Quote: (10-26-2016 08:40 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:
Without question, "relationship game" is a much neglected game topic. Why? I think the reasons are two-fold. One, it's simply not as glamorous to write about. Two, it's actually much more difficult.
Think about it like this:
When Mr. Donald J. Trump talks about how the U.S. has poor negotiating tactics, he says something along the lines of how the politicians say "We have to stand by our allies no matter what," even if they're not paying their fair share to us. The same concept can be applied to women. If they're under the impression of exclusivity, and that you're not going anywhere -- what reason do they have to negotiate?
Just by agreeing to be a participant in a relationship, you're no longer a "free agent" and lose some of your bargaining power. Of course "never be afraid to walk away" seems to be the rule that rules them all when it comes to relationships.
You're a commodity and have value. How you leverage that value becomes even more important in a relationship. I will touch on this in the final paragraph.
I think it is overlooked because a lot of it is circumstantial. The ways of getting a woman in bed is uniform but keeping a woman depends on various things:
- who you are
- what you bring to the relationship
- how you compare to her previous relationships and her entitlement based off them
- where your future coincides with her future
- are you a lover vs provider
- do her friends and family dig you, do you dig them, do your friends and family approve etc.
- the maintentance or improvement of your bargaining power
A lot of the above lead to her rationalization of your value and in turn lead to her behaviour pinging off on:
- your character
- how strong and independent she is
- does she listen to others opinion of you
- how replacable you are
- how many other options you have
- who is the 'hotter' commodity
The behaviour mentioned includes jealousy (her ego), respect (her ego's response to your self-worth and her pinging of self worth), trust (when you can placate that ego), submissiveness (adherence to your frame), kindness (if she is naturally like this vs her self-awareness to remove this).
It can be a battle of both of you acknowledging what you bring to the table and what is important to the other person and holding these traits hostage from the other person to get what you want, removing stimulus and generally playing a cat and mouse game of getting what you want via what you put in.
It's a similar concept to elasticity of demand in Economics. The more attractive, charismatic, valuable person in the relationship has the inelastic demand as they know what they can get away with.
I believe relationships are a lot about power hence the bargaining power and price. Framing is key here as you can view it as a zero-sum game (I do) but for the status quo, you frame it as a team vibe.
Hence, shit tests never end and it ends up being more about button pushing that leads to quarrels and turbulence.
I had an issue with this initially because shit tests are universal when gaming but in a relationship, they will piss you off because you expect to be past that shit. Then you realize that a) it is a woman's natural imperative b) it is her litmus test to test your value and that you are still the man she fell in love with c) she leverages it for attention sometimes, if you neglect her for your own battles d) she uses it to establish her frame and pings off your reactions to redirect her frame.
I noticed, my girlfriend thinks further down the line than I do and this ends up being a problem for her which in turns she tries to make my problem. This is just human dynamics rather than any sort of 'quick fix game' kinda topic.
For this reason, I think even further down the line with my future and I keep in mind whether she fits in or not.
There was a thread about dating older women elsewhere and to be honest, the main drawback apart from their biological clock is the baggage they bring in to the relationship from before.
My girlfriend is 27 and only ever been in relationships with her previous one being 5 years.
It's like driving a car from 13 and going for your drivers licence at 16/18. You can drive, but you drive in your own way. You need to unlearn that shit to pass the test and drive like a 'civilian'.
I reckon people don't write about this accurately because it varies a lot.
I could have gone into a relationship with a 21 year old who has never had a proper relationship or a 25 year old (at the time) who has been through several.
They are worlds apart from each other in a relationship despite responding to the similar type of game.
A lot of it comes down to expectation management. You can shape the 21 year olds idea and norms much easier than a 29 year olds but honestly, the 29 year old already knows how to cook, clean and please you.
The 21 year old can be willing to conform and do all these things for you but she will do it out of her acknowledgment that you want it which come usually from you. You gotta train her etc, amortization for a temporary thing. I say this without the intention of getting married to any woman for the next 5 years minimum.
The 29 year old will know that she has to cook for you to keep you around because she knows how it works. She acknowledges that if you are as high status as you claim, you are high maintenance and simply complies.
I think, if you were to write a book or want a guideline, it would have to be divided into cultural, age appropriate and socio-economic chapters.
This also is the reason it is difficult; people come from all walks of life and have varying experiences with women and respond to different stimuli, as do women in a relationship.
I can keep my girl in Abidjan because I might stand out and to her, I am the best option at any given moment. If I move to Miami or Marbella, chances are, I am not the best option and it might complicate shit because women are always aware of their options, it's like a stock market to them. This is why they gravitate to social media.
You want relationship advice? Are you her best option at any given time, in any given in environment? A lot of this is sure, your worth but also, how you treat her, do you still turn her on, are you still interested in her, do you have the human relationship verging on something special? Yes or no, is this her understanding of it at least?
If so, your woman will adhere, respect and fall in line. You say jump and she asks how high. Of course, you can expect jealousy from her which I believe is healthy.
If not the best option, she is already looking for other options. The shit tests increase because she wants to get that feedback from you to validate her subconscious feelings. She becomes bitchy and catty because she wants to push you away but frame it like you are the one doing the pushing, and bait you into little shit.
This is why a lot of guys have girls who don't want them to improve themselves too much, via their own self-esteem projection. Fuck those bishes.
These are my experiences at least and I don't consider myself qualified to write a book let alone a chapter on this shit.
This is because the more time you spend with a woman (I am 2 years in, living with this chick), the more desensitized they become to your tricks, your game, your personality and they begin to expect the things they liked in the past as norms and in extreme situations, they despise that behaviour. This leads to the next guy dealing with her shit.
You keep this in check by constantly improving (you need this to be a team game and her to do the same), keeping your options open, working on your own shit on the side and levelling up on the whole.
I firmly believe any guy can fuck out of his league but when you date, you end up keeping the equivalent of what you are.
This is why when guys are facing shit in their relationships, I have zero sympathy because you get what you put out there and if you can't pick up on the false signs, then you made a bad decision. If you cannot make correct decisions with regards to who you let into your life, who you want to fuck repeatedly and who you want to build something with, then you gotta downgrade your demands or simply level the fuck up. Life is all about avoiding shitty decisions and if unavoidable, damage mitigation.
My argument is that the bargaining power you lose is actually pre-relationship and you gain a whole lot more afterwards, as long as you don't make the relationship that big of a deal.
You have your life and you grow with her for a fixed amount of time but you will still grow, take over the world and smash your ambitions through the roof regardless. This mindset is what will quash all bargaining power because for every chick (your girlfriend) who starts to be dissauded, theres another 10 who are being persuaded.
My girlfriend was giving me uphill in the beginning and I anticipated this could end up being an issue later on so I pulled out my phone and showed her my WhatsApp and said “look- theres 4 other girls queued up to be in that seat that you are sitting in right now but the decision is yours. Do you wanna fuck around and play games or do you wanna be a team and level up together?”.
A lot of it is team mentality or at least, the appearance of it. In my mind, it remains a zero sum game but to her, its a team mentality and that's the important thing here. When her friends are calling you a power couple and shit like that, this validates her choice. It's little shit like this that's important because indeed, I sat and tried to outline what you have control over but at the end of the day, it's all circumstantial.
p.s. Its thuper glamourous to write about, to women at least. For us, it's all about the chase and reading LRs and quirky shit like that.
500th post, it's been a pleasure gents.
