[xxMarco]

Welp I fucked up. I contacted my ex again. I dumped her about a month ago for the second time. We were just always fighting and the relationship was starting to stress me out. We broke up on good terms.

Fast forward to this weekend I met a girl at the club but for some reason I kept comparing her to my ex. Not physically but mentally, the ex is more mature and old, club girl just turned 21 and doesn't really have any future plans. I decided to reach out to my ex to catch up and probably rekindle our relationship, maybe I wasn't trying hard enough and I was unreasonable in a few things and we can work things out if I tried. Reminiscing about the times we had and how maybe its time I settle down and stop wasting my time with club bitches.

Big fucking mistake. I text her and turns out she quit the job where I met her at last week and went to work at a nightclub as a bottle server. Then she says she's been dating an amazing guy that is everything she has ever wanted yada yada yada. They're getting really serious and planning their life together. Whole different person then the girl I knew.

I read this thread about 5 times before contacting her. Damn do I feel stupid now.

[Bone Hammer]

Just broke it off with my ideal LTR type girl. I'm hungry now- huge weight off my shoulders.

Checking out this thread just reinforced what i accomplished today.
This is a hell of a community. I look forward to contributing to the forum thats given a young dude so much value.

[donn]

"The only rule is, you can't go back"
But what if she did come back and years later everything looks fine. I see many friends of mine that do the same mistake, even me.
You keep wonder if you did the right choice and can't change the decision.

[Soyouz]

I see only one reason to see an ex again : if she had breast surgery.

Have fun with the new pair of tits, then move on and go bang someone else.

[BoiBoi]

It's been over half a year since I've last posted here and thought I might give you an update on my situation. Might serve some of guys as a reminder.

To recap:

Gf of ~4 years had dumped me. I was all sad, met her a couple of months later, where she hinted at a possible restart. She told me that she had banged some other dude in the meantime. I still considered it, but evetually said fuck it (with help/ insight of you guys). Had a rough month or two.

7 months later:

I hardly think of that girl at all. Got a great job at a German company in Latin America and a hot 22-year-old getting on a plane to visit me in a couple of weeks (on her dime). Life is good.

So, why am I telling you this?

Well, because I was almost about to re-enter a relationship with my former gf, accepting the fact that she had banged some other dude and by doing so, putting myself voluntarily in a position of weakness. I almost went with that option, despite the fact there are girls out there, who would pay 700+ U$ for a long distance flight just to come visit me.

To quote the great Jariel:

Don't allow yourself to be some pussy-whipped ass dude who is scared of going back out in the world, putting in work so that you can shine and become a better man who can get a better bitch who gives you better sex because she actually wants to be with you, and would do anything to keep you in her life.

Don't sell yourselves short gentlemen!

[Vill@in]

Saw this thread linked in another thread so I thought I would bump it.

So much great info in here. Hits close to home for a lot of us I imagine.

I have an ex I think about from time to time. We were together almost a year from 2008-2009. Probably the best body of any girl I have ever been with. The sex was great, her tits were perfect, ass...perfect, long legs, pretty face, minimal make up, gave great blowjobs, let me fuck her ass. One of my best memories of her is coming over to her place on Valentines Day 2009 and she is wearing a red lacey lingerie get up, with red heels. I was like a kid in a candy store getting his first taste of sugar. I fucked the shit out of her many times that night. These are the memories that come to mind when I think about her at first...

And then I remember that she would get cold sores on her mouth. She was embarrassed by them and they kind of grossed me out and I was afraid of catching them from her so we wouldn't kiss or have any physical contact while she had them. She was an accountant, so managing money was her job. Which was cool until she started to try and manage MY money. Telling me what I could and could not spend it on. How I should save more, etc., etc. Our fights would sometimes escalate into becoming physical (her moreso than me). I put up with all this bad stuff because of all the good stuff I was getting. In the end, all the bad stuff was just too much for the good stuff to overcome so I dumped her.

Like Jariel said, there is a reason why she is no longer in your life. Whether you dumped her or vice versa it doesn't really matter. Living in the past prevents you from living in the present and forging a better future. You are where you are today because of the decisions you made in the past. Don't live life with regret. You made no 'wrongs', just an experience which you learned from and made you a better man today.

[Geomann180]

Such a great thread. Could always use a bump.

G

[redbeard]

(08-19-2014 07:07 AM)jariel Wrote:  

If a chick left you or you left her, there was a reason for it.

Regardless of which side of the table you're on, there is probably some of level of blame that can be shared as to how you got there.

With that being said, all that matters is that you got there.

And the only rule is, you can't go back.

When women leave you, sometimes they come back, after they've dealt with some other dicks, and found that the grass wasn't greener. They become nostalgic about your old relationship, they'll say things like "you were the only one who truly knew me", "I didn't realize what I had until it was gone", or "I know it will take some time, but I think we should give it another chance".

No bitch, you're out of time.

If the separation was on you, there was a reason you wanted to leave her behind, don't forget that, don't allow good memories to whitewash the reality.

She wasn't that bitch.

Move on, you can find her, she is out there.

bump

[1RationalDoc]

One thing worthy of note is, that if the relationship broke off on a bad term, it's always best not to jump back on that ship. The past problems will always be the big elephant in the room and trying to solve it is really not worth it. One should spend that time and energy on finding other chicks.

[NoMoreTO]

I think you/they can sometimes go back once, sometimes there are circumstances:
- distance
- specific issue un resolved

But more than once you are in a broken relationship and likely using breakups as a fighting/power tactic, or you have one great part (great sex, day to day compatibility) and are missing something

[JackinMelbourne]

Totally depends on the woman but who cares if you're going back for another bang a year later. If you can't control your emotions then work on that and go eternal ghost, otherwise a bang is a bang (sometimes a great bang) and you can always "break up" again... if it's even official. And it should never be official after the first fail. Just forever "friends" and that's it.

Win/win is the most fun.

[Pytonga]

Great post.
I can only add "0 contact rule" - block ex on Facebook, Whatsup, mobile...

Really helps.

[Batman_]

I have to admit - I think what I really miss about my ex is the sex. Haven't topped it to this day.

[Stirfry]

There was a thread here a while ago that I found very helpful while going through a bad breakup, stressing the importance of getting rid of old pictures, texts, emails, etc.

I have this tendency to romanticize the past and to linger over old photos and messages, but there’s a risk that comes along with that of getting nostalgic and attempting contact again. At the very least I know that I would probably just make myself miserable looking at happy pictures and reminiscing about “old times.”

So after this one messy breakup I deleted just about everything. With no temptations to look at old photos and love letters I think my recovery went quite nicely. That, and going on a few dates right after- these were never going to be long term relationships, but it was a nice ego boost and a good way to get my mind off of the ex and onto new things.

[Mrredsquare]

This thread is gold and just what i needed to hear.

[Cman]

I wonder if this thread should be pinned. It's honestly super helpful.

[Zoso]

I just re started comunication with my ex gf from 6 years ago.
I think just banging is all ok as long as someone doesn't catch feelings again (thus ignoring the main reason why he ended the relationship).

While you dont let her know she is not ltr status anymore, you dont lose the frame.

[questor70]

In my experience, banging an ex doesn't work because even with an FWB situation I expect monogamy. That turns it into a dead-end LTR with an indeterminate endpoint. The glass seems half-full at first but over time you'll miss that feeling of being in a relationship with no predefined limits. A few carefully spaced out drought-busting booty calls is all that's safe to do, IMHO.