Gonna keep it as short as possible.

Met overweight chick last winter. Divorced, has little kids. Smart as fuck. Vibe perfectly. Good mother, firm grip on finances, head for business. She's dropping the weight and getting toned quickly and not 'cause I "made her" but for herself.

But things have moved fast. A little too fast. I've suddenly found myself engaged with a set ceremony date next year. My mother likes her. My best friend likes her. Anyone who knows her likes her. Seems the smart thing to do is marry her, pop out a couple more babies with her, and live happilly ever after.

I have a job offer that would take me abroad. Not forever, just a few months. But it would in effect be the end of the relationship, as in, "You're running off to have a good time when you could just as easily find a job here". Which is true.

I feel like this happened too quickly. I feel I didn't have a chance to live my life; to enjoy my life the way I'd have liked. I am a little older, not in my 20s anymore.

Lots of stress over this. Arguments. I want to take the job abroad. I WANT TO. But I worry because, long term, the job leads nowhere. I don't know what I'd end up doing after a year or two and I don't want to be stuck in it. I'm afraid that, if I leave this girl, I will never find anyone like her again. She's the kind of person that will gel a family together. She completes the communication gap between my mother and I. She's great with kids. She's good with money.

But I feel trapped. I feel I want to fly off and spend a year or two fucking everything I see. And this is exactly what I would have done had I never met her. But now she's in the picture and I feel I have something to lose. Also, I wonder, is this fantasy I have of going back to Asia for a fuck spree realistic? I've been there before and got a few notches, yeah. But for the most part, life was unsatisfying. I wasn't some kind of "dating coach instructor" pimp, flying around Asia on my vacation days and partying with cool dudes while banging beautiful chicks. I'm thinking, is it worth it to throw this relationship away over this?

I have tried everything and cannot get to a fucking decision. I've asked myself, if I had ten million dollars, would I go through with it? I must say, were I not worried that, without her, I will have no future, I wouldn't. I'd rent an apartment in Shanghai and concentrate on further businesses and making connections and partying. And when I was ready to marry, I'd pick and choose a hot, slightly younger chick who's ready to pop out ten kids (I want a big family one day).

This girl loves me. A lot. She's great in every way. Am I just refusing to grow up? Am I being "immature"? I just don't know what to do.

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:34 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

Gonna keep it as short as possible.

Met overweight chick last winter. Divorced, has little kids.

An overweight divorced single mom, what could possibly go wrong?

I'd be asking to myself why is she a divorced single mom.

Then I'd be thinking about what I really want, you know the answer here and you mention your foreign, short term, job offer and expressed desire to go.

If she gets all pissy over that then that might explain why she couldn't make the babies daddy stick around.

For me I'd be looking for younger, more attractive, childless options. No way am I raising someone else kid.

Quote:Quote:

Met overweight chick last winter. Divorced, has little kids.

I pretty much stopped reading after this. WNM.

Overweight, divorced chick with kids, exercising not for you but for herself... I don't mean to be a dick here but is this a serious question?

Dude passed away. Should have mentioned that. But yes, I originally had the same exact thought. "Those kids are not mine." But they are little, do not need financial support, and just want a male figure around. It's not like I'm being burdened. I do understand what you're saying, though.

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:34 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

Gonna keep it as short as possible.

Met overweight chick last winter. Divorced, has little kids. Smart as fuck. Vibe perfectly. Good mother, firm grip on finances, head for business. She's dropping the weight and getting toned quickly and not 'cause I "made her" but for herself.

But things have moved fast. A little too fast. I've suddenly found myself engaged with a set ceremony date next year. My mother likes her. My best friend likes her. Anyone who knows her likes her. Seems the smart thing to do is marry her, pop out a couple more babies with her, and live happilly ever after.

A. Never marry a woman with kids.

B. If she got fat on her last husband, she'll do it to you once she has a ring and keys to the house.

C. She's divorced, she's proven that she can't keep a marriage together. She'd have to do a LOT of convincing - at least 5 years, not less than 10 months - to prove that she can keep a relationship working.

D. Don't believe the opinions of your friends and family, they'll often tell you what you want to hear or they don't want the argument that would come when they say they don't trust her.

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:48 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

Dude passed away. Should have mentioned that. But yes, I originally had the same exact thought. "Those kids are not mine." But they are little, do not need financial support, and just want a male figure around. It's not like I'm being burdened. I do understand what you're saying, though.

A. So, is she widowed or did she get a divorce before he died?

B. She'll behave until you're obligated to her children, then feel no regret about cutting off sex, then divorcing you.

There is no right or wrong answer. You just need to make a decision and not look back.

When I was with my LTR in the States I missed traveling and banging random girls. While I'm out in the world traveling and banging girls there are plenty of times I miss my LTR. The grass will always be greener on the other side.

Good luck

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:48 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

Dude passed away. Should have mentioned that. But yes, I originally had the same exact thought. "Those kids are not mine." But they are little, do not need financial support, and just want a male figure around. It's not like I'm being burdened. I do understand what you're saying, though.

What do you think marriage does to your finances and your liabilities for HER kids?

Your instincts are talking to you.

Listen to them.

If you need advice about doing this, it means you don't think it's a good idea.

If you thought it was a good idea you wouldn't come here asking for advice.

If you don't think it's a good idea, I don't think it's a good idea either.

Don't get married to this chick. It's not a good idea and you know it.

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:53 AM)philosophical_recovery Wrote:  

What do you think marriage does to your finances and your liabilities for HER kids?

Sorry, what do you mean? The kids are taken care of pretty much for good.

I realize everyone is zeroing in on the children thing. And yeah, I get why. What I'm more concerned with, though, is not them but my strange fear that I will "lose" something that will never come back if I end it.

As in, I'l never find a girl who is as smart/as obedient/as submissive/as business-minded/as capable/as dependable/as patient. Maybe because I was married before to a really young, hot chick and she was a spoiled, worthless waste of life. Though that was my fucking fault 'cause I should have known better.

*Do what you want to do, you will regret not taking action later.

She loves you yet she does not support you? While I'm not part of the bitter crowd, how old are your kids and what is your responsibility to them? I ask because some women want a "I want you to help me with them but you can't discipline them" approach. How much weight is she losing, a pound a month or a pound a week? I dropped 13 pounds in one month. You said she is dropping weight for herself, but why did she not drop it before?

Dude, while we're different ages I sort of understand how you feel. There was this broad that I was with who clicked with me but slowly expected more of my time and then it became a "requirement" of 3 weekdays and 1 weekend day. And on my days "off" she kept asking me to come over and got pissy if I didn't, asking questions and shit. I felt caged and as if I couldn't go anywhere to do normal shit. So I started getting pissed, which lead to arguments but I wanted to work it out since we clicked. She didn't want to cooperate. In the end, arguing once a week turned to two days a week, three, four, five, six, 24/7. I slowly started getting my shit out and one day in a fit of rage, walked out and never returned.

My stress levels dropped as I drove off and I could feel happiness giving my fuzzy warm feelings.

Edit: And this bitch was loaded. Nice car, daddy paid for her nice huge apt, didn't work....so I wasn't missing out on anything. Later as we were together, I learned that she was actually bipolar (took Lithium) and whatever it is when you think the TV talks to you so you try not to watch TV.

Let me expand on that above.

I guess I have a belief that, to find a chick who is both young, hot, and has all the qualities a wife should have (obedient, submissive, intelligent, good money manager, can cook and clean, wants lots of children) I will either have to be very young and hot myself (though I do okay) and, most importantly, have money. Maybe not filthy rich, sure. But a good amount of money. And I fucking don't.

I'm not a CEO, I don't my own business, I am not an entrepreneur. At this point in my life, I am not really seeing how I'd be able to provide the things a girl like that would want: house, car, vacations, savings, etc. And this girl now seems to not need any of these 'cause she already has them taken care of.

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:58 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:53 AM)philosophical_recovery Wrote:  

What do you think marriage does to your finances and your liabilities for HER kids?

Sorry, what do you mean? The kids are taken care of pretty much for good.

I realize everyone is zeroing in on the children thing. And yeah, I get why. What I'm more concerned with, though, is not them but my strange fear that I will "lose" something that will never come back if I end it.

As in, I'l never find a girl who is as smart/as obedient/as submissive/as business-minded/as capable/as dependable/as patient. Maybe because I was married before to a really young, hot chick and she was a spoiled, worthless waste of life. Though that was my fucking fault 'cause I should have known better.

It's possible that I don't understand the situation.

How are they taken care of? Do some research on what you are legally liable for as a husband of someone who already has kids. Look into family laws for your area and trials that have happened that have happened in similar circumstances. If you're going to do this, don't go into it blind. Maybe I'm wrong.

You seem pretty dead set on this girl, that she's holding your life together. Be careful out there.

OP, why do you need to have ten million g's in order for you to want a hot, slightly younger girl?

It's almost as if you think you're getting a woman you physically deserve, even if she's losing weight still, based on your present job/financial prospects.

Of course, you'd have a harder time pulling a Victoria's Secret model on middle to upper middle-class pay, but I don't get your thinking. With all due respect, it's muddled. Since when should marrying a good-looking girl depend on the distinction between a normal kind of salary and having millions? There are enough hot gals for you to snare one.

Importantly, you have given no one on this forum compelling reasons to say why you should marry a woman who already has kids and is also overweight.

My advice: be a very strategic m&*%erfucker and exit this relationship in a way that suits your interests, especially financial ones. Even if you don't go abroad, I am concerned for your prospects in the future marrying this woman. I suspect a long-term sinking of the Titanic if you do: her aging badly, gaining the weight back or more, financial liabilities for kids who are not yours, and her own previous divorce as a negative template.

Quote: (08-30-2016 02:02 AM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  

*Do what you want to do, you will regret not taking action later.

She loves you yet she does not support you?

We are, in theory, getting engaged and I'm turning around and saying, "I wanna fly off back to Asia for a few months to be single." So no. I think most normal chicks would've said "fuck off" the moment they heard that.

Quote:Quote:

While I'm not part of the bitter crowd, how old are your kids and what is your responsibility to them? I ask because some women want a "I want you to help me with them but you can't discipline them" approach.

She never once pushed the kids on me. In fact, I'm the one who started getting involved 'cause, just seeing them casually as I've been doing these past few months, I realized they seriously need a man in the house or they won't come out right. Women can't raise men. The kids are all quite little, I don't want to give details 'cause you never know.

Quote:Quote:

How much weight is she losing, a pound a month or a pound a week? I dropped 13 pounds in one month. You said she is dropping weight for herself, but why did she not drop it before?

For the same reason I had lost 60 pounds in '15 and put them back on during the winter. She was doing well, then something hit her, she got depressed and stopped. She actually put on a lot less than I did. But now she's going back to her trainer, etc.

The reason I mentioned she is doing it "for herself and not 'cause I told her to" in the beginning was to point out this is not a chore for her. She wants to be hot, unlike the typical American fattie.

Quote:Quote:

Dude, while we're different ages I sort of understand how you feel. There was this broad that I was with who clicked with me but slowly expected more of my time and then it became a "requirement" of 3 weekdays and 1 weekend day. And on my days "off" she kept asking me to come over and got pissy if I didn't, asking questions and shit. I felt caged and as if I couldn't go anywhere to do normal shit. So I started getting pissed, which lead to arguments but I wanted to work it out since we clicked. She didn't want to cooperate. In the end, arguing once a week turned to two days a week....three...four...five...six...24/7. I slowly started getting my shit out and one day in a fit of rage, walked out and never returned.

I get that. She's a little overbearing like that sometimes too but it's not evil. We've talked about this and we know we both need space.

Think long and hard on this and don't let anyway sway you. Ideally, you should find some way to avoid all interaction with humanity while you ponder.

Don't do it. It reads like further down the line you will be miserable and want to divorce her. You'll live the typical "American Dream", you'll find a steady boring job here most likely in an office park, driving a minivan of some kids that aren't yours and perhaps some that are, you'll slowly start to gain weight and you'll have a midlife crisis which results in her giving you more grief.

It sounds like she's might be using guilt and manipulation, guilt you into sticking around for her cause she's "good" and manipulating your people into liking her, which makes it harder for you to get rid of her.

Why the rush on the wedding? Who asked for that?

Say you do take said job, why do you think there wouldn't be a better woman?

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:58 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

Quote: (08-30-2016 01:53 AM)philosophical_recovery Wrote:  

What do you think marriage does to your finances and your liabilities for HER kids?

Sorry, what do you mean? The kids are taken care of pretty much for good.

I realize everyone is zeroing in on the children thing. And yeah, I get why. What I'm more concerned with, though, is not them but my strange fear that I will "lose" something that will never come back if I end it.

As in, I'l never find a girl who is as smart/as obedient/as submissive/as business-minded/as capable/as dependable/as patient. Maybe because I was married before to a really young, hot chick and she was a spoiled, worthless waste of life. Though that was my fucking fault 'cause I should have known better.

If she was obedient and submissive, I feel like she would understand you taking the job.

In any case, it's WAY too soon to be thinking about marriage.

Quote:Quote:

I must say, were I not worried that, without her, I will have no future, I wouldn't.

Key sentence of the whole original post.

Plenty of men have married women they felt they had no future without and the results are almost always a) disastrous or b) demonstrative of a life they could have done much better at.

I seriously believe you need to end this relationship. It is extremely unhealthy for your long-term wellbeing and sense of self to have this woman as the foundational rock of whether you have a future or not.

Quote: (08-30-2016 02:12 AM)Snowplow Wrote:  

Don't do it. It reads like further down the line you will be miserable and want to divorce her. You'll live the typical "American Dream", you'll find a steady boring job here most likely in an office park, driving a minivan of some kids that aren't yours and perhaps some that are, you'll slowly start to gain weight and you'll have a midlife crisis which results in her giving you more grief.

It sounds like she's might be using guilt and manipulation, guilt you into sticking around for her cause she's "good" and manipulating your people into liking her, which makes it harder for you to get rid of her.

Why the rush on the wedding? Who asked for that?

Say you do take said job, why do you think there wouldn't be a better woman?

His mother, best friend, and acquaintances have been recruited and are prepared to participate in said guilt.

Christ I've walked away from less dangerous situations and have never regretted it.

OP, read this classic post by Heartiste three times a day at different hours for the next three weeks.

Study it. Ponder it.

If you see any reasonable chance that you will become the man in this vignette, abandon ship, my friend.

Fathom,

I'd like to ask you some questions, so that you can answer them to yourself, not to me.
I'm not judging you. Your life, your choices.

- She's overweight, so even if she temporarely lose some pounds, they'll come back right after the wedding.
Is it a problem to you? Maybe you enjoy chubby women.

- She has kids, from an other man.
Do you see yourself raising an other man's spawns?

- You feel pressured to marry her, by your family and friends.
Is it important for you to modify your life, in order to please other people?

- Are you sure you can't get anybody better than her?
You act as if she was the best you could get.
Your financial situation looks OK, but you seem to lack self confidence about your body, am I right?
If yes, hit the gym : your body image will change and you'll be able to attract younger and hotter females.

From my point of view, the simple fact that you created this thread shows that you don't want to marry her.
You're looking for people to give you arguments in this direction.
But in the end, nobody can choose for you.

Quote: (08-30-2016 02:14 AM)david.garrett84 Wrote:  

Quote:Quote:

I must say, were I not worried that, without her, I will have no future, I wouldn't.

Key sentence of the whole original post.

Plenty of men have married women they felt they had no future without and the results are almost always a) disastrous or b) demonstrative of a life they could have done much better at.

Get you, David. Totally get you. But I have the nagging fucking question of, "CAN i do better?" I have never started a business. I've never made any real money. I haven't. And with the first wife, who was extremely spoiled and materialistic, I distinctly felt my lack of "success". With this chick, it's easy 'cause I don't need to worry about it. If anything, my financial situation would improve as well.

The job abroad is a teaching gig, man. A teaching gig. Big fucking whoop. Where is that going to take me? I already feel like it's taking five steps backward.

No, marrying someone is not a solution to this but I also worry I'll never fucking find anyone who'll not be a bitchy, hateful fucking cunt because she doesn't live in a mansion with a cleaning lady.

You said, "Plenty of men have married women they felt they had no future without." Is there a particular reason this tends to happen? Is it 'cause they're rich girls? (She's not rich but does well, for the record.)