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What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?
#26

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

A bonified midget in the late 90's I picked up on a bet from my Army buddies at the Fun in Amberg, Germany. They paid my beer tab for a month, was worth it at the time haha
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#27

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

You guys are animals (myself included)! LOLOLOLOLOLOL

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An Ode To Lizards
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#28

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

I had the reverse of a butterface (butterbody?).

Gorgeous face, beautiful almond shape eyes, but had a loose/flabby gut that actually hung down a bit. Only 24 y/o too, so no excuse.

I could tell by grabbing onto her (the fat seemed kind of soft and pliable), that if she lost all that weight, she would be a tiny and petite thing.

I banged a few times because of the gorgeous face...and because she squirted. That wasn't enough to keep me coming back though.

I had this grand plan of revealing to her that if she committed to losing all her excess weight, that I'd keep seeing her, but really, people are overweight generally because they are damaged in some way and me holding the carrot would never be enough for her to make that change.
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#29

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

[Image: thumb_thisthreadisworthlesswithoutp.gif]
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#30

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-21-2014 10:36 PM)General Mayhem Wrote:  

I went to the bathroom to wash my dick off first because I already hated myself.

Great line.

I picked up a really ugly, chubby Japanese girl at a 24-hour Thai restaurant in a Tokyo suburb once. She had just gotten off work from a hostess bar and was getting something to eat with one of her hostess co-workers. They were both butt-ugly, probably high 4s or low 5s. I can't imagine how a hostess bar with them working at it could get enough customers to stay in business.

Anyway, I didn't have to put any effort into it because her friend told me she liked me and was DTF. She looked a little better after a few drinks and I didn't have to get up early in the morning so I took her home. As I was doing her I noticed her wrist was grotesquely swollen, like a goiter. I put it out of my mind and ploughed on until I busted. I pushed her aside and slept like the dead, no cuddling.

The next morning she couldn't find her purse and told me in a whiny voice that she was going to call the police. Her purse was at her feet but I think she couldn't see it because of her bulk. I drove her to her neighborhood and dropped her off without another word being exchanged between us. I was not very proud of myself for a couple of days after that.
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#31

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Forget my ignorance, but where does the term women=lizards come from? I find it quite hilarious, and I was thinking about the origin.

Deus vult!
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#32

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

About 10 years ago I was in a club called BCM in Magaluf. It was 20 euros entry and free drinks. Towards the end of the night this absolute monster started talking to me, fat, hideous face, no tits, greasy hair. It was late, I was hammered and the only thing I said was 'fancy a fuck?'. Minutes later we were back in her dirty hotel room and I was slamming her, the stench of stale piss from her rancid hairy box filled the room.

I climbed off shortly afterwards without finishing, absolutely disgusted. Left her there and went back to the club.
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#33

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Brought a pale chick home from a party. She had a decent body, so that's what got me started I guess.

Brought her into my building, and it was the first time I saw her face in decent lighting. She was worse than a lizard, she was a dragon. At that point I felt too bad for bringing her all the way across town to send her packing so I went through with it. Barely got it up, and she gave me the absolute worst blowjob I've ever had. Teeth and everything.
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#34

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Second banging a retarded girl and feeling terrible about it... great little body, but very weird looking face with down syndrome-esque eyes.
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#35

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-22-2014 12:43 AM)Glaucon Wrote:  

Forget my ignorance, but where does the term women=lizards come from? I find it quite hilarious, and I was thinking about the origin.

because seduction works upon their reptilian brain readily. reptiles = lizards
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#36

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Way too many of them unfortunately. Due to lack of any game whatsoever I took anything that came my way.

My first ever: picked her up at a party. So my first ONS as well. I guess she was pissed that her regular man wasnt paying attention to her and decided to come with me. Probably a dead fish twitches a bit more than her. Busted face and chubby. Dont even think i came at all. After a few strokes i was disgusted with her. Walked her to the bus station and done.

My first booty call: this was an ok face girl but always wore baggy clothes. Fuck, once the clothes were out there were rolls of fat. Had the biggest pussy i have ever seen. Grand canyon size. I really could not feel a damn thing if i was inside her or not.

My only ever after gastric bypass girl: she was just days after her surgery and you could see her face got slim. But an oh man the rest was a mess. I think i prefer to do a fattie than one who know has layers of skin hanging all over. I had to turn off all lights and close the curtains. We both could not see even shapes. It was the only way not to be so disgusted.

While living in the usa I had one too many of these experiences. Thank goodness for moving to eastern europe.
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#37

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

A fattie. The only thing she had going for her was her age. But it was even worse in the philosophical sense than the erotic one, knowing that she was so young but already so fat, never to improve [Image: sad.gif]

"Imagine" by HCE | Hitler reacts to Battle of Montreal | An alternative use for squid that has never crossed your mind before
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#38

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

[Image: 6976d1338823803-abandon-thread.gif]

[Image: abandon-thread-gif-cats.gif]
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#39

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Got to slay the dragons to get to the princess.

Don't debate me.
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#40

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

This thread is gold! [Image: biggrin.gif]

One girl i dated back when i was still recovering beta loser.
She worked construction and her demeanor was matching. Busted face, chubby and terrible short curly hair. Her outfits were most of the time terrible(loose jeans etc.) and there was basically nothing feminine about her. She used sun lotion for moisturizing her face(wtf?) and all of my friends were creeped out by her. She also drove a chevrolet suburban which was more manly than me and my friends combined. Banged her a few times but shit got so weird that i stopped texting her.

One was a ONS from a club. Took me to her place which was in god knows how far from my home. My thoughts in the club with beer goggles "she could be cute without glasses".. She was NOT cute with the glasses or even without them. She was a straight up land whale. I could not get it up properly when the i was supposed to harpoon her but somehow i managed to get it in. No idea if i came or not. Left in the morning and i had to take 1 hour trip public transport back home.

And then there was the chick with acne... God damn that girl had her lower face FULL of acne, but her body and face was otherwise BANGING.

Oh yeah and then this summer there was this girl on tinder who worked at a festival i was going to... Short hair, punk style with piercings and tattoos... she looked ok in one picture, saw her live once with beer goggles and she still looked okayish. Next day i was hungover and horny so i called her to meet up. She turns up in a basketball cap and a hoodie. Her hands seem more rugged than mine(even though they were petite), her demeanor was that of a 14 year old boy, she was pretty flat and this thought creeped into my head... what if she is a he? We went to my place and when she took the hoodie off i was fairly certain that she was a she after all, thankfully. I considered banging her...but then i realized that she had not showered properly for 2 days(no running water at the festival) and her teeth looked like they hadn't been brushed for a while too... So i just couldn't go there. Told her that was feeling terrible from hangover to get rid of her. She still keeps texting me from time to time.
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#41

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

There was a thread a while back where members were invited to share their most horrifying experiences involving females with poor hygiene.


This thread is more disturbing.

I'm the King of Beijing!
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#42

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

I'm reading some of these posts and actually gagging at the descriptions.

I've done two (read: larger) women in my time, the first I nutted quickly and couldn't get it up for a second time (I was 18 fucking years old and couldn't get it up, what does that tell you?) Second had a pretty face, but the body was just not happening. She thought she was so sexy with her "big tits". Bitch please, you're pushing 2 hundred pounds. So, I got my buddy to bring me Viagra, popped that pill and banged the fatty in the back of her car, a police officer came and knocked on the window after we finished and had clothes on thank god. It would've been funnier had the chick been better, but I felt embarrassed. Had that same bitch over one more time, let her blow me, but I told her "we're not having sex" kicked her out and never saw her again.

I figure us boys should throw out a charity bang every once in a while. [Image: lol.gif]

"Money over bitches, nigga stick to the script." - Jay-Z
They gonna love me for my ambition.
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#43

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

This is well worth the read: http://delicioustacos.com/2014/07/26/tak...e-tonight/
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#44

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Another girl i banged and continued to bang for months in secret was a barely above retard girl she wasn't "busted" per se but she was mentally not in the right place.
Like the other guys in this thread I'm not super proud of it but while it was happening i couldn't get enough.

She was a petite girl with monster tits that defied gravity. I knew her from high school and we ran into each other at the mall. Ended up seeing her on my bus home later that day so i invited her over to watch tv. she wore lots of baggy clothes so you couldn't see the body very well.
Half way through the movie she blankly asked me if she could suck my dick, i was caught off guard. She then proceeded to sell her skills to me about swallowing and such. I said sure. Easily the best dome i've gotten ever.
She did anything and everything i asked her to she even suggested things from porn she'd seen and wanted to try.
I thought it was odd she was so good at bj's and sex in general. Once day i walked her home and she invited me inside...
She lived with her step-dad and 2 older step-brothers. It turns out that they regular fucked her multiple times a week and because she was barely not retarded she didn't understand how messed up it was for her family especially her "dad" to be doing things like this.
I stopped seeing her that day because of overwhelming disgust wondering how long that has been going on for...
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#45

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

^^^ Holy fuck man. That's messed up x 500000

"Money over bitches, nigga stick to the script." - Jay-Z
They gonna love me for my ambition.
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#46

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-21-2014 08:19 PM)vinman Wrote:  

...When she raised her head and looked at me she was so ugly that I flinched. I faked a cramp. ...

Hilarious. Quick thinking.

Mine was my first ONS. Fat tho at least she had decent boobs, not attractive tho. I couldn't find a cab when the bar was closing so we both walked a mile uphill to my apt, her in heels. I still remember asking her how her feet were doing..."terrible, I'm getting blisters". I chuckled.

I made sweet sweet love to her. The next morning, me with a splitting hangover headache, her in her post-coital cellulitic glow, I struggled for her name. I'd given her my # the night before, and, being the responsible planner I am, I knew I should get her number so I could avoid her should she ever text me.

Me: "I should probably get your #"
liz: 555-5555
Me: "What was your name again?"
liz: lizzard42

She leaving my apt, me entering her contact..."lizzard42 from Barxyz". Fast forward a few years...I tell this story for the first time on RVF.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
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#47

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Quote: (08-21-2014 11:22 PM)MidWest Wrote:  

[Image: thumb_thisthreadisworthlesswithoutp.gif]

I dont think I want to trigger any night terrors and bring PTSD back.

[Image: ace-ventura-cold-shower-scene-o.gif] [Image: Cupcake_dog_PTSD.gif]
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#48

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

Are busted chicks that easy? Do they shit test? Do you run beta game? From my experience they can be a challenge.

Don't debate me.
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#49

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

This girl I had been banging called me and asked me to come over and said that she had a surprise for me. I was intrigued and went. To my disgust, the surprise was her morbidly obese friend (5'2" 250+) and her waiting naked for me. I was already there and for the sake of the ménage I said fuck it might as well dive in. She was disgusting but I banged both of them multiple times.
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#50

What's the most busted lizard you ever poked?

this thread is so classic, its giving me urges to laugh and puke at the same time.
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