[Atom89]

So I was at a birthday party yesterday and their is this nice looking 19 year old university student who seemed to be impressed with me.

I know her male friends and cousins and I was giving them my story on my career journey so far in the search for programmer, developer jobs and some of these guys wanted to know how they can get in and she was looking from a distance, I might have shown her higher value in front of her.

We both walked past me each other twice where she looked straight into my eyes and smiled at me. I made the mistake of not saying hi to her.

So I'm going to send her a friend request on FB and instagram, should I just message her "hey, how's everything?" and just keep the conversation flowing?

The worst thing that can happen is if she doesn't add me on the first place! (which I doubt because I believe she fancies me).

Thanks for your advice.

[TheMaleBrain]

Hi

Suggest the message will refer to something about her profile, or about how you know her.
This will get the conversation started.

[Phoenix]

Yeah that plan would be fine OP. I'd usually only do one add though, looks a little heavy when she gets two adds from you on different networks at the same time, and you can always add it later following conversation. Also sometimes it helps start the conversation by making the first question a tiny bit more specific. E.g. instead of "how's everything", which she can just respond to with "fine, and you?", you could ask "how's your weekend going?" / "how was your weekend?", which is a little narrower, she's more likely to respond with a detail of what she did, and if she doesn't it's smoother to mention what you did yourself.

[Griprip08]

Online messaging can be unforgivable. Proceed with caution. Anytime I do this I immediately go for their number and get to text game. FB messaging can get ugly. The last time I had success, I simply said "Let's skip the formalities, what's your number." She (happened to be top 5 hottest I've ever had, absolute 10) replied with "haha, I like your style" and even waited a few hours (I did not respond at all until I had the number) and then finally replied back to me with her number. (that's when you know she's done this before).

Online messaging (even texting, but less so) should be very short, and to the point. No emoji's, no smiley bullshit, just facts and agreements. Get her number, get her to a date spot. Every single response you send can be reviewed, re-analyzed, shared etc. the chances of saying one little thing that turns her off is huge.

Just as Pheonix said, don't be needy. Don't request her on multiple platforms and then message her on all of them. Remember what the goal of connecting is, to open up A line of communication, not 25. Get your business done (number, plans for meetup) and don't use it again. If you want to chat before meeting (sketchy, but doable) use text, and don't be overt.

Also, fuck questions. They are a waste of both people's time, don't get anywhere, and are boring ASF. If you really want to talk to her over FB messenger, have bold-enough conversation. Again, get her number right away, and plan a meetup so you can seduce her the old fashioned/preferred way.

Best of luck,

GR

[ksbms]

So you never talked to her... and now make a "bold" move over Facebook. I guess it might work if your profile shows you're a cool dude or she digs your looks. Otherwise, you might end up in the creeps department.

[Euphoria]

And remember, women shares every single detail with their friends. Don't fuck it up cuz your failure will be known to her ENTIRE social circle. If you end up with empty hands, don't pursue, otherwise your needy behaviour will be known to entire city, which ends up making you miserable in the eyes of girls.

[XPQ22]

(01-30-2017 01:57 PM)Euphoria Wrote:  

And remember, women shares every single detail with their friends. Don't fuck it up cuz your failure will be known to her ENTIRE social circle. If you end up with empty hands, don't pursue, otherwise your needy behaviour will be known to entire city, which ends up making you miserable in the eyes of girls.

This is a good point. In my experience girls can be forgiving of a bungled approach, or if you get the picture that she isn't interested, if your text game is met with stony silence. "Look a guy texted me, I blew him off and he went away!" isn't going to be a particularly exciting narrative to her friends.

They definitely aren't forgiving of neediness or chody behavior.

A question is a good way to try and get a conversation started, a lot better than just "Hi", but I think it's better to be a little more specific than "Hey, how's everything" or "How was your weekend?" They put the girl on the spot too much for an opener IMO; she doesn't want to be put on the spot and have to formulate a story for you, so the chances are high she's going to either respond with something nondescript like "Good it was nice to relax" which gets you exactly nowhere, or not respond at all. Also, everyone uses these lines. Christ, even girls have used them on me from time to time when she's running her own "restart" game.

Maybe better to ask her opinion about something. "Hey, did you think blah blah blah about the party?" or "You think those guys will take my advice? Seems like everyone wants in on the dev biz these days..."

Just examples. People love to talk about their opinions on things.

The "cold read" is sometimes productive. "I hope you had fun listening to me chat with those guys about code at the best party ever. I could tell what a great time you were having"

If she bites on that one and you get a conversation started, you can see how it almost naturally leads into, if she's interested, asking something like "so what do you do for fun?" and then you're in, man, the sky's the limit.

Quote:

Also, fuck questions. They are a waste of both people's time, don't get anywhere, and are boring ASF. If you really want to talk to her over FB messenger, have bold-enough conversation. Again, get her number right away, and plan a meetup so you can seduce her the old fashioned/preferred way.

In my experience this "get right to business" "logistics only" method of text game doesn't work very well; a little text-banter goes a long way. I'm not talking endless questions or drawn out conversations, maybe at most 6-8 texts on social media before going for the number and making the date. Girls that can't be bothered to hold their attention on me that long are probably pretty weak leads and not worth trying to meet in person anyway.

Quote:

Every single response you send can be reviewed, re-analyzed, shared etc. the chances of saying one little thing that turns her off is huge.

Great, good riddance. Now I don't have to waste time turning her off in person.

YMMV.

[General Stalin]

I don't recommend finding her on FB in the first place, but if that is the route you are going then I would just be direct.

Say "Hey saw you at the party the other day and never got a chance to say hello"

That kind of stuff works sometimes:

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[XXL]

Send some direct message and see where it goes. Just for the hell of it

If you bomb oh well you lose nothing, if she responds you have something to work on. Whatever. Technically not a good thing to do but oh well you have nothing to lose now. Just do it for the hell of it. Who cares.. Let it go, see how she reacts.

When you get to that point where you are so comfortable in your own skin then you're able to just do things for fun and find humor in those weird situations. That's the key thing to feel carefree and comfortable around with girls.

The bottom line is you. Not the girl, not the date, none of that.. it's all about you. How do YOU feel. If you feel good going into the situation and feel good coming out of that situation then that's all that matters. Despite the actual results. It's all about you.

Stop worrying, do whatever YOU want.

[Beirut]

Facebook gets a stigma of being a creepsterish place to msg girls but i think as long as you met/interacted with her some place and rhe girls has noticed you, its just as fine as anywhere else. Sometimes its even better as the girl can frame it as a story "met some place, couldnt talk, but it pulled through at the end".

If there was attraction in the first place facebook isnt gonna ruin that.

[LeoneVolpe]

^ Agreed. If there was attraction between you and the girl in question, the medium through which you ask her out won't really matter. As for what to message? In my view, you're almost always better off going direct. Don't overcomplicate it. It's better to risk blowing yourself out by boldly asking than to pussyfoot around and end up in some sort of conversational purgatory where you don't know where you stand.