[Wince]

Hey guys,

Want some opinions.

Cliff notes:

- been with a girl 8 months. Currently exclusive, in love etc

- relationship is great, I have hand, she says she wants to spend her life with me, constantly tells me how much she loves me and always acts in a way that shows she does

- goes on overseas trip. Cheats, she says she didn't kiss, nor do anything else, stopped it midway because she didn't want to finish. I have pushed her on this and know she'd tell me the truth given how much pressure I've put on her to tell the truth. Very apologetic.

- in her frustration I force her to talk to her mum, so her mum calls her a slut. Meanwhile I go off and bang two girls in two nights and tell gf about them both. Things are okay after this a while.

- we talk the other night as gf is giving weird vibes, gf is having trouble getting past me doing what I did. The banging of one girl she can kind of understand, but banging two and bring her family into it (which causd a major rift between her and her mum) all while talking to gf is not great. She understands because she knows what she did is inexcusable. I'm now out of favour with the family too.

- she has now proposed we don't talk for three weeks to be able to start afresh, when she is back.

I do want to give it another go, as I like this girl a lot and fins the situation interesting. I know normally being given space is a sign she wants to fuck others, but the cause of this space seems different. She said not sleeping with others, just not talking.

What thoughts do you guys have?

My thoughts are the only way I can play this is to give her the space, and not break and whatever happens happens.

Writing this from my phone while overseas so let me know if you have questions.

[General Stalin]

Move on.

[HonantheBarbarian]

You can't fix this bro. Once the trust is gone, its gone.

Hear this, if you take her back and stay with her, this memory will constantly flare up in the back of your mind periodically until you drive yourself insane.

Furthermore, and im sorry to have to tell you this, i'm willing to bet my left nut she fucked the guy in question and then hamstered up this explanation to quell your fears.

Putting the pressure on her will only cause her to retreat further from the truth, after all what good would it do for her to tell you she fucked him? Obviously you would leave her (I would hope), so her strategy is to downplay/deny it to save face and keep you around.

Add in the clusterfuck with her family and this thing is nuked out of orbit. Go with the advice of Comrade Stalin and move on.

[david.garrett84]

It's much easier to cheat a second time than to cheat for the first time.

If you don't dump her and move on, I think you've come to the wrong forum.

Take all the good red pill advice here and in Roosh's books, and in five years' time you will know you made the right choice to excise her from your life.

[Suits]

You should have spent the time you took to write up your post to start looking for her replacement.

[Rocha]

The moment she went on overseas trip without you is finished business.

[Conquerer7]

(10-02-2016 01:36 AM)Rocha Wrote:  

The moment she went on overseas trip without you is finished business.

This. The relationship is done but reference for the future. That last thing a girls who 'loves you' wants to do is go abroad without you whether for business or pleasure. If the girl goes tell her thats fine but you won't be here when she gets back.

If she says it is not fair then tell her 'tough but lifes not fair'

Hold some frame.

[XXL]

What I would do..

Agree to 3 weeks break. Game hard left and right during that time. Reunite with her after 3 weeks. I'd probably feel much less of her after those 3 weeks. I'd be much less emotionally invested therefore thinking more clearly about what to do with her situation.

[AboveAverageJoe]

She cheated but didn't finish, huh?
You have a slick one on your hands.
You made two fatal errors which are unrecoverable errors.
One, bringing her family into it. Two, telling her about your revenge fucks.
That one is tough. It feels good to tell her but you have to just keep your mouth shut.
That never ends well and you lose the moral high ground. You should have told her "no problem, we obviously aren't in a serious relationship. If you do this again make sure you use a condom."-and kept banging her and any tail you want on the side.
Her cheating on you was your way out of an LTR and into a fuck-buddy relationship.
You blew it. Learn and move on.
Women can't break your heart if you don't give it to them. As a rule, they want what they can't have. Make your heart and emotions unavailable to them and they will keep coming back for more regardless of how bad you treat them.
Bringing her Mom into the mix was a bitch move.
Slap yourself and never do that again.

[Beirut]

What a mess. End it like you should have when she cheated and dont look back. Its over.

[Vaun]

First off; refuse to ever believe that "you blew it".

Totally reject those opinions. Its simply not true. Your description of your relationship went from "shes totally in love and shows me all the time", to, "she cheated on me overseas".

Here is what is true, based on your description of the relationship. Things were going along fine and then she cheated on you. DONE.

From that point on, its done. Everything you did after that doesnt matter. The relationship is over. She proved herself unworthy of your continued affection, time and money.

What you can blame yourself for, is putting more investment into this girl after that. Men can make the mistake of doubling down on a sunken asset/business/investment, when it goes south. This relationship is now irrevocably broken. You will only encounter pain and frustration now by trying to pursue this in any form, LTR, FWB, FB, etc. How could you trust her again for anything?

Banging those two was good for you. Talking to her mom is ridiculous, cut that out, it makes you look crazy. Just move on and write this one off 100%.

[El Padrone]

Right now, just read a story of a low testosterone manlet who took his gf back after getting preggo for some dude.

And now I read this???

[BassPlayaYo]

You're never exclusive with a woman that cheats.

[RatInTheWoods]

(10-02-2016 07:25 AM)XXL Wrote:  

What I would do..

Agree to 3 weeks break. Game hard left and right during that time. Reunite with her after 3 weeks. I'd probably feel much less of her after those 3 weeks. I'd be much less emotionally invested therefore thinking more clearly about what to do with her situation.

XXL is on the money here.

ie demote to plate and squeeze the last juice out of it.

[AboveAverageJoe]

Unfortunately there is not much situation left to analyze. Learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them. You can take her back only as a FB not as a GF.
Once you allow a woman who cheats to reenter your life in the same capacity, you have positively reinforced her negative behavior and she will cheat again. Especially now that she believes "she owes you one". You should have just told her you were disappointed in her behavior and could only continue seeing her in a non-exclusive sexual relationship.

[Off The Reservation]

(10-01-2016 08:22 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

Move on.

It doesnt matter that she stopped the guy mid stroke or did not kiss. She LET another man rip her clothes off without kissing and fuck her.

Got it?

[Wince]

Thank you all for your help! I'm glad to have a place where I can get this feedback.

Will follow XXL's advice, demote her to a plate and may speak to her when she's back. I have some girls lined up here ready to go.

[El Padrone]

If she cheats on you, she's out. If she looks at another man with a flicker of desire- out. If she tries to mold you into some dude she knows, she's out. Your woman gotto know she's your woman- 100% yours.

This puts you, of course in a fiduciary position to her. But she has to show she's worth it.

[j.archer]

id first take a hard look at your frame during the situation the first two sentences you posted were fatal in my opinion . If she cheated it was clear everything wasent dandy and the fact that she mentioned it to you was manipulative. improve screening and adjust frame when confronted with these situations

[eradicator]

You chose well for your screen name OP

[The Breeze]

(10-02-2016 04:56 PM)Wince Wrote:  

demote her to a plate and may speak to her when she's back.

Tread carefully.

No good can come from a situation where YOU were wronged, then talk
yourself into continuing any sort of relationship.

In the future... you may realize her cheating actually did you a favor.

[Wince]

J.archer:

I had definitely relaxed and let myself become more available (replying too quickly, too serious etc). So this seems like a valid analysis.

[Beirut]

Yeah i dont understand people who wanna demote her to a fuckbuddy.

Getting the habit of cutting shit out of your life thats bad for you is a very good habit to have. This is what will transform your life and frame. Not keeping shitty things and people and habits around.

If OP is that desperate to have any hole to smash then he has bigger issues than the relationship. You already dated her and fucked her, she cheated on you.

Cut all contact and go fuck/date/love other girls.

[Dalaran1991]

Personally XXL's advice is good if and only if you can really control your emotions and truly treats her like a plate. But you know you cant, we all know that. The danger of keeping unfinished business like this around is that they fuck with your mind.

TBH though man, you created too much drama. Its very childish to bring her family into this and have revenge fuck AND tell her about it. What, you gonna hurt her and makes her pay for what she did to you?

You could have kept this silent, demote her/put it on hold and go out have some orgy, while she goes crazy with your ghosting (or fuck another dude. It doesnt matter if she cheated once or 100 times). Silence is the most cruel punishment in love.

There's nothing alpha or manly about what you did man. And the truth is, what you did signifies that YOU actually didn't love her or care about her that much, nor do I think the relationship was that serious. You both hurt each other, intentionally, and none of you actually wants to reconcile. There's nothing to salvage
here.

[XXL]

(10-02-2016 04:56 PM)Wince Wrote:  

Thank you all for your help! I'm glad to have a place where I can get this feedback.

Will follow XXL's advice, demote her to a plate and may speak to her when she's back. I have some girls lined up here ready to go.

OK just be careful. You said you really like this girl so you might have experience some mental rollercoaster and emotions pulling you in different directions at the same time.