[Michele]

I guess with the risk of coming off as somewhat of a troll as a new member I'd like to try and discuss this anyway. But seriously, I think this is like one of the most forgotten topics on this part of internet.

I usually chew on a gum and drink on nights out and hate myself for it because I get a gas filled stomach. I got so many bad memories.

For example, I went home to a cute girl in a foreign country this summer. We banged and then tried to sleep ~5 AM (was no chance for me to leave, was in the suburb).

I've never regret going back to a girl, but I did that night even though the sex itself is on the top 5 list I've ever had.
I was super tired and hating myself thinking the sex wasn't worth it because I was now lying right next to her and about to make a fucking Chernobyl fart every 45 seconds which would have freaked her out (which probably is an underexaggeration).

So I had to stay up several hours and concentrate to have it stay in there (it was painful!) and not make this girl remember me forever for something like that. Trying to sneak into the bathroom wasn't an option. She'd have noticed and I felt like I could destroy it and shit would just be everywhere.

But I noticed with my ex (who I never lived with) that this topic became more easier if I joked with her about it and focused on her taking shits.
Like "you look so innocent, you don't seem like the girl who would take shits. Do you even?" but that was only if she ever brought the topic up. I estimate that the topic has been brought up with about 0.5% of all girls I've ever hanged out with, it's VERY taboo.

Fuck, I guess I'm just too beta for shitting myself over girls reactions.

TLDR - TOPIC:
But I'm curious to how you guys handle this in a smooth way. I'd like to have a dynamic where it's not a big deal to make a fart next to the girl and talk about taking shits, but where do one start?
Do you just fart when you want and look like unbothered like some fucking alpha gorilla or what do you do?

Please share some stories if you have too.

[polar]

As a dark triad alpha, I just shit in her purse. Bitches love that move.

[Vill@in]

Do you have IBS or Crohn's?

If not, then you should know what foods/drinks make you shit your pants. So...refrain from those if you are going to be around women.

[kaotic]

A true Alpha shits on her chest, but make sure you're in Dubai.

[YoungBlade]

[Enoch]

I have two bathrooms, one off my bedroom (door opens from bathroom directly into bedroom) and one the hallway of the condo. Both are full bathrooms.

She knows to use the one in the hallway.

Also I keep the farting to a minimum. If I really need to rip ass I will step outside for a smoke.

If she starts farting around you or get a little too casual with the grosser aspects of the female anatomy that needs to be nipped in the bud.

[Michele]

(11-08-2017 07:25 PM)Vill@in Wrote:  

If not, then you should know what foods/drinks make you shit your pants. So...refrain from those if you are going to be around women.

Yeah, I usually just eat soup if I know I'm gonna see a girl soon and almost no carbohydrates. Being out with a girl on a gasfilled stomach is like the worst thing ever. The paradox is that alcohol and chewing on a gum (looks and feel more confident with one) helps you get laid though. So there's a trade-off, I guess.

But mostly I guess it's about being able to get that light vibe with the girl that almost nothing (normal, which farting is) is too embaressing to do in front of her.

[Michele]

(11-08-2017 07:51 PM)Enoch Wrote:  

Also I keep the farting to a minimum. If I really need to rip ass I will step outside for a smoke.

Ok, but don't you feel slightly bad and emasculated about having to do so and having to step outside though?

When I talk with my in real life friends sometimes about this, it seems like they are always casual with girls about it (even though I've never experienced them farting in front of girls) and they'll tell other guys to just man up about it and release the fart or "take a shit like a real man".

I guess after being with a girl for a few years that comes naturally but where do you sort of start? I've never lived together with a chick so I got no clue.

[polar]

Ok, so maybe you're not a troll.

Just a "hey, I gotta use the bathroom" / take a call / step away for a moment.

Even if she hears you rip a loud one, or figures out why you stepped away, the etiquette is in you moving away rather than ripping a silent but(t) deadly.

[Leonard D Neubache]

More yogurt. Preferably sweetened with nothing but honey.

[Conclusion013]

Lol good topic actually. I'm taking mass gainer and protein and anyone else on these know it makes you super gassy. I'm fortunate to not get the stinks too bad, I know some people say it's deadly to them.

I end up trying to hold it in as best as possible. I think it's a shitty (lawl) situation for both giys and girls. There was a news story at the beginning of September about a tinder date where the girl dumped in the guys washroom and the toilet broke. She fished her shit out with paper and tried tossing it out the window only to get it stuck. She then got herself stuck trying to fetch it. Fire department had to come and rescue her out. Point beijg it happens to all of us, I think its way worse for woman so I wouldn't be too concerned about it.

[polar]

Switch from whey concentrate to whey isolate. Problem reduced, if not solved.

[torridon747]

I fart as loud as I can when the girl is reasonably comfortable with me. What is she gonna do? My penis has already been deep in her fun slit. Spitting in a girl's mouth is pretty fun too.

I try to poop while they're in the shower too once in a while. That or throw cold water on them.

Sounds rude or whatever but it's just harmless fun if you frame it right and can keep the whole dom/sub thing rolling when life gets dull. And believe me, you can do a lot of things with women but you shouldn't ever bore them.

[Hypno]

I was banging a chick and had a big fart building up. That week I had a close call with a shart so I held it in, but it prevented me from coming.

I have a friend on this site who invited a chick over to make chili with him. Dude is a caveman.

[bojangles]

I burp, fart and don't give a fuck really. You're a human. If i bring girls back to mine, I generally make them watch youtube whilst I have a shit, this is so they feel comfortable with my apartment as they look around and are free to leave as I'm dropping a load in the toilet. None have ever left, none have ever commented on me having a massive shit either. I've farted in bed after sex, once during sex i think, really you need to stop giving a fuck.

[DJ-Matt]

Ultimate dark triad alpha move: blast a huge fart while she's blowing you

[YoungBlade]

^^^

Not quite. Ever heard of a blumpkin? Those were all the rage on Old Row for a while.

[DJ-Matt]

(11-09-2017 12:57 PM)YoungBlade Wrote:  

^^^

Not quite. Ever heard of a blumpkin? Those were all the rage on Old Row for a while.

HAHA! No but I just searched for it.

Quote:

(vulgar, slang) The act of performing fellatio while the recipient is defecating in a toilet.

[HardcoreSexpatMotherfucker]

I just don't fart before fucking, as the bitch could possibly take offense and leave before I can drain my balls, but after that, I just do what I need to do.

[EmotionalGeek]

If I need to take a crap I just go to toilet. I say that I will be back in a moment and go. Often I have to take a leak multiple times (e.g. 4 or 5) only one girl mentioned this.

[RatInTheWoods]

Just do what you gotta do.

Its the girls who get awfully embarrassed at their bodily functions, god bless them.

[Cumlluminates]

(11-08-2017 07:29 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

A true Alpha shits on her chest, but make sure you're in Dubai.

You know if you do it just right you can make it look like a bowtie...

(11-09-2017 01:14 PM)DJ-Matt Wrote:  

(11-09-2017 12:57 PM)YoungBlade Wrote:  

^^^

Not quite. Ever heard of a blumpkin? Those were all the rage on Old Row for a while.

HAHA! No but I just searched for it.

Quote:

(vulgar, slang) The act of performing fellatio while the recipient is defecating in a toilet.

Well alright, that sounds like something to add to my bucket list. YOLO!

[anicca]

Go vegan. Had that problem, don’t have it anymore

[cjackson]

Hah...I like this thread. Reminds me of that Family Guy clip where Peter tells Meg that the sexiest thing she can ever do for a man is learn to love his farts. I'd post the clip, but I'm on my phone at work. Help me out boys, somebody find that clip!

Seriously though, this is something that I've struggled with before, as well as many of my friends. What I've found is that farting while with a girl is highly contextual. If it's a first date with a classy broad, you may want to hold it until you can step away for a moment. If you have banged her several times already, it's probably safe to let 'er rip loud and proud right next to her and then laugh at her reaction. She may be genuinely disgusted, but she will admire your confidence and sense of humor; after all, it is a perfectly normal bodily function, and she already likes you enough to let you stick your dick in her various orifices. But whatever you do, DON'T EVER BE EMBARASSED ABOUT IT! If you squeeze out a silent one that ends up being deadly, you may want to say something like "woah....holy shit! hey girl, I think I just burned a hole in my pants, we probably shouldn't stand here much longer." Now, instead of desperately hoping that she doesn't notice the toxic cloud wafting around you, you have a great excuse to lead her to wherever you please. If you're sleeping next to her and for some reason you can't get up and rip ass in the bathroom, either A) lift the covers from your ass, break wind, and re-cover your ass while subtly using the blankets to fan the stench away from you, or B) engage in chemical warfare under the blanket, then hold her head down there so she has to smell it. Chicks love that shit, pun intended.

All jokes aside, it was mentioned above that women are WAY more embarassed about this stuff than men are. I even had a date once that I was 99.99% sure I would bang, but she inexplicably decided that she needed to go home RIGHT NOW cuz she forgot something blah blah blah. I spent hours wondering what I did wrong until our next date, when she admitted that she panicked and bailed on me because she had to take a dump and she got embarassed. (Later that night, I stuck my thumb in her ass while fucking her doggy style.)

[456]

HUGE fan of getting the farts/shits out of the way EARLY -- like maybe the first sleepover AFTER you've already banged.

I used to try being low-key, but whenever I held in a fart until I could walk to the bathroom, the fart urge would disappear! Then I'd come back to the couch or bed, and the urge would present itself again.

So now I view the first "public" fart with her as an important milestone. Depending on the type of fart and bouquet, I have a funny comment / joke already lined up. She'll be a good sport and appreciate the confidence.

The real thing is for guys with a smaller apartment and bathroom in audible range of the rest of the place, if you don't get comfortable taking long loud shits while she's over, it could be MONTHS before she mentions her own issues, or a suitable organic joke opp arises, or it naturally becomes comfortable. Need to accelerate this process.

Point is GET IT OVER WITH.

Get the farts/shits into the joke-aroundable plane in the beginning.

(Obviously once this threshold is crossed, the onus[anus??] is on us to not let the bathroom humor seep into sex time or become a turn-off. Best to do it after sex, hours before sex, etc.)


Edit: I'll just leave this here: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/11/...-strength/ "Time To Fart As A Measure Of Relationship Strength"

My TTF is low as fuck.