Quote: (01-25-2015 05:05 PM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:
Lots of good advice here, especially on the anger issues. Anger IS energy, it's just that most of the time we channel that energy into destructive things like alcohol, getting mad, yelling at people etc. Instead, use that anger to fuel your gym session. Think about that bitch/douchebag when you are boxing. Use it to get your ass up and approaches even when you are dead tired.
I would like to chime in a bit about bitterness.
I think bitterness is a much trickier issues than anger. With anger you can usually trace the source to something immediate and direct. Bitterness however can be rooted in deep mental blocks that could take years to uncover.
Bitterness is particularly found among people who think they suffer from some forms of injustice, and they believe there's nothing they can do about it. If you are not successful with women you probably think you are suffering from injustice from women and the men who have it so easy with them. You also know that you can never have it as easy as a woman or as that handsome guy over there. The anger and lack of agency coupled together creates a brooding bitterness that clouds the way you see the world.
I used to be very bitter at the fact that I'm short and Asian. Sometimes I tried to find someone to blame but couldn't. There was no one to blame, not even myself. It's like you are angry and frustrated but you don't even know why. I remembered one night I was looking up surgery to make myself taller or to appear Caucasian.
I still feel that bitterness to a lesser degree. What works for me is to dissociate my situation with whatever that made me bitter (race and height). I realize that my race and height will never change, but my situation CAN change. And that I'm unhappy because of my situation, not because of my race or height. If I'm pulling hot HB8 blondes on the regular I wouldn't give a rat ass about my height or race.
The tricky thing is that the mind is conditioned to latch onto some beliefes that promotes inaction. You can't just tell your brain to stop being bitter and get out there. You have to take action and let the results do the psycho-reconditioning. When I started seeing with my own eyes that I can pull white chicks my head started to believe, and my bitterness slowly fade away.
Find out what it is that you are angry and bitter about. Be careful not to confound the root cause with the surface problem. Once found, take actions to change it. Use that own bitterness against itself to fuel your energy to change.
It's also very important to STOP comparing yourself to other. The mind loves to find examples that confirms it's bias. If you are average looking you will always seem to notice that hotter guys are pulling girls then you tell yourself there's no point trying. Accept the fact that other people will do things you probably can't, but so will you. Would those people achieve what you achieved if they walk in your shoes? The only person you can compare yourself to is yourself from yesterday.
Such a great fucking post. Totally agree. I think anger is usually an isolated incident that can and should be channeled into something positive. Rejections make me angry and I use that as fuel to work out even harder, be bolder, have a more don't give a fuck attitude, etc.
Bitterness is harder to overcome and it is something that can continue to build and harbor within you if you let it. I too am short, and my bitterness stems from the acceptance society has with discriminating short men. I see that nowhere else. Overweight women have defenders, flat chested women have defenders, all different ethnicities/religions/sexual preferences have defenders. If you're short? No one. I mean -- sperm banks have a height requirement. Most places require you be to be at least 5'10 in order to donate jizz. That's blatant discrimination yet perfectly legal and no one says anything. Which is also another part of it - if you're short, you have a bunch of non-short people telling you to get over it, that it's not a problem, that it's in your head, that you look insecure for bringing it up, etc. It is what it is.
You really can't focus on all that though. It's not within your control. All you can do is improve yourself in every area you can.
I will admit my frame/state of mind/confidence level/etc is largely dependent on how well I do at any given time. If I'm in a cold streak, I'm going to be bitter. Not sit at home and wallow, but I'm going to be less pleasant to be around. If I'm on a hot streak, I'm loose and fun and everything is good.
They tell you to be outcome independent but I'm still not entirely sure how to do that. If you're approaching a girl/texting a girl/asking a girl out/etc - it's because you find her attractive and want to hook up. When she rejects you, she's saying "sorry, I don't find you good enough to do that." I can't see how that doesn't fuck with someone even a little bit. It's natural to feel hurt when someone says or expresses nonverbally that they don't see you in a romantic way.
And we're all gonna have those moments, I don't care who you are. But it's all in how you manage it. Never get too high or too low in this game. Because no matter who you are, you're gonna take some losses.