[JoyStick]

I know, I know.... Beta as fuck!

I care for this girl still. She was a good one and I was a dick to her and she got fed up and moved on. We been broken up for a couple months now but still keep in touch on Snapchat. I'm really torn. My feelings want to get her something because I care for her, but my brain says "quit being a little bitch, she gave up on you".

If I do get her something though, it would be something cheap but sentimental like a box of her favorite chocolate and a card.

I wasn't going to put this in the game forum at first because I'm not even sure what my intentions are. I do still have feelings for her but I'm not trying to win back her love with the gift or anything like that.

Please give me some advice and examples of your personal experiences if possible. Thanks in advance guys!

Sorry for my rambling.

[LeoneVolpe]

It may not be what you want to hear, man...but you need to let this go. Maybe you regret how things went, but you have to chalk this one up to a hard lesson learned. Resist the temptation to buy her anything.

[philosophical_recovery]

I have a hard time buying christmas gifts for girls I'm banging.

An ex though?

No way. And I'd stop talking to her.

Even a casual bang that I in no way wanted to be my girlfriend was too much of a distraction for me to stay in constant contact. Had to cut her loose because I wasn't focusing on moving forward and becoming complacent with working on other prospects.

Ex's are just going to keep one foot firmly planted in the past. Pull that foot up and put in front of the other one. Don't look back.

[brick tamland]

In my game-ignorant past I've bought things for many girls including some that I wasn't even banging, as part of courtship and dating and I always regretted it. I discovered that buying gifts shows her that you value her to whatever extent, and no good ever came out of that. However if she's thoughtfully bought you a gift BEFORE you ever did, there's no harm in reciprocating when you feel like it.
With an ex-gf though you might be reopening the door, as she may misinterpret your deed and feel positively about you again unless you tell her directly that it's a friendly gesture only. The simple answer is have you considered the possible consequences if the motive for the donation seems ambiguous?

[LeoneVolpe]

Have you ever heard the term "generation loss"? Imagine printing something and making a photocopy of it. Then, making a photocopy of the photocopy, then a photocopy of that photocopy, and so on. Each successive generation results in more and more image distortion and degradation. Relationships work the same exact way, each time you makeup/breakup it just gets worse until it barely resembles what it started out as. Don't do that to yourself, instead focus on putting that attention into approaching new girls. A wise man once said, "The quickest way to get over someone is to get on someone else." It's sound advice.

[JoyStick]

Thanks for the tough love guys.

LeoneVolpe, you're right I didn't want to hear those responses but I'm glad. That's why I love this forum because I know that you guys will keep it real with me.

[LeoneVolpe]

Hey, that's what we're here for! There may come a day when you, or someone else in the forum needs to set me straight -- and I'll be thankful to have you guys to help keep me on the right track. Best of luck, man.

[Beirut]

I dont understand.

Do you want her back? Do you want to stay friends?

Do you just want to keep her around for your ego just in case you ever want her back?

If its the last option, just let it go. If its one of the first, sure. Get a box of chocolate or whatever. If someone says that makes you a provider im gonna slap them

[JoyStick]

I don't even know what I want honestly.

I do know that I need to move on though.

[Suits]

No.

[realologist]

(11-27-2016 07:42 AM)Suits Wrote:  

No.

[XPQ22]

I don't think it's the act itself that is beta. It's the place where it comes from.

Before I went through with it, I'd ask myself the hard questions and try to be honest with myself. Why am I doing this? Am I trying to get her back? Am I trying to somehow apologize for "screwing things up?" You say you were a "dick" to her and she "gave up on you." In what way was she one of the good ones? In what way were you a "dick"?

My intuition is that she may not have been as good as you suppose, and you're being too hard on yourself. Without specifics, I can't say. Why are you still keeping in touch regularly? We're not all emotional robots (I hope), I still keep in touch with some girls from the past because we legit cared for each other even though shit didn't work out long term, but at this point only a couple months out Snapchatting all the time is definitely not a good idea.

I think Roosh wrote an article about this a while back: it's perfectly okay to have some beta characteristics if they're consistent with your frame, i.e. you do them out of a position of strength, and not of neediness like the average beta. If I want to write my plate a love poem, then I'll do that if it makes me feel good. If she wanna decide that's "beta" and ditch me to go fuck Chad, you know what? Fuck her and good riddance. I'm not doing it to win her over, I'm doing it because I'm secure enough to show some of my "real self" and if she don't like it she can shove off, I'll find another chick.

So if your frame is that you're a guy who recently ended a relationship with her, but is otherwise pretty happy with your life, you're out living it, you're going after and hopefully banging other girls, and part of your mission in life is that you want other people to have enjoyable experiences and a good time with no quid pro quo expected, go ahead and send her whatever you want. But women aren't fools, and will know the frame that the gesture is coming from.

[John_Galt]

Fuck.

No.

[RatInTheWoods]

If you feel like it, go for it.

Don't over think this.

[Jestx]

I know where you're coming from. In clarity, only do the action if you have no expectations. If you want to buy her a gift, it shouldn't be because you expect a certain reaction from her. You'll know at the checkout line if you'll regret it or not.

[Roardog]

(11-27-2016 07:44 AM)realologist Wrote:  

(11-27-2016 07:42 AM)Suits Wrote:  

No.

Seconded. Fuck. No.

[AneroidOcean]

Better yet, give YOURSELF a gift.

Gather everything you have of hers. Print out any e-mails. Take anything she gave you...and put it in a pile. Light the pile on fire.

Yell, scream, stare at the pile as it burns into nothing but ashes.

Move. The. Fuck. On.

[General Stalin]

Not once not ever.

There have been a few times over the course of my life that I just happened to break up with girls just before the Christmas holiday. In every instance I either returned their gifts or kept them for myself.

[Rocha]

Tell her that you have a gift for her that she has to come pick up at your place in the evening. When and if she agrees to come, run to the nearest shop and buy something. Get some candlelights and a nice bottle or two of wine for when she arrives, if she is into you she will give the sweet muff...enjoy the moment...

If not...next...drink the wine and head out to hunt another one...enjoy the moment.

[Easy_C]

Fuck no.

If she wants a gift she can get back on the team.

[JohannesAusPrag]

Don't spend money on exes, there is no point in it. She is ex for a reason so spend money on yourself bro.

[heavy]

no

[AntiMediocrity]

Depends how much you value her friendship. This Xmas I've bought my ex couple of cheap but sentimental gifts, but I doubt I'll do it next year.

I'm also cooking something for her family to eat at dinner to thank them for hosting me last year.

I could easily not do either but I have great memories with this girl and I want to make a nice gesture. However where we differ with your old relationship is that we both cared about each other but realised our lives at going in different directions, so we did the right thing and parted ways.

It's no skin off my nose and I'm seeing other women, I just enjoy this kind of thing.

[kaotic]

Joy

You're better than this, no man, don't.

Forget the gift, you should start wondering why you're still hung up on this girl and why you haven't moved on.

You were a dick and you lost the frame - she moved on - so should you.

This is why we always apply the DO NOT CONTACT rule.

[torridon747]

Absolutely not, unless she's the mother of your kids or something.

No contact no exceptions.