Intro - What is BPD?
Imagine this: you meet a girl, and you feel an instant connection with her. It's not just like "you're chill" or "I don't hate spending time with you", it feels like a physical and emotional connection down to the very core of your soul. This beautiful girl hangs on your every word, and just seems to find you to be the most fascinating person that she's ever met. You can talk to her about anything, and she is constantly telling you how you're just perfect for her. She understands everything about you, and sees you for the great person you are. You feel like a better person because of how she reveres you, and sees the greatness in you. She latches onto you, and finds you fascinating. Whether it's your work as a writer or an investment banker, she finds your life to be amazing and wants to be part of it. You're happy to let someone in that "just gets you." You believe God created this woman for you.
The sex is mind blowing. While she might look like the girl next door, this woman fucks like a porn star, just oozing with sexuality behind closed doors. It's sex like you've never had. It's not that it's kinky, the sex is so damn passionate. You two fuck like you're the only two people in the world, cut out from the stars and literally made for each other. This woman is your soulmate, emotionally and physically.
Your infatuation with each other is so strong it feels like a drug. It's the highest you've ever felt emotionally. The infatuation runs so deep that now you now must know what "true love" is. You can't stop thinking about her. This is the stuff they write about in songs and make movies about. Truly, you have found "The One". This is the deepest physical and emotional connection you've ever had for anyone. She is the epitome of femininity and sexuality. She slowly becomes your sense of purpose, the only thing that really matters. Isn't that what love is all about?
The relationship goes from 0 - 90mph instantly. You've only known her for a few weeks, but you're already talking about moving in together or maybe buying a house. She has no qualms about moving into your place, and you're happy just to have more of her.
As things progress, she slowly and randomly starts to get cold and distant. She picks fights with you, and has questions about your dedication to her. You're panicked, and afraid to lose this girl at any cost. Your career as a writer suddenly seems less fulfilling, because nothing is as fulfilling as being around this woman.
Of course, there are some red flags. But you figure that's just what makes her so unique. Maybe she cuts herself. Sometimes she seems to live in a fantasyland, with grandiose stories that are only half true. She seems to put certain people on a pedestal, even though they just met a month ago. She has very few close friends, and the ones she does have she just met a few weeks ago - through you. She's also lived with a few other guys, and you wonder why they didn't wife up this special snowflake.
What was once the perfect relationship slowly becomes a pattern of hot and cold, off and on. One day things are just as good as they were in the beginning, and the next day she's "not sure if she's in love with you anymore." You will do anything to keep those periods of infatuation, which still feel like a drug.
When it's good, it's good. So good. Perfect. There are days like when you two first met, spooning for hours, and just so in love. This time she's FINALLY had a breakthrough - she's gonna commit to this. She recognizes how much she wants you, how much she needs you, and how she could never let you go.
But when it's bad, it's bad. You just can't do anything right, and she knows you so well that she can identify your deepest, darkest character flaws. This is a woman who truly knows you inside and out, to your very core. She knows how to say things to make you feel terrible about yourself, and she's so manipulative that you actually buy into it.
These periods of good and bad can go on for months, and often years. Sometimes she tells you that she wants to marry you, other times you're a horrible human being. You're hopeful that one day it's going to be nothing but good, and never bad. One day. However, you never entirely know where you're at with her, and it can change from minute to minute, hour to hour.
As this goes on, she also seems to meet men, become obsessed with them, and then move on. For example, she meets a tattoo artist and suddenly her entire world is the tattoo community for six months. Then she meets an artist, and suddenly she's found her passion to be a painter. The next month she wants to be a housewife with 2 kids in the suburbs. Today she wants to move across the country and start an Etsy business. Her life and identity tend to fluctuate constantly. You're not sure if she's in a relationship with these men or banging them. When she seems them, they instantly light up and hug each other.
She's very secretive with her phone, and her rotating group of friends. She is also an expert of saying what everyone wants to hear, blending into any social situation with ease. You're not ever sure you can trust her. Is she really "sleeping at her sister's house" or "just friends with that guy, I think he's probably gay anyway."
Despite all the ups and downs, you're still addicted to that feeling of infatuation, and everything about her. Just a year ago she made you feel complete - alive. You've never had a connection with another person like you do her. It's like passion, excitement, and something so indescribable you can't really put it into words.
Well, my friends, you might be dating a girl with borderline personality disorder, commonly referred to as "BPD."
http://www.returnofkings.com/9482/dont-d...y-disorder
You can Google it for more information.
If you've found yourself in a BPD relation, pull up a chair, pour yourself a stiff drink, and come and talk to your buddy Hank...
Clinical Signs of BPD - What Is It?
According to the Mayo Clinic:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-condi...n-20023204
-An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
-A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
-Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
-Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
-Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
-Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
-Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
-Ongoing feelings of emptiness
-Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights
It's not their fault
There is a fine line between healthy male chauvinism and downright misogyny. Being masculine requires being in charge and leading. It's an appreciation of gender roles. Hating women because of their behavior is silly, feminine behavior.
Now that said, it's particularly easy for us to downright hate BPDs and vilify them for their behavior, which is often erratic and unpredictable. We understand it in absolutes - avoid. I'm not going that far.
But understand this. Those feelings she had for you at the beginning of the relationship were real. However, BPDs can't control their emotions, and they change from day to day, hour to hour. They can't help that they become infatuated with the tattoo artist, the guitarist, and that high powered lawyer. They have no real personality of their own, so instead they tend to latch on to men who seemingly have a sense of purpose.
They know this, they hate it. They're living in a world of constant emotional highs and lows, and any sense of purpose they have comes from other people's sense of purpose.
Candidly, the problem with BPDs is if you get sucked into it, you start to lose your own sense of purpose, because she becomes your sense of purpose.
BPDs don't always intend to cause destruction (some do, some don't), but they can't control their emotions. This means that even if they're not actively trying to do something that hurts you, they just can't control themselves. It's close to a drug addition or alcoholism.
It's not that they're bad people, it's just that for the most part they can't change who they are. BPDs can get help, if they choose to get help. However, keep in mind that they enjoy these emotional highs, even if it means dealing with the lows. Just like you do in the relationship.
Whether you want a BPD to be part of your life is entirely your choice. They can't control how they act without medication, and actively making a choice to make changes.
But you can choose how you live, and who is an important part of your life.
Why I am Writing this - Some Guys Never Get Over It
I dated a girl with BPD, and even years later I still have a weird form of PTSD from it. After I actually cut it off for good, I spent a good time seething with anger over my ex. Until I read up on the subject and accepted the fact that it's not her fault.
Today I'm at my office cleaning stuff out and found something of hers, and it all came rushing back for a second. It was like I'd scored a small hit of a drug for a brief second. A feeling of excitement, dread, hope, anxiety, and unbridled passion. I could smell her perfume on the item, and it was a physical rush.
I have never felt such emotional highs or lows compared to this relationship. It's what lead me to game and the red pill. Anyone who has dated a BPD can probably relate to this.
Thanks to guys like Roosh, I was able to get over it, and stay it over. She was the one and only girl I've never nexted. No calls, no texts, not Facebook friends, complete and total detachment. No matter what she said, no matter how hard it was. This took all of my emotional discipline and then some. She is married, and still made a few attempts to contact me. I will not, under any circumstances, have any interactions.
With that said, not everyone is so lucky. I dabble in family law, provided it involves red pill issues. Many of the worst divorces I've seen involve men who married their BPD and had kids, thinking that doubling down, again, would cure things. These relationships can go on for years, and they never end well. There are strong, confident, masculine men out there who eventually find that "one girl" who just gets under his skin. We're talking investment bankers, celebrities, you name it. I would say that I'm astonished at how deep the Oneitis can run, except for the fact that I've been there before first hand. Infatuation is a hell of a drug.
There are different types of borderlines, too. Some simply want to do their own thing, and while they're self interested, they're not out to hurt anyone. Then there are others who are actively out to try and destroy their former mates - claims of fake rape allegations, sexual abuse, etc. I have seen more fake police allegations than you can ever imagine, over seemingly trivial things like "dinner wasn't made right" or something was put out of place. When an "evil" borderline gets angry, they get ANGRY, and the trigger is often arbitrary.
If you've found yourself in a relationship with a BPD I'm not here to judge you, or even to tell you to bail. Just think very carefully about who you make big life decisions with. Marriage is easy to get into, and hard to get out of. When you have kids with another person, you can never truly get away from them in most cases. BPD relationships move from 0 - 90mph in a minute, because you "feel" like you're in love. I would suggest that before you buy a house with someone or even share a space, I'd recommend a MINIMUM of one year together. Don't make big decisions based on your feelings. Compounding this - BPDs ever changing lifestyle and interests make hammering out a custody agreement next to impossible, if you do end up divorcing. One day she wants to move to Texas and join the rodeo, the next week she's moving into her new boyfriend's place.
Marriage is a big decision. Owning a business together, or buying a home together is a big decision. Having kids is an ever bigger decision. Don't base them on feelings.
A BPD can bring even the most powerful and masculine man to their knees.
Reflections
My friends, if I could impart one piece of wisdom onto you it's this - there is no "the One." There are plenty of suitable females out there to date, and even marry if that is what you want to do. Infatuation with anyone is unhealthy. The "love" you see in movies is simply an unhealthy infatuation with another person. If you need someone else to complete your life, you will never be complete. Once your game is solid, and your affairs are in order, picking up women is not all that hard.
Also understand that things are probably not going to change without serious medical intervention. Digging deeper like getting married or having kids usually just compounds the problem, rather than fixing it. Although you can divorce your wife, you can't divorce your kids.
Finally, accept that there are plenty of great women out there. You might not get that utter emotional high in more traditional relationships, but there is immense value in trust and stability. You can't control other people, but you can control yourself, and who you let be a part of your life.
Imagine this: you meet a girl, and you feel an instant connection with her. It's not just like "you're chill" or "I don't hate spending time with you", it feels like a physical and emotional connection down to the very core of your soul. This beautiful girl hangs on your every word, and just seems to find you to be the most fascinating person that she's ever met. You can talk to her about anything, and she is constantly telling you how you're just perfect for her. She understands everything about you, and sees you for the great person you are. You feel like a better person because of how she reveres you, and sees the greatness in you. She latches onto you, and finds you fascinating. Whether it's your work as a writer or an investment banker, she finds your life to be amazing and wants to be part of it. You're happy to let someone in that "just gets you." You believe God created this woman for you.
The sex is mind blowing. While she might look like the girl next door, this woman fucks like a porn star, just oozing with sexuality behind closed doors. It's sex like you've never had. It's not that it's kinky, the sex is so damn passionate. You two fuck like you're the only two people in the world, cut out from the stars and literally made for each other. This woman is your soulmate, emotionally and physically.
Your infatuation with each other is so strong it feels like a drug. It's the highest you've ever felt emotionally. The infatuation runs so deep that now you now must know what "true love" is. You can't stop thinking about her. This is the stuff they write about in songs and make movies about. Truly, you have found "The One". This is the deepest physical and emotional connection you've ever had for anyone. She is the epitome of femininity and sexuality. She slowly becomes your sense of purpose, the only thing that really matters. Isn't that what love is all about?
The relationship goes from 0 - 90mph instantly. You've only known her for a few weeks, but you're already talking about moving in together or maybe buying a house. She has no qualms about moving into your place, and you're happy just to have more of her.
As things progress, she slowly and randomly starts to get cold and distant. She picks fights with you, and has questions about your dedication to her. You're panicked, and afraid to lose this girl at any cost. Your career as a writer suddenly seems less fulfilling, because nothing is as fulfilling as being around this woman.
Of course, there are some red flags. But you figure that's just what makes her so unique. Maybe she cuts herself. Sometimes she seems to live in a fantasyland, with grandiose stories that are only half true. She seems to put certain people on a pedestal, even though they just met a month ago. She has very few close friends, and the ones she does have she just met a few weeks ago - through you. She's also lived with a few other guys, and you wonder why they didn't wife up this special snowflake.
What was once the perfect relationship slowly becomes a pattern of hot and cold, off and on. One day things are just as good as they were in the beginning, and the next day she's "not sure if she's in love with you anymore." You will do anything to keep those periods of infatuation, which still feel like a drug.
When it's good, it's good. So good. Perfect. There are days like when you two first met, spooning for hours, and just so in love. This time she's FINALLY had a breakthrough - she's gonna commit to this. She recognizes how much she wants you, how much she needs you, and how she could never let you go.
But when it's bad, it's bad. You just can't do anything right, and she knows you so well that she can identify your deepest, darkest character flaws. This is a woman who truly knows you inside and out, to your very core. She knows how to say things to make you feel terrible about yourself, and she's so manipulative that you actually buy into it.
These periods of good and bad can go on for months, and often years. Sometimes she tells you that she wants to marry you, other times you're a horrible human being. You're hopeful that one day it's going to be nothing but good, and never bad. One day. However, you never entirely know where you're at with her, and it can change from minute to minute, hour to hour.
As this goes on, she also seems to meet men, become obsessed with them, and then move on. For example, she meets a tattoo artist and suddenly her entire world is the tattoo community for six months. Then she meets an artist, and suddenly she's found her passion to be a painter. The next month she wants to be a housewife with 2 kids in the suburbs. Today she wants to move across the country and start an Etsy business. Her life and identity tend to fluctuate constantly. You're not sure if she's in a relationship with these men or banging them. When she seems them, they instantly light up and hug each other.
She's very secretive with her phone, and her rotating group of friends. She is also an expert of saying what everyone wants to hear, blending into any social situation with ease. You're not ever sure you can trust her. Is she really "sleeping at her sister's house" or "just friends with that guy, I think he's probably gay anyway."
Despite all the ups and downs, you're still addicted to that feeling of infatuation, and everything about her. Just a year ago she made you feel complete - alive. You've never had a connection with another person like you do her. It's like passion, excitement, and something so indescribable you can't really put it into words.
Well, my friends, you might be dating a girl with borderline personality disorder, commonly referred to as "BPD."
http://www.returnofkings.com/9482/dont-d...y-disorder
You can Google it for more information.
If you've found yourself in a BPD relation, pull up a chair, pour yourself a stiff drink, and come and talk to your buddy Hank...
Clinical Signs of BPD - What Is It?
According to the Mayo Clinic:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-condi...n-20023204
-An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
-A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
-Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
-Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
-Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
-Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
-Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
-Ongoing feelings of emptiness
-Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights
It's not their fault
There is a fine line between healthy male chauvinism and downright misogyny. Being masculine requires being in charge and leading. It's an appreciation of gender roles. Hating women because of their behavior is silly, feminine behavior.
Now that said, it's particularly easy for us to downright hate BPDs and vilify them for their behavior, which is often erratic and unpredictable. We understand it in absolutes - avoid. I'm not going that far.
But understand this. Those feelings she had for you at the beginning of the relationship were real. However, BPDs can't control their emotions, and they change from day to day, hour to hour. They can't help that they become infatuated with the tattoo artist, the guitarist, and that high powered lawyer. They have no real personality of their own, so instead they tend to latch on to men who seemingly have a sense of purpose.
They know this, they hate it. They're living in a world of constant emotional highs and lows, and any sense of purpose they have comes from other people's sense of purpose.
Candidly, the problem with BPDs is if you get sucked into it, you start to lose your own sense of purpose, because she becomes your sense of purpose.
BPDs don't always intend to cause destruction (some do, some don't), but they can't control their emotions. This means that even if they're not actively trying to do something that hurts you, they just can't control themselves. It's close to a drug addition or alcoholism.
It's not that they're bad people, it's just that for the most part they can't change who they are. BPDs can get help, if they choose to get help. However, keep in mind that they enjoy these emotional highs, even if it means dealing with the lows. Just like you do in the relationship.
Whether you want a BPD to be part of your life is entirely your choice. They can't control how they act without medication, and actively making a choice to make changes.
But you can choose how you live, and who is an important part of your life.
Why I am Writing this - Some Guys Never Get Over It
I dated a girl with BPD, and even years later I still have a weird form of PTSD from it. After I actually cut it off for good, I spent a good time seething with anger over my ex. Until I read up on the subject and accepted the fact that it's not her fault.
Today I'm at my office cleaning stuff out and found something of hers, and it all came rushing back for a second. It was like I'd scored a small hit of a drug for a brief second. A feeling of excitement, dread, hope, anxiety, and unbridled passion. I could smell her perfume on the item, and it was a physical rush.
I have never felt such emotional highs or lows compared to this relationship. It's what lead me to game and the red pill. Anyone who has dated a BPD can probably relate to this.
Thanks to guys like Roosh, I was able to get over it, and stay it over. She was the one and only girl I've never nexted. No calls, no texts, not Facebook friends, complete and total detachment. No matter what she said, no matter how hard it was. This took all of my emotional discipline and then some. She is married, and still made a few attempts to contact me. I will not, under any circumstances, have any interactions.
With that said, not everyone is so lucky. I dabble in family law, provided it involves red pill issues. Many of the worst divorces I've seen involve men who married their BPD and had kids, thinking that doubling down, again, would cure things. These relationships can go on for years, and they never end well. There are strong, confident, masculine men out there who eventually find that "one girl" who just gets under his skin. We're talking investment bankers, celebrities, you name it. I would say that I'm astonished at how deep the Oneitis can run, except for the fact that I've been there before first hand. Infatuation is a hell of a drug.
There are different types of borderlines, too. Some simply want to do their own thing, and while they're self interested, they're not out to hurt anyone. Then there are others who are actively out to try and destroy their former mates - claims of fake rape allegations, sexual abuse, etc. I have seen more fake police allegations than you can ever imagine, over seemingly trivial things like "dinner wasn't made right" or something was put out of place. When an "evil" borderline gets angry, they get ANGRY, and the trigger is often arbitrary.
If you've found yourself in a relationship with a BPD I'm not here to judge you, or even to tell you to bail. Just think very carefully about who you make big life decisions with. Marriage is easy to get into, and hard to get out of. When you have kids with another person, you can never truly get away from them in most cases. BPD relationships move from 0 - 90mph in a minute, because you "feel" like you're in love. I would suggest that before you buy a house with someone or even share a space, I'd recommend a MINIMUM of one year together. Don't make big decisions based on your feelings. Compounding this - BPDs ever changing lifestyle and interests make hammering out a custody agreement next to impossible, if you do end up divorcing. One day she wants to move to Texas and join the rodeo, the next week she's moving into her new boyfriend's place.
Marriage is a big decision. Owning a business together, or buying a home together is a big decision. Having kids is an ever bigger decision. Don't base them on feelings.
A BPD can bring even the most powerful and masculine man to their knees.
Reflections
My friends, if I could impart one piece of wisdom onto you it's this - there is no "the One." There are plenty of suitable females out there to date, and even marry if that is what you want to do. Infatuation with anyone is unhealthy. The "love" you see in movies is simply an unhealthy infatuation with another person. If you need someone else to complete your life, you will never be complete. Once your game is solid, and your affairs are in order, picking up women is not all that hard.
Also understand that things are probably not going to change without serious medical intervention. Digging deeper like getting married or having kids usually just compounds the problem, rather than fixing it. Although you can divorce your wife, you can't divorce your kids.
Finally, accept that there are plenty of great women out there. You might not get that utter emotional high in more traditional relationships, but there is immense value in trust and stability. You can't control other people, but you can control yourself, and who you let be a part of your life.