[PapayaTapper]

Here's one (legendary) way to handle it

(01-07-2016 09:23 PM)AntiTrace Wrote:  

I once had a horrible ingrown hair in the crack of my ass. Really deep down in there. I couldn't even sit down.

My girlfriend at the time, being the trooper (and disgusting bitch) she was, was all too happy to pull it out for me. She grabbed a pair of tweezers and I layed face down spread eagle in the living room floor. She proceeded to start searching for the offending ingrown.

Of course it was deep down in there and I, like many men, have a hairy ass crack. The fucking thing was camouflaged. I tell her to grab a flashlight, and to get right down in there.

So she did. And there she was, hunching over the asscheeks I was spreading open, wielding a pair of tweezers in one hand and a flash light in the other. He face was mere inches from my ass crack.

What's a man to do? Sure I want this thing plucked out. Sure I want this pain to stop. But at what cost? Was I willing to miss the golden, once in a lifetime, opportunity to show complete and utter dominance over my girlfriend just so I could be relieved of some pain?

No. I chose the pain.

So trying not to give myself away I told her "Get closer, you're almost there. Get closer you can probably see it. It hurts so bad, get closer"

And she did.

Closer she got...

then closer..

and even closer...

And right before she could pluck that horrible ingrown asshair...with her face so close that my ass hairs were tickling her nostrils, I pushed out the loudest, nastiest, beer fart that I could muster.

She revolted backwards against the wall, slamming her head off the closet door in the process. Slapping at her face with one hand, like she was trying to exorcise a demon, and rubbing the back of her head with her other, screaming all sorts of obscenities. I jumped out, giggy as could be, and pumped my fists into the air to celebrate my accomplishment.

That is my fondest memory of that relationship. So yeah, them bitches do some nasty grooming from time to time. But I appreciate it.

[Remington]

My GF at the time broke the ice with me a couple months into our relationship.

She was riding me and let out a loud fart, all over my ball sack. It was horrible, disgusting, and scared the shit out of me. I had a small adrenaline rush and literally threw her off me with hulk style force that had her land on her tailbone on the opposite side of my bed. The ex kind of did a partial flip in mid air before she landed like a rag doll on her ass. She wasn't happy, and neither was I.

I immediately walked into my bathroom to wash my farty sack. I then pulled on my pants, and walked out of my room to get a beer while she was screaming "Fuck you Rem, I think you broke my fucking tailbone!"

At that point, I was laughing my ass off because my bag was clean, and she was in pain and kind of laughing about it.

That next weekend, I wanted to exact some kind of revenge. So we were on my couch and I tell her I need to go to the bathroom. I was holding in a poop that day and my farts were getting pretty mean.

So when she wasn't paying attention, I B lined at her bare assed and sat on her stomach and let one rip. It stunk like the Great Depression. So I hop off, she freaks out and says how I need therapy and that I'm a disgusting human being, etc. At that moment, I needed to clench as hard as I could because that fart almost made me unleash the fury. So I had to pretty much sprint to the bathroom before I literally crapped myself.


After those two incidents, we couldn't care less about ripping farts in front of each other. We just laughed it off.

[RatInTheWoods]

"stank like the great depression" heh

[Rocha]

(11-08-2017 07:19 PM)polar Wrote:  

As a dark triad alpha, I just shit in her purse. Bitches love that move.

When I was in the 9th grade, a girl did that in the pencil case of another girl who was a total bitch and slut, in the interval of one of the classes. The bitch face was priceless when she opened the pencil case, and then after all the suspense all class starting laughing out loud))

We where all suspended for two weeks, because nobody snitched...Those where the good ol' days )))))

The girl who pulled this stunt was a leader and respected, she was (is) from the Castle, really from Saint George Castle in Lisbon, quite a peculiar and bold people lived there back then, possibly descendents of the Crusaders who conquered it from the Moors...nowadays possibly a little more gentrified over there.

Last time I saw her facebook her 18 year old daughter is hot as fuck, and she is totally busted...

Such a shame our paths crossed in the wrong times of both our lives...Mr. Rocha at 14, a short blondie kid, made out with her not long after this episode, but I was just a kid, and she was 17...then some 10 years later we met again and she wanted the D...but I did not had the game yet, and also I did not look upon her as the charismatic leader she once was.

Well, just another part of my upbringing ))))