Quote: (06-18-2018 06:50 PM)the Thing Wrote:
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But why is sex on the first date a red flag? I mean why else am I going on a date in the first place?
Prove me wrong
Would you rather drink a fresh Coke or one that has had a bunch of dicks rubbed on it? Haha, naw I'll take a real stab at this:
I'll start off by saying that everything that follows applies to the majority of men, but there's still going to be tons of counter-examples.
With that out of the way, I'd say that men have two broad (heh) categories of girls: Girls they won't give commitment to & girls they will give commitment to.
For girls they won't give commitment to, 'red flags' are often 'go flags.' Enough said.
For girls we're thinking about giving commitment to, things get interesting. We have to remember that, for men, commitment is like giving up sex for a girl. The reason for this is genetic. Waaaaay in the past - but also for the majority of human history - if a girl gave up sex carelessly, she would find herself pregnant and probably couldn't provide for her offspring. Since women can only pump out so many kids during their lifetimes, this leads them to develop two strategies: 1. Be more selective about having kids, i.e. the whole 'gatekeepers of sex' thing, and 2. Alpha fux, Beta bux to secure good genes + a good dad. That's the evolutionarily optimal strategy for women and
it's completely antagonistic to men's strategy
Since men have the potential to have tons of kids, unlike women, men's optimal strategy is 1. nail as many broads as you can, and 2. let some other guy pay for it.
Now, most guys in any era can't do this or won't want to do this due to love or wanting to raise their own children they go the LTR route, but this is a big sacrifice since they can't nail tons of bitches + it opens themselves up to the risk of cuckoldry. To minimize this, guys try to choose a chaste woman so they can have the best chance of raising their own kids/genes. And that's about it. Guys just don't want to be cucks.
Now at this point, you might say, "Yeah, but no one actually thinks like this. I'm not going to have kids with her, so why do I care about how fast she sleeps with people?" Fair enough, but I'd say that it's the same reason we think fat chicks are gross; it's to give us the best shot at having viable offspring. Survival of the fittest or whatever.
Somewhere deep in our genetics we recognize that fat = unhealthy = shitty genes = shitty kids, but to make things easier our bodies just shorten this to fat = unsexy.
If you say you don't plan to have kids with a fat girl, then this rationally doesn't matter, but you're still not going to feel attraction to her and you can't rationalize yourself out of that one, nor should you.
The point is, pretty much all attraction has reproduction as its goal. Just because we aren't having kids doesn't mean the triggers for attraction will go away. We don't need to think things through in order to find them appealing or gross; our bodies do will that for us.
So, in the end, for short term girls, bang away. But for longer term girls, there doesn't have to be anything 'rational' about it. Your hesitancy to commit comes from the same roots as pretty much everything else you find attractive and that's something I'd rather not argue with.
From an LTR perspective*, it's too bad that nowadays notch counts for girls are so high just as it's too bad that so many women are fat. We try to adapt or rationalize our way through it to make the situation seem better because we don't want to give up hope, but it's not ideal. I'd rather just admit that the situation sucks and try my best to navigate through it.
tl;dr - In an LTR, you don't want to be the beta bux. The aversion you feel towards LTRing perceived slutty girls is similar to the repulsion you feel when you look at a fat girl - it's genetic and has been honed for millions of years (or at least way longer than I've been around). When you aren't planning to have children there's nothing 'rational' about what you're attracted to, but who cares there doesn't need to be anything rational about attraction.
*From a short term perspective, modern times are very good. Except for the fatties.