I've fallen into an unusual situation that I'm having trouble decoding.

(I rarely start many threads in the game forums so forgive me if this is long. I will put a TL;DR summary at the bottom.)

I matched what looks like a solid 6 or low 7 (sliding scale as I'm 47) post-40s woman with no kids on OK Cupid (yeah, it's still actually usable despite the changes). She's out of my league on a simple meat-market swiper. She's someone I would normally only hook in based on common interests or a quality chat. Thing is...her profile was almost completely blank outside of one grainy photo. It almost looks like she's lying about her age because she's wearing a barrette with her head cocked to the side in a perky grin. She just seems altogether more youthful than her stated age. Of course, the grainy photo can be hiding all sorts of wear and tear. The no kids part is the usual double-edged sword of a perk (since I'm not empty nest yet and need to bang at her place) and a red-flag.

In the initial chat she didn't reveal anything emotionally sensitive (ex relationship baggage, hopes and dreams). She came across as light and ditzy. A fair number of typos along the way to the point where I initially feared she's a bot, but the detail she gave out is not boilerplate. Seems legit. Passes the reverse image search test.

The funny thing is the conversation trailed off and I thought that was her signal to ghost because she looked new and interested in gathering up matches, but she actually responded the next day and then out of the blue I get this:



She is asking me out here. Hmm....



I've never had a woman initiate before and it didn't seem to be based on the flow of the conversation, which was still early "get the lay of the land" smalltalk.

It gets weirder, though, because this was last Friday and I tried to push for a date for Saturday (as I already had a date, which didn't turn out well) and she said she couldn't, which can only mean that she already has a date booked up. But I got her number and did the initial connection with a tentative plan to see a movie the following week. (I know movie dates aren't ideal but she's the one who effectively asked me out so I'm just rolling with it here.)

It seems flaky for a woman to ask a guy out and while already having a date booked up for that weekend.

My working theory is she's a novice with online dating and is not being very selective, therefore overbooking herself. Also, I've felt that a lot of women are playing it fast and loose with their telephone numbers, putting prospects in "text orbiter" status and then you never get to actually meet them. But just how the conversation has gone seems...how shall I say it...too smooth. I'm just not good looking or suave enough to coast to this level. She may be hiding some serious red-flag that would explain why she never had kids and is initiating--or maybe she's lying about her age and is looking for beta-bux. Either way, I want to find out in the odd chance she's actually worth dating.

Keeping her engaged long enough to actually make her honor next week's date is now my main challenge, and to do it without blowing up her phone. So I asked her whether she was watching the Golden Globes and in the course of that she asked me to text her a photo. It sounded like she wanted a live selfie which I have never done before but she then said she wanted to associate my contact with a photo. So I sent her a travel photo.

I mean, there's nothing really wrong here, but it seems too good to be true.

I put a lot of work on my profile text and Q&As and she seems to have only a very faint grasp of who I am and hasn't given me any reason for why she likes me. Nothing more than "that's cool" and "that's nice" sort of responses.

I have noticed as I go back to OK Cupid that sometimes she's online, so she's obviously still working it, and yet she has not put any more work into filling out her profile.

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TL;DR - Attractive over 40s childless woman matches with me, comes across as "younger", asks ME out yet punts the date to the following week. Seems to an online novice working a bunch of simultaneous leads. My objective: keep her hooked all week through text while trying to figure out why this is going too easily.


Opinions? What am I missing?

Aging secret internet fattie SIF or fugly wants you to invest time and energy so its less likely that you will back up from fucking her when you meet her.

Move on. You deserve better and no dry spell can get that dry.

Actually, it's not that simple.

I did a quick google search on her cell phone number and found her Facebook and her business website which contains a clearer photo of her and she is a fitness nut, not a SIF.

There IS a scam angle, however, because she runs her own nutrition/wellness/woo-woo consultancy. It's easy to see how she might be trying to meet overweight middle-aged guys like me just to pivot them over to being clients for her "program".

If anyone wants to PM me for more info I'll send you links. I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth but I just have a hard time thinking a woman who looks like this would want to be seen arm-in-arm with anyone other than Chad Thundercock.

I don't really know what's happening one way or the other but I'm super curious to why she's acting that way!

If it does turn out she's trying to scam you I really want to know what her gameplan is.

sounds fishy

I would just be like "i could probably make tuesday work to grab a drink. lets do [Local Hipster Joint]."

Personally, I don't waste a lot of time messaging.

If she bites, take her out for drinks. If she tries to sell you shakes, tell her you only drink alcohol. Or you'd be happy to see her catalog at your house, where her clothes would look nice on your floor.

You'd be surprised about hot women. I'm only 5'5, but I conduct myself as though I'm Chad Thundercock.

Quote: (01-08-2018 02:30 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

I matched what looks like a solid 6 or low 7 (sliding scale as I'm 47) post-40s woman with no kids on OK Cupid (yeah, it's still actually usable despite the changes).

At your age, you should be banging girls who are between 15 to 25 years younger than you.

Quote: (01-08-2018 03:59 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

It's easy to see how she might be trying to meet overweight middle-aged guys like me just to pivot them over to being clients for her "program".

LOSE THE WEIGHT, get in shape, and STOP talking to women this old.
Bang younger, tighter, and hotter girls than this desperate woman with an expiring womb.
Dudes here in the over 40 thread are consistently fucking girls half their age.
Why aren't you ?
What's your excuse ?

Video chat.

Very useful when you want to feel out and qualify prospects.

She's giving a small time investment to get herself dolled up to be on camera. Compliance game.

It's a good intermediate step, when you:
- want to be sure she's not using old photos or hiding something with filters
- think she might be on the fence about meeting up, so better to draw her in slowly
- are talking with someone who's not exactly local to you, want to figure out if you have chemistry before deciding on effort of meeting

These chats often happen mid-evening to late evening. Good for beginning to establish intimacy, in a way that's not too much of a leap for her.

Quote: (01-08-2018 09:18 AM)Mercenary Wrote:  

Why aren't you ?

This is a side discussion but let's just say there is very much a split opinion on whether older women are worth fucking. I could elaborate on why I focus on 34+ but there's no way you and I are going to see eye to eye. Suffice to say I do intend on eventually experimenting more but only after I've reached empty-nest status. My logistics at present still suck and it limits the way I go about things.

Quote: (01-08-2018 10:39 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

Quote: (01-08-2018 09:18 AM)Mercenary Wrote:  

Why aren't you ?

This is a side discussion but let's just say there is very much a split opinion on whether older women are worth fucking. I could elaborate on why I focus on 34+ but there's no way you and I are going to see eye to eye. Suffice to say I do intend on eventually experimenting more but only after I've reached empty-nest status. My logistics at present still suck and it limits the way I go about things.

You should still lose the weight.
Even if you insist on banging these pre-menopausal women who are about to hit the wall, at least be in shape to fuck them properly.

https://media.giphy.com/media/axHxInZtuW4w0/giphy.gif

Yeah, well, additional expert cyberstalking has revealed that the grainy cell-phone photo helped obscure a pretty big mole on her cheek. That kind of thing can torpedo a woman's prospects. Why she doesn't try to get it removed is beyond me as she's otherwise pretty decent. She has a sister who is a good +2 SMV. So it's kinda starting to come together now. I'm not going to put much energy into this one anymore and leave it to her to followup.

Quote: (01-08-2018 02:30 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

Opinions? What am I missing?

1- Im not one to be negative about women and i dont mean it that way, but a post-40s woman isnt out of anyones league.

2- Your lack of self esteem was painful to read man. Whatever you think youre lacking, you should work on that.

3- She hasnt even gone out with you and yet you say "its going too easy and too well".

4- She hasnt mentioned her business but you decided that she wants to lure you in as a client (it may or may not be true. She also might want to steal your kidney or convert you to scientology). But why invent self sabotaging scenarios before they happen?

5- Her working the field and having many leads doesnt mean shes a novice. 99% of girls have that.

6- If shes not gonna go out with middle aged men with a fat belly, who the fuck is a post-40s woman gonna go out with?

7- A lot of older women use grainy pics

Quote: (01-08-2018 12:27 PM)Beirut Wrote:  

Your lack of self esteem was painful to read man. Whatever you think youre lacking, you should work on that.

That's why I put it in the newbie forum. You don't gain confidence by faking it until you make it. You have to have something to offer. I know what I have and what I don't. Until I fix those things, why pretend they aren't issues? SMV is SMV.

Awesome, suggest a drink somewhere initially, meet up with her and report back.
Don't take her to the movies or spend money on her/supplicate. Just meet up for a drink and a chat.

You have nothing to lose.
Don't die wondering!

Have you...

...tried hitting on other women?

It’s been a week, what did you do and what happened?

Is this still going on?

OP you've gotta learn to treat these things more casually. Unless you think there's a chance she's out to steal your kidney or sacrifice you to some cult god, just treat her like any other woman and stop making a big investigation out of this. If you can't get her into bed, then forget about her and move on to the next one.

Nope. It was never a viable thread in the first place. She's a flake (probably due to being a pothead).

Quote: (01-08-2018 10:39 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

Quote: (01-08-2018 09:18 AM)Mercenary Wrote:  

Why aren't you ?

This is a side discussion but let's just say there is very much a split opinion on whether older women are worth fucking. I could elaborate on why I focus on 34+ but there's no way you and I are going to see eye to eye. Suffice to say I do intend on eventually experimenting more but only after I've reached empty-nest status. My logistics at present still suck and it limits the way I go about things.

Women age 30-40 are definitely worth fucking to my opinion. About 5 or 6 years ago I was banging the shit out of college girls... and I just got to a point where I didn't enjoy it anymore. There are some rare ones that are great, but the vast majority of women under at least 28 are vapid. This one girl age 22... I had to tell her that I've never been involved in a domestic abuse incident... but if I had to hear her talk about what Cindy said to Jenny regarding Lucy's BFF's boyfriend... I was going to go apeshit.

I'm actually at an age where I want to enjoy a woman's company. I want to talk about things learn, experience, grow. Younger girls just suck balls at that.

Quote: (01-08-2018 12:16 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

Yeah, well, additional expert cyberstalking has revealed that the grainy cell-phone photo helped obscure a pretty big mole on her cheek. That kind of thing can torpedo a woman's prospects. Why she doesn't try to get it removed is beyond me as she's otherwise pretty decent. She has a sister who is a good +2 SMV. So it's kinda starting to come together now. I'm not going to put much energy into this one anymore and leave it to her to followup.

Questor, every time you contact her, you need to use the opportunity to display traits she may find attractive. Display Ambition if you don't have wealth. Make her believe your life is FUN.

Yes, being overweight destroys your SMV. However, if you know how to work Beta traits game you can still make this work well for you. Give her some Beta Bux signals and slow play her. Once you get her thinking "husband material", then you spring Alpha traits on her and blow her mind. The trick is to seem reserved and serious at first, but once you get her alone on a date... explode with passion!

Some women will actively choose chubby guys for their Beta Bux husband because the SMV is lower and that makes these guys easier to control and less work to keep.

Way too much analysis of scaps of info instead of just having her meet for a beverage.

If she ends up being a no show as here then the efforts involved in thinking about why she matched will not have been wasted.

As soon as possible move the chat off the dating site, if she wont don't play the entertainer. Then once its over on text or phone set up a date. If she wont do these right away delete it.

Then once you have her in person your efforts to understand what she is all about will be 1000 times more effective. Assumes you want to meet of course.

Quote: (01-08-2018 03:59 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

Actually, it's not that simple.

I did a quick google search on her cell phone number and found her Facebook and her business website which contains a clearer photo of her and she is a fitness nut, not a SIF.

Im glad the "Ill stop overcomplicating and overanalizing dead end interactions with mediocre women" approach is working out for you. Good work.

questor, take this advice for what it is. You're putting way too much thought into this completely innocuous event. But you gotta start somewhere.

Just stop dating all together, and quit talking to women for a while until you take care of yourself. You're only going to fail at this rate. Delete your apps, delete your accounts all together. Stop for at least 90 days.

When you quit the women, make the first goal to lose the weight in 90 days. I would make a goal of hitting 15% body fat. I wouldn't start dating before that. Lot's of people here will disagree, and laughably even say that your body/clothes/looks don't matter. But we all know thats sadly not true.

Get to 15% body fat, and in that time, don't date or message women whatsoever. Get your other shit right too. Logistics? I don't know what that means for you, but use this time to figure it out. I dont care how long it takes you, 3 months, 6, a year, just do it.

Suck it up and get in the gym. Join a CrossFit gym if regular gyms bore you to tears. Hire a trainer. The structure would be good for you.

Once you are ready, get off the internet. Online dating is weak. Anyone can get laid off of it, no skill or confidence required. Read game books and hire a coach. Learn how to approach women at night and during the day(not at work). Buy a new wardrobe too.

After you lose the weight, have new confidence, and have yourself sorted out better, you wont even give two seconds of thought to a woman like this.

Good advice from others here. What's sticking in my craw about your post is this:

Why is your initial reaction to a woman expressing interest (however old) that something must be 'wrong here'? How did you otherwise expect to get pussy, which presumably is your goal... if you can't even believe in yourself enough to accept whatever pussy comes your way? Where is your self confidence? If you don't have any, work on that...that way when you receive interest from a chick your natural response will be 'Another one? Yeah I guess I can fit her into my schedule somewhere...'

Other than that, I see no reason why this non-event is taking up so much of your mental energy that you need to write this post in the first place. Is your day to day life that uneventful?

Quote: (01-29-2018 01:36 AM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

Good advice

Wasted advice.