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In the western world, is hookup culture a young man's game?
07-14-2018, 03:17 PM
This might be something that has been discussed and I may need to be linked to the topic.
I define hookup culture in this thread as the lifestyle of jumping from woman to woman, getting with randoms and being a bachelor while getting sex from a lot of different women.
It has dawned on me lately that a lot of the avenues that promote hookup culture such as dating apps, nightlife and the hedonist party lifestyle are all geared towards younger people. The perception is that in your teens and twenties, you "get it out of your system" and by your thirties, you get your shit together. I am a big supporter of this idea when it comes to career and finances, not as much when it comes to relationships.
The guys I have seen live that sort of lifestyle are younger. Almost all guys I know over the age of 30 who would have a high market value with women are in LTRs or married with kids, rare for me to meet an exception. It is not common at all for me to meet a guy who is over the age of 30, has a nice career, makes good money but is a bachelor living the player life.
Even though this is a game forum and great minds such as Rudebwoy have said that men peak around the age of 35, I cannot help but ask this question. Various times I have got the feeling that this idea of smashing randoms, even among guys on this forum, is seen as very low value and not the right way to live life past the age of 30. You're supposed to somehow be over all that by the end of your twenties.
Then I come to think of how out of place a guy over 30 would be at a nightclub, bar and the many avenues that offer an opportunity for hookup culture to happen. Sure options like daygame are always available but there is this other issue too.
I start to wonder at that point, if you have to go full lone wolf because of how harshly people around your age who are settling down will judge you for sleeping around. The tough decision you would have to make with socializing, whether you keep friends around your age or make the decision to get younger friends who you feel out of place with. All this leads me to a point where I can't help but think that once over 30, you will have to go through much more hurdles to live this sort of a life.
A lot of guys on here talk greatly of foreign countries outside of the Anglo world which makes me wonder if for a bachelor over the age of 30, a move outside of the US is necessary in order to live this sort of life.
What would you guys say about this from your own experiences or what you have observed?
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In the western world, is hookup culture a young man's game?
07-14-2018, 10:48 PM
It’s not because older guys can’t, but because they get sick of hooking up and want a stable relationship.
Sleeping with promiscuous women gets old and they start to rub off on you. Many guys want nothing to do with them at all.
People seem to get what they want in life and hooking up isn’t it for many guys. The girls are degenerating but the men are, as I see it, romantic as ever.
Guys that truly want to sleep with every hot girl are rare. Usually it lasts only in youth.
If you’re interested in banging sluts, you can do it at any age—there is no shortage.
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In the western world, is hookup culture a young man's game?
07-15-2018, 12:27 PM
Beer - I hope by the time you get to 30, you're not still as obsessed with what others think of you or your lifestyle.
Anyway, to answer your question: it's not that hooking up in general is looked down on > 30, but hooking up with mediocre women (unattractive, dull personality) just to collect notches is no longer seen as something to brag about. In the younger age brackets, often, as long as you're getting laid it's high-fives all around. By your late 20s/early 30s you should have that out of your system, but hooking up with a dime piece will never get old, nor will anyone other than haters give you shit for it.
And to think that men and women > 30 aren't hooking up casually is quite naive - you don't see as many at clubs and bars, but they're definitely using apps just like you and discreetly getting together. One of my friends that worked on a cruise ship would tell me stories of people in their 50s hooking up on cruises for ONSes and such.
Options can start to dwindle, it's true - women hit their physical peak in their early 20s, and most will typically not want to date guys 10 or more years older, unless there's something serious being brought to the table. So even if you're a well put-together 30-something year old, you're no longer in college and your options (unless you go abroad) will generally be fewer than a guy 10 years younger (all else being equal).
Finally, one of the biggest reasons it's so much easier for younger guys to rack up notches is that young women don't care as much. They have time to fuck around and find Mr. Right later. You'll notice that once you start goin out with women in their late 20s and up, they'll generally offer a bit more resistance to easy bangs than their younger counterparts and will often demand more investment. *NOT* saying they're all nuns or ONS never happens, just that it starts to be less frequent. Even in my 30s I've had way more first date bangs with younger women < 25 than I have with women closer in age to myself.
To get around all of the above, older guys start traveling to Asia/EE/LatAm etc. We have at least a few reputable members on this forum - Scotian, LINUX, who either live in Colombia or go there very often. And they're in their mid-late 30s too, IIRC. There are also quite a few older members doin damage in the EE/Baltics.
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In the western world, is hookup culture a young man's game?
07-15-2018, 12:42 PM
I see A LOT of hookup culture where I live among late 30s, early 40s.
It's just that it's all divorcees and split up parents.
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07-15-2018, 03:23 PM
One thing I've noticed is that younger women have much more disposable income then younger men. You might think this is just because of the sugar daddy/baby phenomenon but while that does play apart it's not the only reason. The college ratio is like 60/40 in womens favor, some student loans barely cover anything but a lot of student loans cover most basic expenses so for 4 years a lot of girls don't have to worry to much. So there are more girls then guys aged 18-22 having their expenses taken care of. Women are also more successful then men in early employment so there are more women in their teens and early 20's that have a job or some kind of income.
Women are becoming far more successful then men on average and this is why older guys might find it harder to get with younger girls. And this is why younger guys are doing better in hookup culture because girls aren't looking for support anymore and are just looking to have fun. If anything girls are starting to support guys these days. I know a lot of girls that take care of their boyfriends and pay their bills.
Looks are starting to go up way in value and that's what girls that are looking for guys look for. The value of status and money is definitely going down game wise. As men age their Money/Status goes up and in the old days that is what helped men get women. But these days women are able to get their own Money/Status and on average they are doing better then men now. So really the only thing that they are looking for is looks. As both men and women age their looks start to fade.
Everyone (both men and women) are fighting to get with someone that is 18-25 years old since that is seen as the most attractive age range. Everyone wants a partner or a fuck buddy that is in their prime years that is what it really all comes down to now in the end. It's not just men either that are looking to get with the younger crowd it's the same with women. After a women gets divorced in her 30s she would love for nothing more then to fuck an 18-25 year old guy like when she was in her prime years.
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In the western world, is hookup culture a young man's game?
07-15-2018, 03:25 PM
Quote: (07-15-2018 12:42 PM)nomadbrah Wrote:
I see A LOT of hookup culture where I live among late 30s, early 40s.
It's just that it's all divorcees and split up parents.
But how many of these 30-40 year olds are decently attractive? How hungry are they (both men and women) to hook up with someone that's 18-25 years old?
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07-15-2018, 03:35 PM
Man, based on your threads, it's like you're simultaneously 19 and 49.
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07-15-2018, 08:31 PM
"Then I come to think of how out of place a guy over 30 would be at a nightclub, bar and the many avenues that offer an opportunity for hookup culture to happen."
I don't know exactly where you live, but in major world cities the clubs and high-end bars have a spread of guys from the young twenties to the late thirties who fit right in, and indeed are gaming girls with success. (Firstly, owners aren't going to chase out guys with established pay scales to replace them with young bucks with no roll.)
There's a certain corner-case truth to the "old man at the club" stereotype that we have all seen, people think of a Leisure Suit Larry or Quagmire from Family Guy persona of a tacky guy who thinks he's smoother than he is. But those guys pretty classically aren't in shape, aren't calibrated, are dressed incongruently, etc.
I dislike the club atmosphere and bottle service is a joke, but there's no need to panic that your taco-hopping lifestyle has to end at 30.
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07-15-2018, 10:10 PM
Yeah if you can act and look like you belong then it's really not that big of a deal to go to a bar or a club even when you're over 40. I was out last night at a rooftop club last night and I didn't feel out of place at all. You can even hit on girls and it's not even that big of a deal. Now whether you'll want to go to these places once you're older is a whole other story. I still go out to some of these places but it's usually with my girl and/or close friends and I definitely can't stay out as late or drink very much. Like last night, I was done by 1 am and I only had 1.5 drinks.
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07-15-2018, 10:13 PM
Still in my 20s guys but I do love to think a good deal about the future as well as plan for it.
I know people here are saying how it "gets old" but my take is that there are a sizable number of guys out there, even on this forum, who were not the hotshot Chad in high school or their college days. For a Chad type of guy, I definitely see it getting old because he got it "out of the system" by the end of college or early-twenties at the latest.
Now there seems to be a mixed perception that thirties are a man's prime and for the guys who put in the work to better themselves, due to not having the easy upbringing a Chad from an affluent family had, that their chance to experience hookup culture will come too.
I fall into that latter camp, didn't really have my coming out party until I graduated college and moved to NYC and I still feel like I have a lot to get out of my system. At the same time I question a lot of things, especially this part of thirties being a man's prime, I kind of see that as misleading for guys who get into game. I wish whoever said that would clarify that these are prime years to be a husband or for LTRs because I mistakingly thought of thirties being a man's prime in the sense that a guy in that age range can easily immerse himself into the hedonistic hookup culture.
For guys who missed out, I genuinely think the idea of sleeping with countless random women in your thirties or even avoiding marriage altogether is a godsend.
I genuinely do want to know what avenues and opportunities are available for the well put together 30-something guy who avoids marriage and decides to exclusively pursue the player life. If there are some tough realities, I think we talk about this instead of accepting things are better for men in their thirties. Lets talk about some of the obstacles in the way such as feeling out of place, difficulties gaming younger women, the objections women around your age put up and the tough issue for a player of avoiding LTRs and women trying to go for a lockdown while witholding sex.
If there genuinely is a deadline to "get it out of your system", I think younger guys could benefit knowing that than working hard for years only t arrive in their 30s and realize they were misled.
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07-15-2018, 11:34 PM
Young men <30 simply can't afford things in life like they used to, they can still get laid but as you get older it becomes unacceptable to women.
When you're early 20s, you can be broke or even a loser and still bang many women as long as you're the fun badboy. If you're 23 and living on a friends couch you can still get hot puss.
When you get older I think your financial situation will dictate your options a lot more. I'd say 28+ your financial lifestyle has to be set up whether its a decent house, nice apartment, decent car, etc... has to be congruent with your age. If you're 35 and she's 23 you better have a nicer apartment than she does, nicer car, etc... A lot of financially stable guys are a bit boring and that's probably why they're married and not actively chasing tail.
Our ideal international game life is not attainable without a solid bank account and free time to do it, so I've used many prime years trying to get rich or semi-rich and then hopefully game more in my early to mid 30s.
I think the next recession is going to crush many people to the point of no return so I'm trying to cake out now, sacrificing time and hopefully it pays off later. It's not ideal but we men have an extended shelf life I think if you get a fat bankroll in these other countries you can really enjoy yourself for many years with young women, so that's my plan.
I'd say, especially in a shitty global recession, if you're a fun bachelor with a healthy bankroll, you'll be very popular with girls your entire 30s at minimum.
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07-16-2018, 12:09 AM
The more I have got into game, the more I have realized that in a lot of cases, wealth can be a setback when trying to fuck lots of different women in the western world. No doubt it helps with LTRs and marriage but for just quantity and short-flings, I feel like it can work against you a great deal.
Women have a strategy to where they will fuck the broke but fun guy for a quick one night stand but for a rich guy, they will withhold sex and push for something long-term. It is part of the reason why I think it is so rare for guys in the corporate or white collar world to live this player lifestyle. Then you add in things like the politically correct culture that exists in these circles towards that kind of thing, I am starting to feel as if these guys are shoved into a marriage.
When I hear of how women want a guy to have the nice pad and nice accessories, all that really screams to me is that while these same women would split their legs for a young guy with next to nothing, they only consider older guys for something long-term and won't offer them the quick fling.
Now where I can see wealth helping a guy is if he uses it to create a lifestyle that makes it easy for him to sleep with lots of different women. Maybe he finds some kind of a niche, he gets creative and he creates logistics to where he is actively around lustful single women who aren't looking to get married. What wealth really does is get you independence but other than that, I feel like visibly displaying wealth is almost taking yourself out of the running for quick flings and placing yourself in the long-term partner bracket.
If I was that older guy, I would hate to deal with a situation where a woman is trying to get me to commit long-term and not offering the same quick fling she offered a guy around her age. At that point, it would be a waste of my time to even entertain pursuing anything with such a woman, you're just asking for gold diggers.
At this point it is no mystery so many guys have given up on the good ol US of A, who the hell would want to deal with a situation like this?
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07-16-2018, 12:30 AM
it does seem like it's more socially acceptable at 18-21 eg) college game / frat culture.
a lot of guys that enter the work force are neutered as well because companies are scared of lawsuits etc.
but if you're able to withstand social pressure so far it's only gotten better with age for me (currently 27)
the social pressure is getting insane though from my parents etc. to 'settle down'
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07-16-2018, 12:45 AM
By virtue of their proximity to young women (under 25) who are the most influential demographic of the SMP, who generally choose to delay what they call ‘serious relationships’ until circa 30, younger men are first exposed to a hookup culture.
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07-16-2018, 12:46 AM
You bring up a great point Jack.
I know we are all about being alpha and not giving into society's demands but social pressure is certainly a very strong force that affects game. Even if we are strong enough to stand against it, this lifestyle itself relies on the decisions of others too because ultimately, you're trying to convince women to sleep with you.
It is major reason why whenever someone says things along the line of being "alpha" and "not giving a fuck" at all, I start to think that person is either naive, sheltered or has hardly experienced life. Status at its very core is getting other people to think positively about you and everyone can agree that status is a big boost for game, I'll argue it is just as important as looks if not more.
As much as we praise youth, lets not forget that even during that age, only certain guys who were socially accepted were getting in on the hookup culture. I observed that a great number of young guys, not sure if it is the majority though, were lonely and not having a woman in their life. So much of this hookup culture I think is not even about looks as much as it is playing the social game and lucking out there.
So what becomes one of the biggest obstacles for a guy as he gets older is navigating that landscape of living the player life when it is not socially acceptable to do it like it may have been when you were young.
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07-16-2018, 02:18 AM
Playing at sport wear I was a semi celebrity garnered a promiscuous lifestyles. Yes I have been married for 6yrs and parents and friends love my beta lifestyle. Could I stay out twice a week without reporting to my significant other no. Even with and joint account could I splurge on a rendezvous vacation trip out the blue no. Did I have a chance to continue to bang students of my old alma mater no. Being a pillar of the community is frowned upon while married. So I find myself back in the game with my fellow buddies who are recently divorced and with our knowledge and somewhat fame it's amazing to experience vaginas of all kinds with reckless abandonment. Will it get old maybe but the time I was married it feels like now Im making up for lost times. No jerking because my wife is not in the or because I hung out with my buddies too late. No reservations of hurting someone feeling just enjoying life and not being short changed. I don't have the fortitude to cheat on a marriage partner so divorce was my option.
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07-16-2018, 07:38 AM
No, from what I've seen, as long as you continue gaming, approaching and stay in just normal or decent shape you can pursue the bachelor lifestyle for a long time. Also someone over 30 shouldn't feel awkward in a club, unless it's a club where everyone is exclusively 18. I think the binge drinking, random hookups, where you essentially didn't use any game but capitalized on and the girl being super drunk kind of hookups end around the time you hit 30, also cause getting drunk all the time becomes less sustainable.
And yes, I agree with the notion that men are super romantic. I've met numerous "PUAs" who go hard or were going hard and then they meet a girl they have good chemistry with and "hasn't been with many guys" and they essentially break all of the rules just to be with her: overseas flights to maintain LTRs, showering her with praise on facebook, showering her with gifts. Their confidence even deteriotes into "I would be nothing without her" territory. While the women stay even-kealed and know that they could easily find someone else.
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07-16-2018, 10:48 AM
Quote: (07-16-2018 12:09 AM)a beer is enough Wrote:
The more I have got into game, the more I have realized that in a lot of cases, wealth can be a setback when trying to fuck lots of different women in the western world. No doubt it helps with LTRs and marriage but for just quantity and short-flings, I feel like it can work against you a great deal.
Women have a strategy to where they will fuck the broke but fun guy for a quick one night stand but for a rich guy, they will withhold sex and push for something long-term. It is part of the reason why I think it is so rare for guys in the corporate or white collar world to live this player lifestyle. Then you add in things like the politically correct culture that exists in these circles towards that kind of thing, I am starting to feel as if these guys are shoved into a marriage.
When I hear of how women want a guy to have the nice pad and nice accessories, all that really screams to me is that while these same women would split their legs for a young guy with next to nothing, they only consider older guys for something long-term and won't offer them the quick fling.
Now where I can see wealth helping a guy is if he uses it to create a lifestyle that makes it easy for him to sleep with lots of different women. Maybe he finds some kind of a niche, he gets creative and he creates logistics to where he is actively around lustful single women who aren't looking to get married. What wealth really does is get you independence but other than that, I feel like visibly displaying wealth is almost taking yourself out of the running for quick flings and placing yourself in the long-term partner bracket.
If I was that older guy, I would hate to deal with a situation where a woman is trying to get me to commit long-term and not offering the same quick fling she offered a guy around her age. At that point, it would be a waste of my time to even entertain pursuing anything with such a woman, you're just asking for gold diggers.
At this point it is no mystery so many guys have given up on the good ol US of A, who the hell would want to deal with a situation like this?
Agree with this 100%, if you are to flashy with your money it can even make a girl put someone she thought of as an 9/10 into a beta bux role. Even once I get insanely rich I would never want to put my wealth on full display.
The main point of money game wise and just in general is to give yourself independence. It feels like the majority of guys in there 20s live with their parents, so if you're in your 20s and have your own place for example this would definitely raise your value without putting you into the beta bux role. There are certain things money wise that raise your value but don't make girls see you as their personal atm.
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07-16-2018, 07:04 PM
Beer, you seem to have this implied notion that once you turn 30, suddenly you can't go out or do anything fun, as if all the fun clubs and parties have a sign that say "MEN OVER 30 PROHIBITED". Life does not work this way. In reality, these things depend on your lifestyle setup, your friends, how you take care of yourself physically, what venues you go to, what city you live in, and a dozen other factors.
IF you define "hookup culture" the way you do in the first sentence of the thread, it is simply not true, period. There are hundreds of older guys on the forum (some of whom have posted in this thread already) that have sex with plenty of women. I personally know plenty of 30+ guys who could outpull me any day of the week even with younger chicks.
IF you define "hookup culture" in terms of going to crowded, booze/drug fueled bars and clubs, pregaming and getting wasted 3x/week with your boys and then trying to pull girls late in the night (which is somewhat implied in many of your posts), then yes, this tends to become less common as you get older depending on factors I mentioned earlier. This is partially due to social pressure, but even more so due to personal preferences. Eventually, most (not all!) people get tired of getting hammered and mobbing out to the same bars all the time. I'm still in my mid20s and while I still love a good ratchet party, I already find some nights when I'm more willing to go to a nice lounge with a girl I'm dating and have a few drinks, or to get bottle service at a club with friends instead of buying GA and mobbing the dance floor.
Honestly bro, I really think you should really consider grabbing a friend or two (or even going solo), and flying out to a fun "young" party destination for a few weeks... any of the Greek Islands (Ios, Myokonos, Corfu), Ibiza, Ayia Napa, Cancun, Koh Phangan. Stay at hostels, its cheap and even with basic social skills you'll meet plenty of people and have a group to go out with. And then, just LIVE. Pop a molly, make a move on a girl who you think is out of your league, go wild on the dance floor at a Tomorrowland or any other EDM event, fuck a cutie in the hostel bathroom and then go back to the lobby and try to make a move on her best friend. Do whatever the hell you want.
My best guess is that if you do this right, you'll come back and have a clearer head; you may realize that partying and having a social circle is fun, but that there is more to life, and it isn't worth jeopardizing a financially successful future by planning your life around it. However, you may decide that you truly love this type of life and want to continue to live it. In that case, you can plan your future life with this in mind (and there are plenty of forum threads to help with that)