rooshvforum.network is a fully functional forum: you can search, register, post new threads etc...
Old accounts are inaccessible: register a new one, or recover it when possible. x


What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?
#76

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

This thread is really funny and unfortunately I don't have much to share.

I'm just curious what you guys would have done if you had gotten any one of these girls pregnant?

I believe I told this in another thread. I was once at my friend's place and unfortunately there was only one computer to play on, I had brought over ALIENS vs PREDATOR 2. He was totally engrossed in the game. His younger, very cute sister happened to come into the room and we started talking. She was really nice and she invited me into her room. It was covered in posters of boybands, lots of stuffed animals. Anyway we start making out and things are getting quite steamy, I sort of pull away cause I want to see what is going on with my friend (I can hear the sound of the predator targeting sight going off)... as I get up to go and check on him, she says something like "DONT LEAVE" in this weird fvked up voice. I'm like... I'll just be a sec. I come back a couple minutes later and she is curled into a ball on the bed, rocking back and forth and murmuring to herself in this weird voice "You jerk, you jerk, you are such a jerk" over and over. She won't look at me or nothing, she just keeps saying this... I'm like "ok well... umm goodbye I have to go now". She doesn't say anything.

I'm starting up my car and she comes running out and jumps on top of the hood screaming unintelligible sh1t. I'm like holy fuck, i figure the whole neighborhood can hear this, I know for a fact my friend and his family can. She starts pounding on my window and yelling "DONT LEAVE ME, DONT LEAVE ME" in the voice. I get out and try and calm her down... and I promise to take her out on a date so she goes back inside. She grabs on to me and she starts saying "You aren't coming back are you? Are you? ARE YOU?". I assured her that I was going to come back and that we could get together. None of the family makes any appearance outside despite it being like 1 oclock in the morning.

Well this girl started showing up at my house and when I wouldn't hang out with her, she would just sit on the street corner infront of my place all fvcking day and wave at me when I went to the window. My mother eventually noticed her and started bringing her into the house to 'wait for me' and I would come home from wherever and there she would be waiting on the chair beside my door. I was scared as fvck because when she would speak it was monotone and she would stare right through me. Eventually I found out that she was mentally retarded or unstable and I think there had been some sort of sexual abuse or something going on in the family, her mother was also partially retarded and was a bible thumper. I felt equal parts horrible and guilty for leaving her there, I still feel bad to this day. She eventually got pregnant from a guy she met on vacation and now she's stuck with the kid and no father... She's actually quite a nice person, she got really fat though after our first encounter, I have a feeling I may have had a hand in that. [Image: sad.gif]

What does it take to create a fatty? I often wonder at the inner turmoil that brought these people to where they are today. Each of those fatties, somewhere along the line probably started as a really nice girl... what a horrible life this little girl has had. Sorry I guess my story is depressing. I wonder how often eating is a response to abuse and getting fat is their way of trying to keep someone's hands away.
Reply
#77

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-22-2014 12:28 PM)RockHard Wrote:  

B I went to the bathroom to wash up and the cat box was right there... fucking disgusting. How do people live like this?

hahaha....the cat box in the bathroom still ranks as the one time I turned a girl down for sex when I was already at her place. I drove a girl back from the bar(not a good looking girl, solid 5). I walk in and she has 2 cats and a fucking dog in a studio apt. So I was still planning on trying to fuck her and then I went to use her bathroom. As I walk in a giant whiff of shit smell smacks me right in the face. I first question to myself if she somehow blew the bathroom up herself but then I spotted this distinguishing litter box right next to the toilet.

She was then asking me to spend the night and I pulled the "Yeah I'm sorry, I got a 8am meeting and I need to get home like right now".
Reply
#78

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-24-2014 02:26 PM)BadWolf Wrote:  

She's actually quite a nice person, she got really fat though after our first encounter, I have a feeling I may have had a hand in that. [Image: sad.gif]

This made me laugh out loud. I don't think it was anything you specifically did, but you're right, she was probably either abused or abandoned.

Quote: (08-24-2014 02:26 PM)BadWolf Wrote:  

What does it take to create a fatty? I often wonder at the inner turmoil that brought these people to where they are today. Each of those fatties, somewhere along the line probably started as a really nice girl... what a horrible life this little girl has had. Sorry I guess my story is depressing. I wonder how often eating is a response to abuse and getting fat is their way of trying to keep someone's hands away.

This is a really good insight. Some do gain weight as a way of symbolically building layers of protection against the others or the world.

Some get fat, because they feel they are always giving all of themselves away so the take in large amounts of food to compensate.
Reply
#79

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Love this thread. The horror! Here goes, back in the day, (pre-internet-gasp) I answered a personal ad and met up with this heavyset blonde in loose fitting clothes, hiding who knows what, a four or a five at best. We had some drinks and I really wasn’t feeling her. So, gentleman that I am, I walk her home to her walk up apartment in midtown Manhattan. This was in my beta days, and I thought that this was the least I could do. When we get to her door, I really have to pee. (Not a ploy, I really had to go). She protested that her apartment was a mess, yada yada. She lets me in and I realize that damn, she wasn’t kidding! She had heaps of clothes on the floor in vaguely pyramid shaped piles. I navigated my way between two piles and pee like a racehorse in the bathroom. Once, I’m out, I figure what the hell, and grab her and kiss her. We ended up on some mattress or futon on the floor and when her clothes come off, I see this kind of gushy, formless folds of fat on her stomach and thighs. I close my eyes and hit it with my drunk, thirsty rod. I came on her stomach and walked out of there disgusted with myself. That was the true walk of shame. Of course I never called her again. I haven’t thought about that in years. The self preservation part of my brain must be repressing the memory. I still shudder at the thought of the look and feel of her shapeless flesh. Uggh.
Reply
#80

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Few years back I did '12 Pubs of Christmas' in Sydney. Around Pub 11 I blacked out and was teleported back to a hotel with a mate and two chicks. Both swamp donkeys.

I end up with the uglier of the two. A bona fide 2/10, possible 1.5.

I can barely remember fucking her but I passed out pretty quickly after.

Sometime later I'm woken by an middle-aged women telling me I have to leave. I was completely naked, condom still on.

Left the bedroom and there was a second middle-aged woman. I asked, 'Are you friends with the two girls?'

One replied 'No, we're their Mums'.

Oh dear.
Reply
#81

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

I was at a taco shop after a night of heavy drinking. This fat Mexican girl approaches me in line and it becomes apparent she's looking for some chorizo to go with her tacos. I'm barely able to stand, but horny as hell, so I hop into her late 90's suburban with chrome rims and we proceed to my friend's house where I was staying. Once I got her shirt off there were rolls upon rolls, and it was then that I realized just how fat she was. Nonetheless, I boned her at half mast and kicked her out after in hopes I wouldn't be discovered. When morning rolled around my buddies roasted me about my conquest. I still get shit about it to this day.
Reply
#82

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-24-2014 01:39 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

I have gotten my fair share of head from fatties and fairly busted girls. Haven't banged many though.

I was raped by a super ugly filthy slut one time though. She was a girl I had got head from numerous times, as had everyone I knew. She was short fat and ugly and everyone called her moonpie cause her face was round and fat like a moonpie. To her credit tho she fucked or blew every single hot guy I knew.... I guess its slut game.

I got extremely wasted off liquor and could barely move she said she wanted to give me head so she helped me go in the bedroom and lay on the bed, as soon as I laid down the room starts spinning and I can't move. She starts blowing me then hops on top and hikes her skirt and panties to the side and slips my cock in that awful funk she considers her vagina. I am freaking out but I'm so fucking wasted and the room is spinning so fast I literally freeze up and cant move. I start screaming and screaming an a few moments later my friend kicks in the door, throws her off me into a dresser, picks me up and carries me to the couch. Then sleeps on the floor in front of the couch protecting me like a momma bear protects its cubs. An that my friends is the night I was raped... It seems kind of funny now and funny to tell. But if my friend had not been there to save me it really could have been a dark dark experience.

The most fucked up thing about your story is if you came while she was riding you and got pregnant you'd be on the hook for child support.
Reply
#83

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-24-2014 01:39 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

I start screaming and screaming an a few moments later my friend kicks in the door, throws her off me into a dresser, picks me up and carries me to the couch. Then sleeps on the floor in front of the couch protecting me like a momma bear protects its cubs. An that my friends is the night I was raped... It seems kind of funny now and funny to tell. But if my friend had not been there to save me it really could have been a dark dark experience.

I have a good imagination, so this particular part of the story (in bold) made me burst out in laughter.

Seriously, did you give that guy a medal or what? What a good friend.

Read My Old Blog - Subscribe To My Old Blog
Top Posts - Fake Rape? - Sex With A Tranny? - Rich MILF - What is a 9?

"Failure is just practice for success"
Reply
#84

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-25-2014 02:35 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Quote: (08-24-2014 01:39 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

I start screaming and screaming an a few moments later my friend kicks in the door, throws her off me into a dresser, picks me up and carries me to the couch. Then sleeps on the floor in front of the couch protecting me like a momma bear protects its cubs. An that my friends is the night I was raped... It seems kind of funny now and funny to tell. But if my friend had not been there to save me it really could have been a dark dark experience.

I have a good imagination, so this particular part of the story (in bold) made me burst out in laughter.

Seriously, did you give that guy a medal or what? What a good friend.

And they say men can't get "raped" lol
Reply
#85

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

I'm still undecided as to whether it was or was not a good idea to check this thread.

Wald
Reply
#86

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Man you guys are brutal.

I banged a 4 (maybe a 3) because she kept blowing me almost to completion and then stopping (probably 3-4 times). Ended up pumping her for 2 mins and busting all over her back.

I've almost gotten tricked a few times from the club. Fckn lighting. Now I make sure to walk a girl under bright lights and check that shit out pre-leavin.

WIA- For most of men, our time being masters of our own fate, kings in our own castles is short. Even those of us in the game will eventually succumb to ease of servitude rather than deal with the malaise of solitude
Reply
#87

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-23-2014 08:51 PM)LEMONed IScream Wrote:  

This got me thinking, I'm still young and can safely say I have never hit below a 7.5 I would say, I also don't have that much of a big notch count since in Portugal you kinda need to lower your standards, most of my bangs were actually in other countries and I'm still in college age, but this got me thinking about kinda average girls in my book that I have rejected, simply for not being sub par when compared to my normal standards which are kinda high, I'd say I'm and 8/8.5 in terms of looks and I don't like seeling myself short, I kinda also see my D as something that they gotta EARN you know? I can't respect a stupid easy chick I have no trouble banging.

So I guess the thing is... is it "worth it"? Going below your standards I mean, I guess you do learn things, but what I mean is if I should do it (not to abysmal levels ofc). It kinda reminds me of that Gio statement "This thread gave me more satisfaction than a 7."

How much should we bother?

we have our first liar

I am the cock carousel
Reply
#88

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-27-2014 01:35 PM)Walderschmidt Wrote:  

I'm still undecided as to whether it was or was not a good idea to check this thread.

Wald

It can't be any better than the thread about feminine hygiene surprises.
Reply
#89

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

^^^ post the link brah

Cattle 5000 Rustlings #RustleHouseRecords #5000Posts
Houston (Montrose), Texas

"May get ugly at times. But we get by. Real Niggas never die." - cdr

Follow the Rustler on Twitter | Telegram: CattleRustler

Game is the difference between a broke average looking dude in a 2nd tier city turning bad bitch feminists into maids and fucktoys and a well to do lawyer with 50x the dough taking 3 dates to bang broads in philly.
Reply
#90

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-27-2014 02:16 PM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  

^^^ post the link brah

You've been warned. What has been read cannot be unread.

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-31014.html
Reply
#91

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Guys! The trick to banging fatties is to pull her shirt down to let out them fat titties instead of taking her shirt completely off and exposing yourself to all the fat rolls.
Reply
#92

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

This is a funny thread here's my story.

Last year a girl from my uni social circle brings her land whale friend (she must have been 5 ft 8 but really bulky and fat built like a rugby prop forward) round to ours for pre drinks. We had always made fun of this girl because she was fat with the usual fat based humour which makes this story worse for me.

Well anyway we pre drink then go to the club, and alls going well. Until I get very drunk and with the club closing in 30 minutes and with my shit game and thirst. I go for the kill. I grab her (the fat friend) isolate her tell her I've been wanting this all night bla bla bla then kiss her, and ask her if she wants to leave. She accepts and we leave together.

When walking back to hers I could tell I was really drunk as I dropped my phone and was too drunk too fix it luckily she snatched the phone of me and did it for me (which I was actually pretty grateful for)

We got back to her's and her room was like a fucking pigsty clothes everywhere on the floor etc. We jump on the bed, start making out and get naked (thank fuck I was drunk and cant clearly remember it) i order her to put a condom on my semi hard dick, then for some reason get her to go on top, she rides me for about 30 seconds before I nut and she rolls of me.

After this I go to the toilet pull the condom of me and stick it into her bin, I stumble out of the bathroom steady myself go into her room grab my stuff and run to the door. I then open the door and proceed to vomit all over their outside path. I then have to walk/run home the 1.5 miles back to my house which is not good at 3am in the morning. When i get home I go straight to sleep and try and put it behind me, this is sucessful till the next day when everyone in my house found out and proceeded to have a good laugh at my expense.

P.S. I think it must be an actual thing when you fuck someone you know is fucking disgusting your dick cums really fast to almost get it over with. Also the boner test in general is a powerful tool its especially weird when your cock gets harder for what you consider aesthetically less attractive girls it must be a subconscious thing, knowing the sex will be really good or that she's just your physical type etc.
Reply
#93

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Well I am not lying [Image: smile.gif] Of course nothing I can say will convince you of otherwise, so you either take my word for it or call me a liar, it's irrelevant either way.

Quote: (08-27-2014 02:05 PM)Sourcecode Wrote:  

Quote: (08-23-2014 08:51 PM)LEMONed IScream Wrote:  

This got me thinking, I'm still young and can safely say I have never hit below a 7.5 I would say, I also don't have that much of a big notch count since in Portugal you kinda need to lower your standards, most of my bangs were actually in other countries and I'm still in college age, but this got me thinking about kinda average girls in my book that I have rejected, simply for not being sub par when compared to my normal standards which are kinda high, I'd say I'm and 8/8.5 in terms of looks and I don't like seeling myself short, I kinda also see my D as something that they gotta EARN you know? I can't respect a stupid easy chick I have no trouble banging.

So I guess the thing is... is it "worth it"? Going below your standards I mean, I guess you do learn things, but what I mean is if I should do it (not to abysmal levels ofc). It kinda reminds me of that Gio statement "This thread gave me more satisfaction than a 7."

How much should we bother?

we have our first liar

"Christian love bears evil, but it does not tolerate it. It does penance for the sins of others, but it is not broadminded about sin. Real love involves real hatred: whoever has lost the power of moral indignation and the urge to drive the sellers from temples has also lost a living, fervent love of Truth."

- Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
Reply
#94

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-27-2014 04:38 PM)tylerdurden1993 Wrote:  

P.S. I think it must be an actual thing when you fuck someone you know is fucking disgusting your dick cums really fast to almost get it over with. Also the boner test in general is a powerful tool its especially weird when your cock gets harder for what you consider aesthetically less attractive girls it must be a subconscious thing, knowing the sex will be really good or that she's just your physical type etc.

I had this conversation with an ex-girlfriend before when we were discussing doing some partner swapping with other couples (we never went through with it). We agreed that it is sometimes erotic to bang someone who we consider to be ugly. I'm not totally sure why that is, but it may be the completely animalistic nature of it.
Reply
#95

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-27-2014 05:21 PM)Carlos100 Wrote:  

Quote: (08-27-2014 04:38 PM)tylerdurden1993 Wrote:  

P.S. I think it must be an actual thing when you fuck someone you know is fucking disgusting your dick cums really fast to almost get it over with. Also the boner test in general is a powerful tool its especially weird when your cock gets harder for what you consider aesthetically less attractive girls it must be a subconscious thing, knowing the sex will be really good or that she's just your physical type etc.

I had this conversation with an ex-girlfriend before when we were discussing doing some partner swapping with other couples (we never went through with it). We agreed that it is sometimes erotic to bang someone who we consider to be ugly. I'm not totally sure why that is, but it may be the completely animalistic nature of it.

Yup. I've been guilty of thinking about this kinda thing.
There's a woman that works in the building beside mine.
She's short like 4' 8" and she's kinda cute. I'm 6'3 and many times i've thought about what i'd do to her in bed. Then i come to my sense and realize she's a few rungs down than my main girl.
Reply
#96

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-25-2014 02:16 PM)kinjutsu Wrote:  

Quote: (08-24-2014 01:39 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

I have gotten my fair share of head from fatties and fairly busted girls. Haven't banged many though.

I was raped by a super ugly filthy slut one time though. She was a girl I had got head from numerous times, as had everyone I knew. She was short fat and ugly and everyone called her moonpie cause her face was round and fat like a moonpie. To her credit tho she fucked or blew every single hot guy I knew.... I guess its slut game.

I got extremely wasted off liquor and could barely move she said she wanted to give me head so she helped me go in the bedroom and lay on the bed, as soon as I laid down the room starts spinning and I can't move. She starts blowing me then hops on top and hikes her skirt and panties to the side and slips my cock in that awful funk she considers her vagina. I am freaking out but I'm so fucking wasted and the room is spinning so fast I literally freeze up and cant move. I start screaming and screaming an a few moments later my friend kicks in the door, throws her off me into a dresser, picks me up and carries me to the couch. Then sleeps on the floor in front of the couch protecting me like a momma bear protects its cubs. An that my friends is the night I was raped... It seems kind of funny now and funny to tell. But if my friend had not been there to save me it really could have been a dark dark experience.

The most fucked up thing about your story is if you came while she was riding you and got pregnant you'd be on the hook for child support.

Dude I may have taken my life if that happened and she had the kid. She was seriously the sluttiest nastiest girl in town and everyone knew cause everyone had done vile things with her. She knew what she was doing tho cause she banged all the hot jocks and preps that went to both the schools in the area I grew up in. The first time I met her I was looking at CDs in Kmart (I was a teenager) and she came up to me and said "Mmmm, I know what I want" then told me her name and I said "Yea I have herd about you" she said its all true. I left the store with her right then and there and we drove behind kmart and I fucked her face in the car, busted a nut then told her she could walk back to the front of the store and kicked her out. That was that, I got head from her a few other times then stopped cause I started dating the absolute hottest girl in my school... One day moonpie calls me up and says she will give me $70 and 3 cds if I let her suck my dick again (this is when cds were a big deal) I said ok and let her do it. I was thinking I was the man and bragging about it and it got back to my crazy hot girlfriend and she dumped me.... Then my best friend at the time who also dated my super hot ex for a brief stint rolled up to my friends house and smacked me in my face trying to white knight and get back with super hot ex. I didn't do anything back he would have beat the brakes off me, plus I was pretty much in shock. He had been my best friend since like 3rd grade.

Moral of the story is I should have never put a price of $70 and 3 cds on my wang.

Bruising cervix since 96
#TeamBeard
"I just want to live out my days drinking virgin margaritas and banging virgin señoritas" - Uncle Cr33pin
Reply
#97

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

I finished a one year relationship with a girl a few weeks ago. So I decided I needed to get my post-break up bang over and done with as soon as possible, even if it meant compromising a little on quality.

I matched with what seemed like a slightly chubby Filipino girl on Tinder. Her face seemed okay though. She agreed to take a taxi to my house, and was DTF. When she arrived she appeared slightly chubbier than in her photos, and her her Tinder photos had obviously been taken a few years ago. She still seemed acceptable however for my purposes.

It was only after I got her clothes off that I realised she was wearing some funny underwear that constricted her gut, effectively camouflaging the extent of her corpulence. To get a look at her pussy, I actually needed to lift up the layer of fat that was obscuring the view.

I proud to report that I decided not to proceed. My excuse was that I was out of condoms and I wouldn't do it raw. Luckily she wasn't carrying one herself. I made a face phone call and lied that my friend was coming round to pick me up to go out. I think she got the hint and left immediately.

Definitely dodged a bullet there!
Reply
#98

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

bruh...did you even read the title of the thread title?

I am the cock carousel
Reply
#99

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-29-2014 10:37 AM)Horus Wrote:  

I finished a one year relationship with a girl a few weeks ago. So I decided I needed to get my post-break up bang over and done with as soon as possible, even if it meant compromising a little on quality.

I matched with what seemed like a slightly chubby Filipino girl on Tinder. Her face seemed okay though. She agreed to take a taxi to my house, and was DTF. When she arrived she appeared slightly chubbier than in her photos, and her her Tinder photos had obviously been taken a few years ago. She still seemed acceptable however for my purposes.

It was only after I got her clothes off that I realised she was wearing some funny underwear that constricted her gut, effectively camouflaging the extent of her corpulence. To get a look at her pussy, I actually needed to lift up the layer of fat that was obscuring the view.

I proud to report that I decided not to proceed. My excuse was that I was out of condoms and I wouldn't do it raw. Luckily she wasn't carrying one herself. I made a face phone call and lied that my friend was coming round to pick me up to go out. I think she got the hint and left immediately.

Definitely dodged a bullet there!

If there were more men like you, there would be less misleading photos.

They do it because they get away with it.

Quote: (03-05-2016 02:42 PM)SudoRoot Wrote:  
Fuck this shit, I peace out.
Reply

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

I was gaming a solid 8 bartender at a decent bar during a convention I was attending. At about ten o'clock and many drinks into the evening I asked her if she wanted to meet up after work and she said "hell yeah, I get off at 2:30 AM."

Feeling proud of my semi victory I started doing the math and knew I would not make it that long before I either fell asleep on the bar or would say something to fuck it up.

So, low and behold there is a legitimate land whale sitting next to me. I offer her her a drink. She accepts tequila, shoots it and says "tequila makes me horny". I said "if your horny enough, I'll be in room xxx then leave.

10 minutes later she was, I believe , trying to break the door down with her powerful door knocking. She waddled in, started sucking me off and then I fucked her doggie style. Thing is, she was so fat that my pelvis bottomed out before I could get any real penetration. I'm talking slabs of pork on top of slabs of pork.

I literally had to will myself to bust, told her to leave, then went in the bathroom, threw up and washed off my dick.

Not a real proud moment and I will most likely not include this story in my memoirs.
.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)