[HankMoody]

(12-02-2018 09:10 AM)quaker13 Wrote:  

(12-02-2018 04:38 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

(12-01-2018 02:34 PM)quaker13 Wrote:  

been with married to her 5 years and with her a total of 8. have one child whom i love like no person or thing i've loved before
...

OP is a larper or a liar.

You couldn't drag me away from my kids with wild horses. Police would have to be called, and not an insubstantial number of them.

I'm starting to think he's a troll. Makes 150k and his wife makes a half a mil but he can't grapple with basic punctuation? Still washing his own dishes? Righto.

Wife is half way to being a CEO but she's definitely not smart enough to know he's cheating.

After a couple of pages does this shit sound credible?

Post an ATM receipt with the particulars scrubbed and RVF written on it. Regardless, troll or not, guys like PPT always manage to turn even larper threads into teachable moments.

p.s. Women earning more than a man is not a game-breaker. Women have been functionally slaves since the dawn of time. Plenty of jobless deadbeats have millionaire bitches dropping car keys in their lap and saying "thankyou" for the privilege. It only goes to shit when you adopt the mindset of the house-ho.

Dude I get it, you don’t like me. I’m sure others fall in place when the 3rd Reich grammar Nazi makes an appearance, but I couldn't care less. I'm not gonna insult you because it wouldn't prove anything, but clearly we have a difference of opinion my righteous sanctimonious friend.

If I post an ATM receipt what is that going to do for you? Are you going to want me to post savings or checking? Would a redacted pdf of our quarterly taxes be sufficient? What about if I posted my watches or would you just say they are replicas?

Some of these "dudes" on the RVF are total weirdos. Just ignore them; they're nerds and no one cares about what they have to say. Asking to see your bank statements is retarded.

That said, having been through a divorce (the big difference being that my wife made less income than me but not too much less), and an attorney with some background in family law, these are my thoughts...

1. Marriage counseling is absolutely useless. If anything, it hurts your relationship.

Personally, my wife wanted the counselor to say I was a bad husband and needed to do a better job (which would have actually been correct), the counselor wouldn't go there, and it just ended up being a waste of time. We accomplished nothing.

(Full disclosure: I am still very cool with my ex-wife. I was the bad apple in that relationship. I wanted to run around and be a player instead of a good husband. Story for a different day.)

2. LTRs are a weird animal. When the frame is set right, your SO (significant other) will be begging to give you blowies, make you dinner, and please you in every way possible. They'll go out and buy you dinner, make your bed, do your dishes, etc. You can fart in the open, say crazy shit, and basically do anything. It's awesome. As I write this, there is a girl in my kitchen right now cutting onions for a church dinner I'm supposed to cook tonight, but I'm tired and posting on the RVF.

However, when the frame is off, yeah, that's exactly what you experience. She's probably daydreaming of fucking the guy from Game of Thrones or the local bartender.

I certainly would not want that type of woman living in my house scheming against me.

Typically I've found that it's easier to start a new relationship than fix the old one.

3. Legally, custody is a fucking disaster for men. If she gets a good lawyer, she's going to argue that you don't have the means to provide your child the same lifestyle (LOL), you provide no support, you are tainting the familial relationship, etc. At the very least, I would consult with a family attorney to make sure you're able to see your kid.

In "worst case scenarios", women are now lobbing allegations of false molestation, #metoo, and all kinds of crazy shit at their ex-husbands to get custody advantages. Even if eventually found to be false, it works, and it really fucks up the kid and the courts do nothing about it. The courts find that "maybe Mother believed it to be true, and tried to act int he best interest of the child."

When false allegations are made, the courts usually, in an abundance of caution, separate Father from Child. After a year or two, the allegations are found to be demonstrably false, but Mother has had custody for so long that the courts are concerned that "reunification" will be traumatic on the child (the child now has only been subjected to like 50,000 investigations and counselors, and might even believe the allegations), so now you're stuck with supervised visits and very limited custody.

4. You can divorce your wife, but not your kid. If the relationship is fixable, it's not a bad option. However, you're never going to do it with traditional marriage counseling. Most of it just depends on her seeing you as masculine again: you're either a big hunky masculine man who she wants to please, or you're some angry beta who comes home every night and plays video games and bitches about something someone said at work. If she's an insufferable cunt who has delusions about fucking Jason Momoa, ditch her.

Roosh posted that video of the girls doing Tinder "in real life", and the one girl didn't want to go on a date with 60 dudes. Some women have a very high opinion of themselves.

5. Single life isn't bad but it's different. At 37, I'd imagine it would be cool coming home to a wife and kids. Me? I come home to my house, my music, my cat, and my Playstation everyday. Some nights I sleep alone, some nights I don't.

A lot of the married guys I know are like "Dude, I would totally trade lives with you", but sometimes I feel the same.

[quaker13]

(12-02-2018 09:57 AM)eradicator Wrote:  

Wait so this is another elaborate sleeper troll who as been posting for about a year to set up a long (probably fake) story about having a wife and a child, where OP is constantly banging other women, but your wife has no knowledge of it, but is 40 years old and still attractive but mostly cold.

What's the point of concocting such a scenario? Anonymous Bosh would probably have an answer, but whatever. There is still plenty of good advice from pappaya and doc that this isn't a total waste of time, but I'm mostly puzzled by the whole elaborate sleeper troll. What does he possibly win by doing this?

edit
I strongly encourage people to stop posting in this thread and offering "help" unless he really can produce a bank statement proving he is the high roller that he is pretending to be. OP can totally block out the account numbers and whatnot, but otherwise this is all highly suspect. you don't have to post it publicly but send it to a private message to leonard

Why would anybody think I'm a troll. I have never done anything troll like thus far. We have 16k in our checking and quite bit more in our savings, what does that prove? We should have more but she paid down all her student loans entirely.

I don't mind proving anything, but i'm not pm'ing leonard's self righteous judgmental ass a modicum of proof.

[HankMoody]

(12-02-2018 10:49 AM)quaker13 Wrote:  

(12-02-2018 09:57 AM)eradicator Wrote:  

Wait so this is another elaborate sleeper troll who as been posting for about a year to set up a long (probably fake) story about having a wife and a child, where OP is constantly banging other women, but your wife has no knowledge of it, but is 40 years old and still attractive but mostly cold.

What's the point of concocting such a scenario? Anonymous Bosh would probably have an answer, but whatever. There is still plenty of good advice from pappaya and doc that this isn't a total waste of time, but I'm mostly puzzled by the whole elaborate sleeper troll. What does he possibly win by doing this?

edit
I strongly encourage people to stop posting in this thread and offering "help" unless he really can produce a bank statement proving he is the high roller that he is pretending to be. OP can totally block out the account numbers and whatnot, but otherwise this is all highly suspect. you don't have to post it publicly but send it to a private message to leonard

Why would anybody think I'm a troll. I have never done anything troll like thus far. We have 16k in our checking and quite bit more in our savings, what does that prove? We should have more but she paid down all her student loans entirely.

I don't mind proving anything, but i'm not pm'ing leonard's self righteous judgmental ass a modicum of proof.

They are just weirdo internet nerds. Ignore them.

Here you're generally dealing with cool people (everyone I've met offline has been awesome), but there are some weirdos behind the keyboards.

It is what it is.

Nothing you can do about it except let them say what they want to say.

[Cattle Rustler]

(12-02-2018 04:38 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

p.s. Women earning more than a man is not a game-breaker. Women have been functionally slaves since the dawn of time. Plenty of jobless deadbeats have millionaire bitches dropping car keys in their lap and saying "thankyou" for the privilege. It only goes to shit when you adopt the mindset of the house-ho.

This has been me since I was 16, even last year when I was unemployed. Fucked bitch silly and she fed me, even paid my rent. Currently fucking this Yale law bitch making half a mil and the only thing she talks is about her new leather leash/collar while sending me nudes and first thing she does is get on her knees when she sees me.

Making less money than her is not a problem. How does taking a part time job help? 20-40K more is not going to make up the difference. You need to start being a fuckboi hubby instead of a housemaid husband. Treat her how you treat your side bitches. Doing the dishes? Getting a part time job? Man, you sound like a woman.

You honestly can't expect a woman to remain warm if the only thing you do is cheat and she's aware of it.

Cobra made a thread about revitalizing his marriage, read it:

thread-33796.html

Edit: 16K in checking and a bit more in savings? Fuck. I thought I was bad with financial planning and make about the same as you....

[BeardedMastodon]

Quaker I felt like you posted this here on the forum because you knew you would get the answer you wanted from certain member to clear your conscience and reinforce your decision... this is really one sided as we don’t know you wife.

You should reach out to your friends who knew your wife before and now, and not the friends who will give you the answer you want.

You knew you could come onto this forum and post that your wife is “masculine” and receive overwhelming support.

Maybe what your saying is true, but from the way you worded your post, it communicates to me that you believe your wife is a good women still, and that’s causing you guilt about your impending decision.

I would like to comment about the cheating, it’s hard for a women to be so sweet if her instinct tells her you broke her trust and heart. You should check in with yourself more, and wonder what it’s like to be in her shoes....

[quaker13]

I have never even been remotely close to being caught plus all my dirt is out of town. Intuition or not that didn’t prevent her from being a complete darling before marriage.

[quaker13]

One ever we are away from the house on vacation or there is no kid and it’s just us in isolation it’s like old times, but the daily business of being an adult is driving a wedge between us

[TheFinalEpic]

Make a mil a year OP, then come back and tell us you're having problems in your marriage.

[doc holliday]

Quaker, look I know it's hard being married and it's very easy to slip into a rut when the daily pressures of life wear you down. You lose sight of each other and eventually start blaming each other for each other's unhappiness but clearly deep down you still care about her. When you're on vacation or away from your daily routine things are good so there is potential to rescue this. Most people get so fixated on their daily problems and really lose perspective but the reality is that on paper at least, you guys have it so good. Money is no issue for you, you have one child which shouldn't be too hard at all to raise, you're both healthy and in good shape so in reality you should consider yourself highly blessed. This is a big problem with modern day life, no one is happy with where they're at even though nearly everyone has the basics necessities covered and everyone is chasing some pie in the sky which results in self induced, unnecessary stress.

After my divorce, I lost a lot; material possessions like my house, money, time with my kids, my marriage of course. What I gained however was a sense of perspective and calm about life and I figured out what was important in life. This sense of calm that I have now makes my day to day life go so much easier now. I still have my stresses and I have a lot to deal with in my life but they are acute stresses which go away. I don't carry chronic stress and angst anymore. Had I been this way when I was married, my wife would have followed along and things would have been different. I will say too that most often, getting a divorce is just trading one set of problems for a whole new set of other problems with the new problems many times being worse than the problems you had while being married. Like a lot of the guys have said here, it would be better if you could refocus on your marriage and work it out. One thing though is that if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to stop with the extra marital activity and focus on your wife, there's no sugar coating that unfortunately.

[Deepdiver]

As a lot of wives get older they lose interest in sex and consider it a chore especially as their vaginas dry up and they have to use lubes... some begin to feel pain during sex...

The tradition was then for a man to take a younger mistress and then enjoy his wife as the Muslims call their oldest wife the "Mother-Wife" who keeps the keys and main household banking accounts to insure everyone gets fed - as the man has all the business Accounts and properties while the younger 3 wives provide sex and excitement the older mother wive provides stability. The upside is this way STDs from hookers do not infect the family as the 3 younger sister wives are to be chaste outside of the marriage.

Since 4 wives will get you arrested for bigamy in most US states - the concept of a mistress fills the void in the west - hence the boom in sugar daddy dating sites...

Many sugar babies are more than happy to be with an older man for NSA romance/sex/relationships with a clear understanding that the older man has no intention of divorcing his wife and dissolving his estate or business holdings.

Some mistresses are fine with this - others can and do demand to become the replacement wife - which rarely works out well especially if the mistress inspires stupid ideas like killing off the first family - several notable cases across the country right now.

[pancakemouse]

(12-02-2018 09:57 AM)eradicator Wrote:  

Wait so this is another elaborate sleeper troll who as been posting for about a year to set up a long (probably fake) story about having a wife and a child, where OP is constantly banging other women, but your wife has no knowledge of it, but is 40 years old and still attractive but mostly cold.

What's the point of concocting such a scenario? Anonymous Bosh would probably have an answer, but whatever. There is still plenty of good advice from pappaya and doc that this isn't a total waste of time, but I'm mostly puzzled by the whole elaborate sleeper troll. What does he possibly win by doing this?

edit
I strongly encourage people to stop posting in this thread and offering "help" unless he really can produce a bank statement proving he is the high roller that he is pretending to be. OP can totally block out the account numbers and whatnot, but otherwise this is all highly suspect. you don't have to post it publicly but send it to a private message to leonard

(12-02-2018 10:35 AM)RawGod Wrote:  

What kind of jobs make 500k? Partner at a major law firm? Surgeon? I'm not getting the sense of elite social class power couple from the OP. What with the "washing the dishes" "get a part time job" references. I agree, seems like a troll.

Above two quotes represent what I hate so much about this forum.

All I see now is guys trying to "call bullshit" on every story that gets posted that doesn't exactly fit their own personal reality.

[Repo]

Delete

[trio]

There needs to be a balance of both. A woman needs to work also. Some women are naturally more inclined to be productive and use mental energy.

You might have been the one who created this situation from your cheating. Think about that.

[BlackFriar]

Bail on her

[mcw78912]

One thing I carefully assess in such vital decisions is that if I were to go through with the divorce, looking back 5 years later, would I have any regrets about not having tried my best before giving up?

Is this where you are at already? If not, think about what is the best you can do in the next few months so that after that time, you truly have that clarity of thought that you did try your best and would have no regrets walking out of the marriage.

Once you have decided you'll go through with the process, get a referral for a good lawyer for family law from people you know and trust. As others have mentioned, get a clear idea from the lawyer about what you are getting into before bringing this up to her.

For couples with no kids when such a situation comes up and the girl gets the wind of the guy about to break up. sometimes the girl will try to get pregnant. I have seen this happen with two of my friends. But since you already have a kid, this probably does not apply for you.

From the tone of your posts it appears that you still care about her, so maybe think about having a heart to heart conversation regarding what changes you would like to see and how it will build a stronger future for the family. I know you mentioned that you already had a conversation with her, but maybe think about giving it another shot, since a kid is involved in all this as well.

[MrTickle]

Was in same situation as you around 4 months ago only difference was my partner was on similar money to me. Now living in my own place and sharing my child 50% of the time on a 223 arrangement. Still got a few hurdles to jump and a fair bit of work to get all sorted over the next 6 months but life is going great.

Wish I had done it earlier.

[tomzestatlu]

I am too young for this situation, but as I read it yesterday, I don´t see leaving as the best option at least for now. I know that marriage is very bad built for men and the most of the forum members would tell you to bail. But I think the situation might be much worse, like ugly wife, no sex, terror at home,... But this doesn´t seem to be this case.

Her behaviour must have reason. Try to figure it out, talk, seek change. Maybe it´s something with work, she can be burnt out. Her job is probably very demanding and she´s going through hormonal changes in this age and this combination can affect her emotions and generall well-being. I guess you have enough money stacked, maybe she could start to think about working less and becoming house wife more. Women are built for this, not living in a rat race until death.
If she´s 40 and still look good, sex is good, then you are probably lucky man.

And what´s the most important, don´t leave your child grow up without father just because two adults can´t talk together. It can affect his life very badly.

[Robert High Hawk]

Agree on her job part. No job that pays 500k a year is without serious stress and major time commitment. In fact I suspect it is dominating her life. She is probably in a position of authority, and dealing with somewhat dominant men all the time including serving dominant men ( her bosses).

So she is in that kind of environment for at least 9 hours a day, and probably gets home intellectually and emotionally tired. She's already given her most attentive and positive hours of the day to other people, and now is just coming home tired and beat. It's the reality of a working woman. As she gets older, these happy hours of the day become less and less since she's getting more tired day by day. I am not a fan of having women work full time for this reason. I see no upside to it except a little bit of extra cash. If you guys (or she) have/has a lifestyle that demands such a high income level, then you've put yourself in a bad spot and I would look to change that so she can quit her job or roll back a little. Short of doing that, the main stressor on the relationship will always be there. You said yourself that things are great on vacation, so that should be a huge hint. To paraphrase a political slogan: it's the job, stupid.

[Cobra]

OP....

I'm gonna be brutally honest.

You came and started this thread because you want to leave your wife and you want us to make you feel better about your own choice.

Reality isn't that simple. You have a child with her. The consequences of your choices on that child will be significant and even potentially destructive. Have you thought about this? Does it matter to you? I'm surprised we haven't addressed this.

Being in a marriage going on 11 years myself, I understand the considerations extremely well and consider myself suited to make these comments. It'll be easy for other men, not having been in your situation to tell you that leaving is fine. Face it: This forum is full of that perspective because a majority of guys are not in your situation. So consider this "conformation" bias.

I guess it's a matter of perspective. I just wouldn't want you to make a choice that is dismissive of all the consequences.

[Lino]

(12-03-2018 07:53 AM)Robert High Hawk Wrote:  

Agree on her job part. No job that pays 500k a year is without serious stress and major time commitment. In fact I suspect it is dominating her life. She is probably in a position of authority, and dealing with somewhat dominant men all the time including serving dominant men ( her bosses).

So she is in that kind of environment for at least 9 hours a day, and probably gets home intellectually and emotionally tired. She's already given her most attentive and positive hours of the day to other people, and now is just coming home tired and beat. It's the reality of a working woman. As she gets older, these happy hours of the day become less and less since she's getting more tired day by day. I am not a fan of having women work full time for this reason. I see no upside to it except a little bit of extra cash. If you guys (or she) have/has a lifestyle that demands such a high income level, then you've put yourself in a bad spot and I would look to change that so she can quit her job or roll back a little. Short of doing that, the main stressor on the relationship will always be there. You said yourself that things are great on vacation, so that should be a huge hint. To paraphrase a political slogan: it's the job, stupid.

Very true but asking an ambitious woman to quit her job or take a part time job might be perceived as a very selfish request, even if it comes from a good intention.

[quaker13]

(12-03-2018 07:53 AM)Robert High Hawk Wrote:  

Agree on her job part. No job that pays 500k a year is without serious stress and major time commitment. In fact I suspect it is dominating her life. She is probably in a position of authority, and dealing with somewhat dominant men all the time including serving dominant men ( her bosses).

So she is in that kind of environment for at least 9 hours a day, and probably gets home intellectually and emotionally tired. She's already given her most attentive and positive hours of the day to other people, and now is just coming home tired and beat. It's the reality of a working woman. As she gets older, these happy hours of the day become less and less since she's getting more tired day by day. I am not a fan of having women work full time for this reason. I see no upside to it except a little bit of extra cash. If you guys (or she) have/has a lifestyle that demands such a high income level, then you've put yourself in a bad spot and I would look to change that so she can quit her job or roll back a little. Short of doing that, the main stressor on the relationship will always be there. You said yourself that things are great on vacation, so that should be a huge hint. To paraphrase a political slogan: it's the job, stupid.

Thanks for your sentiments. Yes we like "nice stuff" but our lifestyle doesn't necessitate a 500k salary on her part. To her credit she is trying to think about sacrificing now for the future, but to what end? The dissatisfaction of your husband

[quaker13]

(12-03-2018 08:04 AM)Cobra Wrote:  

OP....

I'm gonna be brutally honest.

You came and started this thread because you want to leave your wife and you want us to make you feel better about your own choice.

Reality isn't that simple. You have a child with her. The consequences of your choices on that child will be significant and even potentially destructive. Have you thought about this? Does it matter to you? I'm surprised we haven't addressed this.

Being in a marriage going on 11 years myself, I understand the considerations extremely well and consider myself suited to make these comments. It'll be easy for other men, not having been in your situation to tell you that leaving is fine. Face it: This forum is full of that perspective because a majority of guys are not in your situation. So consider this "conformation" bias.

I guess it's a matter of perspective. I just wouldn't want you to make a choice that is dismissive of all the consequences.

I prefer brutal honesty and you are 1000% correct. When I started this thread a day or two ago I was livid. Now I've calmed down. I do want to make this work, but I haven't been a sucka for a long time and I'm not about to start being one now. I'm open to solutions and at some point in time I will read the "save your marriage" thread that was linked a few posts up.

I still harbor a fair bit of resentment so I know this is going to be an easy process. She thinks she does everything and I can glaldy remind of her of my contributions by leaving for a few days at a time so she can see exactly how valuable i am

[MongolianAbroad]

(12-02-2018 11:54 AM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  

Edit: 16K in checking and a bit more in savings? Fuck. I thought I was bad with financial planning and make about the same as you....

I wasn't going to say anything, but...

[MongolianAbroad]

(12-03-2018 08:28 AM)quaker13 Wrote:  

I prefer brutal honesty and you are 1000% correct. When I started this thread a day or two ago I was livid. Now I've calmed down. I do want to make this work, but I haven't been a sucka for a long time and I'm not about to start being one now. I'm open to solutions and at some point in time I will read the "save your marriage" thread that was linked a few posts up.

I still harbor a fair bit of resentment so I know this is going to be an easy process. She thinks she does everything and I can glaldy remind of her of my contributions by leaving for a few days at a time so she can see exactly how valuable i am

To be fair, though, if she's making 500,000/year, she doesn't need you.

Not that that reflects badly on you, I'm just saying she doesn't need anyone, really. At all.

Puts you in a tough spot. You're basically an accessory in her life and now you're trying to find a way to make her see how valuable of an accessory you are. That's a real sucky position to be in. It's emasculating, you're sort of like, "Look at me! I'm earning my keep! You need me! I contribute!" When, really, she could hire a guy to dick her down better than you could, a nanny to take over dad duties, a cook to take over cooking duties, an everything, really. Or at her age, she may just not even want sex at all, I don't know, but she has the power/leverage to just not have sex anymore if she doesn't want to.

And I don't think this really reflects badly on her, she is who she is. You both just got here by kicking ass in the workplace. And her success just ended up kicking your marriage's ass. And this is even though you succeeded as well.

A lot of the advice is to stick it through. I don't know, I can't live life as the dude in the sidecar. You can do the "dick her down right," "be a badass" thing the guys are suggesting, but it seems to me like at that point you're a circus monkey, performing to earn your keep.

Hell no. I couldn't live like that.

Also, at this rate, I suspect she dumps you once the kids are grown. So you're going to be alone in a few years anyways if you go this route. Versus if you bounce now you can upgrade/downgrade, depending on your perspective, to a younger, prettier girl, who's dependent on you. And if you bounce now, you're going into the dating market a younger man than you would be by waiting for her to divorce you. But then, you married this girl, so you may not even be attracted to girls that are dependent on you. As in, your very own preferences led you to this, so maybe you'll end up right back in the same spot.

Perhaps Cobra's right, with the "you made your bed, now lie in it" angle.

[the.king]

(12-03-2018 07:53 AM)Robert High Hawk Wrote:  

She is probably in a position of authority, and dealing with somewhat dominant men all the time including serving dominant men (her bosses).

This is the most hilarious thing about career women.

I used to work for a big and prestigious (lol) consultancy firm. This firm appointed a woman as nationwide head of xxxx department (head of our country).

One month later this bitch announced she was now ASSISTANT TO THE GLOBAL HEAD OF XXXX DEPARTMENT.