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Having kids
03-20-2015, 05:44 PM
I'm only in my 20s but some shift has begun happening in my brain and the primal desire to reproduce is getting stronger and stronger. I can't help but imagine having a swarm of kids. I want to just try many different combinations. Now when I look at girls i start imagining what our combined kid would look like. "Oh this girl is dumb but really outgoing... Hmm no I don't want a dumb kid. Oh this girl is smart but a real nerd... no that's not good either. Oh this girl is atheletic and pretty and of average intelligence and nice, that sounds good"
I logically don't think I'm ready for kids but just, as my life continues it seems like something I will inevitably want so I'd love to hear some peoples' experience here.
What's it like? Are you happy you had kids? Do you wish you hadn't? Were they accidents or on purpose? Do you enjoy raising your kids? Did you have kids with the wrong woman and they came out bad because of her?
I want the good the bad and the ugly.
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Having kids
03-20-2015, 09:13 PM
Sounds like a bad case of a male hamster to me.
Doctors orders - get this shit out of your head and go spin some more plates.
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Having kids
03-20-2015, 09:47 PM
I thought like this more frequently in my 20s than I do now. Mostly because after a 4 year relationship where I was for a time, and against my better judgement, actually considering the blue-pill life (despite being mostly unhappy with couple's dinners parties and Friday night movie nights) crashed and burned, all I can think about is what my life would be like if I was paying alimony and child support and juggling my schedule around bringing the rugrats to little league/ballet every other weekend instead of mostly living the dream like I am currently. Prescription - one LTR followed by messy break-up. Maybe I'm just too selfish for kids and monogamy, but I'm OK with that.
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Having kids
03-20-2015, 11:40 PM
I am 50 and can't have children. Actually, I believe that I could using IVF with ICSI
http://infertility.about.com/od/ivf/a/icsi_ivf.htm, but there are lots of reasons why this will never happen. This is a technology that only came along after my ex-wife had already gotten too old.
- I'd have to meet a woman who wants to try to have children by this risky means.
- It's expensive and frequently fails, so multiple attempts are needed.
- There is an increased risk of health and behavioral problems with IVF children.
- I'd be in my 70's by the time any kids even reach adulthood.
- Finally, there's always the chance she'd block me from access to the children and still hit me for child support.
The thing is, while I accepted it at a certain point when I was younger, I feel a strong regret over not having any children now. I'm tempted to do whatever it takes to find a woman who will do the IVF with me, raise the funds to cover it, and take my chances with the risks involved.
Perhaps this is only my hamster, but I really do feel like I have no legacy. I wish I had a loving wife who was the mother of my children, with a several grown, successful, loving children, and a growing brood of grandchildren.
If I were younger, I'd go overseas and find a traditional girl to build a family with. As it is, I'm trying to arrange my affairs to be able to start spending time overseas, and at least give myself the option to pursue this route.
I'm the tower of power, too sweet to be sour. I'm funky like a monkey. Sky's the limit and space is the place!
-Randy Savage
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Having kids
03-21-2015, 12:04 AM
Lol, who ever said that thing about looking at a chick and wondering what the kids would look like is spot on. I accept that as just a part of being human. At some level I feel that drive reproduce, but I subvert it with contraceptives, smart decisions and generally not getting caught up.
I occasionally joke around with a friend of mine that if we both totally fuck up that she can marry me and bear my children. It's in dest, but she has certain genes that might make her a good mother, but not a good wife.
Or rather, she's good genetic material, but wouldn't wife it up if my life depended on it.
I will be checking my PMs weekly, so you can catch me there. I will not be posting.
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Having kids
03-21-2015, 12:36 AM
I'm constantly thinking about the future and trying to position myself in a way that gives me the most options. I've been considering this topic and for this reason I always take note of what older men say about their families or lack thereof.
The ones that have a good family are usually happy with the decision (or accident) and wouldn't change a thing.
The ones that don't have a family often wonder if they made the right decision. Feelings of regret or emptiness seem far more common than the man wishing he had never had a family.
I'm approaching mid 20s and see a family somewhere in my future. It's not my main goal at the moment, but could be done comfortably given my lifestyle progresses the way I plan.
I think the hardest part of having a family would be finding a women worthy of raising my children.
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Having kids
03-21-2015, 01:40 AM
I want a large number of children, and I'm constantly thinking about how best to make it happen. There are a few fundamental sticking points, most of which have been mentioned in this thread:
1. The punitive alimony/child support regime in the USA that can improverish you while simultaneously alienating you from your children.
2. The quality of the women you may be procreating with (obviously you don't want a low quality woman giving birth to your child and then handicapping them with her foolishness for the entirety of their youth and potentially doing permanent damage)
3. The quality of the culture your children will be raised in (you want them socialized in a healthy culture that will make them healthier, more productive adults and won't increase their chances of growing up to partake in foolery).
These are big hurdles for a man living in the USA. Quality, family-oriented women with the right mindset to raise multiple well adjusted children are here, but they are very hard to get. If you're not a certain type of guy with a certain type of look (one that women consider indicative of a good provider), locking down one of these women is especially challenging here.
The mainstream culture here is somewhat toxic, and the easiest way to circumvent it is with large amounts of money (enough to place your children in exclusive private institutions for the duration of their lives and thus separate them from some of the foolery that plagues the masses). Meanwhile, the laws just are what they are, and won't be changing soon.
I've concluded, based on all of the above, that the best way forward would probably involve looking to a source abroad for a wife and trying to center large portions of my children's upbringing there. I'm fortunate enough to have ancestral ties to a culture I consider healthy and sensible (one I'd feel comfortable socializing my kids in without fear that they'll grow up to be as confused as so many modern American millennials). The average woman there is generally of a higher quality than here (thanks to the culture's more traditional mindset) and more likely to see someone with my phenotype as a quality potential father of her children. The alimony/child support laws are far less punitive, and the costs of even the best education there are low enough to make placing the children in the best school available a breeze (further ensuring that they are socialized well, are networked better, and have more opportunities as adults).
The only downside to this plan is the startup cost. Before I go back to this place, find a partner, and get things going, I'm going to need a lot of money (enough to be able to build a life for my wife and children down there without their having to come live in the USA as I establish myself). Thus, I'm probably going to have to wait until I hit 40+ before I can put this plan into action and settle down properly. This is like a 20 year plan for me right now.
Downsides notwithstanding, I recommend this plan to any young guy who still wishes one day to find loyal, feminine women to start a family with in the future. You'll need to plan ahead carefully so as to allow you to find a quality woman elsewhere and avoid bringing her back to the USA too often, but there's still hope if you can manage that.
You can take your chances in the states and you might luck out, but the odds are against you.
Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
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Having kids
03-21-2015, 04:02 PM
Laner, Congrats man.
One thing about your son and his languages. Many children grow up and do not speak the languages their family speaks. Children generally only learn the language they socialize in. If you want them to grow up speaking four languages your son must have social groups that speak those four languages. This could be acomplished in several ways.
Say you live in Japan, send your son to school in an international school where all students communicate in English, he will have English and Japanese speaking friends. Maybe you summer in China, he will make Chinese friends. Maybe you enroll him in French school on Saturdays and have many French speaking friends with kids, and he makes friends with those French kids too.
I have known many people whose children simply do not even speak the language of their parents, for instance Russian families in the U.S. whose kids only speak English and some pior smattering of Russian. People often think merely speaking a language at home will be enough for a child to become fluent but rarely os that so.
Good luck with your endeavor though, you sound like you have it all worked out well and things will turn out for the best!
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Having kids
03-21-2015, 04:18 PM
At times I believe a child would be my only significant accomplishment in my life.
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Having kids
03-21-2015, 04:48 PM
I have 3. Now when I look at a chick, my mind focuses exclusively on banging her brains out and hoping not to fuck it up (eg unwrapped) and have another one.
Consider this a postcard from the edge.
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Having kids
03-21-2015, 07:29 PM
I have 2, a girl & a boy and they are unquestionably my two favorite people in the world
Please note: You will never be "ready", you will makes mistakes but actively raising your seeds and watching them develop their natural gifts, exert their independence and become productive adults is the most gratifying feeling in the world
Compared to my siblings, I had kids late but for me it couldn't happened at a better time - parenthood forces you to grow up
Through life you will have a lot of titles, jobs and careers, but the most enduring of those is to be a parent
MDP
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Having kids
03-21-2015, 07:46 PM
MDP, mazel tov bro. Are you married, or with the mother, if you dont mind sharing?