[YoungBlood]

I believe that relationships become dysfunctional when the genuine desire is gone.

Most men in relationships, (including players) start to negotiate this desire and like Rollo says, "You can't negotiate genuine desire." Once you negotiate it, things start to fall apart. Men negotiate desire by taking girls on dates, doing her a lot of favors, or any behavior that sub-communicates you're doing something to earn sex as a reward.

A good marker of how healthy a relationship is how many times she initiates any sexual advances on you. If it turns out that you're doing all the work, she doesn't genuinely desire you and the relationship is based on something other than her feral, primal sexual needs.

This is a red pill that many guys must know and one that too many look over by saying, "Oh, well I'm the man and I'm suppose to take charge!!" While that is true, a woman who is really into you will take charge in letting you know she's down for some sex.

We can now see why girls stray off and wander onto other men given this knowledge.

[Vaun]

(08-19-2014 02:57 PM)YoungBlood Wrote:  

I believe that relationships become dysfunctional when the genuine desire is gone.

Most men in relationships, (including players) start to negotiate this desire and like Rollo says, "You can't negotiate genuine desire." Once you negotiate it, things start to fall apart. Men negotiate desire by taking girls on dates, doing her a lot of favors, or any behavior that sub-communicates you're doing something to earn sex as a reward.

Youngblood you speak like a wise old man.

If its on a scale from 1-100, shall we call an "Interest Level Scale", and her interest for you dips below 50, you are done. At 100 she is clambering for sex with you, at 75 less so, at 50 and below she just doesn't care. As they cross below 50 there is no need to reach out again, because she frankly could care less about you anymore.

I am guilty of this, this past week. My ex was so sexually charged, she would get wet more than any other women I ever knew, and we would have sex all the time. I dumped her maybe a dozen times. The last time I broke it off, I told her I would never marry or have babies with her, she pissed me off so much. I went dark on her and she kept texting and calling. But it stopped after three weeks with no reply from me. I finally reach back out to her after 5 weeks and she says shes moved on and to not contact. I actually missed the connection we had, the girl was pretty good, I just wasnt ready and frankly dont want to be exclusive. My birthday came around and I missed her.

[kaotic]

(08-19-2014 02:57 PM)YoungBlood Wrote:  

I believe that relationships become dysfunctional when the genuine desire is gone.

Most men in relationships, (including players) start to negotiate this desire and like Rollo says, "You can't negotiate genuine desire." Once you negotiate it, things start to fall apart. Men negotiate desire by taking girls on dates, doing her a lot of favors, or any behavior that sub-communicates you're doing something to earn sex as a reward.

A good marker of how healthy a relationship is how many times she initiates any sexual advances on you. If it turns out that you're doing all the work, she doesn't genuinely desire you and the relationship is based on something other than her feral, primal sexual needs.

This is a red pill that many guys must know and one that too many look over by saying, "Oh, well I'm the man and I'm suppose to take charge!!" While that is true, a woman who is really into you will take charge in letting you know she's down for some sex.

We can now see why girls stray off and wander onto other men given this knowledge.

I want to put this to the test then.

Usually I'm a sexual guy when I text my main HB, sometimes she'll grab my dick, but mostly I'm kissing her spanking her and one thing leads to another.

Think this is a bad idea for test ?

-Stop being sexual with jokes, see if she keeps saying sexual thing
-Don't make any moves on her and see how she reacts ?

How would you guys test this, to see how into you she is ?

I'd love to gauge her interest in me from a purely sexual way. See if she makes any first moves with me.

[BadgerHut]

(08-19-2014 07:17 AM)Every10GivesMeA10 Wrote:  

I love all my EX girlfriends.

Brianna
Nicole
Ashley
Melissa
Jessica
Wendy
Julia
Anne

I have some latent affection for every woman I've been involved with, even the ones that cravenly left me and left me heartbroken. It's just part of that emotional memory.

I've never gone back to an ex, but that's not a personal rule as much as a combination of (a) those who left me moving on and never making a run at me again and (b) me being done with the ones I dumped, that's why I left them.

It's interesting to see the different guy perspectives here. I think the message guys might need to hear is that it's OK to have some of those feelings still, the problem comes when you carry a oneitis for someone who isn't coming back or when it hardens you against getting back in the game.

[Vaun]

well Im banging my ex again. Isnt this great.

[Crownife]

Oi

[jamaicabound]

Overall I agree with this sentiment. Everytime I've ever gone back to an old relationship it's only a short matter of time before you realize okay my memories of this were better than reality or I remember why I left this.

I think there are a small number of situations where you didn't appreciate what you had til it was gone or even something like the timing was off on the realtionship ie one person was focused on career at that time, moving to different destinations but not far enough along for either person to rearange their life for the other.

It's kinda funny I remember an ex of mine would always tell me we should take a break and I should go date toher girls for a while. She would also jokingly say when we break up and you date a few younger girls...my ex was a few years older than me.. she was like your gonna realize I was pretty laid back and easygoing with you, they are gona be making you do this that and the other or wanna meet family. Well I gotta say she was right. My next girlfriend I wound up finding to be much more needy and not nearly as independent. I need someone who's fairly independent as I'm busy with work and my business and also enjoy some time to myself.

[BadgerHut]

(09-24-2014 07:25 AM)Crownife Wrote:  

I matched my ex on Tinder and we planned to get coffee to catch up. Now I said Friday so it gives me time to think about it hard.

I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting an ex for a daytime catch-up, as long as there are no hard feelings from the breakup. If you find yourself getting really emotionally into it, or she seems to be lining up some kind of revenge/retread kind of game, you might want to excuse yourself, say you enjoyed this, and walk away for real.

[BadgerHut]

(09-24-2014 08:39 AM)jamaicabound Wrote:  

My next girlfriend I wound up finding to be much more needy and not nearly as independent. I need someone who's fairly independent as I'm busy with work and my business and also enjoy some time to myself.

It's funny how when we say "independent," we usually mean a girl who can entertain herself and is non-needy. When you hear girls (esp educated ubran girls) say "independent," what they mean is bitchy and standoffish and "I'm not like those cheerleader sluts who always have to have a man on their arms." It's like a way of rationalizing their loneliness as a positive. I've heard girls also say it to mean "I get paid and don't need a man's money," but of course when they get a man they don't mind spending his cash.

I had the opposite of your experience - I dated a really needy kind of girl, and got tired of her constantly wanting me by her side. Next gf was pretty independent, but to such a degree that she was averse to us integrating our lives together.

[trainwreck]

(08-19-2014 08:08 AM)jariel Wrote:  

These women have a lot of nerve. They've gone out into the world, they've shared their minds and bodies with other men, and then they've become nostalgic about you when their plans didn't work out. They completely ignore the fact that you've had a life since them, and they assume that just because "they're back" they're supposed to immediately regain some sort of position in your life.

You have to have more respect for yourself than that.

Yep. Just told my ex to leave me the fuck alone. Breaks up with me, twice, then leaves the city for the summer. While heartbroken at start, I started hitting the gym and increased my value even further. When she comes back to the city and to her boring 9-5 life, I start getting emails from her and she's constantly posted up in front of a restaurant next to my apartment, probably trying to see if I moved on yet. A lot of nerve indeed.

That's why I completely agree with the don't ever go back rule. There's a reason you broke up. Especially if she was the one breaking up, she'll lose respect for you for taking her back - basically she can do anything she wants, and you'll take her back. Besides, who knows how many other B====D she's had in there. Not my thing. Rather learn from it, move on and then apply it to a healthier, better, relationship.

[Vytas]

(09-24-2014 07:25 AM)Crownife Wrote:  

I matched my ex on Tinder and we planned to get coffee to catch up. Now I said Friday so it gives me time to think about it hard.

Your ex is on Tinder. So it's likely she's getting plowed by randos she's met off the internet. Is this really a girl you want to continue to associate with?

I suspect you are on RVF because you want to be better than that. Think about whether you miss her or just miss her devotion to you while you were together.

And then get on with your life: taking girlfriends back who've been on Tinder is like lending your favourite T-shirt to fat dude and getting it back washed...but all stretched out.

[keysersoze]

What happens when your ex was literally your best friend? I've never seen eye to eye with anyone else the way I have with her.

Be both know its over, and it ended because the spark/passion died. But you know what? When I hear a certain album/song that I know she'd love, I'll send her a quick text about it, we'll discuss it, and she'll do the same for me.

If there's a great friendship, there's no reason to piss on it because you got bored fucking each other. Being mature and civil is the way to go.

[germanico]

(08-19-2014 07:43 AM)JJ Roberts Wrote:  

I have not used 2.0 for more than 12 years now. The result? I almost never break up with girlfriends and, as I don't do fenced (exclusive) relationships that's means you just end up with an increasing number of relationships running in parallel with total honesty and no cheating

Interesting.

Could you give me some pointers here? My own Google search threw up some blue pill pages.

If not 2.0, what are you "using" then?

Couls you link to a couplke of relevant posts? Im unfamiliar with the term "Sex 2.0" (or any version whatsoever) It might be something new to me, it might be something Ive been doing for years. I just might now it under a different name.

[AneroidOcean]

(09-25-2014 02:50 PM)germanico Wrote:  

Couls you link to a couplke of relevant posts? Im unfamiliar with the term "Sex 2.0" (or any version whatsoever) It might be something new to me, it might be something Ive been doing for years. I just might now it under a different name.

Maybe you have signatures turned off so they don't display. In his signature he has:

Quote:

Founder - Sex 3.0
Book - http://tinyurl.com/c2ppoa7
Blog - http://sexthreepointzero.com/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/sexthreepointzero

I haven't personally been able to pull this off, but I think it's the ultimate form of having a harem (if you don't care if the girls fuck other dudes), where the girls all know that there are others explicitly and are okay with it.

I personally am selfish I suppose and I want to have multiple girls in my harem that are exclusive to me. Is that hard/rare? Sure. It's still what I want. Even if that's somewhat ego driven, I really care about my health and try to avoid risk in that area, so at least from that perspective, I don't think I could do it even if I managed to unfence my ego or whatever JJ would consider it.

It's definitely an interesting take on relationships.

[trainwreck]

(09-24-2014 11:13 PM)keysersoze Wrote:  

What happens when your ex was literally your best friend? I've never seen eye to eye with anyone else the way I have with her.

Be both know its over, and it ended because the spark/passion died. But you know what? When I hear a certain album/song that I know she'd love, I'll send her a quick text about it, we'll discuss it, and she'll do the same for me.

If there's a great friendship, there's no reason to piss on it because you got bored fucking each other. Being mature and civil is the way to go.

http://www.returnofkings.com/43491/25-re...-overrated

Your ex isn't your best friend, or your soulmate. That's all you rationalizing why you should go back and be her emotional cookie.

Think twice about it man. There's a reason it all ended. I have an ex that gets really well along with my little sister, but I haven't spoke to her in 4 years because, well, there's a reason it ended.

[youngblazer]

Stay away from EXes. After you've nutted in a chick 3-5 times, she is officially old pussy. There is no reason to ever return to old pussy. Push it away*

*unless she is willing to come over, blow you while you watch TV, and leave immediately afterwards.

[MRDigger]

Never go back to an ex, if your thinking long term, that it will work out and you guys can fix things....but like my situation, I go see my baby mama ex, and daughter and make sure they are alright....and because she still gives me the best time in bed .......it's so hard to stay away haha

[trainwreck]

(08-19-2014 09:04 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

Timely thread

My rule on ex's is one and done. They usually drift off into the sunset, and that's that. Find myself not even attracted due to the thought of her being back in the wilderness.

Couple days ago, I got a text from one of my closest friends saying he had saw his recent ex for the first time with the breakup. Even though he was one of the biggest players I know he had gotten caught up in this young chicks web of bs and lies so he was still missing her. Apparently, she was in the passenger with her new guy. Not only did she step out on him, she also broke it off. They had been having problems for a minute now, and from the outside I could see it was only a matter of time. Normally, he talks a good game about being one and done but this one had really integrated herself in his life (met the family and kids) so he was taking it really hard. Since I could see he was "leaning" in the direction of reaching out to her, I had to throw a bucket of ice water over his head to remind him that he was doing himself a disservice by even considering making that move. He knew he was thinking with his heart and not his head. We chopped it up some more and eventually he had to agree although it stung in the present, he would just have to boss up and move forward.

Two themes kept coming up:

A) Going back to an ex whether she cheated or not, just tells her that you are accepting of the behavior that caused the break-up to begin with.

B) After being with another guy, she's really damaged goods in terms from an LTR vantage point. Call me selfish, but that's my true view. In the other words, the girl is dead to me at that point. Too much reprogramming would have to be done, too much investment.

Meanwhile, you could be starting with something fresh with a new one.

This could be me right now. Look at me a few months ago on the post above. Well, I made a huge mistake and ended up answering to one of her ping emails (sent 4 over the last 6 months) and meeting and banging my ex. Thought after 6 months of being apart and having a nice final breakup talk (we actually broke up over the phone, as she was with her parents at the time and we didn't see each other for 6 months, as I had always ignored her request for "closure"). Big mistake, I'm now knee deep back in the shit.

Now I'm in a totally fucked similar situation. We were living together for a year, straight after we started seeing each other (yep, huge mistake), then tried to be together but living apart for 6 months. I paid basically everything during the relationship. Trip to NYC, roadtrip around Europe, daily dinners at decent restaurants, rent in a good apartment in the center, fuel, groceries, she'd even use my protein powder for her shitty cooking blog. Due to her still being a terribly unhappy and ungrateful GF and constantly accusing me of cheating on her, I actually ended up cheating on her several times with several girls, and told her that during the coffee. She says she understands as she was a terrible GF and was suspecting it anyway. The thing is, whenever she'd be open to showing affection, she'd be the most feminine and most supportive person - a rollercoaster basically. She had been depressed for 6 months and finally went to a therapist, AFTER we broke up. Says she's over it now.

Despite seeing 2 super hot local highschool cheerleaders, I'm now constantly thinking on how to get this old chick back. The connection I have with these 2 other chicks is awesome, but nothing compared to what I had with my ex. She says she feels the same and is confused, yet doesn't really wanna talk openly about what happened inbetween breaking up and now, which would be a prerequisite for me to ever take her back. Says shit like "I had nothing MEANINGFUL so I don't think there's anything to talk about" or "the guy wanted the relationship, I did not, since he didn't make me feel like you did, blah blah" or "If you really think the sex I had would make a difference in you loving me or not, you should move on" - I mean, maybe I'm being a bit of a hypocrite here, since I banged around 20 girls during these 6 months, but for fucks sake, I'd argue that it's quite normal to want to know what happened during that little black window of time when she was out in the wild. At least I won't have to be second guessing myself when we're out in town (not that big of a city unfortunately). But here's the catch...

She says she doesn't want a relationship right now and would be fine with me banging other girls. However, I'm just afraid that this is just the reason since she's looking to keep me around, until she finds something better (actually quite hard, but sometimes I tend to "forget" my SMV - she confessed her friends told her she was "Crazy" to break up with me when they found out). But I feel like I actually wouldn't be fine with just banging this girl - too many feelings involved. I got too involved in her BS and me trying to "fix her" depression during the relationship, got me insanely invested in her. Being the hot chick that she is, she realizes I care for her and knows that she's the one who cares less.

Man, I'm screwed.

TLDR: Don't even bang an old ex, even if you think there's no feelings back there.

[Sonoma]

Never take back an ex.

The first one I broke up with lingered in a fwb situation... Until she found a new guy. It was I had been dumped, I don't recommend

The second I broke up with and banged a day later, got mad at myself and banged her roommate. We are not talking and it's great.

Never take back an ex, and almost as important, don't take a girl exclusively in the first place

[General Stalin]

Well I'm single right now so every girl I've ever gone back with obviously did not work out. At best you just prolong the inevitable, at worst you lose frame, put yourself through hell, and reward bad behavior.

Dealing with the prospect or even the notion of revisiting a relationship that has already run its course conjures up a whole gamut of issues. I agree with OP that going back to an ex is never in your best interest. It' may be good intentioned and it may offer you comfort in nostalgia and familiarity, but at the end of the day she is an ex for a reason.

If she left you then you can never trust her to be a dependable girl ever. If you left her then the issues (save for something extraordinary) will always be there.

[sandman972]

Ok so a girl that recently dumped me (was caught totally by surprise) after 3.5 months of dating (long distance. her flying to me, me flying to her etc.) is moving to my city in 2 months time.

As luck would have it, shes moving literally down the road from me (how ironic as she knows exactly where I live), im destined to run into her without a doubt. To be honest im not yet 100% over her and hopefully by the time she gets here I will be. Shortly after the breakup she deletes me off facebook (which I currently dont understand why) but whatever.

Considering how much she enjoyed the sex and what we did have in the beginning was awesome, theres a chance she will hit me up again once she moves out here. Besides one stupid message I sent off to her 2 weeks later basically saying: "its unfortunate the way things worked out, no reason for us to have any tension between us, all the best" I plan to radio silence here from here out.

My question for you guys is in the event she does contact me in weeks time, what is your opinion on course of action? Is it a bad idea to bang her again assuming Im emotionally over her?
Most people have told me to never talk to her again not matter what, which I agree with but theres still something inside me that wants to bang her one last time and kick her out of my apartment.

Would appreciate hearing your thoughts on the issue and personal experiences that can relate.

[Edgemell]

Reading this thread made me think of the moment 17 years ago, when my fiancee at the time decided to break up with me because she was trying to turn me into a kind of person i didn't want to be, and I was resisting completely...

I said 'OK, if you want to break up, I can live with it, but let's have one last dinner.'

She agreed, and we went out. During the dinner, I told her she has to think long and hard before leaving me, because, in all her life she will have only one single chance of dumping me. I will not get back together with her... I will work on myself, heal the wound as fast as I can, and move on.

She decided not to leave me right then... We are still married

And I still think the same way... If a relationship breaks up, that is for a good reason - no matter what that reason might be... Getting back together is just a recipe for more misery.

[BoiBoi]

I'm in this situation right now. My girl left me 4 months ago, a couple of letters and emails are exchanged and we meet.

Break-up was clean, no nasty shit. As was the relationship. She was 20 when I met her (I'm 33) and we were together for almost 4 years. It was my best relationship so far. Set rules/frame or whatever you want to call it, early and enjoyed most of my time with her. She is reasonably cute, no stunner, but my kind of girl. Anyway, in the course of our realtionship, I might have overdone it, pushing the envelope on a couple of issues and finally, she broke up with me. I have to admit that I did some very questionable deeds and fully understand why she wanted the break-up.

Now, we meet at a coffee shop. Everything is cool and almost like nothing ever happend. After some time we talk about our failed attempt at love. How we got here and why. In the end, she indicates that she wants a reunion. I ask her, if anything noteable had happend during our break-up and she tells me that she had been with some guy for 1.5 months. I tell her it's ok, but that I don't know if I want to put up this shit and have to think about it.

The reason I'm posting this is that I still think that she would be a solid pick in terms of family/ kids. She is also 9 years younger than myself and is a great girl in many ways. I really like her, but never was crazy in love with her. Actually, I don't really believe in unconditional love between men and women and all that shit. Maybe I'm getting old and jaded.
Anyway, I always thought that she is a very good pick from a rational/ practical point of view. Sex was good too, so I was mostly satisfied and only had to stray when the situation absolutely demanded it.
To sum it up, without being perfect, for me, our relationship was pretty good and should have continued. Hence, I'm tempted to give in this time against better judgement. Maybe the winter blues is getting to me.

Thoughts?

[jariel]

(02-02-2016 05:02 PM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

I'm in this situation right now. My girl left me 4 months ago, a couple of letters and emails are exchanged and we meet.

Break-up was clean, no nasty shit. As was the relationship. She was 20 when I met her (I'm 33) and we were together for almost 4 years. It was my best relationship so far. Set rules/frame or whatever you want to call it, early and enjoyed most of my time with her. She is reasonably cute, no stunner, but my kind of girl. Anyway, in the course of our realtionship, I might have overdone it, pushing the envelope on a couple of issues and finally, she broke up with me. I have to admit that I did some very questionable deeds and fully understand why she wanted the break-up.

Now, we meet at a coffee shop. Everything is cool and almost like nothing ever happend. After some time we talk about our failed attempt at love. How we got here and why. In the end, she indicates that she wants a reunion. I ask her, if anything noteable had happend during our break-up and she tells me that she had been with some guy for 1.5 months. I tell her it's ok, but that I don't know if I want to put up this shit and have to think about it.

The reason I'm posting this is that I still think that she would be a solid pick in terms of family/ kids. She is also 9 years younger than myself and is a great girl in many ways. I really like her, but never was crazy in love with her. Actually, I don't really believe in unconditional love between men and women and all that shit. Maybe I'm getting old and jaded.
Anyway, I always thought that she is a very good pick from a rational/ practical point of view. Sex was good too, so I was mostly satisfied and only had to stray when the situation absolutely demanded it.
To sum it up, without being perfect, for me, our relationship was pretty good and should have continued. Hence, I'm tempted to give in this time against better judgement. Maybe the winter blues is getting to me.

Thoughts?

The thread is called The Only Rule For Ex's, it's not called, The Only Rule For Ex's Unless She Tells You Some Bullshit and You Rationalize Away The Faults With More Bullshit Like "The Sex Was Good".

I've been with plenty of women who I can say that ultimately we shared good sex, that doesn't mean shit. The sex has to be good, good sex is a fuckin prerequisite.

Who wants to be with a chick who doesn't please them in bed?

This is like giving an employee props for showing up to work on time, they're supposed to show up on time.

I've said it before, you don't get props for the basics.

Besides, you still fucked other girls right?

So how good was her pussy anyway?

It wasn't that good.

Forget about what she has done in the years since you two have broken up, what have you done?

Your life hasn't improved, you personally, haven't evolved to the point where you can get a better girl in her mid-20s than your retread?

You have to look for fault and blame yourself for the past so you can rationalize going back to a chick who already left you once?

I wouldn't have taken a 20 year old seriously in terms of a relationship from jump street.

I do fuck with young chicks, they are great to have fun with, and they are horny as a woman will ever be, but you can't call yourself trying to do real life shit with them.

Again, peep the message of this thread, there are no stipulations, loopholes, or rationalizations.

[BoiBoi]

(02-02-2016 08:09 PM)jariel Wrote:  

The thread is called The Only Rule For Ex's, it's not called, The Only Rule For Ex's Unless She Tells You Some Bullshit and You Rationalize Away The Faults With More Bullshit Like "The Sex Was Good".

I've been with plenty of women who I can say that ultimately we shared good sex, that doesn't mean shit. The sex has to be good, good sex is a fuckin prerequisite.

Who wants to be with a chick who doesn't please them in bed?

This is like giving an employee props for showing up to work on time, they're supposed to show up on time.

I've said it before, you don't get props for the basics.

Besides, you still fucked other girls right?

So how good was her pussy anyway?

It wasn't that good.

Forget about what she has done in the years since you two have broken up, what have you done?

Your life hasn't improved, you personally, haven't evolved to the point where you can get a better girl in her mid-20s than your retread?

You have to look for fault and blame yourself for the past so you can rationalize going back to a chick who already left you once?

I wouldn't have taken a 20 year old seriously in terms of a relationship from jump street.

I do fuck with young chicks, they are great to have fun with, and they are horny as a woman will ever be, but you can't call yourself trying to do real life shit with them.

Again, peep the message of this thread, there are no stipulations, loopholes, or rationalizations.

Yeah, I hear you. I've been around the block a couple of times and have no problem getting pussy. With this girl, though, it's not primarily about her pussy or the sex, but rather the complete package. For her age, she is very mature. E.g. her Mom died 2 years ago of cancer and she handled it extremely well. As she does the rest of her life. Dedicated student (Engineering), has her finances in check, no social-media shit, etc.

I had very little complaints while being with her and think that I "overgamed" her to a fair amount and caused the break-up in the first place.

My life is acutally going pretty well and I do have options. It's not like I'm fearful of dying alone crying to my pillow. The hunt just gets more and more annoying and maybe that's why I'm trying to rationalize getting back with her. Also, I'm in Northern Europe and all that migrant-related uncertainty and the winter blues might be clouding my judgement.