First things first @Noir
As always dropping the highest quality and insightful material
Jefferson
You keep pounding this carpet trying to shake out a new answer to the same "bugs". A new "solution" to the "problem" you've identified. That problem being that "
This girl doesn't behave towards
me the way I would like her to... sometimes".
But that isn't really the problem.
How much control should you exert in an LTR?
The answer is
"none"
"Exerting control" is an exercise of force. Forcing compliance, behavior, attitude etc is essentially putting lipstick on a pig. Masking symptoms does not cure the disease.
If a woman only behaves a certain way in direct exchange for (insert commodity) then the relationship is not based on the necessary elements required for a more "organic" inter personal dynamic.
Attraction + respect + admiration =
Appreciation
Appreciation is a critical component that is often overlooked and or mis-defined
Ive often used the following analogy when discussing the nature of appreciation*
Imagine if you will a glass of water. Now in that water there are a few particles of something floating around. Maybe just a little dust the wind kicked off the kitchen window sill.
Would you drink it?
Of course not. Youre in the kitchen. You simply dump it, rinse the glass and pour another glass from the filtered water port on the fridge
Most on the forum will recognize this as having "abundance mentality".
But lets change up the
hypothetical scenario. Your car breaks down on some remote stretch of road of the Mojave Desert. Your stranded with no cell reception, no provisions and no civilization for 100 miles so you have no choice but to walk out. So you walk for the next 3. 5 days, without food or water and finally stumble across and old abandoned shack. You are at the end of your endurance, cracked tongue and lips from dehydration
You stumble in and there on the counter:
Would you drink it? Of course. Anyone would. And in that extreme moment that less than pristine glass of water would be the best tasting, most satisfying, most
appreciated glass of water of your life. Wouldn't it ?
So appreciation is directly linked to value (be it real in the case of the physical or perceived in the case of the ego)
Now what does this rather ridiculous exercise have to do with the topic at hand?
Youve already acknowledged your previous mistakes in terms of the allowance, gifts etc. You've also mentioned that this girl was accustomed due to her looks to receiving those same things from other men.
So in addition to her being on the HPD spectrum, which is an issue unto itself, you ceded all power in the relationship with those mistakes. Along with that power a large portion, if not all, of her respect for you went with it.
Without
respect a woman can not be unconditionally attracted to a man
long term. She can not
appreciate him fully as a man. Without intrinsic, holistic appreciation for the man, not just for the commodities that any other man (glass of water) can provide separately she can not give herself wholly as a woman.
Its an immutable fact
Over and over we see it repeated the themes repeated
Men fall in love with the women they are attracted to
Women are attracted to the men they fall in love with
The way I see it you have 3 options
- Continue to try and make the relationship what you want. As much as you want this to happen I doubt that its possible given the established dynamic and her social conditioning probably being to far gone -(by not just you but the other men who've "bought" her attention and affection"). She may eventually reluctantly relent and agree to be with you but she will likely harbor deep resentment and probably cheat on you
- Accept this dynamic as it is. Acceptance being defined as
appreciate the good moments / periods as much as possible while developing the ability to not care during the bad. This is likely unrealistic and will undoubtedly lead you down the road of frustration. resentment, and ultimately disappointment
-Replace her. Is she the "cleanest glass of water" you can attain? I guess thats for you to answer.
As everything always does it comes down to the struggle between
Fear and Desire. You
desire those long legs, nice ass, perky titties, pretty face but you
fear that youre in a desert and this cloudy glass is the best you can have
But then I have to ask "How do you know that she is? " What
real, meaningful effort have you made to find another young woman with all the physical attributes (
the commodity she offers you...with diminishing value I might add as she careens toward the obsolescence wall) but with a more agreeable personality?
Id hazard that if you answered honestly its "none really".
Its human nature. "Bird and hand"- right ?
Fear vs Desire
Winning only comes from living a life that is predominantly desire driven with the a prudent amount of fear to keep one from being suicidally (sic?) reckless
Men are looking for all women to fulfill their one need and desire
Women are looking for one man to fulfill all their needs and desires
When a man lives a strong desire driven life then the woman (women) in his life want nothing more than to willingly go along for the ride. She wants nothing more than to be made whole by him. No "control" is necessary. Only mild guidance