[wolf]

How did you work through the Anger/Resentment/Bitterness?

Edit:

When you're trying to get them they tell you to f*ck off. When you're with them they are constantly pulling you down, never loyal to you(mentally/physically), and the fact that they can get laid like nothing while I feel I slave for something that sucks anyway.

[drymarro]

That is extremely fucking broad. Be more specific?

[Tuthmosis]

(01-28-2012 10:40 PM)wolf Wrote:  

How did you work through the Anger/Resentment/Bitterness?

Low-quality question, low-quality answer:

Through determination.

[wolf]

(01-28-2012 10:49 PM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  

(01-28-2012 10:40 PM)wolf Wrote:  

How did you work through the Anger/Resentment/Bitterness?

Low-quality question, low-quality answer:

Through determination.

When you're trying to get them they tell you to f*ck off. When you're with them they are constantly pulling you down, never loyal to you(mentally/physically), and the fact that they can get laid like nothing while I feel I slave for something that sucks anyway.

[Carl Sagan]

The first thing you need to do is accept the world as it is. It's easier for girls to get laid and harder for men. So what of it?

Women get old and they become invisible to men. Women get overweight and fewer guys want to fuck them. Women have a hard time getting commitment from players etc. In other words, they have there own share of suffering as well.

[sine wave killer]

I think that your thinking about this too much, by doing that your making your situation out to be worse than it already is.

I don't really give things like this that much of a second thought, life's too short to always be frustrated.

[wolf]

(01-28-2012 11:58 PM)sine wave killer Wrote:  

I think that your thinking about this too much, by doing that your making your situation out to be worse than it already is.

I don't really give things like this that much of a second thought, life's too short to always be frustrated.

I'm trying to work through it. I'm not stuck on it, I want to see how other men dealt with this to help me deal with this better.

[Samseau]

Remember, anger is an emotional response of when you desire the world to be something else than it actually is.

Example:

Girl flakes on you, you get angry.

Analysis:

You became angry because in the world you imagine, women do not flake on you. Your perception of what should happen did not match reality, and your anger is a response to try and change reality to your original expectations.


Next time you feel yourself becoming angry, ask yourself:

"I wonder why I expected anything different?"

And if you answer that question honestly, you should be able to deal with your anger.

[pitt]

If girls are telling you to fuck off right in your face, it may have to do with the image that you are portraying.

I had a really cool friend just like that, but he was emotionally very strong. Women would tell him to fuck off and he wouldnt really care and will move on to the next girl. He wasnt good looking or anything but with time he started pulling lots of girls, i guess his persistance overcomed everything.

Dont give a fuck, be strong, the more they hate on you, the more you are likely to succeed in life. Dont focus just in women, focus on other shit too, so your mind gets distracted and you are not concerned about bitches 24 hours a day.

[wolf]

(01-29-2012 04:09 AM)pitt Wrote:  

If girls are telling you to fuck off right in your face, it may have to do with the image that you are portraying.

I had a really cool friend just like that, but he was emotionally very strong. Women would tell him to fuck off and he wouldnt really care and will move on to the next girl. He wasnt good looking or anything but with time he started pulling lots of girls, i guess his persistance overcomed everything.

Dont give a fuck, be strong, the more they hate on you, the more you are likely to succeed in life. Dont focus just in women, focus on other shit too, so your mind gets distracted and you are not concerned about bitches 24 hours a day.

I don't get told fuck off anymore but I'm emotional and it's hurting my growth. I take things personally.

I read books, focused on school.

I know now that I need to build a lifestyle, women are below that.

[Cincinnatus]

Sure, it's easier for women to get laid than men. For a time.

A beautiful woman can get laid any time, by nearly any man she so chooses. But the more men she has, the lower her value becomes - a value that inevitably declines with age and diminished beauty. Even during a woman's prime years, she has to contend with the rag cycle unless on hormonal birth control. If she does get knocked up, I'm sure that's no fun, either.

Long story short - a woman's party is shortly over anyways.

As for us men, we may have to struggle harder, endure more bitter trials, and bust our asses, but at least our value increases with age -- we're more knowledgeable, often earn more, and with proper physical care and training, don't diminish physically so quickly as our female counterpart.

Being a man rules. There's no need for anger, resentment, or bitterness.

[Giovonny]

Magic Mushrooms

[mofo]

Ignore it. Take massive action in the right direction.

[iknowexactly]

(01-29-2012 03:49 AM)Samseau Wrote:  

Remember, anger is an emotional response of when you desire the world to be something else than it actually is.

Example:

Girl flakes on you, you get angry.

Analysis:

You became angry because in the world you imagine, women do not flake on you. Your perception of what should happen did not match reality, and your anger is a response to try and change reality to your original expectations.


Next time you feel yourself becoming angry, ask yourself:

"I wonder why I expected anything different?"

And if you answer that question honestly, you should be able to deal with your anger.

Excellent, pretty much like a cognitive psychologist would formulate it.

I dealt with a lot of anger from my clients, and another way of phrasing it is that you have, without knowing it, a "Just World Hypothesis". The idea that the world is fair. The world has absolutely no concern with fairness, in fact it is the opposite-- the strongest lion walks around killing the kittens of other males.

That does not mean YOU have to treat others like an amoral agent, but most people by definition are mediocrities at best.

I've said before, when you find a really reliable person, go in to business with them or marry them, because they are RARE.


ONe quick clue I always notice with my clients is whenever they use the word "SHOULD." "People SHOULD do this <or that>"

WHO SAYS they "should". You? Do you have the power to enforce it? It's meaningless. There's no "should."

[mofo]

(01-29-2012 03:25 PM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

(01-29-2012 03:49 AM)Samseau Wrote:  

Remember, anger is an emotional response of when you desire the world to be something else than it actually is.

Example:

Girl flakes on you, you get angry.

Analysis:

You became angry because in the world you imagine, women do not flake on you. Your perception of what should happen did not match reality, and your anger is a response to try and change reality to your original expectations.


Next time you feel yourself becoming angry, ask yourself:

"I wonder why I expected anything different?"

And if you answer that question honestly, you should be able to deal with your anger.

Excellent, pretty much like a cognitive psychologist would formulate it.

I dealt with a lot of anger from my clients, and another way of phrasing it is that you have, without knowing it, a "Just World Hypothesis". The idea that the world is fair. The world has absolutely no concern with fairness, in fact it is the opposite-- the strongest lion walks around killing the kittens of other males.

That does not mean YOU have to treat others like an amoral agent, but most people by definition are mediocrities at best.

I've said before, when you find a really reliable person, go in to business with them or marry them, because they are RARE.


ONe quick clue I always notice with my clients is whenever they use the word "SHOULD." "People SHOULD do this <or that>"

WHO SAYS they "should". You? Do you have the power to enforce it? It's meaningless. There's no "should."

Tony Robbins talks about this 'should' thing. He says that most people 'should all over themselves'. 'Turn your shoulds into musts'.
So basically you say that if one person uses the word should, then you try to avoid them or you instantly think that they are not executers?

[iknowexactly]

(01-29-2012 03:43 PM)mofo Wrote:  

Tony Robbins talks about this 'should' thing. He says that most people 'should all over themselves'. 'Turn your shoulds into musts'.
So basically you say that if one person uses the word should, then you try to avoid them or you instantly think that they are not executers?

No! That would mean I was saying "You should never say SHOULD" and I'm guilty of my own accusation!

EVERYONE thinks illogically at times, in ways that hurt themselves.
It doesn't mean the PERSON is bad, it just means their thinking at that time is self-defeating.

Continuing to expect the world to be different than it actually is drains your energy through frustration, and interferes with planning effectively.

For instance, if you think women "should" call you back if you call them and leave messages ( and in reality they don't) you might not learn higher close-rate tactics such as insta-dating or establising a better bond before number closing; or maybe changing the whole nature of the women you're dealing with by, say, moving to Germany where girls may be ( just speculating) more polite.

The point is to change thinking in a way relevant to THE PERSON'S OWN GOALS, otherwise someone else is just telling the person what THEY SHOULD do.

[Roosh]

I think anger is healthy. It's hard to control how you immediately react to getting disrespected. You don't choose to be angry.

What you can control is what to do while you're angry.

"I'm angry as fuck right now because that girl talked trash. What will I do next?"

You can take a time-out and grab a drink, or you can stew about it for the rest of the night. I harness my anger as extra motivation: "I'm going to show him/her by pulling that girl. I won't let her get the satisfaction." There was an example of this in Don't Bang Denmark which I will post in the future, where two people tried to ruin my night but I stayed so they wouldn't "win".

The point isn't not to be emotionless, but not to let your emotions stop you from achieving your goal.

[Duke Castile]

Micheal Jordan said something along the lines of "I'm not out there sweating for three hours a day to find out what sweating feels like."

I've found that when you have an injury or wound, trying to ignore it makes it worse (perhaps because you are trying to ignore reality) but when I embrace it, really try and FEEL it. It's not so bad as before.

Just embrace it. Own it. Then go and bang it.

[MrXY]

I agree with the above posters that a lot of emotional reaction comes from the variance between the way you think the world ought to be and the way it actually is.

Having unrealistically high expectations of women's behavior can't but cause you to have negative emotions- anger, bitterness, depression, etc.

I found that once I lowered my expectations close to zero I became much more emotionally resilient.

After all- that is just reality- most attractive women don't want to have sex with you, in most approaches you are going to get blown out, most numbers lead to flaking and so on.

I found that paradoxically once I started expecting to fail it was much easier for me to not give a fuck which is the attitude that is most attractive to women and so led to more success. I think Roosh discusses this in one of his books.

[Downunder]

There are close to 4 Billion women in this world - if 1 doesn`t want you - who gives a fuck!
Move on to the next one.
Life is way to short and there are way too many women to bang to even worry about the opinion of a few who don`t want you.
Resentment and bitterness are very soul sapping and energy sapping emotions, they will play on your mind and eventually wear you down. At the end of the day, you can`t please everyone so learn from the experience and move on.

[Samseau]

(01-29-2012 04:09 PM)Roosh Wrote:  

I think anger is healthy. It's hard to control how you immediately react to getting disrespected. You don't choose to be angry.

What you can control is what to do while you're angry.

"I'm angry as fuck right now because that girl talked trash. What will I do next?"

You can take a time-out and grab a drink, or you can stew about it for the rest of the night. I harness my anger as extra motivation: "I'm going to show him/her by pulling that girl. I won't let her get the satisfaction." There was an example of this in Don't Bang Denmark which I will post in the future, where two people tried to ruin my night but I stayed so they wouldn't "win".

The point isn't not to be emotionless, but not to let your emotions stop you from achieving your goal.

That's just it man. The problem with anger is that you lose control of yourself when angry. You have to be able to remove your anger before you can take meaningful action. Otherwise you'll be a lose cannon.


I don't get angry anymore. I used to, but last year I can count on one hand the amount of times I've gotten worked up.

Very, very few people have that kind of power over me.

Quote:

Excellent, pretty much like a cognitive psychologist would formulate it.

You're talking to a cognitive psychologist.

[wolf]

(01-29-2012 08:16 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

(01-29-2012 04:09 PM)Roosh Wrote:  

I think anger is healthy. It's hard to control how you immediately react to getting disrespected. You don't choose to be angry.

What you can control is what to do while you're angry.

"I'm angry as fuck right now because that girl talked trash. What will I do next?"

You can take a time-out and grab a drink, or you can stew about it for the rest of the night. I harness my anger as extra motivation: "I'm going to show him/her by pulling that girl. I won't let her get the satisfaction." There was an example of this in Don't Bang Denmark which I will post in the future, where two people tried to ruin my night but I stayed so they wouldn't "win".

The point isn't not to be emotionless, but not to let your emotions stop you from achieving your goal.

That's just it man. The problem with anger is that you lose control of yourself when angry. You have to be able to remove your anger before you can take meaningful action. Otherwise you'll be a lose cannon.


I don't get angry anymore. I used to, but last year I can count on one hand the amount of times I've gotten worked up.

Very, very few people have that kind of power over me.

Quote:

Excellent, pretty much like a cognitive psychologist would formulate it.

You're talking to a cognitive psychologist.

This is just it. I think me dealing with my short temper and emotion would help me out tremendously.

[Chad Daring]

Laugh. It sounds like a bullshit doctor phil answer but it works.

My go to line is "this fuckin' ______" whether its a girl, someone cut me off in traffic, my boss, whatever. Just say "This fuckin' guy!" with a chuckle, then I crack a joke to myself and it all seems okay.

Also having other things going on in your life helps. If the highlight of your week is going out/on a date and it flops then of course you'll be salty about it, but if thats just one of the many things going on for you then it wont get you down.

[Amour Fou]

(01-29-2012 08:16 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

(01-29-2012 04:09 PM)Roosh Wrote:  

I think anger is healthy. It's hard to control how you immediately react to getting disrespected. You don't choose to be angry.

What you can control is what to do while you're angry.

"I'm angry as fuck right now because that girl talked trash. What will I do next?"

You can take a time-out and grab a drink, or you can stew about it for the rest of the night. I harness my anger as extra motivation: "I'm going to show him/her by pulling that girl. I won't let her get the satisfaction." There was an example of this in Don't Bang Denmark which I will post in the future, where two people tried to ruin my night but I stayed so they wouldn't "win".

The point isn't not to be emotionless, but not to let your emotions stop you from achieving your goal.

That's just it man. The problem with anger is that you lose control of yourself when angry. You have to be able to remove your anger before you can take meaningful action. Otherwise you'll be a lose cannon.


I don't get angry anymore. I used to, but last year I can count on one hand the amount of times I've gotten worked up.

Very, very few people have that kind of power over me.

Quote:

Excellent, pretty much like a cognitive psychologist would formulate it.

You're talking to a cognitive psychologist.

Samseau is a psychologist? Just how many of us are out there?

[DVY]

Great thread. I've been working through this issue myself.

My family crawls under my skin ALWAYS.

Recently broke up w/a main girl. Im still feeling like a ton of bricks dropped on my chest.

Samseau you are 100% on point. Q: "I wonder why I thought any different?" A: "Because I have misguided notions of what a relationship really is."

Rational Male was right in that "Males are the true romantics." We have this idealized sense of justice, fairness and peace. The real world is sloppy. I let my idealism overcome my pragmatism.