[mikado]

Hi, brothas!
This is my first thread on this forum, and english isn't my native language so i apologize in advance if i did something wrong^^

I'm in a french city and actually, I have a group of 3 friends with whom I night game at least once per week. I have been in a long dry spell (10 months!!! ) partly due to some lacks in social skills, and approach anxiety.

We used to night game these last days almost every night ( since classes are over), but recently these friends started not going out, saying they were tired, not feeling it, if they were even answering at all when I asked them whether they wanted to go out or not.

The last Thursday and Friday I went thus dolo at bars and club, because I wanted to have fun regardless of their presence. But it was a bit difficult. Even if it was not my first time dolo, I did not know exactly how to handle it: try to be totally social and get into already formed groups celebrating birthday or something like that, or have fun on the dancefloor and invite the girls. The first time I went solo, almost no one in the club wanted to separate from their friends (it was a school fiesta) and I failed too at drawing almost any girl to dance with me ( I am not that bad at dancing)

Finally, yesterday (Saturday), after they came with me ( but did not do anything, and went at home quickly) I wanted to go dolo again, but I was so pissed that I finally said fuck it, and went at home too ( though I numclosed 2 girs by going elderly at the tram stop)

So my questions are ( if you want to answer them ^^)

-First: should I ditch my friends more, and game by myself? I feel like sometimes even if we are together, I am afraid to go sarge the 2+ sets without having one of them come with me.
-After that, supposing I go out dolo, how exactly should I do it? I know, you will tell me to just have fun and not overthink, but I wanted to know more about the way to go: be social first, then get the girls to dance, or dance, and be social after.

Thanks for all your advice.

Mikado

[little wing]

Please stop saying dolo, just say solo.
Yes go lone wolfing, you really can improve your game and frame by doing that.
Just go to a bar and chat up some girls. There are many posts here on how to do that.
You could also try talking to girls on the street or at fast food restaurants that are near clubs

[Sonsowey]

Generally when Im solo dolo Ill end up getting in with a pre-formed social group. For instance, you start talking to a girl youre interested in, and she introduces.you to her friends if shes feeling you.

Or you could start talking with a guy or even a girl youre not interested in as an in to a social group w a girl you like. For instance, often Im just having a drink near a group of people and can overhear their conversation, and when they mention something I can relate to, I just surprisedly chime in.

For instance, a group is talking about travel, and mentions a place Ive been. I act pleasantly surprised and say "Wait, Youve been to XXX too? I was just there! Did you visit Bar XYZ? Or climb that mountain? Its amazing there. My favorite thing was blah blah blah."

A different move I like to do, if everyone is dancing and you actually know how to dance, is start dancing with each girl in the group. At first, dont favor any particular one, dance with each of them. Then after making it seem like dancing with you is the most normal thing for all the girls, chopse the one you want and spend your time dancing with her.

This works in America and Latin America, not sure about Frances dancw culture...

[choichoi]

I roll solo to night venues alot and somethings I do are:

-drink just enough to get a buzz
-get to venues early (10-10:30), easier to get into large social groups this way
-talk to anybody as a means of priming your socializing skills and get the momentum going getting girls.

[Sebastian]

you need to find the right place. If you go to small social circle bar where everyone knows each other, it would be hard to break into those circles and you will stand out when you are standing by yourself.
Some people say, get to know guys so he can introduce you to his friends group. But what kind of guys are going to take this 'lone wolf' to his herds? I don't like trying to join the group of guys either because once they realize you are own your own, they just think you are weird.
I talk to guys but I just keep it short and cut it there when I see a girl I want to approach. I say Use guys as a conversational partner between approaching girls.
If you are a club guy, it might be easier there since it's darker and loud. you will actually notice quite a few guys are there by themselves.

You need to find a right place and keep going there even though it's uncomfortable. you will get used to it and you will just act more natural. I remember I had to go outside to the patio to smoke frequently or keep going to the restroom because I felt weird standing by myself inside the bar.

It just takes time and you need to get out there. you can memorize all the rules and tricks but it won't happen overnight.

[brock sampson]

Lern how to dance WELL.

I've got a friend that will dance if the tunes are right- even if it's light, even if there is nobody else dancing.
I often see people look at him like he's crazy (but that's the shit repressed English mentality) and especially dudes laughing. But he keeps throwing shapes. Eventually girls have some drink and get up for dancing too. They ALWAYS gravitate towards him. Those same pricks that were laughing are now thinking,
"shit! we need to get some of his action"
but the closest they get is to imitate/mock his dancing due to their inadequacies, yet the honeys are still around him....

...If only his off-dance floor game was tight he'd be knee deep in clunge.

[/CSB]


hope that helps

[Doulos2Game]

If your social skills are good then you will be successful rolling dolo.

If you are rolling dolo you need to game at least two girls or two girls and a guy most of the time.

[capote]

You have to identify the right targets in the club/bar: Pairs of girls dancing by themselves, looking round the place.

Usually there will be guys dancing all around them, trying to get some. You play it cool, dance in the vicinity, playfully dance with other girls nearby and make sure they see you. Chat up some random people (guys & girls) so the targets can see you are social. Then move in to the set, start dancing with them both and slowly pick your girl. Some guy nearby will immediately notice whats going on and dance with the other girl. From then on, its all about the chemistry and how you game the girl. Isolate after a while for a cig or drink, get her num. if you want to leave or push for the SNL. bon chance..

P.S.: Based on my experiences rolling solo in France.

[WestIndianArchie]

(06-26-2013 01:41 PM)brock sampson Wrote:  

Lern how to dance WELL.

I've got a friend that will dance if the tunes are right- even if it's light, even if there is nobody else dancing.
I often see people look at him like he's crazy (but that's the shit repressed English mentality) and especially dudes laughing. But he keeps throwing shapes. Eventually girls have some drink and get up for dancing too. They ALWAYS gravitate towards him. Those same pricks that were laughing are now thinking,
"shit! we need to get some of his action"
but the closest they get is to imitate/mock his dancing due to their inadequacies, yet the honeys are still around him....

...If only his off-dance floor game was tight he'd be knee deep in clunge.

[/CSB]


hope that helps

This was my M.O.

If dancing's not your thing, do make friends with the staff of the venue by getting their early and tipping decently.

Indeed, the method now is to get their early, take a prime spot at the bar, and open chicks that come to the bar.

WIA

[mikado]

These are some really good tips!
Thank you all, keep'em coming.

[mental]

Maybe this seems obvious, but I can't stress it enough - when you get to the club approach girls as fast as you can until you feel that you can open any set. - you don't have to fuck them, just use them as a stepping stone. Why? Not only the anxiety is gone and you get into the "I'm the shit" mental state very fast, but you also get much more time - if you approach 3-4 girls in 8 minutes while it's 22:12 then you become the most awesome guy in the club in only 22:20. I always approach as soon as possible until my anxiety is gone and the results are awesome - I can open just about any set which seemed "impossible" just a moment ago!

[Sebastian]

yeah you need to approach girls asap. just talk to some girl by the bar as you get the drink without expecting anything.
When my first approach goes well, I feel like riding a wave and I am ready for a bigger one. you might get ignored but take it as a warm up exercise.

You want to avoid 'not doing anything while waiting for a perfect target' This will really mess up your game.

Sometimes I get into this invincible mode. but I think I should calm it down. One day I was approaching left and right and my friend said I looked like a guy on crack. lol

(06-28-2013 11:13 AM)mental Wrote:  

Maybe this seems obvious, but I can't stress it enough - when you get to the club approach girls as fast as you can until you feel that you can open any set. - you don't have to fuck them, just use them as a stepping stone. Why? Not only the anxiety is gone and you get into the "I'm the shit" mental state very fast, but you also get much more time - if you approach 3-4 girls in 8 minutes while it's 22:12 then you become the most awesome guy in the club in only 22:20. I always approach as soon as possible until my anxiety is gone and the results are awesome - I can open just about any set which seemed "impossible" just a moment ago!

[XXL]

(06-16-2013 07:44 AM)mikado Wrote:  

-First: should I ditch my friends more, and game by myself? I feel like sometimes even if we are together, I am afraid to go sarge the 2+ sets without having one of them come with me.

don't ditch them. you don't to be another solo dude out there. go out with them and shoot the shit together as usual. then once you see a girl you'd like to talk to spontaneously tell them 'look i like her smile' and just go approach like you would go to the bathroom. once you finish with girls come back to them. shoot the shit. then talk to other girls. stuff like that. once they see you're doing quite well they will become more enthusiastic. most importantly never expect them to join you. and never give them lessons. if they question you give them lame vague answers like 'she was nice' or 'because i wanted to meet her' with matter of fact tone.

(06-16-2013 07:44 AM)mikado Wrote:  

-After that, supposing I go out dolo, how exactly should I do it? I know, you will tell me to just have fun and not overthink, but I wanted to know more about the way to go: be social first, then get the girls to dance, or dance, and be social after.

look up GO SOLO in my signature

[Cyclone]

(06-16-2013 12:10 PM)Sonsowey Wrote:  

For instance, often Im just having a drink near a group of people and can overhear their conversation, and when they mention something I can relate to, I just surprisedly chime in.

This is gold.. I *always* eavesdrop and interject when I have something funny to say. I don't think it's something everyone is good at.. but if I were you, try listening to some standup comedy before going out

My noob question would be, if people question where your friends are or why you are alone, what's the best response? I often have a good answer when it's *true* (and I'm comfortable w/ that) but never really lied before.
.

[WestIndianArchie]

(06-28-2013 06:33 PM)Cyclone Wrote:  

l:

My noob question would be, if people question where your friends are or why you are alone, what's the best response? I often have a good answer when it's *true* (and I'm comfortable w/ that) but never really lied before.
.

This really depends on the kind of game you run, and the kind of person you want to be.

"where are your friends"
"how come you aren't drinking"
"what do you do for a living"

^These are all innocuous small talk type questions that can easily go bad if you answer them wrong.

Now a lot of successful dudes running game prefer to just throw out some very plausible answers

"where are your friends"

a) they're on their way
b) I'm pre-gaming, headed to where they are (set up a bounce)
c) "you know how girls are" - (drop a little bit of tease bait/fight bait)

"how come you aren't drinking"

a) oh, you buying? BARTENDER! (a porcupine answer, throw it back, and the person wants to throw it back to you - they might get stuck by the quills)
b) the night is young, and I gotta pace myself (slightly beta, but understandable)
c) is that a challenge (again, agree and amplify)

What do you do for a living

a) your real impressive job (straight forward, no nonsense)
b) an impressive job that you're gonna lie about (make it a humble brag, they call us a garage band hedge fund, I hate those bulge bank fuckers)
c) a really cool and implausible job that you're gonna lie about (I do rigging for that trapeze school downtown...what you've never heard of it?)
d) "guess"

^^These are all fine

Nowadays, I use the Simpsons response

The intro of the Simpsons is some mini-contained story with a kernel of what's gonna go in the main event. Episode will start out with Bart and Milhouse trying to scam Apu, but somehow end up being about one of Marge's many neuroses.

I use one stock phrase/idea

"funny you should ask"

From there, I go

"lemme get your opinion on this"
*points at girl*
"I'll probably need a girl perspective as well"

LAUNCH INTO MACK MODE

The best thing is to launch into some situation that's happened in your real life that's kinda wonky. If not your life, a story of someone you know real well. You're gonna have to deal with follow up questions, so unless your canned game is mack tight, stick to something you know back and forth.

Example

"where are your friends"
"funny you should ask, yo! bright eyes listen up, I might need your opinion too"

"So you know your boy" (they dont' know you at all - I do this to build in false familiarity)

"You know how I get down"
"Biggest down fall is I got my friend's back"
"You have that one friend, that one friend you know that kinda needs a little more than the rest? And if you can't think of that one friend- you're that one friend"

"picture this, a girl and her S.O. are at a cross roads. The S.O. just got a new job in some far off city, but they aren't really tight and committed yet. The girl isn't really sure about what she wants to do, but figures the right thing to do by her S.O is to set em free. They have a big fight and the S.O. storms out.

This happened Tuesday.

Anyway, so yesterday, the girl realizes that she made a huge mistake, and tracked down her S.O. at this laundry mat. I drove her down there. She went in their and begged her little heart out..., they can work it out, they can do long distance......

The S.O very calmly says to the girl, "You broke my heart" and walked out"

Tonight, there's a big show/concert./karaoke night - and there both gonna be there...

^^Do you see how this is playing out?

You can edit the story, make sure this is a friend of yours, but not a super close friend, or whatever - but basically you take these little questions about why you're not drinking, why you're not there with any friends, what your job is - and you use one stock phrase to tell a story - a story that hooks, a story that has tension and drama, a story that portrays your good traits..., a story that screens...

"what would you do? Would you head over there tonight? Part of me wants to see the drama, part of me doesn't... "

"what if I mentioned that the S.O. is a woman? Would that change anything"

"red lipstick, what would you do?"
"I knew you would say that, I could already tell" -> cold read as a bait for more game, more getting trapped in your spider's web.

So the sequence

1) weird uncomfortable question
2) "funny you should ask"
3) launch into a story that gives the listeners something to do
4) close out the initial question quietly
5) draw in the targets

And you can play this straight, you can ham it up, you can make it a big joke...., you can role play....

You should be very happy anytime someone throws you that sort of a bone.

WIA

[mikado]

Thank you all, I like these answers.

Actually, the problem with my friends is that they are players too, some follow RSD, they basically went the same path as me, we have a facebook group where we share videos, articles etc (I often post some advice from this site). Now it seems like they decided to game on their own without me and while it hurts for sure, I was gamin way before knowing them, and I'll continue too.

Another problem is that if I am solo (at nightclubs) , while I don't give a fuck about what other people think of me dancing alone, I tend to remain in that state often if my other friends are not approching, and altough sometimes I have group of girls coming next to me, I may pussy out and not go (by the way, there are a lot of guides for dancefloor games, but I almost never see makeouts on the floor unless it's two people in a relationship)

Project for the summer: improve my dancing skills at home and my social skills out of there , every day.

[Cyclone]

Thanks WIA, those sequences look like material I could legitimately use and remain congruent. Although I try to stay away from Neil Strauss-esque stuff
.

[SirAntony]

I would recommend you start going solo also to some activities where people is already going to meet new people. When I am new in a City I usually check the couchsurfing activities, sometimes I have met nice girls there, as well guys that can give local advise. These type of activities could help you to break the inertia and the anxiety of meeting new people.

Good luck, and yes, I recommend you going solo, then the pressure is only by you on you..

[capote]

(06-29-2013 08:02 AM)mikado Wrote:  

Thank you all, I like these answers.

Actually, the problem with my friends is that they are players too, some follow RSD, they basically went the same path as me, we have a facebook group where we share videos, articles etc (I often post some advice from this site). Now it seems like they decided to game on their own without me and while it hurts for sure, I was gamin way before knowing them, and I'll continue too.

Another problem is that if I am solo (at nightclubs) , while I don't give a fuck about what other people think of me dancing alone, I tend to remain in that state often if my other friends are not approching, and altough sometimes I have group of girls coming next to me, I may pussy out and not go (by the way, there are a lot of guides for dancefloor games, but I almost never see makeouts on the floor unless it's two people in a relationship)

Project for the summer: improve my dancing skills at home and my social skills out of there , every day.

How successful are these friends of yours? (with girls I mean). I sometimes see overly aggressive guys running in packs in clubs...they usually end up macking on girls unsuccessfully at the kebab shop early next morning. In a club its important not to focus too much on pickup..it makes your intentions and body language clear and girls usually sense that and withdraw. You need to be seen as a cool guy who mingles and has fun. Once the guard is dropped, you escalate like a mofo.

[germanico]

An answer on going out solo:

Just do it.

[ThePrinceOfDixie]

^^I second that.

The thing is you will get used to it pretty fast.