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Post divorce performance anxiety

Post divorce performance anxiety

Hi everyone,

I’m recently divorced and didn’t have sex for 4 months. During the marriage my member worked great. I‘m 32, live a generally healthy eating lifestyle, life weights 3-4 times a week, in great shape physically, vape during the week and smoke on the weekends (for quite a while) and have a glass or 2 of wine a night. I’m not depressed but I do have a little generally anxiety which I perceive as normal for anyone (trying sell a home, job, etc).

Well I tried to have sex with a girl and I got about 50-60% hard. She was good looking and very sexual. So I saw the doctor and they said it was all mental, gave me a low dose prescription of viagra (6 pills 25mg) and said come back in a month for blood work. The last blood work was 3 months ago it was normal and my last T check was high and good. I had a T check a few years back because i has similar issues which new women, eventually got over it.

Well long story short, I found a different girl/plate I’m really interested in.So I used one of the pills and my God, I fucked like a mad man for 3 hours. She was really impressed and I even got a fourth run at it in the morning.

Anyways, although the meds worked I don’t want to use it because I’ve heard of guys getting hooked and id rather not because I am too young. The next time I see her should I pop another one to build more confidence? Or should I just go into it and see what happens? If it doesn’t work out like I’d like, then should I just say I’m nervous or blame her? Clearly this shit is on my mind

Edit: should I stop drinking the wine at night? Any other things you can think of to help? I sometimes get morning wood, not as much as when I was younger. I also take muscle relaxers occasionally for my back but I’m stopping that until this issue is resolved.

Post divorce performance anxiety

Just take the Viagra for now, obviously you have some performance anxiety. I had it too, mostly when I was using a rubber. When I was wearing no rubber and had multiple plates that I was seeing, I had zero issues.

It's nothing to ashamed about.

What were your levels for test? I'm on test now, and it makes a huge difference going from 350 ng/dL to 650 ng/dL.

Post divorce performance anxiety

6 years ago I was at 850. No clue how any anxiety could stop that amount of testosterone. Shortly after I got into an LTR and had no issues, the had 4 plates no issues then got married. So you had the same thing happen post divorce regarding anxiety? How did you fix it?

Post divorce performance anxiety

Performance anxiety happens. I always have it with rubbers too. When I'm raw, it's never a problem, as with the above.

Sometimes it takes a couple of dates with a girl to reach peak hardness. For example, the chick I had over last night had to finish me with her mouth (which was fantastic) because I couldn't stay hard. My test is totally normal and I get rock hard with my other girls with no problem.

If you're fapping regularly, head over to the nofap thread and quit PMO. That helps a bunch as well, even with first timers. The sensation alone after you've gone 3 months without fapping is easily enough to overcome any anxiety you may have.

Post divorce performance anxiety

It's tough when you go for long stretches without sex and then are suddenly expected to perform. Once you get a few notches you'll get your confidence back.

Are you on antidepressants? My problem went away when I stopped. Definitely stop smoking. A little wine might actually help with the anxiety.

Post divorce performance anxiety

Wait, six years ago you had 850 and you think it's the same now?

I can tell you that my test was off the charts when I was single and had multiple plates, but when I eventually got engaged and married, it dropped to sub 300 ng/dL. Massive swings do occur for some males, especially if you're symptomatic.

I'm not divorced, I just noticed an issue once I got married. Eventually got on test and have never looked back.

Post divorce performance anxiety

^Agreed get the T checked again

Also it very common for men to have performance anxiety with a new chick. Youre getting naked ,exchanging fluids, and fucking basically a stranger. The lower the level on psychopathy scale the higher that anxiety will be.

Try banging the new chicks a few times while on the dick pill then without it after say 4-5 times and your comfort level

25mg dose of Slidenafil (Viagra) is harmless (and not addictive...not sure where you heard that)

- Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
-Inversion Therapy
-Let's lead by example

"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell

Post divorce performance anxiety

Just use the pills to get the first night out of the way, and see how you go for the second time.

I bet the problem will be gone, as its the nerves for the first time.

Post divorce performance anxiety's all in your head. Try to quit smoking, up your workouts, get decent sleep, quit any type of porn or jerking off and focus on healthy activities and when that moment comes you will be rock hard and fucking caveman style! I'd not use Viagra at all...your body will normally recover...anxiety after a big life change is normal in most people.
Good luck brother!

Post divorce performance anxiety

If you were okay with your ex wife but not with a new partner, then 99.999% this is performance anxiety because its a new partner.

If it was anything to worry about you would have it with your ex wife too.

You need to fuck her properly 2-3 times then it won't be an issue (your body will become used to her body, as with your ex wife). This is very common, I had this all my life.

Things to help you:

1. Pills (for the first tricky 2-3 times) then you won't need them.

2. No porn/orgasm (this is huge - if you don't jerk off for 2 weeks + take a pill too you will become an animal. You will not be able to lose your erection even if you wanted to lol)

3. Condom makes things significantly worse.

4. Before I see a new girl I read a note on my phone which says: ''You already fucked 15+ girls. Some with condoms, one in a 3some, lots of high pressure situations... this is not real, its your mind playing tricks. Billions of people did this before and billions of people will do this after you''

5. Relieve all pressure by talking to the girl before hand (vulnerability game).

6. Go for easy penetration situations if you are nervous for first time (ie on a bed, dark room, music, massage her first and have plenty of oil on your bodies etc)

7. Cutting down on alcohol, good sleep, lifting heavy things etc are good things for your health in general but won't be of much benefit otherwise (eg how could you fuck your wife 1 week ago but not today)

If you are too nervous (eg fearing you will lose the bang) don't accept any responsibility and just blame the girl : ) after sex she will feel better about herself.

Post divorce performance anxiety

honestly just quit ANY porn or fap related activity. Use the excess energy to squat 3 times bodyweight, if your testosterone really is so high that you "can't contain yourself". I'm not quoting you, just talking about the typical excuses.
If the bad performance persists, literally just do the nofap stuff for about 6 months and then rejoin the dating game. You'll simply be too horny to have your actions derailed by your nervousness. I tried it myself and even though I was using a condom, I was by far the loudest person in the room, cause that's how good it felt hahaha.

Post divorce performance anxiety

Come in her mouth first and then fuck her after you recharge.

Post divorce performance anxiety

If you get morning erections and you get hard by hand then the problem is psychological most likely. Youve developped anxiety around the issue.

Are you trying more than one time with those girls?

The comfort and having the worst already have happened can help you the second time around.

As a heavy drinker while out ive had a number of incidents like that. But when im cool about it the girl almost always sees me again and i make sure not to drink and everything works out. Dont make it an issue between u 2, simply acknowledge it.

And let the girl sleep over. Youd be surprised that girls dont make such a big deal out of it as you do in ur head. All that i recall have been cool about it.

Post divorce performance anxiety

Yeah, it can be odd going back to the player lifestyle after being in a LTR/Married.

Lots of good advice about restoring health, T, no fap, drinking, confidence etc.

If you use again I would cut back on the dosage, maybe take 1/2 or 1/3 dosage so you don't get hooked and your reputation as marathon man is closer to reality.

“Where the danger is, so grows the saving element.” ~ German poet Hoelderlin

Post divorce performance anxiety

Mix of performance anxiety as stated, and I think your dick/brain was probably still attached to your ex, even though you might be mentally and emotionally over her. Years ago after my gf and broke up I was ready to get back on the horse, first cute girl I got in my bed it just felt kind of weird and I felt like I couldn't get fully hard. Give it some times and you'll be fine.

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