly enough, the ability to banter well and juggle the dynamics with other men around you commands respect from women too, so you win on all fronts.
If you're not comfortable shooting the shit with other men, I recommend going out of your way to befriend some masculine guys and getting a bit of practice with it.
Of course that still leaves the question of the woman's behavior, and again, I can see why Hank used that as a reason to walk away. The fact that she drew it out so long with her date sitting there out of the conversation shows very little class and lack of respect on her part.
I can see the sense in a lot of the viewpoints here, but I don't think there's one right answer.
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