[Tokyo Joe]

This datasheet is inspired by, and dedicated to, RVF heavyweights and all-around stand-up dudes slubu and Courage Reborn, the first two Members I ever met here in my adopted home.

0. PREFACE

There are some fine threads on Tokyo – see for example Laner’s 2011 thread and Flyjin’s 2014 thread – as well as Skotch’s excellent omnibus thread on game in Japan, but I thought it might be useful to expand on some advice I put together for slubu and CR during their recent trip to Tokyo that is tailored for a specific audience: namely, the RVFer who has never been to Japan, does not speak Japanese, and does not necessarily have the yellow fever (or at least doesn’t know it yet), but who wants to swoop in briefly to get a taste of this insane country and try to capture the J flag at the same time.

A few preliminaries:

• I put “approximately 7-day” visitor in the title for good reason. If you have never been here and don’t know what to expect, a week is enough time to give it a fair shake. If you don’t like it, you’ll be ready to move on after a week; if you love it, well then you’ll just have to move here, because in that case ten years won’t suffice.
• I’ve mentioned before elsewhere, but will stress once again: The English-language ability of the Japanese, and especially of young hot chicks, is surprisingly poor. I do not have references to cite, but in my own long experience I’d say that about a quarter of Japanese women speak English well enough that you can carry on at least a half-assed conversation with them. Further, contact with the Anglosphere tends to corrupt the minds and bodies of Japanese women, so the hell of it is that, in general, the better she speaks English the more likely she’s a westernized Azn bitch. And of course the premium young ass has the world at its feet, so it doesn’t bother to learn English. Japan is a poosy paradise, but a tough one; adjust your expectations accordingly.
• For the above reason, and assuming that many of you will make it a priority to get the flag, you necessarily have to spend your time in Tokyo – and in fact in a very specific part of Tokyo, as explained below. In the second-tier cities and in the countryside, English communication only gets worse. Cities like Sapporo and Fukuoka are outstanding, but without Japanese you are probably just setting yourself up for a serious case of blue-balls on your first trip. Hence this datasheet is focused on Tokyo. In the future, depending on the level of interest, I may break out datasheets on my favorite second-tier cities.
• For some reason the Japanese yen symbol won’t render for me; instead I will use the charmless waxed-crotch “Y” in place of the real thing. At this writing the yen trades at $1 = Y120, down 37% from its pre-Abenomics peak. Japan has not been this cheap to visit in nearly a decade.
  

1. LOGISTICS

Visas. Virtually all of the RVF readership are citizens of countries that have visa exemption arrangements with Japan. Check here for a list of exempt countries. If you are a citizen of one these exempt countries, you do not need to apply for a visa; you will receive a 90-day landing permission stamp in your passport at airport immigration.

Getting here. Tokyo is serviced by two international airports: Narita, 40 miles outside of central Tokyo in the middle of the rice paddies of Chiba Prefecture; and Haneda, located on reclaimed land jutting out into Tokyo Bay only 8 miles south of Tokyo Station. If you have a choice, fly into Haneda – but depending on your point of origin, carrier, arrival time, and budget, that might not be an option.

From Narita. You have two options, train or limousine bus. Six of one, half a dozen of another, as either will cost just over Y3000 and take about 90 minutes to get to Roppongi (your destination – see Lodging below). My recommendation: Unless you are exiting Narita airport on a weekday between 3:30 pm and 6:30 pm, take the bus. It’s comfortable, convenient, and traffic outside of that time will not be bad. If however you are heading for downtown during those evening hours, opt for the train, since you could get stuck in two-hour+ rush-hour traffic.

- By bus. After you breezily pass through immigration and customs, look for the bright orange signs of the “Airport Limousine” counter. Here is the website. There are two stops in Roppongi: the Grand Hyatt and the Ritz Carlton. These will be a short walk to the AirBnB apartment you’ve booked, per the below. Cost: Y3100.

- By train. After immigration/customs, follow the signs for “Railways” to the level below the arrival hall. You are looking for the red NARITA EXPRESS counter. The automated ticket machines also sell tickets, but by this time you’re dazed by the sights and sounds and majestic order of Japan, so you may want to line up to buy your ticket (to Tokyo Station, Y3020) at the staffed counter. On arriving at the intensely crowded Tokyo Station, follow the signs for the Tokyo Metro Marunouchi Line (indicated by a block M in a red circle). Take this line one stop to Ginza Station; there you switch to the Hibiya Line (block H in a grey circle), which you take 4 stops to Roppongi Station. Hoof it to your AirBnB.

From Haneda. From Haneda you will travel by rail into town (Y670, ~30 min.). After immigration/customs, follow the signs for the MONORAIL, which you take to its final stop, Hamamatsucho. There you follow the signs for Daimon Station on the Oedo Line (a block E in a crimson circle). Take the Oedo Line three stops to Roppongi Station. Short walk to your AirBnB.

Lodging. Its streets overflowing with aggressive Nigerian touts and annoying Chinese masseuses trying to pull you into their bar/club/strip show/massage parlor/etc., Roppongi is the cloaca of Tokyo but this is where you should set up camp for your stay. This area has by far the highest concentration of bars/clubs frequented by English-speaking Japanese women who are DTF a gaijin. Also, it is centrally located for all the sight-seeing and dining around town you’ll be doing. I recommend using AirBnB to find an apartment that suits your budget. Just use Google maps to check that the property is within a 10-minute walk or so of Roppongi Station (and note that this radius puts the Nishi-Azabu crossing within range for your search). For one thing, you will be using Roppongi Station as your launching point for your sightseeing/dining forays; for another, you want to be able to pull club sluts back to your place easily.

Getting around. The Tokyo rail and subway system appears hilariously complex to the first-time visitor. Here is a typical map. This superb English-language site lets you find the best way to travel between any two stations. You will probably be using the subway/JR trains, unless you have cash to blow on taxi fares: The meter starts at Y730 when you get in, and ticks up at Y90 per 1/6 of a mile. The trains and subways stop running around midnight, which is another reason to lodge close to the nightlife.

Comms. The subway stations, most cafés and convenience stores, and many AirBnB rentals have free WiFi networks – but if you want to be assured of network access no matter what, you will want to pick up a local SIM card for your unlocked smartphone when you get to Japan. This b-mobile card is a good one; you can order one online before you arrive and pick it up at the post office inside Narita or Haneda airport; otherwise you can buy one at a Yodobashi Camera store in Tokyo. Young Japanese are all using the LINE app these days; almost none are on WhatsApp. And it seems no one actually speaks on the phone anymore either, so if you opt for a data-only SIM card you should be fine.

2. CUISINE

The following is broken down by genre. There are a (countably) infinite number of memorable and mind-blowing places to eat in Tokyo, so this list is by necessity woefully incomplete. Please note this convention: If I have included the phone number (starting with 03), then you should make a reservation; no phone number means they don’t accept reservations or they are not necessary.

Sushi. Taking into account both quality and price, my current top recommendation for sushi in Tokyo is Daiwa (Chuo-ku, Tsukiji 5-2-1), inside the famous Tsukiji Fishmarket. For Y3500 you get the 7-nigiri, 1-roll set menu of extremely high quality. If it sounds too good to be true, well yes, there’s a catch: The shop takes no reservations and you’ll have to wait in line anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours. It’s open for breakfast through lunch, from 5:30 am to 1:30 pm on days that the Fishmarket itself is open for business. Be sure to check the Market schedule here as it closes two or three days every month on a staggered schedule – in addition to Sundays and National Holidays, when it is also closed. Sadly, the historic Tsukiji Fishmarket is being relocated to Toyosu in November 2016, so you have little more than one year to visit.

For a more formal evening sushi outing, head over to Kyubey (Chuo-ku, Ginza 8-7-6; 03-3571-6523) in Ginza. Not cheap, but well worth it. On the other hand, I can’t really recommended the much-hyped Sukiyabashi Jiro of documentary and Obama-Abe summit fame. Yes it’s fantastic, but not quite Y30,000 per head (not counting drinks etc.) fantastic.

Oysters. If you are an oyster man like me, you will be in mother-of-pearl heaven at the Fish House Oyster Bar East (Shibuya-ku, Ebisu 1-23-16; 03-6408-5393), a seven-minute walk from the East Exit of Ebisu JR Station. Every night there are some dozen varieties of oysters from all over Japan, plus a few worthies from Canada/Australia/U.S. Add to this a good selection of Belgian white beers and white wines, all presided over by Hayashi-san, one of the most solicitous maître d’s in a city famous for its service, and you’ve got yourself a righteous zinc-rich night. With only four tables and four counter seats, this place is also one where you will want to make a reservation. If you do head here for dinner, afterward you may want to stroll ten minutes, or hop a quick Y730 cab ride, down Kitazato-dori to Quien quiera (Minato-ku, Shirokane 5-14-8; 03-3446-0609), quite possibly one of the most beautiful bars in all of Tokyo. It is a sullen two-story wooden building that has stood there since 1918. The very place to be ravished by what is – and is obdurate… Oh hell, even if you aren’t down in Shirokane for some other reason, you would do well to make a trip to this bar at some point during your Tokyo sojourn.

Tempura. Stand-out tempura shops abound, but my favorite is Abe (Chuo-ku, Ginza 4-3-7; 03-6228-6077) in Ginza. It’s small and popular, so you’ll need a reservation.

Yakiniku. Literally “grilled meat,” yakiniku is originally Korean but the Japanese have adopted it with élan. When slubu and CR were here, they reminded me of a terrific spot a short walk from Nishi-Azabu crossing which I had not been to in many years but can wholeheartedly recommend: Yoroniku (Minato-ku, Minami-Aoyama 6-6-22; 03-3498-4629). We had the Y9000 course menu. The charm point of Yoroniku is that, different from most joints where you have to concentrate on grilling the meat yourself, here a young lass will stand at your table and grill the meat to perfection, and then explain with surgical precision how to eat it. If you are a drinker, in honor of that lass try the Toyo Bijin (東洋美人, “Asian Beauty”) sake after a few nama beers. This place is hugely popular so reservations are a must. Another awesome Yakiniku place is Jumbo (Minato-ku, Shirokane 3-1-1; 03-5795-4129). Open 365 days a year and packed every night. Reservations are again required.

Yakitori. Meaning “grilled chicken,” the yakitori restaurant dismembers the bird and serves up every part of it, inside and out, grilled on skewers over a charcoal fire. Mr. Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls… Too many outstanding ones to list here – but for great chicken and so much more, as well as one of the most elite (yet cheap) Tokyo dining experiences, you’ve got to hit the rails under the Yamanote line near Yurakucho Station. Lined up in a row, the tiny shops are burrowed in right under the elevated tracks of the rail lines overhead; makeshift tables spill out into the quiet street in front of the store. When the weather is fine (esp. April to June, Sept. to early Nov.) you want to be outside to watch what there is. The very best of the lot is Matsuso (Chiyoda-ku, Yurakucho 2-1-20). They do have an English version of the expansive menu, but the best offerings are scrawled out by hand in Japanese on a chalkboard that changes daily. If possible bring a Japanese speaker with you here.

Burger. What, you ask, going for a burger in Tokyo? Isn’t that like going on a date in Japan with a British fattie?? Aha, not so fast! Try an American-style hamburger made with prime wagyu beef at Burger Mania (Minato-ku, Shirokane 6-5-7) and then come talk to me about a sammich. No reservations necessary. Bonus: They play hip-hop music all day long, from opening at 11:30 am until last order at 10:00 p.m. And note this joint is less than 100 meters east of Quien quiera (see above) on Kitazato-dori.

Ramen. Personally I find this stuff disgusting – ramen is to Japan what McDonalds is to the U.S. – but it has its fans, so I’ll include it here. With a hat tip to slubu for the find (and seconded by many Japanese friends), I’ll single out Kaotan (Minato-ku, Minami-Aoyama 2-34-30) near Nishi-Azabu crossing, open daily until 5 a.m., 6 a.m. on the weekend. This is the kind of place you go in the wee small hours after drinking in Roppongi but failing to pull a bird back to your place. Better still to head over to Daiwa in Tsukiji to queue up for its 5:30 a.m. opening, but hey, it takes all kinds.

Izakaya. Last and perhaps most important is the quintessentially Japanese drinking establishment. I have many favorites here in town, but I value my privacy and the integrity of these places, so I will reserve recommendations for Members in good standing, on request by PM.

For a passable, Disney theme-park izakaya experience, check out Gonpachi (Minato-ku, Nishi-Azabu 1-13-11; 03-5771-0170) right at Nishi-Azabu crossing. This was the site of a famous Bush-Koizumi summit dinner during the golden years of US-Japan relations (and Tarantino modeled the set for the ending fight scene of the atrocious Kill Bill Vol. 1 on it, for what it’s worth). You can sample just about every representative Japanese cuisine, sashimi, tempura, yakitori, tofu, udon/soba and the rest, and it’s reasonably priced.

3. SIGHTSEEING

Again, there is no end to the unforgettable sights and experiences that can wash over you in Tokyo. Here are a few ideas, merely skimming the surface, to get you started.

Shrines. The city is speckled with hundreds of Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples; everyone has his own favorites. If I had to recommend one representative shrine it would be Meiji-Jingu, a short walk from Meiji-jingumae Station. This is the one that foreign dignitaries (heads of state, the Dalai Lama, etc.) most often visit. The shrine is big, wide, and beautiful; the broad graveled avenue through the forest from the main gate to the shrine makes for a soothing walk. My own personal favorite shrine is Nezu Jinja, a short walk from Nezu Station on the Chiyoda line. Especially during azalea season in April and the fall foliage of October/November, this is a spectacular little pocket of serenity in Tokyo.

Sensoji Temple and Asakusa. Likewise, my one Temple recommendation would be Sensoji (Taito-ku, Asakusa 2-3-1) up in Asakusa. In fact that entire area is really cool. In addition to the temple itself, its famous Kaminarimon gate and all the shops, the Kappabashi Kitchenware District (centered on Nishi-Asakusa 1-5-15) is close by. Here you can find stores specializing in every conceivable kitchen item – matchless Japanese kitchen knives to last you a lifetime, the Nambu tetsu-bin iron pots for making tea, the incredibly life-like plastic food displays that make great gag souvenirs, etc.

Right down the street from the Sensoji temple entrance is the Kamiya Bar (Taito-ku, Asakusa 1-1-1), one of the very first western-style beer halls in Japan. Sweet place. If you are sightseeing up in Asakusa and need a break, you can slip in for a few beers and some eats. Be sure to ask to be seated on the second floor.

Tea Ceremony. If you are interested in the traditional Japanese tea ceremony, I recommend the ceremony at the Imperial Hotel. Reservations are required; check here for information and the number to call to reserve.

Bonus: The Imperial is home to the Frank Lloyd Wright bar. If ever there were a place for a whisky and a cigar, this is it.

New York Bar at the Shinjuku Park Hyatt. You may know this hotel and this bar from Sofia Coppola’s homage to Japan, Lost in Translation. The views of Tokyo from here are breathtaking – go at dusk; see the late light and then stay for the night lights. Sunday evening is the ideal time for this. There is a Y2200 cover charge after 8:00 pm daily (after 7:00 pm on Sundays), and drinks are not cheap, but it’s well worth it.

Shibuya. Want to see where Julien Blanc and all the day-game street spammers work their special magic? Head to the streets of Shibuya! A fun place to wander around and maybe chat up some local gyarus. At least see the infamous "scramble crossing" where thousands of people cross a 7-way intersection all at once.

The Robot Restaurant. (Shinjuku-ku, Kabukicho 1-7-1) I confess I had never heard of this wild place until slubu and CR came to town and we went together. Highly recommended for a dose of Japanese zaniness. See this link to learn more about the show and to make reservations (required). Note: Although it’s called a restaurant, better to eat beforehand. Only drinks and light snacks (popcorn, etc.) are served before the show and during its breaks.

4. NIGHTLIFE

A big caveat up front: What’s hot and happening in the Tokyo club and bar scene can change pretty quickly. The information here is current as of August/September 2015. I will try to provide updates in this thread as time goes on and the situation changes. The spots noted here are chosen specifically for gaijin visitors who don't speak Japanese and are hunting for Japanese chicks who might be more open to getting down with foreign dudes. The hard truth is that the club scene in Tokyo – especially for foreigners and most especially for non-speakers of Japanese – has gotten markedly worse over the past few years. You should interpret the following to be the “least difficult” of many very tough options. That said, solid players like slubu and CR did pick up their flags, and then some, during a one-week stay this summer, so it can be done – with skill and the right local area knowledge.

There are only two big bar/club nights of the week in Tokyo, Friday and Saturday – or three, if you count the very occasionally hopping Thursday night. From Thursday to Saturday, each night is busier than the previous one, hitting a peak on Saturday. Sunday through Wednesday are dead in Tokyo – but there is action to be found, as noted below.

First I’ll list up the usual Roppongi suspects and then give some advice for how to run the various nights.

Feria. (Minato-ku, Roppongi 7-13-7) Right now Feria is the king of clubs catering to the mixed Japanese/gaijin crowd. It is busiest on Saturday night, with Friday a close second. It doesn’t get hopping until around midnight on Friday, and even later (after 12:30) on Saturday. Cover for men on these two nights is Y3500, which includes tickets for two drinks. The place is often a zoo, with five floors from the basement mosh-pit up to the roof-top bar on the 4th floor. The third floor is to my taste the best, striking a balance between the pandemonium of the basement and the subdued groups of the roof. Ratios have been respectable here lately, tilted somewhat to the sausage-side of 50/50.

On the weeknights, they only open the smaller 3rd and 4th floors, and men’s cover is down to Y2000 with chicks free or Y1000, so they actually draw a decent crowd. This was the scene of slubu’s Tuesday-night bathroom bang and the bouncer trying to break the door in on him.

R2. (Minato-ku, Roppongi 7-14-23) Right across the street from Feria, this bar (vice club) sees its highest traffic on Friday night, and Saturday is a bit less busy. No cover; drinks are ~Y800 to Y1000. It tends to get rolling earlier than Feria, as many people hit here before migrating across the street. Ratios are hit-or-miss here; some nights are fine but lately it’s been too crowded with too many thirsty dudes. Also, the women here tend to be a bit older than the ones you’ll find at Feria. Very quiet on weeknights.

A971. (Minato-ku, Akasaka 9-7-2) Down the street from Feria and R2, located on the ground floor of the Tokyo Midtown complex, A971 is another bar, but unlike R2 it has an outdoor patio area in addition to the inside bar, and is louder and somewhat better lit than the dim R2. No cover; drinks are a bit cheaper, and the clientele a bit younger, than R2. It is equally busy on Friday and Saturday nights, getting going after 10:00 pm. Also very quiet on weeknights, but slubu and I found something to play with here on the Wednesday night he arrived.

Mist. (Minato-ku, Roppongi 3-10-5) This little basement club a 5-minute walk down Higashi-Gaien-dori from Roppongi crossing has been going off on odd nights, like Monday and Tuesday. Slubu, CR, and I hit it late on a Monday and it was fairly crowded, with decent ratios. Probably good on the weekends, but I haven’t been there to confirm. Cover is Y2000 which includes two drinks.

Geronimo. (Minato-ku, Roppongi 7-14-10) A tight hole-in-the-wall shot bar on the second floor of a building 15 meters from Roppongi Crossing, this place sometimes surprises on Friday and Saturday night with a mix of Japanese and European sluts. No cover and Y900 beers, it is worth popping your head in to see what it’s like as you look for some action.

Japan-centric and other clubs. There are of course a slew of clubs in Tokyo, but they tend to attract a very Japanese crowd that shows little interest in foreign dudes. For instance, if you really wanted to see a leading Shibuya club, go to Womb (Shibuya-ku, Maruyama-cho 2-16). But they play weird EDM music and you’ll have trouble finding a J-chick with the ability and desire to speak English. Similarly, V2 in the heart of Roppongi is a big, bustling club but not very gaijin-friendly. Unfortunately, the once epic club Muse in Nishi-Azabu was closed down by the cops a few years back and its new reincarnation cannot hold a candle to the original. Similarly, the awesome meat-market that was Heartland closed down and re-opened in June 2014 as the faggoty, pretentious bar Tusk.

- On a Thursday night, you might try hitting happy hour (maybe 7:30 pm) at Rigoletto (Minato-ku, Roppongi 6-10-1) on the 5th floor of Roppongi Hills Westside. This bar and restaurant has been popular with the after-work crowd and you might find some tasty “OL” (office lady) morsels to mack on in the bar area on a Thursday. (I’d stay away from this place on Friday/Saturday though.) On Thursday, clubs are often dead, but you might check out Mist later on, after walking by R2 and A971 to see what’s up.

- On Friday, after a good dinner out somewhere, pop into R2 and/or A971 around 10:00 pm for some warm-up and see if you can get anything to hook. If not, try Feria around midnight.

- This is the night to go full on Feria, so rest up and save your energy. Again, you might check out Geronimo or R2 or A971 beforehand to see what’s up and get in the groove, before lining up at Feria after midnight.

- As mentioned before, Sunday is the night to hit the Shinjuku Park Hyatt or some other suitably refined hotel bar.

- Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday: These nights are generally dead, but if you are hell-bent on finding some nightlife action, you can roll the dice and pay the reduced cover to see if Feria is popping. As I said, Mist has been busy, but past performance is no indication of future returns.

***
There’s much more to say but this bloated post has to end somewhere. I look forward to responses from members who have visited and have observations to make, from those who live here and have their own advice to share, and of course from members who are planning their first trip and have questions to ask. Happy swooping.