Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
OP says that when enough is enough though, he will put his foot down.
When is that?
It's like defining obscenity, you know it when you see it. In the same way you would know it is enough when you feel it. I don't feel that way yet.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
The day that she decides to pull a knife on you? Your relationship sounds like a fucking Jerry Springer promo reel.
She did not pull a knife on me, but it's not inconceivable. Obviously that would be a dealbreaker, just as if she ever contacts an ex or writes to another guy again.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
You came here to ask a question about controlling a girl that is WELL out of the territory of realistic control.
And yet she complied with my recent request to put her profile pic public so I can see who likes it. Maybe she isn't. She complied with a large number of other requests. I asked her to block certain people on FB, including the exes she wrote to, she showed me her blocked list, they were on there. She may not be beyond being guided in the right direction, though perhaps full control is impossible.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
You gave this girl an allowance, showered her with gifts and attention all while she has treated you with about as much respect as she treats shit stuck to her shoe.
Her lack of respect is a serious concern, I am not going to lie. However, respect can be built, like trust. I should emphasize that her lack of respect is mostly during times we've been apart, when we live together, usually, not always, her respect level is much higher.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
Hell, you couldn't even get this girl to stop hanging out with a gay dude when you gave her an ultimatum.
She did not meet him, but yes, her lack of full compliance on this request was a disappointment. Yet, as PT rightly pointed out, that infraction was not a serious one, and I may have over escalated this gay friend issue. I will have her end this relationship in the long term, I have no doubt.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
Her respect for you is NON-EXISTENT.
No, that is not the case. Her respect is not non-existent, she does respect my demands on many occasions, just on too many occasions is her disrespect too intense. Let's not over-exaggerate it like they do on Jerry Springer.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
You've been given pages of advice on this from respected contributors like PT and Noir, who have been extremely patient and helpful through this dumpster fire of a thread.
It really has been excellent advice from PT and Noir, which has been of great help to clarify things in my mind.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
If you want to stay with this massive headache of a woman... you do you. Good luck with the ensuing years of bullshit (and further domestic abuse).
I'm not the kind to get domestically abused, she got physical with me, but quickly understood that would not end well for her, I don't get abused physically. She tried to get physical with me, but it was worse for her. I am a considerably bigger person than she is. This happened three times.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
No matter how many times you say that "the positives outweigh the negatives" the only person believing that is yourself.
Well, I'm the only one who knows the full facts. Like I said, when she is in a positive zone, her trying to please is as intense as her negative behaviour. On balance the good did by far outweigh the bad.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
The one-itis is strong and I really hope that you can remove yourself from this situation to look at it objectively OP.
I am trying to do that, and everyone's contributions here have been of great help in this regard.
Quote: (11-19-2018 05:01 PM)The Golden God Wrote:
P.S. do yourself a favor and install some home security cameras for next time she decides she wants to beat your ass. It will be a real headache if some of that Jerry Springer drama leads her to call the cops and it's your word vs hers without any evidence, especially with hitting involved.
It is a valid point to consider, there were nights after intense arguments when I slept in my bed and she on the couch when I would not have been surprised if she pulled a knife, but this has never ever happened. She threatened once to call the cops but she never has. If anything like that were to happen that would be a good example of 'enough'.