[Argot]

Hey guys, would love your take on something that’s never happened to me before.

First date with Tinder girl at a bar. Good convo, light kino, I don’t go for the make out right away since her cousin happened to be in that same bar. She had a three-date-Kate vibe, but still I go for the pull. She declines, she has to work the next day.

We call separate Ubers, and say goodbye outside the bar, I go for the kiss, and she’s totally into it, grabs my face and sticks some tongue in.

The following two days we exchange texts and she’s receptive, replies fast, no change of temperature in the interaction. I ask her out on a second date, to a bar she had mentioned she wanted to go but never could, and this happens:

ME: “You doing something tomorrow night? I’ll do you the favor of accompanying you to Bar X”
HER: “What does that mean, without the humor?”
ME: “I’m asking you out for drinks tomorrow night”.
HER: “Why are you asking me out?”
ME: “I liked your hourglass dress” (I teased her about her dress during the date, since it’s designed in a way that boosts the hourglass figure).
HER: “I can lend it to you anytime you want”
ME: “With your yellow high heels, please”.
HER: “Are you my shoe size?”.
ME: “No. But I’ll make them fit. I’m persistent”
HER: “You’ll break them”

Then I reply with a laughing smiley to end the convo that wasn’t going anywhere. No contact since then.

Any idea what happened here? I’ve had great first dates after which the girl easily agrees for a second and I’ve had shitty first dates that got me ghosted. But this is new to me. Any advice? Obligatory disclaimer: yes, I’m spinning other plates.

[FenyoLuc]

You went and played her game with that bullshit text part. Im not sure that this would be better but i would 've wrote this
ME: “You doing something tomorrow night? I’ll do you the favor of accompanying you to Bar X”
HER: “What does that mean, without the humor?”
ME: “I’m asking you out for drinks tomorrow night”.
HER: “Why are you asking me out?”
ME: Why dont you come and find out. Meet at xy at place z.

Any advice? I dont know, in fact now i remember i had some shit like that a long time ago. Well a really long silence came after that from my part, but i bet there's better way to handle it. But maybe you should justbe a little more direct, im not sure, i bet someone will give better advice.

[DonnyGately]

She changed her mind about you. Or she already has a bf. Or her cousin saw you and shamed her. Who knows, doesn't matter. If she wants to see you again she'll ping you.

[Zoso]

She just doesn't want another next date, it semms. Any joking-answer would have made a new date if she would want.

A little more direct, as suggested above, would have been better. Anyways, I think it's nothing that depends entirely about you.

Bancátelaaa... ;D

[Axel99]

I only joke with girls in real life, Ive always thought trying to text funny/witty comebacks is dumb, if a girl doesnt want to see you again no text message is gonna change her mind. I'd be direct with women especially over text, otherwise you run the risk of getting into a stupid "joking" text cycle like you did.

[Bacchus]

(07-07-2018 10:20 AM)Argot Wrote:  

HER: “Why are you asking me out?”
ME: “I liked your hourglass dress” (I teased her about her dress during the date, since it’s designed in a way that boosts the hourglass figure).

This was the exchange that lost it for you. She asked a bitchy question (after an already bitchy question before that, "what does that mean without the humor?"). You answered somewhat seriously about her dress, when you should have dismissed this whole series of questions. Your attitude being "Bitch, get right or get left!"

You recognize now that her questions were hostile. A non-sequitur answer would have been the best answer. Something like a stupid gif or meme, so that you're rejecting the whole premise of her question. Pushing back would be more satisfying, but less effective. But her even asking such a question makes it seems like she wasn't that interested in seeing you again to begin with.

As to why she's acting this way, Tinder. You get her online, you lose her online.

[Zoso]

After rejection is happened...
'Now I dont know why am I asking you out. Your humor sense is zero'.

[Beirut]

I don’t see a rejection here...

[Durden]

(07-07-2018 10:20 AM)Argot Wrote:  

Hey guys, would love your take on something that’s never happened to me before.

First date with Tinder girl at a bar. Good convo, light kino, I don’t go for the make out right away since her cousin happened to be in that same bar. She had a three-date-Kate vibe, but still I go for the pull. She declines, she has to work the next day.

We call separate Ubers, and say goodbye outside the bar, I go for the kiss, and she’s totally into it, grabs my face and sticks some tongue in.

The following two days we exchange texts and she’s receptive, replies fast, no change of temperature in the interaction. I ask her out on a second date, to a bar she had mentioned she wanted to go but never could, and this happens:

ME: “You doing something tomorrow night? I’ll do you the favor of accompanying you to Bar X”
HER: “What does that mean, without the humor?”
ME: “I’m asking you out for drinks tomorrow night”.
HER: “Why are you asking me out?”
ME: “I liked your hourglass dress” (I teased her about her dress during the date, since it’s designed in a way that boosts the hourglass figure).
HER: “I can lend it to you anytime you want”
ME: “With your yellow high heels, please”.
HER: “Are you my shoe size?”.
ME: “No. But I’ll make them fit. I’m persistent”
HER: “You’ll break them”

Then I reply with a laughing smiley to end the convo that wasn’t going anywhere. No contact since then.

Any idea what happened here? I’ve had great first dates after which the girl easily agrees for a second and I’ve had shitty first dates that got me ghosted. But this is new to me. Any advice? Obligatory disclaimer: yes, I’m spinning other plates.

[Polniy_Sostav]

She is definitely insane

[Durden]

(07-07-2018 10:20 AM)Argot Wrote:  

Hey guys, would love your take on something that’s never happened to me before.

First date with Tinder girl at a bar. Good convo, light kino, I don’t go for the make out right away since her cousin happened to be in that same bar. She had a three-date-Kate vibe, but still I go for the pull. She declines, she has to work the next day.

We call separate Ubers, and say goodbye outside the bar, I go for the kiss, and she’s totally into it, grabs my face and sticks some tongue in.

The following two days we exchange texts and she’s receptive, replies fast, no change of temperature in the interaction. I ask her out on a second date, to a bar she had mentioned she wanted to go but never could, and this happens:

ME: “You doing something tomorrow night? I’ll do you the favor of accompanying you to Bar X”
HER: “What does that mean, without the humor?”
ME: “I’m asking you out for drinks tomorrow night”.
HER: “Why are you asking me out?”
ME: “I liked your hourglass dress” (I teased her about her dress during the date, since it’s designed in a way that boosts the hourglass figure).
HER: “I can lend it to you anytime you want”
ME: “With your yellow high heels, please”.
HER: “Are you my shoe size?”.
ME: “No. But I’ll make them fit. I’m persistent”
HER: “You’ll break them”

Then I reply with a laughing smiley to end the convo that wasn’t going anywhere. No contact since then.

Any idea what happened here? I’ve had great first dates after which the girl easily agrees for a second and I’ve had shitty first dates that got me ghosted. But this is new to me. Any advice? Obligatory disclaimer: yes, I’m spinning other plates.

More of the same theme. Am I the only one seeing this?
In this new "digital age" it has gotten to the point that if you make one wrong move in the early stages they are gone!

The flake meter is at an all time high especially when doing digital. I can post several communique examples from just the last 2 weeks where they ghosted from a situation which started with huge IOI's!!! It leaves you scratching your head at where the misstep was.

[Durden]

“Why are you asking me out?”

I wouldn't have even answered after that. Stay no contact.

[Tigre]

(07-07-2018 10:20 AM)Argot Wrote:  

No contact since then.

So make contact again and see what happens.

Instead of all texts, mix it up with something new. Send a photo, emoji, a meme, a voice note. Text is still fine, just go to a different option once in a while.

[Tigre]

(07-08-2018 12:22 PM)Durden Wrote:  

“Why are you asking me out?”

I wouldn't have even answered after that. Stay no contact.

I read that like she was wanting him to be direct. To say that he simply enjoyed the last time and wanted to see her again.

It's not clear which country this is in (Argentina?). Girls in some cultures like a very direct statement of intent. Not all the time, but once in a while.

The ideal response to a shit test is strength. And sometimes directness is the stronger response than jokes. It just needs the right measures.

Another approach is something like this

HER: “Why are you asking me out?”
YOU: “I liked your hourglass dress” (I teased her about her dress during the date, since it’s designed in a way that boosts the hourglass figure).
HER: “I can lend it to you anytime you want”
YOU: "Haha it wouldn't be the same without you in it"

[Bienvenuto]

There is the argument that there was some kind of a fatal response here, in stead of saying this... you should have said this.

From what I see, from a different angle, that was a very short text exchange, she was probably chilling out answering messages and would have been happy if yours and hers convo had extended over several minutes.

Sometimes I believe we get too uptight and too focused with all the heightened info and tactics on texting available.

Maybe it was a simple matter of relaxing and having more of a back and forth before you firmed up the dates.

[Argot]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the input.

[Conclusion013]

Maybe I'm reading too much in to it but it sounded to me like you were giving her control. "I'll accompany you to the bar" and "I liked your hourglass dress". She should be accompanying you and I wouldn't pay compliments this early on, you've already gave her the attention she wants without her having to leave her house.

[AneroidOcean]

(07-09-2018 05:42 PM)Conclusion013 Wrote:  

Maybe I'm reading too much in to it but it sounded to me like you were giving her control. "I'll accompany you to the bar" and "I liked your hourglass dress". She should be accompanying you and I wouldn't pay compliments this early on, you've already gave her the attention she wants without her having to leave her house.

Yeah, that was a bad attempt at humor and then you fell into her frame. Go read the what should you text next thread and try to calibrate better.