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09-03-2014, 08:41 PM
I have this dilemma. My parents (both retired) live in another city and are getting frail. In the case of my dad, he has had a lot of medical issues recently. I’m Middle Eastern, pretty close with my parents and love them greatly.
My mother has been pressuring me to have them move to Boston. I think that she is getting tired of taking care of my dad, wants to be closer to me etc. While I share her concerns and do want to be there for my parents, I see the following happening:
- I will be done with bedding new and different women on a weekly basis.
- My social activities will be significantly curtailed (e.g. My mother telling me to come home on time, can’t exactly come home wasted with a few college age chicas either)
I think that their thought process is that we will all live together and be happy. I just can’t see myself living in the same quarters as my parents – it seems retrogressive not just in terms of the social life.
Before you judge, please bear in mind that many Eastern cultures, parts of Europe parents and their adult age children living together. Moreover, I am on only child and like I said, I do want to be there for them.
So here is my dilemma: How can I both be there for my folks (get them groceries, take dad to Dr’s appointments etc.) while still maintaining my active social life? Since the conversation has started, I am feeling more and more boxed in by it. I know that my parents will around for only so long and I do want to spend some good quality time with them, while maintaining a balance.
Thoughts?
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09-03-2014, 09:09 PM
I have no relationship with my parents but have friend with same problem as you...
Do you live in a house or an apartment?
One of my Bengali friends lives in a duplex in which his parents live in one half and he on the other. Or if you live in a flat could they move next door/a floor up or down/down the street but not in your unit so that they're near but not close enough to hear you party with lizards?
Quote: (08-18-2016 12:05 PM)dicknixon72 Wrote:
...and nothing quite surprises me anymore. If I looked out my showroom window and saw a fully-nude woman force-fucking an alligator with a strap-on while snorting xanex on the roof of her rental car with her three children locked inside with the windows rolled up, I wouldn't be entirely amazed.
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09-03-2014, 09:16 PM
Keep adequate distance. What that is is deeply personal, but you want to be able to give them the support they need without them affecting the essentials of your life ie: they aren't moving in with you. How far away you want them to be is a deeply personal choice, but in any event, avoid costly entanglements.
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09-03-2014, 10:07 PM
Unless yr pulling every weekend, getting a motel isn't a shabby idea
Though I still find it hard to believe that renting out a studio near Boston is that expensive
.
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09-04-2014, 01:25 AM
The obvious solution is live in the same city as them but in your own place. Whether that involves moving them to your city or you moving to theirs is up to you.
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Parents
09-04-2014, 04:55 AM
Try to rent two apartaments in the same floor. One for your parents another for you.
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09-04-2014, 10:27 AM
What about Quincy? It's a lot cheaper than boston and it's pretty close. My sisters apartment on beacon hill was pretty cheap as well.
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09-04-2014, 10:41 AM
I'm sure they will be bringing $ to the table so just rent a house with an inlaw apartment. Do they own the place they're in? If yes sell it and buy something that fits the bill.
You take the inlaw suite and enjoy all the middle eastern food you like.
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09-04-2014, 07:14 PM
Ok then get a place with them and use the $ they bring to rent a room with friends at a discount cause youll only use when you score some tail?
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09-04-2014, 07:19 PM
Brockton shouldn't be to bad either. Cumberland and central falls Rhode Island are a little closer than Worcester and their cheaper.(they're shit holes though). Fall River is the cheapest city I can think of and it's 45 min out of boston I believe. I grew up in New England and everywhere is expensive as fuck. You could rent a little house here in Florida with the annual taxes alone my family pays in Rhode Island.
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09-04-2014, 07:34 PM
Buy a three family fix project house with one good unit. Live in the second best and Reno then Reno the third and rent it out when it's done., if I remember you are in this biz so should be a slam dunk
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09-04-2014, 07:59 PM
Surprised no one else posted this:
This Be The Verse
By Philip Larkin
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
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09-04-2014, 08:55 PM
I have had a few asian friends go through this. The first and most important step is to step out of the parents/child dynamic and be upfront and no bullshit about boundaries. Tell your dad about the pussy, and that he needs to put your mom in line should she try to cross it.
Second do what ElMech suggested. With family money comes the advantage of capital. People in places like Boston are used to living in complete shit holes for insane amounts of money. Buy a place and start renovating. Use family connections, family labour, child labour, anything to get the third unit rentable. By the time your folks pass on there should be a decent amount of rental income from a three unit place and you can use the equity to buy a place that has heat and straight walls.