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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
11-29-2018, 10:39 PM
Brother we've all said that - "there never will be that X chick around".
Only too look back a year later and laugh and say "wtf was I thinking"
Life is like that.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
11-30-2018, 09:19 AM
Yah, you have that behind you. I still have to go through that valley of pain.
She messaged me at 11 pm yesterday. Asking 'Let me think about things. Goodnight'.
So I just replied 'Of course. Goodnight'. I thought that was that. But the reply was so aloof she must have wondered what's up, because I then got a follow up straight away 'You're up late?'. So I called her. I'd said some pretty bad things about her family and her and wanted her to know it was just said in anger. She was still smarting from it. I'd brought up that she'd cheated in the past. She said I keep throwing it in her face and she regrets she told me the truth now, that she said too much. I asked her 'what there's more?'. She just replied 'I said too much'. She claimed she was very sensitive to these things, and it has all been a bit much. She again said she wanted to think about things. I said sure.
She'd deactivated her facebook and insta. When I mentioned it she said she'd reactivate it. She didn't send me a friend request, didn't reactivate and didn't write at all the whole night today.
I can feel it slipping away. I can feel myself slipping away. When she was giving me what I needed I could maintain the idea that she loved me. Now, she's not writing I am starting to think it's not worth it. She keeps withdrawing her affections like this. Not just over long distance, also when she lives with me there are weekends like that. She ruins whole weekends for me with her coldness.
This weekend I will most likely hit up that girl I met at the bar. Yes, she's a 6 and heavy set, but she was nice. Easy and pleasant. A refreshing change.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
11-30-2018, 10:39 AM
I don't have a scarcity mindset. I'm fully aware I can get other women. The thing is some women are a lot better than other women. I'm talking certain aspects, like looks. Yes, this maniac may have depression and other mental issues, but in terms of legs, face, and looks generally she's simply a cut above the majority of girls.
Her crazy is the problem. The more I think about it there's no way around it. She'd cause me too much unhappiness.
She just sent me a photo. At first I thought, 'cool, a nice pic of her'. Turns it out it was a picture of one of these wimmin's relationship advice memes about how not all relationships last, sometimes they just teach us lessons and people leave, that's ok. Then she followed it up with a 'Hi, Enjoy your day!'
No idea what this is supposed to be. She's not breaking up with me, but sending pics of memes that say people leaving is okay, sometimes relationships don't last. Then a cheerful greeting and have a great day. I don't get it. If she wants to break up, why write at all?
I am tired of this nonsense now. She's already hurt my focus at work. Countless were the days when she had to text me during the night, I lost sleep, she caused some drama and I had no energy to focus on work.
I am definitely up for moving to Phil at some point and meet someone else. If she wants out she can go. Her loss.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
11-30-2018, 11:13 AM
This is what I'll do. No more replies.
I'm going out tonight to bang whatever moves my way.
There are hotter girls. God damn her legs, full lips, perky breasts, silky skin and angel voice were nice though. But okay, I had that, it was good, the crazy is too much. Time to move on.
She's a bit past her prime and she is a pain in the ass far too often.
It's not going to be easy. To find a girl hotter than her would be going into 9 territory.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
11-30-2018, 02:08 PM
^ Exactly.
You have to realize that you are the one responsible for yourself and your own happiness.
There isn't a codependency between women and men for happiness like you've talked about before.
Women and men compliment each other, they do not complete each other.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
11-30-2018, 03:58 PM
I think one should make a distinction here, co-dependency is a term used by psychologists for a number of theories, but not all caring or validation behaviour is co-dependent.
If I tell my girl she has a nice hair cut there is nothing co-dependent in that, it would only be such if it is a compulsive behaviour. For example if I were compelled to tell her a constant stream of compliments to compulsively seek her approval, that would be co-dependent behaviour.
I think generally some measure of validation from or towards a partner is fine. The difficulty is where to draw the line, when is behaviour compulsive and when it is 'normal'.
In general terms I still think you can achieve professional success, be rich, but without a woman that loves you it will not be the total prize. There's a reason why Lennon wrote 'Woman, thank you for showing me the meaning of success'.
But I would agree that the compulsive and obsessive seeking of validation or approval from women is of course mad.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
11-30-2018, 04:04 PM
Quote: (11-30-2018 03:25 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:
I think you meant, complement, as in:
1. add to (something) in a way that enhances or improves it; make perfect.
Quoting this part again for how true it is. You will NOT be happy with a woman if you are not happy with yourself. Also, if you think about it from the other perspective, you CANNOT make her happy with how fucked up she is. She is not happy with herself, she's nuts and completely out of control of her life. She will be nothing but a drain on your life ultimately.
OP, cut ties now not after spinning your wheels even longer. You don't have to bang that 6, but there are plenty of other girls like her but they are also even younger and don't have any of that bullshit drama you're rationalizing away.
I know what he meant. You are right, you can not be happy with a woman if you are not happy with your life first, but no matter how much one achieves, men will want to have a woman that loves them, as the biographies of Howard Hughes, Nietzsche and so on show quite clearly. We instinctually seek a woman, even when we are happy with the rest of our life. Precisely for a measure of caring, validation and so on.
You certainly can not make a bipolar happy. Believe me, I tried. It can't be done. And my God has she been a drain on my life, my finances, my time, my goodwill.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
12-02-2018, 03:49 PM
What happened bro? Just a few pages back you said "unlucky for me" you guys got back together and everythings going to be great.
I guess your gameless, scarcity mindset thinking was wrong and everyone else was right!
Wow, who could have predicted that that a long distance relationship with manipulative Filipina prostitute wouldn't work out?!
"Especially Roosh offers really good perspectives. But like MW said, at the end of the day, is he one of us?"
- Reciproke, posted on the Roosh V Forum.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
12-02-2018, 05:15 PM
She messaged me again after she said she wanted to think about things. A long message basically saying she never felt loved by anyone but me, yet no matter how much two people love each other sometimes it's just not meant to be, we tried and take care. I just replied 'You do you. Take care'.
I thought we were done. We weren't. She kept texting 'Are you mad?'. Me, 'No'. And then she went on about how I called her a prostitute, I told her I didn't mean it. And so we again had a long conversation which basically ended up with her saying she wanted to go to Bangkok with me and would give me another chance.
So we're back together.
Obviously all the advice on here has helped me to see things in a clearer light. And yes, it's not a promising constellation, no doubt.
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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
12-02-2018, 06:21 PM
No Kaotic, I am the one giving her another chance. Despite all her nonsense. She may say it's her, but I am the one giving her another chance.
I do have frame, she is coming to Bangkok with me, but on my terms.
The advice has been helpful, like I said I see things clearer. The excesses I did in the past I will not repeat this time around.
I know you, and others, think I should have broken up with her. I thought that myself for some time. But there is no harm if she comes a few months to BK with me. It will be fun. Even if it ends, I would just accept that. I am no longer as invested as I was. Partly due to the advice on here.
Every woman will be a drain on your finances and time if she is with you long term. However, you get things in return, it's not just you doing the giving.
There is no 'truth', only perspective.