[VincentVinturi]

I recently broke up for the umpteenth time with a Thai chick that I've dated on an off for years. Yes, the same chick from the no contact thread.

Anyway, the cycle was always that I'd break up with her because her level of immaturity made it impossible for me to envision a bigger, better future together. She's absolutely adorable but she's also a child. So the thing that makes me so attracted to her is although the thing that repels me in terms of a long term vision.

We'd stay broken for a while, I'd start missing the hell out of her, I'd reinitiate contact, and we'd wind up back together. Truth be told we really love each other and when it's good it's the best.

But as any 30+ man knows, love and passion cannot sustain a relationship and certainly cannot sustain a family.

Example: she got stung by a bee and went to one of the moron Thai doctors and the hospital and he gave her a tetanus vaccine. I googled "bee sting tetanus vaccine" and the first result said "if you get stung by a bee you do not need a tetanus vaccine". I'd told her a million times not to trust doctor or pharmacists, to google shit, but she didn't listen.

Well that's her business but when kids are involved you're going to a lot of doctors and they want to do all sorts of unnecessary shit too. So I took this as a black mark against her judgment. And it's one of many instances in a similar vein.

This took nothing away from my love and desire for her but it did take away from my trust in her ability to be a partner that contributes and moves together toward a future with us and our kids (we don't have any but we've considered it). My fear was that she was going to be just another grown kid and I'd be doing double duty for her and our children.

My question is—and if you don't have some experience with this please refrain from sharing your opinions—would wifing her up and giving her babies cause her to actually rise to the occasion? Or would it just corner me into a really bad and ever worsening situation? Or, is there just no way to tell?

[kinjutsu]

"You don't rise to the occasion, you fall to the level of your experience"

You already know the answer to your own question brother. We've all been there, it sucks but if you want something extremely long term you have to be pragmatic about things like this. A girl with a stubborn streak and/or an ego is no good for long term partnership. This stupid shit never goes away as you've experienced and stated before.
Best to cut your loses and look for a new girl with a solid head on her shoulders or find a younger girl that you can train to be the way you like.

[gework]

(03-30-2019 03:11 AM)VincentVinturi Wrote:  

My question is—and if you don't have some experience with this please refrain from sharing your opinions—would wifing her up and giving her babies cause her to actually rise to the occasion? Or would it just corner me into a really bad and ever worsening situation? Or, is there just no way to tell?

This is a question I asked in another thread, but it didn't really get answered, but I've had more time to think about it.

I'm in a somewhat similar position to you at the moment, as in there is a girl that I decided to cut off contact with as it seemed like I was stuck in a hamster wheel of her making. Recently she's contacted me again and it's the same as you have mentioned - a rekindling. The big difference is that her femininity is expressed through elegance, quietness and softness - demure. They may be playing a piano as you come home. They quietly close the piano lid, walk quietly over to you and curl up on your chest.



The girl you are referring to is what I think of as a baby girl. Most S(E)A girls seem to be like this. Being with them can be like a drug and their games are adorable, but they are highly emotional, so prone to all sorts of illogical thinking and bad moods. If they aren't submissive they are difficult to control, even by themselves.

The worst case I have had of this is in Colombia. It took one month for my mind to get back to normal after that cluster fuck of exuberance. How could you live like that for the rest of your life?

These girls are addictive, but as you mention the passion they create in you is not enough to sustain marriage until death. It's been said many times that solid marriages are more like a team than a romance.

So I have come to the conclusion to look for a woman who is demure.

[the-dream]

This is my non-expert opinion from being in relationships with similar sounding Filipina girls who never changed (but never had children with them, got married to them or had any major life change that would warrant them needing to pull themselves together).

First off, if listening to a doctor is the worst thing that she's done then maybe she is a good girl and you just have too high expectations.

Realistically though with a girl like that, they need your constant supervision to thrive. There's not really any other way around it. If they accept that and are proud of that, that can be great. If they always need your help to complete every basic task in your life but still like to think of themselves as an independent woman or like to give you shit whilst helping them out, then you're in a bad situation.

You can have a more stoic, level headed girl who won't give you so many silly headaches but also isn't going to truly need and dedicate herself to you in the same way a more ditzy, hyper-feminine girl like yours would. If you have the ditzy, over-reliant girl who's not totally dedicated to you and proud, that's the worst of both worlds. Pick your poison.

To answer your original question, most of the time, no. For her to rise to the occasion, she'd probably lose what makes her so sweet in the process. Either build your lives together in a way that you have total control of her and she is happy with that, carry on as you are but accept that she can't really fend for herself and mishaps will happen, or leave her. She's not going to change and if she does, it will have side effects.

[Black Caesar]

Sounds like bad leadership and a weak pimp hand.

As a rule kids amplify the best AND worst in a chick.

[Beirut]

I know of 2 women who were notoriously spoiled and babylike and became superwomen after marriage and kids. They basically take care of the entire household and the husband just works (they coordinate the repairs, take cars to the shop, pay the bills, take care of the kids....)

As for your specific example, id disagree. She did the right thing. You dont want a woman who will listen to grandma recipes and what someone says when it comes to medicine. And i just googled the same thing and half the links mentioned u need a tetanus shot or booster whatever that is and half said you didnt.

Marriage and specially kids are enormous life changers. Now her instinct is to seek protection and affection. When she has kids her instinct will be to provide these.

If shes caring and affectionate and has a good heart, she will most likely rise to the occasion and adapt and be a good mother. Thats how it worked for centuries. Girls would have kids while barely out of their teens and life would shape their character.

Kind of like Natasha from war and peace

[No More Mr. Soy Boy]

I will give a link here to an interesting post I remember by Aurini where he talked about something similar to your vaccine incident.

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-71712-...pid1908689

He broke up with her the next day. I'm heading towards this too where it's a dealbreaker if the girl for some reason don't trust you enough as a leader and instead follows the herd.

[Leonard D Neubache]

When it comes to choosing the mother of your children then you need to remember that she's going to be providing half of their DNA, not just being a caretaker to them.

This goes toward not only looks and health but behavior too. The apple does not fall too far from the tree, as they say.

Women described as "having gotten their shit together" once they became mothers are a looong bet to gamble your future and the future of your children on. How long will it take for your children to "get their shit together"?

[kinjutsu]

(03-30-2019 10:27 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

When it comes to choosing the mother of your children then you need to remember that she's going to be providing half of their DNA, not just being a caretaker to them.

This goes toward not only looks and health but behavior too. The apple does not fall too far from the tree, as they say.

Women described as "having gotten their shit together" once they became mothers are a looong bet to gamble your future and the future of your children on. How long will it take for your children to "get their shit together"?

This exact point.
When you have a girl that follows every single silly idea that pops in her head, on YouTube, or on Facebook then you have much larger issues with her. The decision making flow chart is broken with her mind.

Most girls don't step up. They just do whatever everyone does.

My girl is a sweet, kind and caring girl but the rest of her family avoids dealing with any sort of responsibility of ANY kind. Her dad is a drunk and has been for 20yrs and her brother is well on the way. It took a few years for her to see all the dumb shit her family gets into and realize how fucked up it made her.

If she didn't start to show improvement on these issues and other issues i would've left her.
It's ok to have developed shitty habits from your family/society when you were growing up because you literally didn't know any better. It's not ok to stick your head in the ground and pretend you don't need to fix certain issues.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

The big problem with a woman is not being dumb or a lack of seriousness, knowledge, education or even common sense, but a lack of curiosity. Not knowing what tetanus vaccines are for is completely fine, but not being curious enough to even look it up is quite bad.

[Tinder Scientist]

I had a similar experience in Japan explaining to a girl how stds worked.
If you don't know people are hilariously misinformed about stds over there, they almost never wear condoms and the hpv vaccine rate is almost down to 0% because of some urban myth.

It's such a big disappointment when you like a girl and then she starts telling you about how the color yellow makes people sick (true story).

[Beirut]

(03-30-2019 12:33 PM)kinjutsu Wrote:  

This exact point.
When you have a girl that follows every single silly idea that pops in her head, on YouTube, or on Facebook then you have much larger issues with her. The decision making flow chart is broken with her mind.

But the girl in the OP did the exact opposite and trusted doctors as opposed to google.

Theres a difference between being immature and having a history of making harmful or bad decisions.

We need more examples of what OP means by immaturity because to be perfectly honest, i put OP at fault in the example he listed.
The mature thing to do in case of emergencies is go to doctors and not go to the first google link that pops up.

webmd page:

If it's been more than 10 years since your last tetanus booster, get a booster within the next few days.

Wikipedia:

Doctors often recommend a tetanus immunization.


Maybe vincent you got mad simply because she didnt listen to you? which is understandable but thats on you then. (Again this is all based on that one example)

[nek]

(03-30-2019 06:30 AM)Black Caesar Wrote:  

Sounds like bad leadership and a weak pimp hand.

As a rule kids amplify the best AND worst in a chick.

If a girl is particularly stubborn, no amount of pimp hand and leadership will work. Short of controling everything in her life and seeing where she's at 100% of the time, her stubborness and irrationality will have its moments. The issue at hand is that he already knows the answer. This is one of those moments where Jariel's posts should be re-read. If you already broke up with her, you know the answer. If the single mother issue in the west has taught us anything, its that a woman has a profound impact on her kids, and is capable of fucking up children in ways that may seem innocuous at first glance. Think of the damage helicopter parenting (read: mothering) has done to the development of western children.

Some people are just toxic for various reasons, he's broken up with her for her behavior in the past yet she does not take it as a sign to improve her behavior. It is written.

[void]

I can relate. The girl is sweet poison and you are addicted.
As a litmus-test: How do you feel if you think about your relationship. Positive or worried about the future?
According to your post, you are worried.

Can women grow up? Yes, it takes life altering events for that. Health scare, babies, etc.
Is there a guarantee for development, no. Some people are just dumb.

How is her mother or sister behaving? Does she have a harmonic family and your nephews are raised responsibly or is her family fucked up?

Next questions:
How committed is she about having a family with you? If she provides inconsistent statements about having a family with you. End it. I did end it, even though it was hard as fuck.
Ask her in three different ways, at three different times. If all answers match, good. If not, bad.
If she is committed and not dumb, why would she fail to become a good mother?
You make a baby with her and she doesn't change much, how fucked is your life then?

I think that bee sting incident is over-analyzing her behavior. Are thai-bees more poisonous than american or european bees? Was this the first sting in her life?
How much drama and accidents does she attract with her personality?

[Going strong]

(03-30-2019 10:27 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

When it comes to choosing the mother of your children then you need to remember that she's going to be providing half of their DNA, not just being a caretaker to them.

This goes toward not only looks and health but behavior too.

Are you saying that DNA can determine (or affect) the future behavior of a kid? Personally, I believe the behavior of a child will be determined by the education the parents will provide, and by, say, to which extent the parents can shelter the kids from MSM, public schools and TV series (nefarious and debilitating influences).

[the-dream]

(03-31-2019 09:26 PM)Going strong Wrote:  

(03-30-2019 10:27 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

When it comes to choosing the mother of your children then you need to remember that she's going to be providing half of their DNA, not just being a caretaker to them.

This goes toward not only looks and health but behavior too.

Are you saying that DNA can determine (or affect) the future behavior of a kid? Personally, I believe the behavior of a child will be determined by the education the parents will provide, and by, say, to which extent the parents can shelter the kids from MSM, public schools and TV series (nefarious and debilitating influences).

It's definitely a mix of nature and nurture. Look at different dog breeds and how breeders breed dogs. It's no different with human.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Genetic behavioral drivers were something that was common sense until the globalist subversive anti-science movement kicked into gear in the West and academia transitioned from explaining the science behind the obvious to explaining why everything obvious was wrong.

It's now forbidden to suggest that Anglos are naturally driven toward certain types of behaviors while ethnic Japanese are driven toward others and Han Chinese driven towards different outcomes still. Even among these groups there are subsets which when left to their own devices will tend towards different outcomes.

We are told to pretend that if we dropped 100 Scandinavian babies on one otherwise uninhabited island and 100 Arab babies on another then in 50 years the outcome would be identical. It's nonsense.

As the-dream put it. This is not the case for dogs or any other mammal for that matter. Domesticating animals required culling off those with certain characteristics not the least of which was inherent distrust and violence towards humans. This is why it's easier to train a labrador than it is to train a wolf.

This is a big topic, suffice to say that it's no longer politically correct to study it and as such proof often arises only as an offshoot of other studies not specifically related to the this question directly. For instance in one study the researchers looked at various sets of identical twins separated at birth because they were trying to find evidence about how disparate incomes in their host families affected the outcomes of the children in terms of educational success and other factors. I suppose they were expecting slam dunk proof that humans are all blank slates whose outcomes are based almost wholly on their upbringings but it turned out that the opposite was true.

Whether rich or poor, disciplined or not, religious or atheist raised, the identical twins ended up performing similarly regardless of their upbringings.

Pity the fools that didn't bury their findings the second they were discovered. I'm sure they never got work in the field again. I remember listening to it on the radio in the morning and despite the usual 24 hour repetition of the news channel the story was gone by lunch time, and that was almost 10 years ago now.

Genetics dictate behavior to a far greater degree than modern western society is allowed to believe. Even if you left your baby at a hospital door to be raised by the state you would come back in 20 years to find out it had almost invariably turned out like either you or the child's mother.

[asdfk]

VincentVinturi, I do not mean to come off as harsh and I will not say if you should marry or not (respecting your wish for qualified responses). But I want to point out you are confusing "immature / not taking responsibility" with "a lack of intelligence."

An intelligent but immature woman will be able to follow you when you provide her with logical arguments. For example, in case of the bee sting it might be as simple as saying:

- "Doctors have a financial interest in prescribing you bullshit treatments you do not need."
- "You can verify if a prescription is correct with a 2-second Google search. If it debunks the prescribed treatment, it is likely bullshit."

And on and on. These arguments are so simple that if she is not able to follow them, she is lacking intelligence. (No offense, it is unfortunately uncommon to find women who can follow simple logic)

So if you see she is not able to follow this logic, you have a problem. You can't teach someone intelligence: it is set. You will always have to deal with her inability to understand you, which must be frustrating. You probably have to get very good in playing on her emotions to get her to do basic shit because marrying a girl won't make her smarter.