[goldenhinde]

Good evening fellow forists,

in the past months and especially weeks my entire physical and mental system rings all alarm bells at the same time, telling me something is terribly wrong in my life. While I do more or less understand and reflect the roots and causes for all my issues (fucked up childhood with single mum in ridiculous poverty for West-German standards, over-controlling matron grandmother, raised to be the "nice guy" who shuts up even when walked all over by others, complete absence of male role models except for my grandfather who died early, in addition slight asperger's or at least an extremely introvert/shy genetic disposition, IQ 125 when I had myself psychologically tested three years ago), this understanding doesn't help me shit in dealing with my everyday life issues that grow more and more.

The general outline of my current life, now at 32 is:
- I live with my mum, partly to support her because she is ill and financially broke, partly to save money on the ridiculous rent costs in my city.

Positive aspect: saves me a ton of rent and utility costs to be able to travel a lot. Renting my own place, while continuing to financially support my mum at the same time, would mean that my financial ability to travel would be cut back to maybe one week of travel per year. Also I'm able to save a little on the side. I have, right now, one year's net salary with benefits in savings.

- I'm working (for 10 full years already) a 9-to-5 paper-pushing office monkey job that is secure and pays okay, but I'm only at the bottom of what you would consider a middle class salary here in my part of Germany. Plus I hate my job, it's extremely stressful because every employee gets a 120% workload at least, management is poor, it's at the same time getting me nowhere intellectually, the colleagues are mostly reskilled housewives in their forties, playing their little office power games, talking about their dogs, child's school grades and sicknesses and their husbands behavior all day, or bitter males shortly before retiring, who don't see any purpose in life except slaving away in their job. It's just a very average environment and intellectually understimulating, nobody in my office likes to travel or widen their horizon, it's a completely toxic and understimulating environment.

Positive aspect: I don't really have to worry about financial security right now. My contract is open-ended and my company in a good financial state.

- current health issues:
I'm always extremely stressed and tired (need to commute 2 hours every day on overcrowded public transport that frequently breaks down, a car wouldn't save time due to traffic but increase my monthly costs, been there before, sold my car for good and I'm good with it), sleeping issues, my body feels like falling apart all over, a lot of headaches, pain in my back, stomach problems, heart race, a little overweight, I eat junk food all the time (except for lunch in my company's canteen) because I'm too lazy or tired to cook.

Positive aspect: I had my blood levels tested and electrocardiogram done at a doctor's last summer, everything checked out okay except a slightly high level of fat in the liver, I've also started taking vitamin D3 pills three weeks ago. In the end I think physically, there's nothing wrong with me that couldn't be resolved by cutting down on stress, working out etc. My problems seem to root exclusively in constant stress, discontent and my mental state.

- traveling:
The only part about my life that is really good. In the past decade I've traveled more than 200 cities in 29 countries on 3 continents and I'm fluent in or have some basic understanding of at least 7 languages. I'm planning on visiting around 50 more cities in 10 new countries in the next years and as long as I'm living with my mum, I'll be able to continue traveling at a rate of around 7 international flight trips each year. This rate might sound boastful, but it's the only thing that I really splurge on in my life. I'm abstaining from almost anything else in turn for it (no own apartment, no car, not much eating out)

- social life and sex life:
So here's where it gets really bad. Firstly, I didn't get laid in 12 fucking months. It's the longest drought period I've ever experienced since I started being sexually active. It's really driving me nuts at this point. P4P is not an option, not even to blow off steam (I don't judge and it's legal and easily available in my city. It's just not what I want right now, it wouldn't make me happy). My last (and dysfunctional/unhappy) LTR ended four years ago. Had some affairs, friends with benefits and one night stands since then, mainly with Czech and Ukrainian girls on their hometurf while I was traveling, but one Chinese, one German and one Hungarian girl here in Germany as well. But in the past 12 months I'm not able to pull anything anymore here in Germany. The larger my discontent with my general life, the more I seem to send out a vibe that's immediately drying up any pussy in a 2-mile radius around me. So I understand why it's getting worse in the past year. I don't even get girls from online game to meet up with me anymore, they're all pulling out of conversations as soon as I bring up the topic, or bringing up lies why they can't meet (busy etc.). In addition, my city Munich is not exactly a guy-friendly place if you're not top in game, looks, style and financial status. Competition is skyrocketing here, loads of guys who have everything and still have difficulties to get laid. Munich might be called the Toronto or DC of Germany in terms of finding girls for fucking.

A psychiatrist that I saw clearly pointed out to me that I lack an emotional life and that this is what's fucking me up so much. I only function like a robot every day, trying to cope with my 120% workload and power games in the office, enduring my daily 2-hour commute, standing on overcrowded trains and buses and in the evening organizing stuff for my mum and grandma or falling asleep at 9pm because I'm tired. In the office while some people are nice towards me, everybody is in a constantly bad mood and vibe because of year-long work overload and stress, and there are no young people my age at all, except for two married girls who are pregnant now and who I don't share any interests with.

My friends (all of whom I've known for 20 years or more and who are real friends, or at least have been during school and twen times) are either married with kids now and living really content, quiet and happy family lifes (50% of them), or they went down the completely opposite single road, enjoying themselves fucking around with several different girls at any given time, having an easy and relaxed life. All of my friends seem to easily cope with their workload, have jobs they like, get along with colleagues, are financially well, have their own apartments, don't have ill or old family members to take care of or financially support, and fuck girls at a rate like there's no tomorrow.

I notice that I get along clearly less well with the married-with-kids friends now because our life realities and goals don't match anymore, plus time resources are extremely limited for these guys. With the single or kidless friends I'm getting along as well as ever, but I only see them rarely because most of the days, I'm too tired to do anything after work. I've tried pushing myself into the "fuck it, I'm tired but still going out/meeting somebody"-mode, but it's killing me after some days and only making my state much worse by sleep deprivation.

That post grew longer than it was supposed to, but I'm kinda lost here. Except for my travels (which are fucking great but only keep me happy for 6 weeks a year plus some long weekends), I don't get any enjoyment from my life anymore. I live to function and slave away on all fronts. The happiest moments in the past months were the quiet ones when I totally shut out the outside world and curled up in my bed.

I just don't know where to fucking start to make things better. To make it worse, I've not been blessed by the gene lottery and look shit. Even with stylish clothes, and a better mood, I'd still look ugly. Like in appalling girls in an environment like Germany, where they can choose from a lot of top looking guys.

I've thought about a trip to the Philippines, Thailand or Indonesia. My Tinder absolutely killed it in Manila.
But at the same time I understand, that I need to do something about my daily, miserable 46 weeks of the year that I can't spend fucking easy pussy in some country at the other end of the world.

I really want to get my ass up. I just don't know where to start because I seem so stuck in my messed up situation and don't know how the fuck I can start having a content life.

Thanks for persevering until the end of my post and please fire away with your feedback. I feel like I can need any input from you guys out there.

[Midnight Cowboy]

Job situation: They don't have evening schools where you can get a bachelor's degree? They have them in my European country and do not cost much. With a 125 IQ i'm sure you can manage. I'm sure there's some kind of education that sparks your interest out there. If that's not possible try to get a job that has more future potential and mental stimulation even if you have to start at the bottom.

Looks: Lift

Financial: Buy an appartment instead of renting. You can do it together with your mom maybe, since she's not going anywhere.

Emotionel-relational: Get a sweet Filipina girlfriend. They are family orientated and having your mom around will not be as big of an issue compared to a German girl. They are used to living with lots of relatives and taking care of older people.

Mom: She's not going anywhere and it's good that you take care of her. I guess there's nothing you can do about that.

[Rocha]

The most difficult part you have already figured out. You know what is wrong in your life.

I don't have a magic formula for you, but some tips I can give.

1- there is no excuse to eat junk food. Fresh vegetables are available in any supermarket in Germany, you can cook some steak with rice and a vegetables salad (without dressings...) and it will take you maximum 25 minutes to cook. Can also use some beans, chickpeas or similar has carbs...and those canteen foods in Germany...stay out of it, bring your own food. Germany has probably the least healthy kitchen nowadays.

2 - Do some workout, join a martial arts gym, or a regular gym. Meet some masculine guys and hang out with them.

3 - Unplug from the office drama, let the shitty talk get in your ears at 100km/h and leave at 200 km/h. There are very good ways to deal with toxic people in work environment, the best is having them all on your side, and let them know that you are not prone to office drama.

All the rest seems good with you, you have money, you travel, you are clever, you speak many foreign languages, you help your mom...

[MongolianAbroad]

Delete.

[Travesty]

Bananas, oranges, apples, almonds, avacados, spoonfuls of oils, protein powders, spinach leaves & salad dressing, hard boiled eggs.

All those take almost zero prep. If you don't have energy to cook start here.

Workouts the easiest thing to start with for someone with no time or energy is jumping jacks, push ups, air squats, sit ups repeat in a cycle a few times in your bedroom. Knock it out right before showering.

[Tigre]

Start by making a 5 year plan. Your life, 5 years from now - how would you like it to look?

It sounds like neither your mother nor your grandmother cooks for the family. Are they not physically capable of doing that?

[ms224]

This might seem a little extreme but...

go to a rave and eat some molly

think about life......

People have survived far worse, with far less. You are very capable of evolving to a higher form but it is difficult and
will require hard work and most people (as you might have noticed) are lazy and shortsighted.

You recognize a problem and are looking into solutions, that is far ahead than most people who simply accept their place in life
, regardless of weather its good or not.

And they have no real path in life. Which is why, as Tigre mentioned, you need a plan.

Write out your goals. Break it down into managable pieces and work out a project plan as how you will get there.
Not too radically different than say, building a house.

I second Rocha on the mma/boxing/bbj gym. Find a real one were you can spar and maybe do some amateur matches.
You'll never get good at it without serious cardio and that requires a good diet (and lots of jump rope). First time you come out on top
sparring you will feel like a million bucks.


I understand you have a crappy job situation and I've been there but perhaps you can move to a career or a place with better prospects. Its far easier to find a job when you have one rather than when you don't.

I used to be in a similar spot, career wise and I'd come home tired and worn out not from working on real problems all day but rather dealing with some of my co-workers and stepping on officepolitik landmines.

[greekgod]

Your framework is there but this sounds joyless. Let's change that.

Do you have any interests? Hobbys?

This appears long on thinking, short on action.

The way I started developing a better life was thru the kitchen. Became a good cook. Started dialing in my diet. Then started dialing in my fitness. Six months later, sweeping changes are coming about. It all started by getting serious about the diet.

Start with things you can control and little wins.

Go out and buy the ingredients to your favorite dish. Cook it.

Then meal prep for a weeks worth of lunch. Wholesome healthy foods.

And maybe at the end of that week, find something that gets your blood pumping. Skydiving, paintball, white water rafting, pick up soccer.

I'll say this, nothing like falling towards the earth at terminal velocity with only a ripcord between you and death to slap you out of your schlepish day to day. That'll wake you up.

But again, I'll stress the diet, dial it in. You control it. Quickest returns as well. Mood, mental clarity, energy. Flood the zone baby.

[Nordwand]

Get your own place as soon as you can. If you can afford somewhere much closer to work, then do so. A 32 year old man should not be living with his mother, unless financially compelled to do so - it does you no favours at all. Unless she is terminally ill, you could be stuck there for a long time, watching your life waste away, whilst your mother becomes increasingly dependent on you. Your situation is unlikely to improve, so get out now. I know old men, who were once in your situation, and did not make the break; their story does not have a happy ending.

Change your mindset - you live in a major German city, with so much around you, but at present you don't seem to see it. Get new hobbies, do new things.

[jselysianeagle]

OP - there is not much more that I can add to the already sound advice you've gotten from the other members here. However, I'm reminded of this blog post of Roosh's that I actually just stumbled upon recently myself:

http://www.rooshv.com/just-keep-going

Good luck!

[Revolutionary]

This thread interests me because I'm German and about your age (different city). Thus, I compare myself to you.

What strikes me most is: What was your plan for a content life? And what got in the way of that plan? For myself, I can answer these two questions quite clearly, but this thread is not about me. Especially for your private life, I'm wondering whether you ever planned to "settle down". If yes, I can fully understand that it's hard to achieve. If no, how did you imagine and plan a player's lifestyle after 30? That's also just very difficult generally. Actually, if you're traveling and only work until 5 p.m., you're better off than me.

As for working hours, if you only work until 5 p.m., that should leave amble space for hobbies, and for daygame. Hobbies should give you a more content life in general.

With the girls, I think the situation is bad for every man in Germany.

[kirdiesel]

I heard Munich is hell but again the guys in Cologne say the same thing. I still managed to pull a ONS last night from nightgame so like I always say there is still girls to be had here.

Your number 1 problem is your work/financial situation. Fuck the travel for now. You need to think long term and get your money right before you get everything else right. How in the hell are you supposed to get laid when you tell girls you live at home.

Some girls even look down on you when you live in a WG at 32. You gotta get your own place.. even if its small! I used to have a huge penthouse type place in Cologne and decided to was spending too much and downsized greatly to free up my cash to do other things.

[Off The Reservation]

(03-04-2017 07:05 PM)goldenhinde Wrote:  

Good evening fellow forists,

in the past months and especially weeks my entire physical and mental system rings all alarm bells at the same time, telling me something is terribly wrong in my life. While I do more or less understand and reflect the roots and causes for all my issues (fucked up childhood with single mum in ridiculous poverty for West-German standards, over-controlling matron grandmother, raised to be the "nice guy" who shuts up even when walked all over by others, complete absence of male role models except for my grandfather who died early, in addition slight asperger's or at least an extremely introvert/shy genetic disposition, IQ 125 when I had myself psychologically tested three years ago), this understanding doesn't help me shit in dealing with my everyday life issues that grow more and more.

The general outline of my current life, now at 32 is:
- I live with my mum, partly to support her because she is ill and financially broke, partly to save money on the ridiculous rent costs in my city.

Positive aspect: saves me a ton of rent and utility costs to be able to travel a lot. Renting my own place, while continuing to financially support my mum at the same time, would mean that my financial ability to travel would be cut back to maybe one week of travel per year. Also I'm able to save a little on the side. I have, right now, one year's net salary with benefits in savings.

- I'm working (for 10 full years already) a 9-to-5 paper-pushing office monkey job that is secure and pays okay, but I'm only at the bottom of what you would consider a middle class salary here in my part of Germany. Plus I hate my job, it's extremely stressful because every employee gets a 120% workload at least, management is poor, it's at the same time getting me nowhere intellectually, the colleagues are mostly reskilled housewives in their forties, playing their little office power games, talking about their dogs, child's school grades and sicknesses and their husbands behavior all day, or bitter males shortly before retiring, who don't see any purpose in life except slaving away in their job. It's just a very average environment and intellectually understimulating, nobody in my office likes to travel or widen their horizon, it's a completely toxic and understimulating environment.

Positive aspect: I don't really have to worry about financial security right now. My contract is open-ended and my company in a good financial state.

- current health issues:
I'm always extremely stressed and tired (need to commute 2 hours every day on overcrowded public transport that frequently breaks down, a car wouldn't save time due to traffic but increase my monthly costs, been there before, sold my car for good and I'm good with it), sleeping issues, my body feels like falling apart all over, a lot of headaches, pain in my back, stomach problems, heart race, a little overweight, I eat junk food all the time (except for lunch in my company's canteen) because I'm too lazy or tired to cook.

Positive aspect: I had my blood levels tested and electrocardiogram done at a doctor's last summer, everything checked out okay except a slightly high level of fat in the liver, I've also started taking vitamin D3 pills three weeks ago. In the end I think physically, there's nothing wrong with me that couldn't be resolved by cutting down on stress, working out etc. My problems seem to root exclusively in constant stress, discontent and my mental state.

- traveling:
The only part about my life that is really good. In the past decade I've traveled more than 200 cities in 29 countries on 3 continents and I'm fluent in or have some basic understanding of at least 7 languages. I'm planning on visiting around 50 more cities in 10 new countries in the next years and as long as I'm living with my mum, I'll be able to continue traveling at a rate of around 7 international flight trips each year. This rate might sound boastful, but it's the only thing that I really splurge on in my life. I'm abstaining from almost anything else in turn for it (no own apartment, no car, not much eating out)

- social life and sex life:
So here's where it gets really bad. Firstly, I didn't get laid in 12 fucking months. It's the longest drought period I've ever experienced since I started being sexually active. It's really driving me nuts at this point. P4P is not an option, not even to blow off steam (I don't judge and it's legal and easily available in my city. It's just not what I want right now, it wouldn't make me happy). My last (and dysfunctional/unhappy) LTR ended four years ago. Had some affairs, friends with benefits and one night stands since then, mainly with Czech and Ukrainian girls on their hometurf while I was traveling, but one Chinese, one German and one Hungarian girl here in Germany as well. But in the past 12 months I'm not able to pull anything anymore here in Germany. The larger my discontent with my general life, the more I seem to send out a vibe that's immediately drying up any pussy in a 2-mile radius around me. So I understand why it's getting worse in the past year. I don't even get girls from online game to meet up with me anymore, they're all pulling out of conversations as soon as I bring up the topic, or bringing up lies why they can't meet (busy etc.). In addition, my city Munich is not exactly a guy-friendly place if you're not top in game, looks, style and financial status. Competition is skyrocketing here, loads of guys who have everything and still have difficulties to get laid. Munich might be called the Toronto or DC of Germany in terms of finding girls for fucking.

A psychiatrist that I saw clearly pointed out to me that I lack an emotional life and that this is what's fucking me up so much. I only function like a robot every day, trying to cope with my 120% workload and power games in the office, enduring my daily 2-hour commute, standing on overcrowded trains and buses and in the evening organizing stuff for my mum and grandma or falling asleep at 9pm because I'm tired. In the office while some people are nice towards me, everybody is in a constantly bad mood and vibe because of year-long work overload and stress, and there are no young people my age at all, except for two married girls who are pregnant now and who I don't share any interests with.

My friends (all of whom I've known for 20 years or more and who are real friends, or at least have been during school and twen times) are either married with kids now and living really content, quiet and happy family lifes (50% of them), or they went down the completely opposite single road, enjoying themselves fucking around with several different girls at any given time, having an easy and relaxed life. All of my friends seem to easily cope with their workload, have jobs they like, get along with colleagues, are financially well, have their own apartments, don't have ill or old family members to take care of or financially support, and fuck girls at a rate like there's no tomorrow.

I notice that I get along clearly less well with the married-with-kids friends now because our life realities and goals don't match anymore, plus time resources are extremely limited for these guys. With the single or kidless friends I'm getting along as well as ever, but I only see them rarely because most of the days, I'm too tired to do anything after work. I've tried pushing myself into the "fuck it, I'm tired but still going out/meeting somebody"-mode, but it's killing me after some days and only making my state much worse by sleep deprivation.

That post grew longer than it was supposed to, but I'm kinda lost here. Except for my travels (which are fucking great but only keep me happy for 6 weeks a year plus some long weekends), I don't get any enjoyment from my life anymore. I live to function and slave away on all fronts. The happiest moments in the past months were the quiet ones when I totally shut out the outside world and curled up in my bed.

I just don't know where to fucking start to make things better. To make it worse, I've not been blessed by the gene lottery and look shit. Even with stylish clothes, and a better mood, I'd still look ugly. Like in appalling girls in an environment like Germany, where they can choose from a lot of top looking guys.

I've thought about a trip to the Philippines, Thailand or Indonesia. My Tinder absolutely killed it in Manila.
But at the same time I understand, that I need to do something about my daily, miserable 46 weeks of the year that I can't spend fucking easy pussy in some country at the other end of the world.

I really want to get my ass up. I just don't know where to start because I seem so stuck in my messed up situation and don't know how the fuck I can start having a content life.

Thanks for persevering until the end of my post and please fire away with your feedback. I feel like I can need any input from you guys out there.

This post is greatly demonstrative of a certain poison philosophy that life is a series of compromises and sacrifices. Your problem isn't circumstances; rather, it is your epistemology.

Stuck. You believe you are stuck, but you aren't stuck. You make very consistent choices and you follow a formula. You only give lip-service to an alternative path for your life because you have a ready made excuse for why you do what you do behind each complaint. I have colored your complaints about your own life red, the excuse for why you put up with those complaint worthy situations orange, and the alternatives of other peoples lives who are happy (and you resent) in blue.

Your job - wow - must be a vile place to work. I feel for you, but you load us on with the excuses as to why you keep it. The travel isn't being used as a way of expanding your life experience and knowledge, it is a way of adding to the self-hatred that rules your normal life back home.

Is the source of this angst and fear you are living with your mother? Someone has taught you not to live for yourself, and that you need to take actions that go against your own best interests. This sounds like the end result of years of manipulation. You work in a self described toxic environment and you live with Mom at 32. Is home also toxic? Don't expect her to tell you it's better for you to move on with life and become a man, if she hasn't by now she won't. It goes against her possibly sick emotional need to keep you as a child living there instead of letting you become an adult. The vacations are also an escape against this. This isn't a criticism of you by the way.

The main excuse you give for staying home is that you can afford to get away. Doesn't this seem silly when someone else tells you what you are doing?

There is no financial price that can pay for your lack of being the man you want to be. And the terrible irony is that you will never achieve any real financial success living like this. Nothing risked, live with mom, let her mooch off you, work where you hate it, take escape valve vacations, no woman to love, etc.

Ask yourself who is the author of the ready made excuses that rule over you keeping you tied to the things you hate? Could it be Mom? There are some families in this world where the women drive the men away, kill them through stress and health issues, and drive them crazy. You are missing a grandfather who checked out early, and missing a Dad. It's time you honestly identify the real nature of this matriarchy.

Lastly, I encourage you to truly believe and know that there are people who do what they want, when they want, every single day. They may fail, even big time, but they don't live ruled by regret and fear. You are too old to live with mom and quality girls will run away from a man who lives at home and goes to a job he hates, faster than they run from a guy with puss coming from facial scabs.

The good news is your situation is correctable immediately and easily. You are just going to have to make some genuine choices that serve your interests instead of the ready made narrative about saving rent and other BS.

Take some risk.

[Jetset]

Aside from all the other truth in this thread, in my opinion, step 1 is to make a daily practice of lifting heavy objects and putting them back down again.

Lifting weights will give you time to think clearly, reduce anxiety, build confidence, sleep better, and improve your energy level.

I am not a physician but many of your physical symptoms simply sound like extreme stress, and you may have normalized feeling this way because it has been going on for so long. Stress takes a toll on the body, and you must correct your nutrition as well. You are likely drawn to fast food in part because it gives your body stimulation from concentrated fat and sugar that makes you feel better, and this is not an acceptable remedy.

[ksbms]

It's easy to be an armchair adviser. Everyone likes to be an expert.

Ultimately, no-one knows your situation better than you.

Go, see a professional psychologist? they won't fix you but they can help you sen things from a certain perspective and ask relevant questions. Of course, depends on a psychologist and a school they sign up to (CBT, positive, some sort of neopsycho analysis, Gestalt, etc.). I reckon you can't move, because of your mum, to another city or country right now. However, I can imagine, you can find a new, more satisfying job or even change professions? Do a postgraduate degree to improve your qualifications?

Weights should lift (pun intended) your mood anyway, always worth doing them.

[Off The Reservation]

(03-06-2017 08:00 AM)Jetset Wrote:  

Aside from all the other truth in this thread, in my opinion, step 1 is to make a daily practice of lifting heavy objects and putting them back down again.

Lifting weights will give you time to think clearly, reduce anxiety, build confidence, sleep better, and improve your energy level.

I am not a physician but many of your physical symptoms simply sound like extreme stress, and you may have normalized feeling this way because it has been going on for so long. Stress takes a toll on the body, and you must correct your nutrition as well. You are likely drawn to fast food in part because it gives your body stimulation from concentrated fat and sugar that makes you feel better, and this is not an acceptable remedy.

[Vince]

First post here, and I'm replying because I can seriously fucking relate.

You were me a few years ago. Moved back in with my manipulative and crazy mother in the sticks with a boring job that I didn't like. Going nowhere. Hadn't been laid in ages. The situation had me depressed as fuck. My mother was pretty ill and as my father had left her a long time before, she ended up using me as an emotional husband replacement. Pretty sick.

This meant I felt pretty guilty about moving out even though I could probably afford to - just like you. The way you speak about your situation and wanting to travel and get away from it all is similar to how I felt.

I ended up following this guide: thread-8681.html and got the fuck out.
Saved up to rent my own place right in the center of the city where logistics were perfect, got into a new hobby (photography), took a couple of months off, started lifting, got a sleeve tattoo and went hardcore on OkC and Tinder using this: thread-31649.html
I just tried to bang anyone I could meet up with and ply with alcohol.
That shit changed my life (I've got a live in gf and a cat now).

I know you say you're fugly or whatever and local girls won't go for you, but what options do you have right now? It doesn't sound like you can leave for SE Asia permanently and you can't put your life on hold for the best part of a year waiting for your tiny slice of vacation time. You gotta work towards something.

Also, don't worry too much about friends. It's impossible to form decent friendships after 30. I just used meeting new chicks to satiate my need for social contact. I'd go on a date with a girl I don't really want to fuck and just talk and find out about her. It got me out of the house

I know this post comes across as some Tony Robbins tier overly optimistic crap, but I hope it helps anyway.

[rockoman]

Goldenhinde,

lots of good advice on this thread - making a plan, working out, etc.

If I had to condense my advice to you into one sentence -

'Be Selfish!'

Look into yourself. Find what you really want to do and do it. Nobody, not even your mother, has the right to demand that you sacrifice your life for them. You are on the road to nowhere. At 32 you can still turn it around. If you do nothing, then as the years go by you will become more and more bitter.

Yeah, I am sure Germany sucks. You are, I guess, one of the millions of middle-class tax-slaves. The government confiscates from you a large part of the money that you have earned in order to subsidise the women who reject you and the immigrant men who compete with you.

So - get out of there. It's a big world.

Head over to the Lifestyle section of this forum. It's a treasure trove of self-improvement info.

Good Luck!

[Vill@in]

This is going to sound harsh, but I say it with love (you know what I mean).

First, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Your post is just one big whine fest. STOP THIS.

Who is going to fix all the 'problems' you listed? No one but YOURSELF. You're a fucking man. Act like one.

So the first step is to stop crying and being a bitch. Have some self respect. Second step: Get your diet cleaned up. You're eating junk food. Congratulations. So does 99% of the population. Start eating right and taking care of your body. MAKE the time to prepare healthy food and eat it. After a few weeks, you'll get in a routine and you'll feel better.

Third step, LIFT. LIFT. LIFT.

Fourth- Tenth Steps: Just focus on the first three steps and the rest (getting pussy) will come. You're priority #1.

[Nascimento]

Some great advice in this thread so far. I'll add one piece that's specific to dating, because it's clearly one of the areas you're most discontent with.

Focus on getting yourself to the top 20%. The 80/20 rule is nothing new. I know you'd like to succeed as if you were in the top 5%, but you gotta take small steps. Dating decent to quality women is only possible if you're relatively a catch, which can only be the case if you're in the top 20%. You said you're a bit overweight, so there's one area that will immediately take you up. Add some lifting and a proper nutrition plan and you're in business.

The next thing, which I bet will make a significant difference, is simply putting yourself out there. Most guys don't put themselves in nearly enough situations to succeed. Tinder doesn't count - get out to a lively bar/club each weekend and start getting into daygame. Slowly but surely. Your social skills will sharpen, and remember that opportunities multiply as they are seized.

You're probably more introverted than most, given German guys tend to be more reserved than average. But this doesn't mean you're socially inept, far from it. Hell you probably have many experiences abroad that give you social confidence. It's just a bit harder to get out of that comfort zone. But that's the only place where you're going to see change.

Good luck.

[Slam]

Good advice posted so far, I will just post two things:

1. You say you commute 2 hours per day. You need to get back that time, man. It is worth it to try to get housing closer to your job, or a job closer to your housing. Do whatever it takes. Time is the one resource you cannot make more of!

2. Take up salsa and bachata dancing and do it a ton for at least 6 months. You will burn calories, have interactions with girls, and gain a hobby. Dancing does good things for the spirit.

[armenia4ever]

Hold on. What this guy needs to hear is not "Lift MOAR". While eating right is vastly important, as well as physical activity, the OP is crying out for more.

To the OP:

Your life sounds like a slightly alternate version of Office Space. Maybe even a weeee bit of Fight Club. Everything in this post is a description of going through the motions. Wandering. No purpose.

WAKE UP!!! Life is matter of perspective, a point Quintus Curtius makes in, "Seeking Peace Of Mind: A Letter"

You are 32. Sure you are certainly making some excuses, but you are searching for something - anything with meaning. We attend to our carnal, physical, and hedonistic pleasures of the flesh.

Take a look at yourself closely. Examine your spirit. Consider the spiritual aspect. Has it been dead for years? No, I'm not suggesting you start memorizing catechisms and dropping Hail Mary's.

You need your own quest. Sure, landing some bangs along the way will help aid it, but aspire for something much greater; Nourishment for the soul.

[Off The Reservation]

Ask such a deep question then not return?

Possible troll?

[goldenhinde]

OP reporting in. For maximum privacy protection, I only sign in here via a VPN. And never through smartphone. Also had a hell of a week. No intention to keep you guys waiting on purpose.

First of all, a very big thank you to you all for the quality and quantity of your responses, especially for the direct and open words without any whitewash. A great pool of wisdom and advice to reflect on, and actually overwhelming me a little right now.

I honestly don't know where to start replying. Maybe first about my last week:

I swipe Tinder girls in Munich on an almost daily basis, and last week came across a girl who I went to high school (Gymnasium) with. She dropped out after grade 8th (went to another school form, called Realschule in Germany), and I didn't have any personal contact with her ever since. Only added her on Facebook some years ago, like most of my former classmates. She became a smoking hot woman, and actually I even liked her back in school, both by her personality and by her looks. She's Polish by the way, but grew up in Germany. Very funny and cute girl, no bullshit, zero bitchy. At least back in school. So I hit her up on Facebook, told here directly that I saw her on Tinder and wanna date her. She replied by saying that she right now has had enough after some bad Tinder dates, and rather would turn lesbian. Though we could at some point in the future meet for drinks, if she ever decides to date again. We exchanged some messages in the first two days after this, about school times and our current lives, and turns out she even lives in my exact neighborhood. Then after two days, messaging turned cold and she stopped replying. Heard nothing from her since 5 days.
I figured she just wanted to be nice by replying for some time, but rather directly told me that she doesn't wanna date me but rather turn lesbian. Got it. So, this fucked me up pretty well already.

Second part is that Thursday afternoon in my cramped, loud, stressful open plan office (we don't even have cubicles in Germany, it's just one large open space with desks cramped into every corner) I suffered from a nervous breakdown, had to leave the office building immediately to get fresh air and the feeling of open space around me. No damage done, I clocked out for half an hour and normally and calmly returned to my desk after this. This was an eye opener though to me.

The past years that I've been working in my company under poor management and permanent work overload fucked me up pretty well. It's everybody on my floor is just stressed out or burned out, with a bad mood, overworked, tired, snappy towards colleagues. So I decided to drop the bullshit, wrote a 2-page long E-Mail to my boss calmly, factually, but directly and without mincing matters describing the problems in our department and requesting management to solve the problems short term. I'm tired of backing down, eating shit and keeping my mouth shut. Sent the E-Mail to my boss and went into my weekend. I don't care about my job, in Germany they can't lay you off so easily, so I think management will finally have to deal with our issues, since other colleagues are massively escalating on their own in the past weeks. Maybe together we'll overcome management finally. If not, the worst case scenario is that I will have to leave this bullshit job at some point.



As for the original post and the feedback to it:
I should give you more details. My grandma is very old and lives alone. And my mum, though physically and mentally challenged by herself, spends most of the day at my grandma's apartment, helping my grandma with all the daily chores in the household, getting stuff from the store, etc.

So I'm alone most of the time in this apartment here, my mum is usually just here for sleeping.

Also my mum is cool. Like, relaxed and not giving a fuck about what I do or how I do it. She's the exact opposite of my over-controlling, negative, scolding and verbally aggressive grandma.
I highly doubt I would feel any better if I would leave my mum and this apartment, because: almost six years ago, I went into a relationship here in Munich with a girl who lived in a crappy student's apartment house (we don't really have dorms in Germany, rather smallish separate apartments for students) at that time. I decided to give it a try, searched an apartment for her and myself, was successful, we moved in some weeks later into a really nice place. Got the furniture by ourselves, lived together for more than one year and then broke up because of relationship issues.

The point is: living in my "own" apartment didn't make me any happier (I know, bascially it wasn't my own place but rather shared it with my girlfriend. But still). I was actually cool with coming back into my room here at my mum's place. Felt like home, felt good. You might think it's fucked up, but hey, what's the big deal about it? In many other cultures around the world, it's normal to have the elders living in your home, or living together with them in their home. It would be a shame to abandon them, and that's exactly how I would feel. Not because my mum would give me any shit for it, neither directly nor manipulatively (my grandma would've done that though. I would've moved out at 18 if my grandma would've been my mum, if you know what I mean). She never did when I moved together with my girlfriend. It's just because my personal value is that a family has to stick together, because it's the only fucking people you have that won't betray you. I wouldn't want my kids to leave me alone when I'm old and broke. Because then, what's the point of having children anyway? I won't leave this behind for some stupid and pampered Western bitches who measure a guy's value by his apartment situation and leave you after some years because a better option comes around. No way.

Also (independently from the outcome of my current fight with management) I'm intending to leave my job at some point in the next two years and travel around the world for some months, especially around Asia and Latin America. I'm sick of being stuck in that office.

Did a sabbatical year before on my own savings and a severance package from my former company who did lay offs. Was a fucking great time, gave me time to get to know and fuck some hot girls without running around stressed out all the time, wanna definitely do that again. And I'll only have the money for this with no strings attached, i.e. no own apartment to pay for.

[Travesty]

No idea why you are putting the effort into trying to change a company with no personal leverage or ownership in rather than using your energy to build skills and find better employment.

Also you aren't really ready for any advice if you brush off the notion that living on your own would bring you any satisfaction.

"But still" is fag talk. You have to work on that.