Quote: (02-05-2016 03:54 PM)jariel Wrote:
These are the issues that men have when they know they should leave women, but they struggle to justify doing so:
1. Nostalgia
Reflecting on the good times, doesn't change the bad times. Every relationship that goes on for an extended period of time will have had good times, that is one reason it has managed to last, because at some point things were good.
The good times don't give you an accurate depiction of the strength of the relationship, the bad times do. The bad times tell you that it's time to get the fuck on, because they have more of an effect than any of the good did.
2. She's A Good Person
All the women we're dealing with aren't bad people. But it's not about them being "good people", we care about them being the right people.
You want a woman who is dedicated to your relationship and respects her role in it. You don't want a woman who wants to compete with you for power and makes a concerted effort to force her will on the relationship.
Ultimately, you might leave her, and at some point, some other guy marries her and has kids with her, good for her, if that man found her to be right for him, good for him, but that doesn't matter to you because she was wrong for you.
You can't think about what you purportedly lost, you have to look at breaking away from her is something that you gain, because it comes with a number of benefits that are going to make you and the life you're leading better.
3. Finances
When people are living together and sharing certain things together, some people don't have the resources to just dip.
When that takes place, you have to forget about how you're "comfortable" in your living situation.
If you have to move out immediately, then get what you can get, it may not be as nice as where you are, but it's automatically better because she's not there.
If you have some time to buy, then go hard on saving some money. Don't spend ANY money on her or "the house". Put together 2-3 months of move-out money, then get the fuck out.
4. Good Sex
Most women out there are not great in bed, but there are still a number of them who are. If you've had enough sexual encounters, then chances are you've had enough "good pussy".
Good sex is not a reason to stay in a relationship with someone.
Good sex is the prerequisite for casual relationships that are based on sexual chemistry, but those are inherently short-lived.
However, real relationships are much more complex. Some people are fine when they're laying down and fucking, but their issues resurface as soon as they have to stand up and put their clothes back on.
Don't allow yourself to be some pussy-whipped ass dude who is scared of going back out in the world, putting in work so that you can shine and become a better man who can get a better bitch who gives you better sex because she actually wants to be with you, and would do anything to keep you in her life.
These ex-bitches are literally doing things to push you away, so move on to someone who wants to bring you in and not let you go.
I want to add
5. Children
There is nothing that will stress your relationship like having kids. It'll fuck up your sex life, fuck up your finances, and it adds to the nostalgia, and you'll frequently see her at her best (if you did a decent job picking a mother for your children).
You'll keep staying in it saying it'll be easier when the kids are older.
Ask yourself, are you modeling commitment and dedication, or are you modeling to your kids that committed relationships are misery?
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I'm not writing this to ask for advice, but I'm putting in a personal note so that you know this isn't just theory. This is real experience.
I've been divorced a couple months. My oldest is a teenager, and she's by far taking it the hardest. I really worry about her. The middle one is taking it better, but it's still hard for her. She misses me a lot sometimes. She went through a bedwetting phase again (she's 10). The youngest does pretty well. She misses me sometimes and gets sad but she deals with it.
My kids think a husband & wife kissing is weird.
They think I abandoned them because I'm the one who moved out.
My kid has a friend who has extreme anxiety problems that started after her parents split up. Another friend who attempted suicide after her parents split up.
I have a co-worker whose parents divorced when she was 25 - she's about 40 and she said it still hurts.
And now I think back to when things really got bad, when my youngest was an infant. Or back in 2012 when I told her I wanted a divorce but backed off mostly because I wanted to stay together "for the kids", and I realize that all I did was make it worse.