Quote: (02-08-2017 09:56 PM)CynicalContrarian Wrote:
Any chick who's focus is on someone else, can go to that someone else.
I don't care if she wastes her days at a grave.
I'll spend my time with the living.
Exactly. People are capable of building immensely-complex monuments to grief instead of processing loss in a healthy way, by accepting it, letting go and moving on. These monuments create melancholic fixation, so you end up with the sort of negative psychological and behavioural issues that make for poor partners, male or female.
My stepfather's mother lost her baby during childbirth a good sixty years ago. The body was swept away and she never saw it. She never moved past the loss. If this sort of thing happens nowadays, they quietly let the parents spend time with their dead child and hold them, so they have a concrete understanding of the very real loss that has happened to them. It sounds ghoulish, but it leads to healthier acceptance.
As such, when my stepfather was born, the woman never let herself bond with him,
just in case, and only paid attention to her daughter. She chose to ignore the son she actually had and fixate on the ghost of the potential son she lost. Over the years, her issues gradually-got worse, leading to wild mood swings, deep depressions and bitch-on-wheels behaviour. I suspect all of this is why my stepdad grew up to be the Raging Gamma that he is, including the constant need for self-validation.
It took me a few years, but I gradually got the family to come around to the fact that her behaviour was deeply-abnormal and that she needed treatment and medication. This is when the children discovered that they even had a dead brother, and she was finally able to talk about it. The medication controls her depression, and whilst her cunty nature has never fully-left her, it's just an innate nastiness she possesses, not the full-on destructive whirlwind of fury she previously would unleash.
So, here's Kerr, at the beginning of a marriage to Bloom, with a new child, their future ahead of them, and what happens? Her melancholic fixation takes her back to her Monument of Grief. She's looking back to an old loss she can't change, rather than imagining the grand possibilities of her future.
This is why I always focus on what I can act upon and change in the present and the future, and not worry about the 'what ifs?' of the immutable past.
Women love being around me when someone dies. I can process it and accept it without needing to break down in tears. I'm a fucking rock to them, to weep and wail upon freely, knowing they can fully-indulge the depths of their unleashed emotions. It's Girl Crack, but, saying that,
it's so they can get it out and move on.