[debeguiled]

The main lesson to learn is not to call her anymore.

Why No Contact Is So Hard After An Abusive Relationship With A Borderline

(I am sure you are long past the condition described in the link above, just don't get sucked back in. Also, I like Brother John too. Forney interviewed him.)

[DimeBait]

Man, I feel for anyone who falls for a BPD. I did and it took me years to discover the depth of it. What's even more fucked up is how they have everyone else fooled into believing their the perfect mate. My family/friends thought/think I'm crazy for leaving this emotionally volatile bish. They had no idea what it was like being with her.
What was germane to our r/s was bouts of silent treatment that would last weeks if not months on end. It took my own therapist to explain how this behavior was emotional abuse for me to finally draw the line.

[Rigsby]

(05-24-2017 04:47 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  

The main lesson to learn is not to call her anymore.

Why No Contact Is So Hard After An Abusive Relationship With A Borderline

Ha ha yeah!

For most men. I'm not like most men. I've been through the wringer and back again.

I'll be calling her again next week. I know the game. I'm immune.

I'm deep in with a lot of stuff. I'm going no contact with those closest to me in my life. My lifelines. I have cut the cord. I'm pretty sure you don't know the amount of destruction and devastation this cunt caused. I'm good.

Much bigger fish to fry. This is small potatoes. Just thought I would share.

I've got a bigger story to tell, but it's too personal. Too hurtful to me. Too humiliating. The sort of thing that would cut any man to his core. So I keep it to myself. This stuff is just for entertainment, and education of course.

But I appreciate your concern brother. Truly.

I won't be calling her to see if she will finally tell the truth. Or to put any pieces back in to place.

I won't be calling her to gloat or revel in her misery.

I'll just be calling to see how she is doing. It won't be well. And it won't be my problem.

Totally neutral and detached. In fact, I may not call at all. But I might.

This is more a cautionary tale.

[Rigsby]

(05-24-2017 04:56 PM)DimeBait Wrote:  

Man, I feel for anyone who falls for a BPD. I did and it took me years to discover the depth of it. What's even more fucked up is how they have everyone else fooled into believing their the perfect mate. My family/friends thought/think I'm crazy for leaving this emotionally volatile bish. They had no idea what it was like being with her.
What was germane to our r/s was bouts of silent treatment that would last weeks if not months on end. It took my own therapist to explain how this behavior was emotional abuse for me to finally draw the line.

An interesting counterpoint to what you say is the fact that a fellow BPD/NPD can spot another a mile away. Opposites attract, but like do not. This town ain't big enough for both of us...

It takes one to know one, and it takes a bigger one to admit it.

But they will never admit it, of course. Not even to themselves. That is what makes them such convincing liars.

You really need to be a victim of narcissistic abuse to truly understand it. And of course, when you work out what is going on, you are no longer a victim, just a survivor.

But survivors can spot other survivors a mile away. It takes one to know one, and a bigger one to admit it. Kind of thing.

Recognition is everything. No one dwells too long in this place. We all move on.

I must admit though, even though I was waiting to see how she would fuck up, I never envisioned such a nuclear scenario. Never think bad of people. Get on with your own life. Enjoy your health, and that of your family, and your friends. Life's little pleasures are everything.

[Rigsby]

(05-24-2017 04:56 PM)DimeBait Wrote:  

..
What was germane to our r/s was bouts of silent treatment that would last weeks if not months on end. It took my own therapist to explain how this behavior was emotional abuse for me to finally draw the line.

The silent treatment has a million essays written on it. You need to be susceptible to it. It shows a certain neediness. Alphas usually laugh at this, spotting the psychological manipulation at first glance. And they will punish you (her) for it later on. Don't pull that shit on just anyone.

Yeah, it's pretty emotionally abusive. To an abandoned child, it is just about the worst thing you can do. That is why BPD/NPD do it. It was done to them. They have abandonment issues. It hurts them, therefore it will hurt you. That is just how they relate.

I was at a party in an Aussie house in London full of travelers. Lots of Saffas too. Met up with some old friends I knew from before. People I didn't even get on with. But we were both out of place. "Fucking party, eh?" Eh eh. Got chatting. Found out they weren't such stuck up Saffa arseholes after all. Time moved on. Just having a drink, a spliff. All around us doing E, some coke. Nice time. Easy.

Up the fucking stairs she thunders. Causing a scene. Didn't understand it at the time. I had abandoned her. How dare I leave her. Fuck, I never left the room - all she had to do was walk up the fucking stairs.

And the cuntery did not stop for two weeks after where she made me pay for my little transgression. What a cunt. It's hard to feel sorry for her. But I have empathy. It makes me human.

Google 'silent treatment' on youtube and you will see what a powerful thing it is. We have the internet now. We are adults. But to a young child it is not just abuse, it can be torture.

Any time any cunt pulls that shit on me now? I have methods in place, depending on circumstances. Don't try that with me. Is all I'm saying. :-)

[Steelex]

I love BPD girls. They are such a goddamn treat, like a free ferrari that's only gonna run 500 miles.

Enjoy them for what they are, god's little wild cards. But don't fucking sell the farm for em, cause when they go bad they are not worth a fuck.

[Jetset]

(05-24-2017 05:21 PM)Rigsby Wrote:  

The silent treatment has a million essays written on it. You need to be susceptible to it. It shows a certain neediness. Alphas usually laugh at this, spotting the psychological manipulation at first glance. And they will punish you (her) for it later on. Don't pull that shit on just anyone.

Yeah, it's pretty emotionally abusive. To an abandoned child, it is just about the worst thing you can do. That is why BPD/NPD do it. It was done to them. They have abandonment issues. It hurts them, therefore it will hurt you. That is just how they relate.

A few years ago, I knew a woman who was in this category. Did not bang and did not want to (not because she wasn't hot but because she appeared to be a low-key trainwreck) but she still got close enough to loved ones to cause a lot of trouble. The first major hint I got was when she told me that she had stopped talking to her father for six months to "teach him a lesson".

I smiled and nodded, but was thinking "Bitch, you think your presence is so delightful that you can punish people by withholding it?"

Eventually, I quietly ushered her into the 'bottle dungeon' of No Contact as some additional weirdness came to light. Not to punish her, but to protect myself.

In the years that followed, several truly crazy lies unraveled and, without getting into details, it was stunning and I was happy to learn how right my decision had been. Turned out there was a distinct line of crazy in the family tree running through her paternal grandmother that had culminated in a number of her relatives being brutally murdered after they got into weird argument that spiraled out of control. The family had a mythology that explained it all away. As an example, at the funeral of the one who was murdered after he was caught stealing a trivial amount of someone's weed, the family had told everyone it was "drugs", as if he'd simply had an addiction problem and overdosed, rather than being a thief with rage issues.

If your gut tells you something is off, it's probably off.

[Vill@in]

'Dated' my first real BPD girl a few months ago in March. Luckily I was smart enough to get out while I could. It was a rough couple of days after though, as I had to read insult after insult text messages. I finally just blocked her (and I never block anyone).

The sex was amazing of course. Hearing her tell me how hot I was daily never got old. I turned 40 in April, and she would ask me how I was still so good looking for my age. She told me that I was going to make a hot 50 year old someday. I don't care who you are, hearing this shit makes you feel GOOD. She would send me random texts throughout the day saying how she was craving my cock. She loved fucking me, etc., etc.

And of course I fucked her on our first night we met. She was on her period but that didn't stop us. Fucked her in the ass the second time we met up. Saw her a few times after that over the course of the month...but one night she started talking about how she wanted marriage and more children. I knew at that point that I had to get out sooner than later. So the next day I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment and of course...she flipped. Demanding I pay her gas money for the times she drove over to my apartment and we fucked (which would mean I was paying her for sex which would make her a prostitute? But I knew to hold my tongue). Told me I was going bald (my hair is thinning), told me I was too short (I'm 5'9 and she was 5'2). Basically the polar opposite of the nice things she had just told me over the weeks prior.

It only last 3-4 weeks and I'm lucky I got out when I did.

[questor70]

(05-25-2017 10:39 AM)Vill@in Wrote:  

..the polar opposite of the nice things she had just told me over the weeks prior.

^^^^ Regardless of classification (BPD, NPD, etc...) this is the key above.

When you get involved with a woman you want to believe that the nice things she says, the affection, all that is genuine. But women use validation as a tool to get whatever they really want. If they don't get it, then praise turns to scorn.

For women, supposedly the caretakers of "real" courtly romance, to trash it by using it as as a selfish tool of manipulation is really bad for gender relations. It damages a man's ability to ever trust anything nice a woman says again because they do not want to get the rug pulled out from under them.

Not only that, too many women approach marriage and kids as simply a checkboxes to tick off. Guys are simply a means to an end. Their value as a human being revolves only around whether they will sign on the dotted line and insert sperm here. Love has nothing to do with this kind of arrangement.

[DimeBait]

[wonderer1]

Its crazy how BPD women have the same traits and how they came to be that way.

My most recent BPD was one month ago. Father died when she was a kid. She talked about not wanting to have any feelings, she cut herself, her mum would cry on the phone to her about the dad being gone, she would be obsessed with power, she loved the mafia, obsessed with the thoughts of torture, killing people.

Of course the sex was incredible, the best you could imagine, wild, and this is one of the things that draws you in.

They are obsessed with you, but then what happens is just unbelievable to fathom, a switch just goes off and thats it, they completely don't give a shit any more, they hate you, they hurt you, they turn their backs and go completely cold.

Its a complete mind fuck to have someone into you one second then the next they have just gone so cold and hate your very existence.

[Rigsby]

(05-25-2017 10:39 AM)Vill@in Wrote:  

'Dated' my first real BPD girl a few months ago in March. Luckily I was smart enough to get out while I could.

snip

Don't want to get too deep. Don't want to question your credentials.

But you've never really experienced a BPD girl until she has totally fooled you and fucked your life up. You need to get a street degree in psychology to even become to come to terms with it. Oh and find excellent places like this with some pretty great psychs like Bosch et al who have shared their stories. Maybe you been there. Not calling you out.

Also, if you aren't a sort of fucked up co-dependent type of personality, then you still can't appreciate the damage a true BPD can do. You need to have had your life stolen from you by your parents. Then, the BPD moves in and wreaks her damage. Just a thought.

But yes, you can game BPD girls very well. They are extremely vulnerable. But again, they have a very high suicide rate. This isn't a game.

Like I said, I don't want to get too deep in to this. I'm sure you know what you are doing.

BPD like NPD like autism is a spectrum, from 'barely there' to 'full on'. Every human is on that spectrum. It's how we have the mixture and in what degree that defines us. At least that is my ignorant layman's understanding of it.

The thing is, there are just too many thousands of people sharing the exact same experiences to a very high degree of empiricism, that there must be something in all of this.

BPD girls will get you beaten up, raped, accused of rape, killed, and just generally emotionally wrecked, if they can. And the stronger you are, the more they will enjoy wrecking you.

I already posted this once tonight, but what the hey:

It's easy to be wise, but not so easy to be clever.

I wish you well in the game though.

Know your enemy. Coz they sure as fuck will know you better than you know yourself.

[Rigsby]

(05-25-2017 05:06 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  

Its crazy how BPD women have the same traits and how they came to be that way.

My most recent BPD was one month ago. Father died when she was a kid. She talked about not wanting to have any feelings, she cut herself, her mum would cry on the phone to her about the dad being gone, she would be obsessed with power, she loved the mafia, obsessed with the thoughts of torture, killing people.

Of course the sex was incredible, the best you could imagine, wild, and this is one of the things that draws you in.

They are obsessed with you, but then what happens is just unbelievable to fathom, a switch just goes off and thats it, they completely don't give a shit any more, they hate you, they hurt you, they turn their backs and go completely cold.

Its a complete mind fuck to have someone into you one second then the next they have just gone so cold and hate your very existence.

I hear ya. Maybe you got a good grip on this shit. No idea how you would without suffering the tortures of the damned. I'm probably naive. You're probably a player. I'm not.

Again, I refer to my post above to Villain. Are you sure you know what you are dealing with? There is a tendency to read about stuff and get a good handle on it and if you are quick-witted enough, you can play the game. But this isn't a game. Not calling you out.

I wish you well with the game too. Just be safe out there brother. Because when it goes wrong, it really goes wrong. And that is the point where it is too late.

People die from this shit. They have their lives taken from them. Reputations forever destroyed.

I'm sure you know what you are doing. But to a novice reading this board, I wouldn't want them thinking that BPD Cluster B's were some kind of type to be gamed, without risk to life and limb, on both sides. And that is without even getting in to the morality of it.

Sure, sloots can get played. I get it. But when you are dealing with highly suicidal people. This is not a game. And if they have the means they will get someone to break your legs.

This is the game forum. This isn't a game.

I'm pretty sure you won't find a man here that will encourage anyone to game a BPD. Not those that know what they are talking about. Not trying to be superior. I've learned from men here. Gratis. Just trying to give something back. I'm sure those that really know will correct me if I'm wrong.

You do NOT want to fuck about with these 'women'. They will destroy your family as well. If they can.

Fortunately, they are easier to spot than an NPD, and especially a covert NPD. But they are co-morbid (same qualities seen in the same person). Can be hard to differentiate to the untrained eye. Better to be a well-versed psychologist, than a chump like me that went to the school of hard knocks.

I like to think we both give something back to each other. There are some men on this forum that really know what they are talking about. I'm just reporting back from the edge.

Apologies if you know the ground. Just giving some theory for those that don't. You are dealing with the deepest levels of human deception and vulnerability that exist.

Those that play get played. Make sure it isn't you.

[Rigsby]

(05-24-2017 04:47 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  

The main lesson to learn is not to call her anymore.

And that is probably the best advice of all. I just didn't have the heart to try to speak to her again. I doubt I ever will.

It wasn't a conscious decision. Too much going on.

I may change my mind in a few weeks, but I doubt it. No need.

But man, that was strange. I was expecting something but not that.

I still had some stuff over her head that I considered fucking her for. I'm glad I didn't. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I could have pushed her over the edge. But she did it to herself. I'm glad I don't have that on my conscience.

That's the biggest lesson for me here.

Sometimes we don't realise the power we yield.

I'll never know the truth of what happened, so fuck it.

Move on time. But I know she's cracked. She won't be alive in 2/3 years time. No power on earth can pull her back. It's just one of those things.

If you ever learn the ability to spot these fuckups, then get out fast. I've got no sympathy for anyone that sticks their dick in crazy. They aren't that much more of an amazing fuck that you couldn't get elsewhere. If you can't do better than BPD, you deserve the hell's wrath that will be brought down upon you and your family's heads.

You have been warned.

[questor70]

(05-26-2017 06:30 PM)Rigsby Wrote:  

I still had some stuff over her head that I considered fucking her for.

Regardless of clinical diagnosis, wanting revenge after a bad breakup is common. For what it's worth, here is how I handled having my own "something over her head that I considered fucking her for".

I was in a situation where I tried to drag a woman away from an affair she was engaging with an older married man over to me as a healthier alternative. She never gave me quite enough information to identify him while we were together. After she dumped me to resume the affair and he then proceeded to wimp out and not leave his wife, I pieced together enough information to get his family's address.

This is exactly what it looked like at that moment:



I could have sent a snail-mail letter to this guy's catholic mom to tell her that this woman who had come over to stay on the cover story of being a friend and coworker, this woman who was all friendly and nice and pruning the rose bushes each morning, was actually "the other woman" and banging her son during his lunch breaks, making a mockery of christian values and marriage vows.

Yes, it would have destroyed the affair, as well as the marriage, and left him looking like a schmuck in the eyes of his religious family.

I didn't do it, and there were two reasons why.

1) Once the bomb went off, I knew my ex would go ballistic. She had access to a 44 Magnum and had a video of her playing Annie Oakley with it.

2) Rather than just wanting to hurt her for how it ended I had to take ownership of my own stupidity and low self-esteem for placing myself in that situation in the first place. I set myself up as a gamma cuck (before I knew what that was) and she was never worth all this fuss in the first place.

Moral of the story:

[Truth Tiger]

Such an important thread. I had to find out the hard way how deeply damaging dealing with extreme NPD/BPD was through dating one diagnosed BPD (who admitted it and was in tnerapy, I even went once! And she lied in front of the therapist who called her out!). If you feel too high on compliments, attention, or sex then too low from being guilt-tripped and scape-goated you need to get out, or not go there. But usually we have to find out the hard way and man does it suck. But twice bitten, much wiser.

[Vaun]

I wrote at length last year about a bad break up that messed up my life. It distracted me away from managing my life well. I quit working out, let my finances slide with overspending, lost my focus at work, and was obsessed with her. It took away time from my family and friends. I wrote about it here, way too much. Talked about it with a few friends way too much. Went to therapy. Dated probably 100 since last August, and over 20 bangs. Feel like I am finally coming back, almost a year later.

I think back on to last Memorial Day weekend, I rented a beach condo to make up to her for some bad thing I did. She ended up inviting her friends, then yelling at me at dinner to pay for her friends. I told her to go home, that should have been our last weekend, stupidly I decided to go to Europe with her after that. Needless to say, it got a lot worse.

I read a bunch of books and articles about it. I thought she was NPD, but she could be BPD. NPD seemed more like her. The love bombing > idealization > devaluation > discard cycle, was all there. Triangulation, silent treatments, insanely good, no condom cummy sex, I dropped a lot of fundamental personal boundaries. We were "in love" within a month. Regardless, I learned a lot about myself. I was fucking a girl last night, a girl by every measure better, younger, taller, better tits, immaculate pussy, smarter, and I was still thinking about this NPD ex. Evaluating, thinking about if this is better. It was.

Am I obsessed, no I dont think so. I went totally no contact last August and stayed that way ever since. Blocked social, blocked number, no contact. I dont obsess over the why anymore, just that I am closed off to some good girls that have come and gone since then. I think I was too blinded in what I wanted, to not pay attention to what she really was. If I learned anything its to hold back and take it very slow, and walk away from anything or anyone when it goes south. There could be 50 threads about these type of women here, if it brings some awareness that these types of women exist.

[DimeBait]

I won't lie, I still find myself reminiscing about the good times I had with my undiagnosed BPD ex LTR. Then I quickly shift my mind to the horrid times and those "good times" quickly fade away.

[debeguiled]

(05-26-2017 08:24 PM)Truth Tiger Wrote:  

Such an important thread. I had to find out the hard way how deeply damaging dealing with extreme NPD/BPD was through dating one diagnosed BPD (who admitted it and was in tnerapy, I even went once! And she lied in front of the therapist who called her out!). If you feel too high on compliments, attention, or sex then too low from being guilt-tripped and scape-goated you need to get out, or not go there. But usually we have to find out the hard way and man does it suck. But twice bitten, much wiser.

They are the true victims, always oppressed by you neurotypicals.

[Vaun]

For the UK lads - do you think these disorders are highly prevalent among your women?

[S3K2]

Some of the best sex of my life were with BPD woman. If you can leave your feelings out of it, have good retention, put aside your personal life (dont be vulnerable around these woman) you could actually "manage" them. A year ago I went on a forum "hunting" these girls. They stay uncommited a bit longer than normal girls due to the BPD but your game better be top notch. Its imperative you understand there true nature and how they can destroy your life. Keep them as a fuck buddy for as long as you can, any cuddling, affection, catch yourself feeling for her cut it off. As I speak i'm spinning one now.

[Jetset]

(05-28-2017 12:59 PM)S3K2 Wrote:  

Some of the best sex of my life were with BPD woman. If you can leave your feelings out of it, have good retention, put aside your personal life (dont be vulnerable around these woman) you could actually "manage" them. A year ago I went on a forum "hunting" these girls. They stay uncommited a bit longer than normal girls due to the BPD but your game better be top notch. Its imperative you understand there true nature and how they can destroy your life. Keep them as a fuck buddy for as long as you can, any cuddling, affection, catch yourself feeling for her cut it off. As I speak i'm spinning one now.

Russian Roulette. Nothing wrong with this, we've all been there, I'm just sayin'.

When I was about 23, draining my ballsack was a 28-year-old married church girl's manic project for a few weeks. I had to use up some of my vacation days at work just to keep up. Wanted to get tied up and slapped, choked, etc. She wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until after, but I'm lucky I got out of that without mortal peril. She randomly bounced to another dude, then bounced back to her lucky, lucky husband within days, so I don't think he ever even figured out there were two men. The rocket scientist immediately knocked her up.

On the upside, word got around and I got to bang her latina friend for a while after that psycho little suck-machine returned to her "scripture-oriented" life.

[Rigsby]

(05-28-2017 11:14 AM)Vaun Wrote:  

For the UK lads - do you think these disorders are highly prevalent among your women?

Nah. Definitely not more than anywhere else.

This shit is universal.

If you find the right community for healing (hint: youtube), you will find the same stories all across the board. This is just a very typical way the human brain can break. It's uncanny in fact.

But yeah, lots of UK women have it. As they do NPD as well - typical cluster B types.

Some people are really fucking dangerous. I've come to fear women much more than men at the end of the day. They have the police the law behind them. And then the courts.

By playing the eternal victim they will crush you.

And oh yeah, men that abuse their women will accuse them of being NPD/BPD - get out of that one.

It's like a triple bind.

[Manofthrones]

Was about to make a topic on that. Had 2 relationships, one with a borderline (with whom I have a son), the other with a psychopath (was engaged, she cheated on me and got pregnant from another dude during the engagement).

Tell you what, from all cluster B personalities, borderlines are the least dangerours (though they still are). Borderlines at least are still humans and are able to love (in their twisted and destructive way). Psychopaths, thats totay another game. You'll get fucked. Hard.

The ex borderline still wants to get me back. We fought everytime, she contemplates suicide, you know the deal. The psychopath, a good looking 20 years old woman, never fought: she acted like the sweetest person ever. I love yous all the time, pictures on facebook together, mindblowing no-limits sex (everywhere: cinema, streets, stairs of jer building); its all love-bombing to get you hooked. Whats more, she actually told me everythibg I wanted to hear: she would be a stay-at-home mom with lots of kids and a christian family (thats what experts call "mirroring", they make a perfect image, a dreamy one, like youre eternal souls destined to be together). Then it came: the silent treatment; game aware as I am, I didnt get all beta and got clingy... No, did she spend a whole day without saying a thing? I'll spend 2. What might work with a normal girl, wont ever work with a psycho bitch. These guys talking about gaming these girls, they have no clue. I dont care how alpha you think you are, You can never outgame a psychopath cause they simply cant love anyone, not even their parents.

The sex is mindblowing because psychopaths are hypersexual and ALWAYS promiscous. They're not hypersexual because they love sex: actually, its just as trivial to them as changubg clothes. That is also why you'll see reportings, among sociopathic women, of them engaging in sex with guys way below their league, just for the sake of it (next time you have great sex with a woman way above what youre used to get and think you got lucky... Beware, they might be a psycho bitch).

When I got the news that kid wasnt mine (btw, she would have cucked me, but her ateother caught her lie), not knowing about psychopathy, I got angry at the other guy. Now I feel sorry for him: im sure he never knew about me, was manipulated and is fucked for his life (I know they didnt marry or anything; she's still pregnant and already researching about her legal rights).

Not only that, we have some 70 friends in common on facebook. She basically displayed her cheating for everyone to see (another trait: no shame), only to humiliate me.

The good thing is, once that happens to you and you research you wont ever fall on the same trap again.

[griffinmill]

I had a pretty bad experience with a BPD girl about two years back. I had only been seeing her for about 3 months when we decided to head off on a trip together. We're in the UK and went to California for two weeks. It was a huge mistake on my part making such a trip with someone I barely knew, but what the fuck, there were no major red flags up until that point.

What do you know, but the second, and I mean the second the plane touched down I was introduced to a different person.

I spent two weeks with a girl bawling her eyes out, refusing to leave the hotel, sleeping all day, calling me a liar, verbally attacking for imagined crimes, calling me back to the room because she wanted to apologise and go eat, and then sitting in a restaurant refusing to speak to me.

For two weeks.

I had an escape (friends who offered me a place to stay) but was truly concerned about what she might do to herself or what story she might spin if I had ditched her thousands of miles from home. I was stuck and it was truly nightmarish.

I refused to see her again after we came home. I was subjected to her turning up at my house uninvited to ask me out, and writing me long effusive letters about how she couldn't live without me. Luckily I didn't spend any more time with this girl, or get her pregnant, or get blindsided by the sex, or whatever. But it's just eye-opening how so many seriously dysfunctional women are walking amongst us, like the aliens from V.